Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I hate my life so much


I hate my life so much because everyday something bad always happen to me. I never get a day where something good happens to me, if there is a good day then something bad will happen to me. I feel like there is no point of me living in this world. I have had a lot of depression and hardship.

I have hardly any friends at school. Most people at school think i am a nerdy person who always does homework, they always say I love homework and other stuff. They also tease me about my head saying that its big.

I also hate my family because they are embarrassing and nosey. When my mum and dad drop and collect me from school everybody laughs because we have a crappy car. I hate them! My family also butts into my business at home, they look at my stuff when i don't want them to. They are always checking what i'm doing.

I try to pray to fix my problem but I can't because my brothers are always watching me pray. they distract me and i tell them to go away but they don't listen, there is not a room where i can pray with nobody watching. I hate them.

I feel like i can't do anything with my life. I hate my life so much. my family embarrasses me all the time in public. i feel like the only way for me to not get embarrasses or anything is to live near my school and friends, so then i can have more friends, not do all my homework and not get embarrasses by my family. i tell my parents to move houses but they don't listen, they say the area has no driveway.

I really hate my family. I blame them for my depression, loneliness and embarrassment. I can't do anything with my life. I feel like killing myself.


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9 Responses »

  1. Dear brother,
    Please don't lose hope. You have just shown to us that you are a very strong and resilient person because Allah swt has given you so much sabar. Please don't think you are alone in this situation, I too had very embarrassing parents (I love them dearly but 16 years ago I didn't realise this).
    My dad used to drop and collect me with old music blaring in our banger car (my feelings of the car at time). My class girls used to walk by flicking their hair and pouting their lips in disgust.
    My mornings started by me being picked on and ended the same way.
    My mum was always in my business and I felt she had little trust in me so I never had any freedom and wasn't allowed to socialise with friends and so friends never came round and we're pretty much phased out of my life.
    I lost my self esteem and confidence but I never was suicidal as it is Haram and sinful. (Leads straight to Hell as only Allah swt has the right to take the life he has given to us) Despite this I am still very suprised to learn of the staggering number of Muslims who contemplate on ending their life when they are depressed.
    Anyway looking back my parents, they did not have a guide book on how to raise their kids and we're so worried that we would do something wrong that they literally dominated our lives in a stifling way. They realise this now. I now have a much better understanding of why my life was the way it was and have stopped blaming others. I trust Allah swt will make things easier for you too. But for now I want to thank you for sharing your problems because trust me you are not alone. Never give up looking for ways to better your life and always have faith in Allah swt for he would never put you through anything you could not get through.

  2. Salam my br. I just want to say that I was just like you very similar. I was also not a Muslim at the time.My parents were tough on me but Allah showed me the way and through him he has connected you with me...You are special but you don't see it.There is plan for you and Allah wants you to become the best of the best.If you look at all the stories of the companions and great ulema saints and pious people they all had a life of hardship..Nothing but tests after tests ......Only so they become totally reliable of Allah..My friend to get a high place next to the prophet requires sacrifice in this world .Be it wealth friends family everything is a test and it doesn't end until his last breath...Most people who lose there belief in Allah end up stressed out and never satisfied.You will understand this that life is a test and must make the best of it everyday...I also have to beware of the SHAITAN that is ever present.He knows your bad habits and desires so beware...There is oly one way of success in this short lived life and that is Obeying the commandments of Allah and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH.Otherwise you will never succeed. We must be punctual in SALAT ..learn the way to pray with proper wudu cleaness is important recitation must be correct and praying at the local sunni mosque is the key to become fiends with Allah and angels.Reading quran daily and learning the common duas is a must ....sleeping eating washroom etc....and your daily zikr...the scholors sy min 100 each 3rd Kalimah durood and astagfirullah morning and evening.we have to have a routine everyday...Finally every muslim should be an example to others.We talk nice soft and never lie and be patient or silent when anger arises.So be aware the devil only wants so bring you down and become miserable! !fact. Read the 1st page of sura baqarah it somes it up..make sure your friends are from The mosque.Get involved and become the best. Intentions is to master.....If you cannot go full time or part me madressah then join the effort of tabligh at musjid .There you will build on yourself and become Confident. So what if people are distracting you .they don't have a gun to your head .....Allah knows your situation....we're ear plugs and close eyes and pray with concentration and devotion. Sahabas prayed were people spat and throw garbage o them....Because of there sacrifice we are Muslims today!!!

