Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I hate my life…



I'm sure this post will be ignored like my last post I wrote to you got ignored, and like everyone around me ignores me. I guess that's the story of my life...

I'm writing to you in a moment when I'm just really fed up with my life and with my existence to a limit I can't even describe. I wish I had never been born.

I'm 26 years old and I don't really have much going for me in my life. I do have amazing parents and I do have it good at home, but somehow I can't be happy with just that. I have since I was 16 had a really hard time motivating myself in school and university even though I'm definitely not an unintelligent person at all. It breaks my heart that school and uni has been/is so hard for me, especially because I see people who're not very intelligent at all finish their studies with ease - I don't understand why they can do it, but not me.

I have yet to finish my BA, while almost everyone else I know have finished their Master's degrees and gotten themselves jobs. I've never really had a job and I'm only in my 1st semester, at 26 years old. And I'm already having a hard will I cope for 2½ more years?

I have never been married, or even close to getting married - I'm not a bad person or an unattractive/ugly person, but I just don't really have a huge network of friends, or associations to the Islamic environments in my city through which I could meet a potential spouse. I've only had a few non-Muslim men interested in me which obviously isn't something I can use for anything regardless of how nice and decent they are.

My only experience with a Muslim man was absolutely horrendous. He made me believe he wanted to be with me, that he was honest and had good intentions while he and a white woman, a Muslim convert who had/has the nerve to preach Islamic morals to people, saw each other and arranged their marriage behind my back. They have two children now as well.

I feel very bitter about all of this...I don't understand why Allah has rewarded this horrible, horrible woman and man with a happy marriage and healthy children, while punishing me with loneliness, depression and insecurities. It probably sounds bad, but I often make du'a that bad things will happen to both of them and their children... I don't feel like they deserve anything good and happy that they have got after what they've done to me and how they still treat me when they see me (like crap).

Because of this experience with this Muslim man and his convert wife, I've become quite racist towards white women and white female converts (I'm Middle Eastern myself). I can't help but feel like they don't really believe in Allah, that they are just out to steal Muslim men from us Muslim women and that they don't really have any morals even though they preach them to others. I get filled up with anger all the time when I see a white woman and/or a Muslim white female convert and I can't control an extent where I become sick, lash out on innocent people around me and get depressed.

I also feel like I'm being taken for granted a lot, especially by my sister. While I've gone nowhere with my life - both school and jobwise (I've never really had a job) - I've helped my sister so much with her studies and finding her a great job. I wish she would help me, but she never really does. She's quite selfish, she only does things in her own interest and leaves the rest to me. She never really talks to me when we hang out, she just plays games on her iPhone. But she's not like that when she hangs out with her friends; she talks to them, laughs with them and has fun with them. It's always me who has to suggest things we can do together; she rarely seems excited about doing anything with me.

I feel extremely lonely. No one notices I feel so much pain and loneliness, and that I sob myself to sleep sometimes. I've tried to talk to my mother, but like my sister she is quite self-centered and doesn't hear anything I say to her. My dad is the only one who listens to me, but I don't want to burden him with my heavy problems, because he has heart problems...

I've concluded that it's probably me who's the problem with all of the issues that I've mentioned. I hate myself and my life, if it wasn't for the fact that my parents would probably not like it if I committed suicide I would do it. I'm living in a Hell on Earth where bad people/Muslims get rewarded by Allah and I can't live with Allah's unfairness.

- Adalia

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33 Responses »

  1. As Salamualaikum,

    Sister, after reading your post, I feel that you hate everyone but yourself. And this has made you feel you don't match standards like others do. This is making you jealous and crave for success. And result of failure has made you feel that you have yourself.

    Do you think you are right with this attitude? Even if it was your enemy, you should talk good with them and wish that Allah Helps them. This is NOT difficult at all. Infact, if you begin, Allah Will Help you and you'll feel light. This way, people will also like you.

    I feel that BA is not something you want to study. Your passion lies in some other area. You probably need to introspect and identify what exites you. If you liked BA, you would never have been lagging behind.

    Having said this, it is never too late to pursue a degree. There are many ways you can get a degree of your choice including a virtual (online) one. But what you need to do first is know what you really like to study.

    Yes, 26 is a little late, but not too late. You can expect things to turn in your favor.

    But I am afraid your attitude is not appropriate. You have lost Hope in Allah's Mercy. Do you know that Allah's Mercy overpowers His Wrath? Do you know that all the mercy of this World ranging from what we see among animals to us Humans and every other, is only 1% of His Mercy? Then imagine how wide His Mercy is.

    You should always wish for good from Allah. You should always have an optimistic attitude which entails thanking Him for His Bounties and having Patience over His Tests, among some of the aspects.

    Your mother is ideally the sole support you will find, when you'll have no one else. So, don't ever think she doesn't care. Even if it is true, you should be kind to her and speak to her with humility.

    Your sister, I suppose, is younger than you and has developed the mentioned attitude towards you, due to your behavior. You need to be thankful to Allah for this life and enjoy it in a Halaal fashion.

    Talk to righteous Muslim women, smile at them, make friends, spend time with them and remember Allah together.

