Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have a baby with a Muslim man and he won’t tell his family

Lies, telling lies, lyingI am a Christian woman and I have been dating a Muslim man for 5 years. We had a baby 6 months ago and he said he wants to wait until the baby is a year old until he tells his family because he wants time to establish himself further.

I am worried that he is playing me and is trying to find a way where his family won't make him be with me or get an arranged marriage.  My friends say I should tell his mom on my own as he brought me to meet his mom thinking I would get an abortion if he showed me he was serious enough with me to bring me to his mom.

He even tried to make me give him up for adoption at first, but once he met our baby he fell in love and never brought that up again. He told his brother about our child but that's all.

He only sees us once a week and I live on my own.  He doesn't really show any emotional connection to me since he found out I am keeping his baby. Our whole relationship he has been all talk about almost everything he says he is going to do which worries me he is not being true to his words to tell his parents after a year.

Should I tell his family? Wouldn't his family be mad they didn't know his baby from when he was born?

- laila

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6 Responses »

  1. OP: I am worried that he is playing me and is trying to find a way where his family won't make him be with me or get an arranged marriage. My friends say I should tell his mom

    You can talk to his mom, I don't think this guy wants to marry you. His mom may be on his side too.

    • This guy is playing that's all. After 6 months He will probably leave you. He is nothing but a bad image on Islam.

  2. Dear Sister: Your child's father has been using you. Although I have nothing to do with this situation, please accept my apologies for you being taken advantage of by someone claiming to be Muslim. This is so sad and unfortunate, primarily because an innocent child is involved. May Allah protect YOU from any further drama and unhappiness because of this man's limitations.

    I suggest that you: 1. Establish some kind of child support plan. Many people prefer to not go into the court to do this, but based on the behavior of your child's father, I would advise you to do exactly that. 2. On your own, reach out to the grandmother and let her know of your child. She has the right to know about her new grandchild. I am not aware of the quality of your relationship with the man's mother. You might consider taking your baby to meet her. Or sending her a letter with pictures of the baby might be more appropriate. What might be best is for you to call her and ask to meet her to talk about a serious matter. Be prepared for a good or bad response. Be prepared for the father of your child to try to get himself involved, which is not a good idea. I suggest you do not even discuss this plan with him at all. Regardless, it is important that the mother knows about your child. The father has failed so the responsibility has fallen into your hands. What might also be best is for you to say nothing about trying to meet his mother. You are an adult woman and do not need his permission to Do The Right Thing. 3. Strongly consider ending your romantic relationship with the father of your child. He is treating you very badly, getting you pregnant, then wanting an abortion, and now pretty much hiding your child from his mother. Most people would agree he views you as a sexual plaything, not a serious love he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Don't believe anything he says with regard to the two of you having different faiths being the reason for the secrecy. He has failed to respect you and treat you with consideration and regard.

    I hope you recover from this horrible experience and have success moving on away from the child's father who does not deserve you. Insha Allah, perhaps you will consider Islam all on your own and be able to raise your child in Islam and perhaps find a very nice, devout Muslim man to marry you and care for your daughter as his own. If not, please do not let this unfortunate experience give you the impression that what has taken place is in any way acceptable in the Islamic faith.

    • Roses I like your answer its deeply thought and articulate. However my only issue is the fact you apologised on the behalf of us Muslims on a matter that we do no agree on. When you apologise for something you accept the fault to be yours. That's why we get blamed for everything based on the action of the individuals that claim Muslim. In this instance it wasn't our fault. It was a man who made decision based off as a non Muslim. Judging by the sins he has committed he doesn't seem to give a damn about his deen hence why he is so lost and wants to throw the responsibility of the baby away. The mother of the Muslim guy even sounds worse. She got introduced to the gf and didn't say anything or encourage marriage between them. So she was aware that the girl was getting played. This girl 5years of her life got played. His family do not deserve to even know the child. They are failures. I have more faith in this Christian woman as she came to a Muslim forum. The child is better off with her.

  3. There's a reason why dating is forbidden, if he'd have married you, you'd have known he'd stay. I'm sorry but you should really filter anyone you choose to have children with. Now it seems you're stuck on raising the child yourself due to bad choices.

  4. He never planned to be with you. Used you for 5 years. If he was serious and a man he would have married you. Slowly slowly, he will leave you and the baby. He doesn’t really care about the baby, he had the nerve to tell you to give his baby up for abortion. Surprising that he didn’t suggest abortion but suggested adoption. I hate these man who plays with woman like that. He is not a representative of Islam. I would find a way to contact his parents. They need to know how bad their son is.

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