  3. Aoa Haris!
    You are a dear little brother! 🙂
    Are you the eldest or the youngest? I know you feel really bothered. I did too when I was young. One or the other thing my parents did or did not do kept on bothering me or at other times I was judgmental about other people's families. I still feel my parents/siblings should do things differently at times. But, I have calmed down because now I know these are all quirks of my family. It makes us who we are and all families have their oddities. If my friends make fun of it then I wonder if they are worth it? It is good to be normal and human and not too stiff and made up all the time.
    You say you have an old car? Do all your friends come in cars? Nobody uses public transport or school bus? When I look back at my school days I remember them with fondness. Talking to my father about our school day on the way home... it was fun. Do your friends get that opportunity too?

    Why do you feel odd when praying in the same room as your brothers? Most of us cannot pray in solitude most of the time, like when we are at work or at university where there is no separate prayer area... so we try our best and concentrate as much as we can. Even at home either if you offer Isha late in the night or get up earlier than Fajr then you might get alone time otherwise family is always around.

    Not doing homework is cool? Wow! No please do not think not finishing work on time is cool. It is the most sloppy thing to do. It will pull you behind in your studies and your grades will slip. When you finish school and get into a good university all your friends who were busy being cool will envy you. I assure you of that.

    I agree that your family should not be going through your things without your permission. Tell them calmly and clearly that you do not like it. It will take 5-6 times before they stop. But they will eventually.

    Your school probably has clubs/ societies etc. Join in an extra curricular activity of your choice. There you will Inshallah meet like minded people and enjoy too.

    I had to live on my own for a few months and I tell you I missed my quirky and nosey family terribly. For all their oddities, they still understood me more than any friend/ relative could. You too will come to cherish your family when you grow older Inshallah, just hang on till then my brother.

    Make a list of what all you want to do. Then think of ways you can do that with the resources available. Think of a way out. Killing oneself does not solve any problems except for ending what could have been a fulfilling life had one tried.

    Hope that helps.

  4. Peace be upon you,

    There are times in life when we feel overwhelmed by our family, usually it begins at adolescence, but the feeling can jump here and there in our life, depending on our relationship with them. It can happen in many different degrees and it affects most of us, one way or the other, this is how we begin to take distance from our parents and siblings to become a separate individual, someone different from them, ...

    Listening to you, I understand you are going through this process. The answer to your claims is to soften the passion that is moving within you, hate is a very low passion, it is good to feel it to know what it is about, but once you have experienced it, get rid of it by the grace of God.

    When we begin to change our vocabulary(unconditional love instead of hate, unconditional respect instead of embarrasing, submision to God instead of killing,...), we have to change the way we think, we have to think twice before we speak, doing this,little by little, we create a new life for us, by the will of God.

    It is good that your siblings watch you while praying, to be witness of the act of praying is inspiring to many people, even if they laugh or behave silly, don´t pay attention to that, you are being a model to them, someone to copy, you are sowing seeds for the future. Please ask God to give you the stillness of heart necessary to be able to pray wherever you are. There are many prayers you can make when you feel overwhelmed by them or by the world in general, but I will advice you one, if you don´t mind. Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel. Allah is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us. What an Excellent Guardian and Protector He is!

    You are living a time where we try to find who we are and which is our place in this world, certainly a moment plenty of energy in all senses, and of course, you need to have a social life, have you thought about practicing any sport or going to the gym or doing something you love to do, try to find something that attracts your attention and gives you joy, maybe running, swimming, painting, theatre, photography, ... maybe you can introduce yourself to a new enviroment where to find new friends.