    Your perception towards revert Muslim women is totally wrong. The truth is that a revert, on most occasions is more pious than a born Muslim. And he or she deserves better respect for having left Kufr and Shirk in order to Worship Allah.

    I have many friends who were previously not Muslim. And I am neither ashamed to tell, nor jealous that they deserve a better respect and they have a better piety than the atom's weight-piety I maybe having.

    I still hope for Allah's Mercy, but not at the cost of someone else's happiness.

    Your Dua to harm this man and his family is unwise and from the Shaitaan. You should repent to Allah for having said such a thing and pray for their happiness.

    If he did not marry you, he was not someone Allah chose for you. But that does not mean that Allah Has Not chosen someone for you. It is just that this man was not supposed to be yours.

    You should probably get married, but I am afraid that you will hate your husband with the attitude you have now. So, work on tweaking it a little, in order to be more compatible with your life. This will bring tranquility and peace and your life, in sha Allah.

    If you have felt bad about anything I have said above, please forgive me. But I intended to be direct and honest, in order to help you.

    And remember that you are in this World, in order to win the Pleasure of Allah, which includes the reward with Jannah. So, keep this objective in mind while you work on improving yourself. The idea of suicide will only land you in the fire of Hell. So, forget about it.

    I pray that Allah Helps you

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. I should not have written to you, I feel like you have not helped me at all but made me feel much, much worse 🙂 So thank you for that.

    • My dear sister,

      I don't know if you mean it positively or negatively. 🙂

      If I have appealed to your senses, that is what I intended. Otherwise, did you expect that we would encourage you to curse new Muslims and do dua to harm others? This is sin in itself.

      Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said:

      "Abusing a Muslim is evil and fighting him is disbelief" (Sahih al- Jami # 3598)

      These are the realities of life, sister. You need to walk, accepting all of it with your hands wide open. You'll then feel good.

      My intention is to show you where you stand and where are wrong, in order that you correct yourself and succeed in this life and in the Hereafter. I hope you take it positively.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  3. How can it possibly be a positive thing that you make someone who already feels absolutely horrible feel utterly devastated? Don't call me your dear sister, because I'm not. I can't live a world when victims for peoples' vicious acts are blamed and pointed out as the problem. As I mentioned, I've contemplated taking my own life for a while, I really see no point of living anymore. Goodbye, life.

    • Being a Muslim, you happen to be my sister. What I said above was based on what you mentioned in your post. I don't know if you missed anything that you faced. I don't say that the man was right to leave you, but that is past, as part of Allah's Will. So, you should accept it and move ahead.

      And this World is full of people who will assist Shaitaan to lead you astray. You should stand firm and not give up.

      So, instead of wishing for what can not be yours, you should ask Allah for better.

      If you choose to give up and end your life, it will be for your own destruction. A person who commits suicide is punished in Hell for Eternity.

      Take control of yourself and don't give up. I never meant to hurt you by pointing out your mistakes, but intended that you become aware of them and work on correcting them, before any more trouble happens.

      I know you are capable of doing it, but the Shaitaan that is standing next to you is making it seem impossible. But sister, don't give up hope.

      Now, after you have read my comment, if you still feel wrong, you could point out what you still feel wrong about, and in sha Allah I'll explain.

      But never attempt anything evil such as ending your life. You are much stronger than you think you are.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  4. Assalamalykum Sister,

    Your last line affected me such that I logged in to try to help you. But firstly please please do not even think of doing what will cause you more harm, infact everlasting troubles. Suicide is not an answer to your problems but a leap into a bigger deeper world of torture and pain.

    Im certain that you are aware that suicide is totally forbidden in islam. I dont need to explain but i'll just put a hadith up for others.

    " he who commits suicde by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in hell fire forever and he who commits suiced by stabbing shall keep on stabbing himself forever in hellfire " - Bukhari

    its never too late sister, once you're done with your BA, you can surely work if required and be independent. But being 26 why dont you try to get married ? I mean your only experiance with a muslim man was horrendous doesn't mean that all men are like that, there are plenty out there who are rightous. Tell your parents to help search for you. Similarly not all white reverts are bad just because one of them got married to a man who is not sincere with you. As Allah said in the Quran that " you may dislike somthing which is good for you and you may love somthing but its bad for you, Allah knows while you know not " - Baqarah

    indeed we may get sad and upset when life never meets our expectations but we as muslim was always taught about being patience that things might turn out better tommorow. Consider your situation as a TEST by Allah. as Allah promised to give tests to every soul whether pious or not. You just have to be patience and pass the test inshallah.

    You said that your parents are great with you, so please do not do anything which will give them great distress and then they will blame and curse themselves for being irresponsible parents. Be near them for as long as you can for eventually you are happy near them. Make more friends with muslimas to build a social group. You said you are middleeastern, so its not difficult to find muslimas. Share your feelings with your parents as they can help you best. Keep on praying and have patience. Allah promised us in the Quran that " after difficulties comes relief ", so just wait. Do not pray for badness for your other muslim brothers and sisters. Always pray good, I will remember you in my prayer too inshallah.

    All the best.

