Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I hate myself

Dark flower, needs life,

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters

I'm a 21 yr old from India. I want your advice, please help me.

Actually I hate myself and existence of me in this world. I think like I am just a burden on this earth. I know this world is a prison for a believer and paradise for unbeliever - We have to Live for Allah swt and we should never hate Allah's creation..

Alhamdullilah I read 5 times namaz. I read Quran but my problem is I just don't know why I hate myself. I belong to a respectable family. My mom and dad love me lot but I always feel left out every time.

I got hurt so many times in my past. I don't even have friends to whom I can share my pain. I loved a guy madly who also left me.

Sometimes I feel like what is written in this world I dont wanna move on nor want to accept any guy nor want worldly desire. I always think of dying. I mean I pray all times that something should happen and I should die soon as possible.. I know some or the other day we have to die and return to Allah but before that we have to make our akhirat .. but I really can't handle situations of my life.

I feel so lost every time I get hurt by some or the other person. I intend to be happy, but sooner I just realise that I have nothing. I know we should always thank Allah's blessing, but I really am not able to cope up with my problems. I feel I am a burden on this world. I am just fed up. It hurts lot though I try to keep patience but still some times I feel I am doomed and start hating myself though I don't give up soon.

But situations make me feel that by being a girl I am not fit for anything and I just hate myself even more for being a girl. I feel so much hurt by people who know me very well. I just don't know what do. I dont have worldly desires, I just want to end up..

broken Heart

jazak Allahu khairan


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15 Responses »

  1. I feel the same. I hate myself beyond belief.

  2. OP: I feel so lost every time I get hurt by some or the other person.

    No one can hurt you unless you accept that you did some thing wrong that resulted in your hurt.

    What do you do for fun? Do you like music/movies, going places?

    Do you work or go to school?

    Help a little girl with her studies. If there is a maid working in your home, you can tutor her daughter. No one is happy all the time.

    • SVS

      Thanks for the advice.

      I accept responsibility for those that I've hurt. And, I understand there contempt and pure hatred. I'm under no illusion that everyone in this world is truly happy. But I have void in me, an empty feeling. It's come to a point where I can't speak to anyone about the way I feel.

      Besides, There is no one in this world I trust and there isn't much that I have to offer anyone.

      Broken, I was told that everyone in life has a purpose. Don't ever feel that you aren't worth anything. Tonight I feel worthless and I find it hard to believe. But, keep telling yourself that. You will find your purpose. You are still a young woman and Allah will open many doors for you. You have so much of your life to live .Don't give up on life now. Inshallah, Allah make it easy for you.

      Read the 3rd kalimah. It aids with depression and never contemplate taking your own life. That's a one way ticket to Jahannam. Just endure the pain and everything will become easier in time Insha Allah. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  3. OP: I loved a guy madly who also left me.

    How did you feel when you loved this guy madly? Do you still remember about those loving feelings some times?

    You can't be happy "If you always think of dying". Don't let your unhappiness make your close relatives (your friends, your parents, your siblings etc) unhappy. Always smile when you are with them.

    If you are tired of this thinking, when you are in bad ready to sleep, tell yourself, tonight I am not going to think about hating myself or dying. Try it few times.

  4. Walaikum Aslam
    As narrated by Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah : (This is the Hadith that we started with) – The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said :

    ‘The greater reward is with the greater trial or the greater the trial or difficulty of test or hardship is then the greater the reward. And when Allah loves a person He will tests them. So he who will be pleased and then He will be pleased. He who is displeased, then He will be displeased.'(Sahaba’s name not clear) ‘The people as long as they are in good health, good shape, good condition they are covered. You don’t know their true character because they are in good situation, they are in good circumstance. As long as they are in a good circumstances they are covered. But if a trial or difficulty or a hardship comes upon them, then you will see their reality. They will go to their reality. The Mu’min will run to his Imaan, the Mu’min will run to his belief, the believer will run to his belief, his Imaan and the hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy, and the hypocrite will run to his hypocrisy. “Without being shaken, you don’t not know what comes to the top and what goes to the bottom. Without being shaken you don’t know a man from those who are faking; you won’t know women from those who are faking. You won’t know those who truly believe from those who don’t. Those who make a claim o­n their tongue and is not really in their hearts and from their limbs from those who are willing to die for this matter. This can o­nly be shown by trials, the tribulations and tests and difficulties.”

    I feel the same, suicidal, worthless, lonely all the time... I can't understand why am i going through so much grievous sufferings but then i read these Ahadees and Quranic verses but positivity comes just for few hours then again i am the same.

    When i read this post i was like these are my feelings plus i am also of the same age group then i realized i am not the only one who is going through this. My mind knows everything like we are being tested, there is a reward but i can't control my these emotions and feelings. I also need some permanent solution for this. I think i am very sinful and if that so then like i read in the Ahadees that ALLAH test those whom HE loves then am i the one of them whom ALLAH loves and thus i am being tested that much?

    Just read the Surah Ad duha and reward of ALLAH for hardships, you'll feel positive:
    http://abdurrahman.org/character/greater-hardship-greater-reward.html

  5. Fizza: I feel the same, suicidal, worthless, lonely all the time.

    Fatima, Fizza & Broken heart.

    One thing is very clear you all have a very powerful mind, but you are working very hard to convince yourself, you are worthless. No one can feel worthless by thinking they are worthless only few hours a day, It takes intense negative thinking over long periods of time to feel bad

    I don't think you started feeling worthless all of a sudden.