    Be who you are and be faithful to who you are, you are perfect as you are, to do your homework is good and says a lot about you, to be a good student is good and it is not something to be embarrased about, when they teased you about it, ignore them and don´t answer if they call you names, answer when they call you by your name, don´t play their game, that will gain their respect, by God´s will. If you feel too much pressure in the school with the other people talk to your parents and talk to them about the way you feel and what it is going on, One day, by God´s will, you will realise the deep unconditional love they have towards you and you have towards them, they are for you, thank God.

    There are plenty of solutions to one problem, we need to share it to be able to open ourselves to new ways. Thank you very much for sharing your feelings and for giving me the opportuniy to talk to you.

    I would like to share with you this beautiful Du´aa of Light:

    Allaahummaj’al fee qalbee nooran, wa fee lisaanee nooran, wa fee sam’ee nooran, wa fee basaree nooran, wa min fawqee nooran, wa min tahtee nooran, wa ‘an yameenee nooran, wa ‘an shimaalee nooran, wa min ‘amaamee nooran, wa min khalfee nooran, waj’al fee nafsee nooran, wa ‘a’dhim lee nooran, wa ‘adhdhim lee nooran. Waj’al lee nooran, waj’alnee nooran. Allaahumma ‘a’tinee nooran, waj’al fee ‘asabee nooran, wa fee lahmee nooran, wa fee damee nooran, wa fee sha’ree nooran, wa fee basharee nooran.[1]

    [Allaahummaj’al lee nooran fee qabree, wa nooran fee ‘idhaamee.][2]
    [Wa zidnee nooran, wa zidnee nooran, wa zidnee nooran.][3]
    [Wa hab lee nooran ‘alaa noor.] [4]

    O Allah, place light in my heart, and on my tongue light, and in my ears light and in my sight light, and above me light, and below me light, and to my right light, and to my left light, and before me light and behind me light. Place in my soul light. Magnify for me light, and amplify for me light. Make for me light, and make me light. O Allaah, grant me light, and place light in my nerves, and in my body light and in my blood light and in my hair light and in my skin light.[1]

    [O Allaah, make for me a light in my grave… and a light in my bones.] [2]
    [Increase me in light, increase me in light, increase me in light.] [3]
    [Grant me light upon light] [4]

    God bless you and your family

  5. I myself am not a Muslim, but on the journey of becoming more familiar with the religion as it's helped me deal with my current situation (Fell pregnant to a married Muslim man unknowingly) so plan on converting in the near future. So I know very well about "hating life".

    I'd suggest finding a local Islamic group. They're helpful as they can teach you more about Islam as well engaging with people you'd have more in common with. A social life is key to a young person, it's great to let stuff off your chest and it's good to surround yourself with positive people who are a good influence.

    As for your parents, I'm sorry to tell you but your at that age you want to be more self sefitiant and regardless of that they won't allow it. It's a way to show they care about you. As for the car. Don't sweat it. Think about all the refugees from Syria and Iraq all over the Arab world who don't have the luxury of even having a place to call him, education, nothing. Whenever those people laugh at you, just think of the humiliation fathers, mothers, grandparents and children deal with daily having to accept charity just to get by. Appreciate what you have. Life isn't so bad as it is for others. Hope that helped