  5. Assalamoalaykum sister,

    I am also a girl 24 of your age. And really I know how u feel due to some reasons. Why dont u try one thing I tried myself and worked for me. I have forgiven the person who did wrong to me for the sake of Allah. See I might be sinful what I am saying now. But the truth is this life is like a game. The original life is after our death. So in this game what ever you do is will gain you points and what ever that guy does or did is his points. Just because you think he cheated in this game you will stop playing will not work for you. And there is no reversal to this life.

    Imagine your self in a tempreture of 25'c . Kabar azaab will be more than that. So try to understand. I hope you have played video games in childhood. And this life is one of your fevorite game. So just because your opponent cheated doesnt mean you stop playing. Instead, start playing in a way that will make everyone wish it would be you. Some times it is not about how u started rather how you ended.

    I know one female who was not married till 27 and when she married everyone was jelous of her life. She was also cheated by a man and because of him she didnt get good alliance for 3 years but then she got the pios man. So pray Allah that what ever is good for you he gives you that.

    There will be a one point in your life when that man, his wife wont matter to you at all. Till that time dont be hard to your self. Once you loved him and now you hate him. This is not done. If we love someone we love them for rest of our life and even if they ask for our "LIFE" we give them happily without any favor in return. Instead why dont u pray for him. Or just let this matter go.

    There are many things in life to do. I agree with brother Muhammad waseem that u might be not interested in this field of BA. I myself a doctor but I wanted to be a fashion designer. So I design my own dresses and enjoy my passion. Search what u like to do most. It can be painting, going out,chating, roaming, designing, lsitening, craft,cooking,swimming, archery anything in this world. Let me know what is your fevorite.

    You can ask your father to go out on near by place with you. After all going to new places and eating new fruits is also rewarded in Islam. If u like to cook try new recipies and if u like reading recite translation of quraan it is so peaceful. And if u want to talk to someone and speak, who is more concerned with you than Allah. Pray salaah it is like speaking to Allah.

    One more thing why do u think of ppl who u think are more happy than u. Try to compare urself from ppl who are in a condition noone can help them still they are pious. Imagine them. People are mean, unfaithful but u cant judge Allah by such people. We have different acocunt then them. Its an open bank you can withdraw as many things as you want. Ask for a better and pious person who will lead you to Jannah. Love you.

    Take care or I say let Allah take care of you.

  6. Hello Adalia, My not so dear sister ,

    It is a pleasure seeing your post. I've never seen anybody who is about to commit suicide who has such a wide outlook towards life. Well, I'm not a Islamic scholar. However, Allah has blessed me with a little bit of Quranic wisdom.
    “Do not cause your own destruction” (Al-Baqarah: 195);
    “Do not kill yourself, for verily God is ever Merciful towards you” (An-Nisaa': 29).

    I'm really intrigued that a girl like you who is so damn intelligent, who has such high level of intellect in her writing and sublime colloquialism has decided to end her life. Plus, somebody who is beautiful, young, talented can't see the good in herself while everyone else on this forum is sympathizing with her.

    What a shame!

    You have amazing parents!. Wow! At least you have parents.

    Do you want a reason to live?

    I will give you many .....

    1. Live for Allah
    2. Live for your parents
    3. Live for Faris Audhay
    4. Live for Malala Yusufzai
    5. Live for me

    yeah Live for me! Because I don't know who you are .... but i really like you. I've never seen someone who is so desperate to kill herself yet has the patience and endurance to write so well. Why don't you become a writer ? Pen down your frustration on a blog .. I will read it daily....

    You don't want to burden your parents... right... but by committing suicide you are surely going assure that your dad is going to get a heart attack, your mom is going end up in a bucket full of tears and your sister will be consistently live with the sarcasm that don't do what your your sister did.

    Adalia... look at yourself.... You are a gem! Go brush your teeth and smile.... you want to cry then don't cry at night like a dumb girl... go out cry out loud ... to the top of your voice ..... shout scream.....You are lonely ..... I doubt that.... Satan is still there with you who keeps injecting bane ideas..... Utter non-sense.

    If you want to be loved and be looked upon .... then you have to love the people around you. You are middle eastern .. so I believe that you know Arabic... There are dozens of people who want to learn Arabic so that they can understand Quran. Yet you say you are useless.

    Are you dead ? See... you are still reading.... oh .. Now you are taking me for granted.....

    Allah does not change the grace in a person until he changes what is within his own soul.

    If you still have decided to die. Then die in the cause of Allah. Go to Syria, Palestine, Burma ... and die saving a few Muslims so that Allah sees something good in you and honors you with Martyrdom.

    Aafa Allahu Annka!

    • @ Moderators

      I would like to make a suggestion. Can you please incorporate the edit option after posting? I always end up making grammatical mistakes and I learn about it only after posting it.


  7. i really liked ur post brother farrukh i hope she read all u wrote 🙂

  8. I honestly think that you need to believe in yourself more because if you dont no one will take you seriously. There are far worse people with worse issues then you, you are not alone, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be grateful with what you are given. The barriers are there for a reason Allalh puts them there to test us otherwise what have we learnt in life nothing, so do not ever think I hate my life, enjoy time closer to Allah and say ulhumdiallah, because everyone in on this journey.