    I am sure you are good at doing many things. You just need to start thinking correctly.

    I am sure if someone else tells you "you are worthless", you will react by getting angry.

    Why you don't get angry when your mind tell you the same thing.

  6. Asalamoalaikum ,
    OP and other sister have described their feelings that are classic text book description of major depressive disorder. Worthlessness, hopelessness, lack of interest in any thing,loneliness , low self esteem, suicidal ideation etc.
    If despite trying everything on your own to overcome these symptoms nothing is helping you then it's time to be little more aggressive in seeking help. Most of us donot feel comfortable seeking psychiatric or psychological help. You can share these symptoms with primary care doctor as they are also trained to treat it.

    You all need good real support around you to share this burden and get positive reassurance to get rid of these feelings. Confide with your parents or siblings.

  7. Slm dear sista in islam,u av to bear with it cox its onli a mata of tym n moreso,u cnt die if its nt yt ur pre-destined tym...xo,b api most especiali bcox u ar a gal(d most fragile creature on earth) n a muslim...may Allah swt comfort u

    • Salaam All,

      I don't believe women are fragile. I think women are strong in there own right. . Maybe we live in trying times and that makes it difficult. Everyone faces there own challenges in life. I think the most important thing in battling this would be to think positively. This can be hard sometimes considering the fact that we are human beings and cannot always control our emotions.

      I agree with SVS when she says that we need to start thinking correctly. We need to be mindful of the fact that we are stepping into a negative frame of mind so that we can consciously tell the mind to stop thinking that way. Replace a negative thought with a positive one immediately.

      Sometimes bad things happen in life that we cannot control. I've learnt that if you worry about things that you can't change it is very difficult to think positively. If you cant change it ,worrying will not accomplish anything other than stressing you out. Worry about the things in life you do not like and you can change. Changing these small things will boost self confidence.

      Mostly rely on Allah. Make zikr as this helps calm the mind. I realise that reading salaah results in me feeling calmer.

  8. assalamualaikum sister, inshallah this will help.

    I used have the same problem, so you not alone. May Allah make easy

    • Sorry, I removed your video links. I watched them and while I found the dialogue interesting, the imagery was dark and depressing, and not helpful.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Assalam alaikum,

    I suggest that you seek counselling as you may ver well have depression.

    I would add that all of us get hurt by people and no one's life is easy. You are not a burden on anyone.

    It is easy to keep on getting hurt when we expect Divine things from human beings--so I would suggest that you should recheck your values and your expectations around people.

    Eat well, take care of yourself, when you are alone, take the time to pause, reflect, think and be calm. We often run after friendships, when we just want to be validated and heard--Allah is always Hearing us and knows us more than anyone. Trust in that and you will be better able to face any hardship, inn shaa Allah.

  10. Dear sister

    I also felt the same almost all my life but now i have much improved alhumdolillah.
    We feel so when we are rejected by some one and we don't get the response as we were expecting.
    But why do you base your worth on others behaviour.
    You are not worthless.you are born with a purpose.
    The purpose of your life is to gain the pleasure of Allah ta'ala.
    Life is a test and we will be rewarded for patience if we show.
    What helped me was:
    I read the book "seven habits of highly effective people".This book is really good.This helped me a lot.Actually psychological version of islamic teachings.Through out reading this book I found out islamic teachings in it but in a different way.
    I started seeing a therapist(female).I shared everything with her what was bothering me.
    I just visited her four times but that really helped me.
    I am out of years of depression now Alhumdolillah.
    I have realized that what mistakes I made ,I cannot rectify them.
    If i continued looking backward,I cannot travel safely in this worldly journey.
    So i stopped blaming myself for doing mistakes and actually i stopped thinking about past.
    I started thinking about what i can do to make my future secure and pleasant.
    I accepted my present and I always think that there are so many people who are living hundred times more miserable life than me.
    I am the blessed one being safe from so many problems.
    I start thinking about bleassings of Allah ta'ala like faith,health,peace,food,clothes,daughter etc.
    what makes me happy is that I am muslim.Every day so many non muslims die in the state of kuffar.Have you ever thought where do they go?
    they have been living ideal lives in this world.Many of them are so famous and world respect them for their achievements but this will be of no help to them.
    And you know whatever hard time we face in this world will contribute in making our life beautiful in the here after.
    That life will be permanent and things will be permanent too.
    That makes me so happy lol
    Start thinking about akhirah.Change the direction of your thoughts.Every thing will seem different to you than.
    You will be able to see the blessings of Allah and this will make you feel good about yourself.
    Once you start preparing yourself for akhirah, you will not feel anymore like ending yourself because you will come to know how precious is the time for you.
    You will not want to waste it in these useless thoughts.
    One more thing , if you sleep a lot.Please stop this .Try to make habit of getting up early at fajar.Offer your prayers then recite Quran as much as you can, then go for walk if possible.Have a healthy breakfast then.This will help Insha Allah.
    Stop expecting good from others,but try to do good with others.
    "A wise man is the one who calls himself to account(and refrain from doing evil deeds)and does noble deeds to benefit him after death and the foolish person is the one who subdues himself to his temptations and desires and seeks from Allah the fulfillment of his vain desires"[At-Tirmidhi]

  11. Hey I really want to speak to you, I feel like I found my twin that thinks exactly like me. :/ I feel the same way you explained everything & you explained it so well. I can't believe there is someone out there that understands what I mean & feels like this. Can you message me please.

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