  6. Salam brother haris
    Well first of all you are not alone. Allah is with you and as raul said Allah puts His creation to the tests so consider it a test and stay strong and dont lose hope. Have fait in Allah SWT.
    I havent read all the comments but a few so they are guiding you properly according to islamic perspectives so follow what islam says.
    I am not going to repeat all that which has already been told to you in a right way here.
    Among all these fruitfull discussions i would point out some basic things of which u seemed ignorant.
    First of all you are giving it alot of thinking kid. Just dont think too much. I assume u are young and at school or college age so i would say try to indulge your self in activities like sports and all that would divert your mind in a better way.
    Now coming to next point. You said your dad drops and picks u in a crappy car...Lol... don't mind that but why don't you give it a thought about those whose parents drop them by foot? Why don't you thank Allah that you still have got a car to use. What if your dad would be dropping u by foot or on a bicycle. Have u ever imagined that? Always think of the people who are below you. Why dont u look down to the people who can't afford a bicycle. Their children would have wished for that bicyles to ride them to their schools but still they thank Allah for what they have and they are happy with the small things. What if you have got no family at all? No parents, no sibblings.. i guess you should visit an orphanage where they miss being teased by their brothers, being scolded by their father to do the right thing. They wish that there would have been someone who restricts them not to do certain things or to interfere in their lives in a loving way as parents and family do. Believe me family is a gift. I have seen many people growing without any family and wishing to have one. whatever it takes and whatever the kind of family it would be but they want to be raised with one. Appreciate what you have got.

    Secondly you said you do homework and you are considered a nerd type guy. So what? you are feeling embarrassed on being praised for what you are sent for? Don't ever listen to the world kid. You cannot make everyone happy or you would end up sad. And i have gone through such things in my childhood and i believe everyone pass through such phase in their childhood. So its not a matter to worry about. Just participate in their gags and laugh and leave it there and move on. I know its easy to say then to act but believe me it works with practice. You would even miss that when its gone, in the older age .
    And you said you mum or family goes through your stuff like they are checking on you. I believe if parents are doing so then they are doing their job. Its the responsibility of parents to keep an eye on their children's activities with neccessary freedom. So just think of it as they are just doing their job to protect you from anything bad and evil. And remember our parents love us unconditionally so its their love for their children which at that time seems like its embarrassing and messing up with our privacy. But i also believe that parents should also give a free hand to a permissible extent. You look a reasonable person with good consious so i would say you should reduce the gap between you and your parents and talk to them about how you feel them bring overprotective about you, in a good way. And believe me they do listen and understand.
    And changing place is sometime good and you should talk to your parents about this if you have got a reasonable explanation for that.
    So i would say these are minor problems. You seemed an intellectual person i know you can sort them out so trust your capabilites my dear brother. If there is a Will there is a WAY...
    And one more thing family do share such things jokes, teasing sibbling and school problems but remember that your family loves you.
    I have said some straight things so take them positively because moulding the truth sometimes lead to great sufferings. I hope they would help you. You have got alot of potential. Use it in a right and positive dimension.
    May Allah help you get over your problems and don't feel helpless. We are with you and above all Allah is with you. Have faith. May God bless you ameen

  7. Salaam my dear son
    Ypure not alone, you matter, your life matters and and your feelings matter. You are precious and loved. Do not lose hope. I will send you healing prayers to impr9ve things and for God to make openings for peace in your heart and support. All you need to do ask for help and be open to receive. If you want further help and healing.
    Get in touch and I can signpost you to others who can help you. So don't be in despair be joyful. Sending you healing. Keep me posted. My email ******. Like my spiritual teacher said that Allah hu Akbar is true and one time confidence in us and to better understand Allah you Akbar is to interpret as Allah is All Possible ...that faith and calling upon G9d makes all things impossible possible.
    God Bless.

    • Shazia, please do not post your personal contact info here as we do not allow it. Any advice or prayers you have can be posted here.

      Wael Editor

  8. Dear Haris, I hope you will update us. As a mother, I can sympathize with your parents because I think my daughter is living the same thing you are. All my decisions are out of love for her. When I ask to driver her to school, it is not to embarrass her but to know that my hijab-wearing kid has arrived at school safely in a racist western culture. We don't live in a big fancy house as her friends do but we have no debt. | say Alhumdulillah for all we have. She compares herself too much to others and this depresses her. I hope that since your post you have realized that yourlife is better than many other people's lives and you too can say Alhumdulillah. Please let us know how you are doing. You are precious and you matter. You may just need professional help which I hope is available to you.

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