  9. Salam Sister,

    I read this post and I could see myself writing this a few months ago. Before I got to know of this website and read so much stories and learn so much more about Islam. Right now, my life is surely not where I wish it was but I am grateful for it. I used to be bitter at people. I used to smile when I see someone going through hardship. That was because I was so bitter at life and thinking why don't I have success like this one or that one, why don't I have someone to love and so other dull questions. One thing I have learned from this website is that if you wish good things to others, you are wishing them for you too. And if you wish something bad, well I guess you can complete my sentence.
    I also learned that a true believer is one who wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself. Please sister, start wishing good things to other and let go of all the jealousy and anger. It doesn't make you any good. Like I said I was there too, read all the posts from people here. You will see you are so much better off than so many Muslims. You said the only thing that prevents you to commit suicide is that you're worry for your family. I want you NOT to commit suicide because it would displease our Creator.
    Forget about this man and his lady. All you see is the outside, you don't know if they are struggling or have burdens that are heavier than yours. Never envy anyone, not for their beauty, nor for their wealth, not for their success because no one has it all. Everyone has trials and tribulations. We just have to stay positive through them all. Don't look at the negative in your life but look at the bright side. You have the chance to have a family. Do you know how many people are orphans and would do everything to spend a minute with their loved ones? Be happy, smile, don't worry. If you are looking for someone to talk to, I know the greatest listener: Allah (S.W). You might think you don't have anything but let me reassure you! You may not have the things you want, but you definitely have the things you need and Allah (S.W) knows best.
    I hope my answer doesn't make you feel worse, but bring some comfort to your heart. As a sister, I wish you the best in this life and the next one, I wish you patience to deal with the troubles in your life. Never stop believing and hoping for a better tomorrow. Life on earth is not easy but happiness is possible. Don't take your life, at 26 there are many beautiful things that will happen to you. You will have the man God has created for you. As for school and job, give yourself a 110%, like you said you are intelligent. Use this gift from our Creator and get a diploma or find something you see yourself doing and get into it. Maybe you just don't have interest in the thing you're doing right now. Again, ask Allah (S.W) for guidance.
    I hope you can see life from a positive eye. My life is very similar to yours, my friends have masters, work for amazing firms, have a career, a man and kids for some of them and I don't. Still, I try to keep that smile on my face. Pray, pray, pray and fast. Build that connection with Allah (S.W) and you'll find peace and happiness

    • "Pray, pray, pray and fast. Build that connection with Allah (S.W) and you'll find peace and happiness"
      i agree with this soo much.

      Adalia, work on your relationship with Allah. Trust me, nothing is comparable to the AMAZING feeling you get when you feel connected to Allah, I can honestly tell you that from experience. Even the problems you have will be not really matter, because you will be SO happy, content and your heart will be at sooo much peace. And everything will fall into place, perfectly. Allah is sooo amazing, i guess sometime we just forget that becuase we get caught up in Dunya, i am guilty of that too, i think everyone is.

      I just think that if you concentrate on the connection with Allah, first and foremost, everything else falls into place. Perfectly.

  10. assalamu alaikum
    I can relate to this frustration that you are feeling. It is the state of mind resulted due to being lonely. When any person lives alone, with no one to talk to, the mind gets boggled, and we simply lose grip of logic. We start thinking of everything around us in the complex way, and then no one can help us. The slightest thing gets us disturbed and we just cant get things which are disturbing out of the head.

    Please do not misunderstand those who are trying to help you. Get a hold of your mind and realize there is nothing wrong. Its really saitan that is making you think like this, you have to stop it. Its alright that things are not the way you thought would be. But no one gets things the way they want it. We make mistakes, we sin and we fail. We are just humans! However the one thing we should not ever do is to stop trying and asking for forgiveness to Allah. He is the most merciful and he will inshallah have mercy on you. I am saying this more to myself than to you because I am also at fault and scared to ruin everything good that Allah (swt) has so much kindly blessed me with. We must be strong and beg Allah (swt) for forgiveness and mercy, keep faith in Him. Saitan will always make you feel resentful and loose all hope. We have to stop this waswas and of course we can, because Allah (swt) created us stronger than the saitan. Dont give up and say things like I will end my life and other things. Look at so many other people around you who are facing real crisis and who are at so much less fault than us but still are strong and is never ungrateful to Allah (swt) .

  11. Its called BETRAYAL.

    What you are feeling is betrayal. I know the feeling. Mine is worse because the very first time I opened my heart to a man who happened to be this Muslim Man (I think I mentioned a bit about my situation in one of my older posts), happened to be someone who betrayed me with my best friend. I sometimes feel;

    Many other depressive feelings.

    These bad feelings in me has alienated me from family and friends.

    I have thought of many evil things and sometimes prayed the worst for these two who have intentionally hurt me.

    Even though I sometimes lose sight of any hope. I pray that Allah would save me from my own self. I am my worst enemy. My only hope is with Allah SWT and I pray that Allah SWT understands that I need HIM more than anyone. Even when I don't act or feel like it.

    I also know that time is a cure. I have this deep feeling that someday I will be completely free of this bad/negative feelings.

    You are 26. I just turned 30. You are Al7amdoulillah, doing your BA. I only completed my AA recently.

    There are far worst case scenarios and yours is not that bad.

    This website and another Islamic counseling site helps a lot.

    NB/ Don't kill yourself. Those people are not worth it. Allah SWT got you here and only Allah SWT will get you out of here. So wait for HIS qadar.

  12. Salaam sister.

    I sympathise with you a lot. May Allah swt help you. Please don't even think of killing yourself though, it really is not worth it. It must be really difficult for you - but in time it will get a bit easier InshaAllah. Please don't give up. If your sister and your mother are self centered that is not down to you, it is down to them. Please dont think like that - I know how it feels and I have been there and felt awful thanks to their attitudes but after some time you have to realise it's just how they are. Its not to do with you.

    As for this brother who married someone else - leave him from your thoughts and let go if you can. My dear sister by holding a grudge you are not hurting him. You are hurting yourself and yourself only. He was not right for you, but in time you will find someone InshaAllah. When Allah knows is best.

    For now work on yoruself to make yourself feel better. Turn to Allah (Swt) He loves you and He wants you to succeed. Talk to Him, open your heart to Him and develop a relationship with Him. Go for counselling if you feel suicidal - there is nothing to be ashamed of bout counselling - in the long run it helps so very much.

    Sister we love you and care about you too, please keep in touch and let us know you are OK. And we are here for you, you are most welcme to write on this post.

    Sara Editor

  13. Dear Adalia ,

    i have been through the phase in my life, iam much older than you. wheni was your age i used to think about sicideas well, the only reason i didnt commit it is because of my parents , thatwhat will they say to others that how their daughter died.

    i can only tell you what helped me , and still do when i go through phases like these, you need to shut down yourself from people for a while. everyone. as if you are living in a world where the only one that knows you and the onlyt one you know is Allah. the rest are just passerbys. this way even if peole are being horrible to you, you will just laugh at it , as you know thay are just strangers, and strangers dont hurts us by doing wrong, when strangers do worng to us we just move away . this way your relationship with Allah will become very strong. you will start seeing His mercy.

    if you want to cry/complain/ , then do so when you make dua to Allah after namaz. our salat is our communication with with Allah, like phone a friend. i do it all the time, specially when i feeling rubbish or angry. i tell allah every thing iam feeling, even if iam feeling that Allah could have helped me but i think He has left me alone or forgotten me.

    after a while you will see that you have friend/ a helper ( allah there for you ), inshallah He will comfort you, He has promised us that He will comfort us if we turn towards Him.

    try this, Inshallah it will help.

    all the wrong in the world on one side , and Allah's company on one side. this compamny will be enough for you to live comfortably. the rest will come as and when is best for you.

    drive your life yourself , dont let anyone else take you for a ride!

  14. Assalamu aleikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu my dear sister in Islam....

    So good advise have been said by our brothers and sisters my Allah have mercy on all of them...

    My point is: Prophet sw said ..."You do not believe until you like for your brother/sister in Islam what you like for yourself" my sister do this although your heart says sometimes no just say "masha Allah may Allah have mercy on you and remember whenever you do dua for your brother/sister who is not there then An Angel says "you so"...

    So my dear sister University and wordily knowledge is not enough, read Quran daily, make dua for yourself and Muslims, cry to Allah to make your way easy be proud of that (you mad dua) and as many have been already said (may Allah mercy on them) say Always "Alhamdulillah/ thank to Allah for whatever He HAS GIVEN ME"....

    In my personal experience: I have seen.. if you do not like for your brothers/sisters in Islam what you would like for self then you are with Sheydan/evil and you must correct yourself..this is for example you get injured and you can not walk at all and you would like all others should injured like you in order of saying this to yourself say.."thanks to Allah, Allah has given me this injury and Allah has given them health and Allah can give me health and I thank Allah for whatever He has intended to me and He brought me hear and He will take me out of hear and I am always in His hand may Allah have mercy on all us" then evil will leave you and Allah makes your heart strong and capable insha Allah.....

    Take care and do not commit anything you think is bad and MAY ALLAH HAVE MERCY ON YOU.

    Your bro Abdullah

  15. As salam alaikee,

    I wont sugar coat this. You are jealous of the blessings that Allah has given someone and this is the cause of the Hasad. You are harming others and yourself with your eye and that's and evil thing in Islam. For the person who does this Allah will place a punishment on that person that he will not remove it until he wants to remove it and they(meaning you) will not recieve expiation from your heavy tests.(research it for yourself)

    When you make dua'a the angels say and for you too. So if you want a bad or unhappy life for a women and her husband and her children you will recieve unhappiness in your own life time the amount of the woman , the husband and her children!

    People get very sick and even die from the evil eye you should fear Allah and correct this matter immediatly.
    You must go to them and tell them you have place hasad on them and offer to make the wudu for them to use.(if you don't know how or why you must do this them ask your locale Imam.

    Also you are anger with her because she has a husband? Sunhan Allah! Did you meet the Muslim man who played with your heart through your family or the masjid or a wali or did you meet him in the streets and intermingled with him and he played with your emotions like you were a women of the street?.... Do Not hate Muslims because you disobey Allah and don't hate me for telling you the truth.

    Racism is a sin which stems from Shaytain! He was the original racist who believed the jinn race is better than the human race therefore hating all humans. Racism is not from the religion of Islam and there is no excuse for it! As a matter of fact when we met a person who is racist we should say "May you bite your fathers penis" and we are not to use a euphemisim. If you don't believe me look it up!

    There is nothing but a devil that is calling you to feel this way about our Sister in Islam.

    Also depressions and sadness are the results of sins. You must make repent for your evil doing and make a lot of dhikr to Allah. Allah is oft returning to mercy

    • Assalamu Alaikum Sister Asiyah,

      Pardon me but I want to just mention 2 things.
      1-Depression and sadness ARE NOT the results of sins.
      2- The pornographic quote is offensive and inappropriate as I cannot figure out it's relevance and helpfulness to the person who requested help.

      With all my respect,


      • Masha Allah may Allah reward you for you statements, perhaps it will allow for some clarity for another person who may have had the same question.

        Shaik Abdur Rahman As Sa'di state in his book 'How to achieve Happiness', the mean of what make a person unhappy and what correct this unhappiness. It's a short book I have posted it below. However, I can not take credit for that comment of depressions steming from the disobedience of Allah. Many Sound scholar have stated sins are a cause for sadness, depression, worry anxiety and the opposite is the cure rememberance of Allah, dhikr and supplications, taubah and looking to the one who has less then you and not more. However, you can read this book if you like.

        Useful Ways of Leading a Happy Life - Imam as-Sa'dee

        I hope the embed comes up if it does not read his book here

        here How to Achieve Happiness

        Verily in the rememberance of Allah do the hearts find rest.(13:28)

        Now Below are some adhikr for a person to say to help remove sins and depression or worry.

        In al-Saheehayn it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:

        “La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem

        (there is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne).”

        And it was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:

        “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth
        (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

        And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”

        It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

        ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi

        (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’

        - but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”

        Al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, edited by Shaykh al-Albaani, p. 72

        Next as a health care provider I do not find the real names of the body parts as pornography in this case I said to her racism is NOT from is Islam then I said the a Hadith...

        Hadith - Mishkat Al-Masabih, Vol. 2, p. 1021

        The Prophet said on the authority of Ubayy Bin Ka'b: "If anyone proudly asserts his descent in the manner of the pre-Islamic people, tell him to bite his father's penis, and do not use a euphemism".

        This is the hadith was regarding her statement which is listed below.

        I feel very bitter about all of this...I don't understand why Allah has rewarded this horrible, horrible woman and man with a happy marriage and healthy children, while punishing me with loneliness, depression and insecurities. It probably sounds bad, but I often make du'a that bad things will happen to both of them and their children... I don't feel like they deserve anything good and happy that they have got after what they've done to me and how they still treat me when they see me (like crap).

        Because of this experience with this Muslim man and his convert wife, I've become quite racist towards white women and white female converts (I'm Middle Eastern myself). I can't help but feel like they don't really believe in Allah, that they are just out to steal Muslim men from us Muslim women and that they don't really have any morals even though they preach them to others. I get filled up with anger all the time when I see a white woman and/or a Muslim white female convert and I can't control an extent where I become sick, lash out on innocent people around me and get depressed.

        It is the above sins which she is doing that is cause her depression. She is praying for harm for Muslims so when she prays they angels will ask the Allah to give her the same thing that she is making dua'a for regarding her brothers and sisters in Islam. She's asking Allah to harm them but it is harming her.

        She may not understand what the evil eye does to someone but it harms them and her comment was a classic case of Hasad... meaning to be upset about the blessing Allah Gave to someone else. Many people die from hasad.

        Hadiths about Hasad(envy)

        Hasad can cause the person to indulge in disbelief because it causes the individual to feel that Allah has not been fair with him; he forgets all the mercy and blessings which Allah has bestowed upon him. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "They are enemies for Allah's bounties." They asked: "Who are they?" He said: "Those who envy people for what Allah has given them of Bounty." [at-Tabaranee]

        It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbas (RA) said: The Messenger of Allah (Peace and Blessing upon Him) said:

        “The evil eye is real and if anything were to overtake the divine decree, the evil eye would do so. If you are asked to wash (to treat someone for the effects of the evil eye) then do so.”

        It was narrated that Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah said: The Messenger of Allah (Peace and Blessing upon Him) said:

        “Most of those who die of my Ummah, after the will and decree of Allah, will die because of the evil eye.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari in Al-Tarikh, and by Al-Bazzar. Shaykh Al-Albani said: a Hadith Hasan – Sahih Al-Jami’, 1217

        ----- now please do not get me wrong------I understand the woman who is writing her question is a young woman but people DIE from less then what she had done and unless she corrects it. That women her husband and children can become very very ill and even die. This is not a game to play with hasad is real.

        So if I offended you it was not my intent to do so because I don't know you but I also don't know the" white's woman's" children who may be hurt from her eyes... I have recited over people who were dying from auto immune disease that were cause by the evil eye they spent years suffering and doctor didn't know what cause it but it comes from some person with jealousy in their heart.

        Now Think of those poor children and a Muslimah is praying for them to be harmed!?... and you think my reminder for her was offensive. it's not offensive it's urgent that she stop her actions and repent and fear Allah and go to these people and say she is sorry for her actions and she would like to make the wudu or water for them to remove the harm.

        May Allah help the Muslims and protect them from what they know and do not know. ameen

    • how can you be so cruel to someone who is considering suicide? If you were in her position, if you were betrayed by the man you love then have him married in front of you then how would you feel?

      Why do you think you are so much better than this girl that you go ahead and criticize her? According to you as sisters in islam we should be compassionate to each other. Are you being compassionate even in the least to her? But none the less you are here to give her the final push she needs to commit suicide by making her feel worse!! How strange!

      • i have to agree with that shocking what one can write to someone who is in so much pain right now and this isn't going to help them or the situation how inconsiderate.

        • May Allah help her to stop the sin which is causing her so much pain.

          And May Allah protect the man and woman who got married for the sake of Allah.
          Allah says in the Quran

          And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].

          How did she fall in love with this man? And she is mad at all white women because he married a white women? she is not a convert just like I am not a convet... she knows that racism is not from the beautiful religion of Islam.

          My words will not push her over the edge. The will help her. She will make dhirk to Allah. She will stop putting the evil eye on the innocent people and Allah will forgive her if she ask.

          You guys are playing a game with her. She needs a person to tell her the truth like a best friend . She maybe upset at first but she will know who really want the good for her. The person who said stop the sins and correct your wrong actions and turn to Allah.

          She must understand that outside of the decree of Allah that more than half of this ummah will die from the Evil Eye, Hasad... And what she is doing will reach that family.

          What Brother Abdullah reminded her of is 100% correct. Whatever she makes dua'a for that family for she will receive it maybe even her future children since she want harm for our other sister's and her whole family including the children ... her action have real concequenses and her prayers are being answered but they are coming down on her.

          if it were you at home with your husband and family and someone was praying for harm that could result in your or your children's death, would you really think i was being cruel if I used your words or would you want me to tell that person the truth so everybody can be protected including her?

          May Allah correct the affairs of the Muslim. Ameen

  16. Sister Adalia

    If you are in pain, Allah knows this. He knows all. Express your pain to Him. Cry as you pray. Ask Him to guide you, to protect you, to help you get through this.

    Put your faith in Him, and He will be there.

    There is no shame in crying out to Allah, of asking Him why he is testing you in this manner. Let it out as you pray. The profit Isu once cried out "Why hast Thou forsaken me?" to Allah as Shaytaan was whispering in his ear.

    Offer dua for those you dislike, even if you choke on the words of your prayer as you say them. And then ask Allah to forgive you for your inability to offer such dua without anger. Do it again and again. Allah will slowly help you see that you have the ability to heal yourself through Him. He has given you this gift.

    Then cry out to Him on other issues you find impossible to handle. Even if you feel insincere as you do so. Ask forgiveness for your insincerity here as well. They pray again. Do the same with every issue you face. Repeat over and over again.

    At first it may seem like a waste of time. But keep doing it. Over the days, the weeks, the months. Keep at it. Allah is wise and most merciful. He has given us the power to reason, and he also guides us in this reasoning. This will help you see His plan for you.

    Slowly, if you focus on the things that really trouble you, and focus on them in prayer, Allah will show you what you can do in your life to address these things. You will not be able to address them all, but you will be able to see what you can do for some of them. The others, leave to Allah, he has a plan. Part of His plan is for you do try to do your part. And there is no doubt He will do His part.

    It is a process. Prayer is not like placing an order for a meal at a restaurant. Allah is not your waiter. He will not solve every one of your problems here on earth if you just pray properly. Prayer is something He designed to bring you closer to Him, and to identify what is really important to you in your life. To expose all of your problems to Allah, to think about all of them in great detail, and then take the positive steps you can to do what you can to be pious and do the right thing. It will bring peace, because it will bring clarity. It will help you see your path to Jannah.

    Rest assured Allah is doing His part, cry out to Him and ask Him to guide you in doing your part.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

  17. Salam,

    Unfortunately, I'm still alive. I did attempt to take my life, but it didn't work out as I wanted it to. Maybe next time, inshallah.
    To those of you who think your "brutal honesty" is helping me, it's not, at all. The words of Muhammed Waseem left me feeling hopeless and more depressed than I already am, and now, reading Asiyah's "advice" I feel in a worse state of depression and suicidal thoughts than I ever have. I wrote to you, because I really am scared for myself, I can't predict what I will do to myself. I wrote to you, because you're Muslims and I thought you could help me and tell me I'm not crazy to feel as betrayed and hurt and confused about Allah's ways as I am. Instead Muhammed Waseem and Asiyah is blaming me as the sinner in this whole matter. Asiyah even goes as far as calling me a woman of the streets even though I'm a virgin, I have never kissed a man before or had any type of physical relations with a man. My intentions have always been clean, I did things as I was supposed to. But I'm the woman of the streets, and the convert woman who had an affair with the man who was promising me things is "poor"? I'm not jealous of her because she has a husband, I'm depressed because this woman is a horrible Muslim, yet Allah blesses her with good things she doesn't deserve. Even here, some of you are defending her and not me, even though she is the one who has done the unmuslim thing.

    I only wanted to write to express my thoughts towards Asiyah. You're a hypocrite to preach Islam to me, saying you don't want to make judgements because you don't know me or the convert woman, yet you do judge me by calling me a woman of the streets, assuming I have done haram thing. And you judge that the convert, her lying husband and their children poor, saying they have done nothing wrong...married for the sake of Allah. Is it for Allah's sake that the man was telling me about his plans for our future while he was aware that he had no intentions to ever marry me? Is it for Allah's sake that this convert woman knew this man was promising me things and let him do that while laughing at me behind my back, because she was having an affair with him? Is it for the sake of Allah that when they see me they abuse me verbally?

    If you really cared about islam and feared punishment you would worry more about yourself. What does Allah say about people like you, who are being unjust, imcompassionate, brutal and harsh towards fragile-minded and suicidal people? It's not just me who will answer to my sins.

    • Its good to hear from you Alhamdulillah. None of us can save you, only you can save yourself. But remember, commiting suicide is going to be solely your responsibility and no one ever is going to be held accountable for the sin which you might commit not even ' Asiyah '. May Allah SWT have mercy on you and guide you, ameen.

      Sister, it seems as though you are still suffering from the betrayel you've received. This is the very reason why Allah in his infinite wisdom forbids men/women from talking to non mahrams. The likes of pre-marital relationships is also forbidden due to it causes the death of heart if unsuccesfull. Even though there ain't no physical contacts but a sin is a sin. We are humans and we all do mistakes, so we repent as Allah loves the repentant. Now you really dont want to buy an eternal hell just for a man. Or should I say a couple.

      Many people do bad things like that man who betrayed you and his wife but that doesn't mean we should play along. Instead, we should go our own seprate ways and prove to the world that we can have more better happy life if Allah wills. They may seem to be happy, but there may come a time where they would be facing problems, only Allah knows. Plz do not envy them. And basically just forget them for good.

      Think about your life, of how you'd like to spend it in Allah's cause. Please have patience and Allah will surely help you. Nag Allah, cry to Him etc He will help you. Dont ponder over the past. Everyday is a new day. Do not let the past shape your future instead learn from it. You dont know what is good for you, only Allah knows. Please be gratefull of your life and make good use of the body you posses, do not destroy it with your own hands. You will insha'Allah have long life to live. And make wise decisions insha'Allah. A time will indeed come where you will appreciate every moment of your life. The clock is ticking.

      Allah tells us that this life is full of tests and trials, he may test us with companions, children, poverty etc etc and we have to do our best, remain patient and pass it. Allah also told that the world of this life is only a matter of illusion. The real life starts in the hereafter. Remember that Allah doesn't need me, neither does he need you nor does he need any of the human beings BUT WE ALL need Allah, without which we will be the ultimate loser. And Allah is the most JUST and merciful. So please use this life to shape your hereafter and build a palace in the paradise insha'Allah. We will live forever in paradise and I will come and visit you in paradise insha'Allah. 😀

      • And Iblees and his companions are our eternal enemies. They will take all necessary measures to ensure that they get with them many people as possible to hell fire. On that day, there will be no help or refuge except with Allah. We must fight them for they are certainly weak, and we have Islam, Quran etc as our weapons.

    • My Dear Sister Adalia

      I am joyful that you are still alive. Allah has protected you.

      Please forgive us for not finding the right words to comfort you. We do really care about you. I am not just saying that, providing comments on this web site is a blessing that Allah has granted all of us. We, too have problems, and sometimes we are unable to provide the guidance that we do want to give. This is our failures, not the failure of Allah.

      Allah is truly the only one you can turn to for comfort and support, by sister. We are only a second choice. He will sustain you.

      Cry out to Him in pain. Question Him as to why he has given you this challenge. If you do so, and pray on it, eventually you will see the answer.

      My sister, when I was younger, I, too, thought of suicide. As a teenager, before I knew Allah, I was betrayed by a woman I thought I loved. It still hurts somewhere deep inside me today, 35 years later, but Allah uses this pain and the memory of it to help guide me and keep me on my path.

      You must open your soul and your pain to Allah. He will not forsake you. You may not get the result you desire today, or even tomorrow, but you rewards will be immense in Jannah. I know I will see you there some day, sister. You can do this. You have the strength. None of us know your pain or suffering. But we all will rejoice when we meet in Jannah in the presence of The Forgiver.

      AmericanMuslim Editor

    • Adalia, it's not our job to cheer you up, because artificial cheer is not a cure. It's our job to wake you up Insha'Allah, and let you see the power you have over your own choices and your own life, and the many blessings you have in your life.

      You have received a LOT of good advice in these comments ma-sha-Allah. If one or two people gave you advice you didn't like, try to find whatever value there may be in it, and let the rest go by.

      May Allah help you and ease your pain.

      This post is now closed to comments.

      Wael Editor