Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have committed adultery twice and now I am divorced, can we marry again?

My husband or should i say ex-husband were married three years ago at a mosque in seattle wa. My husband was incarcerated about two years ago. Since he has been gone i have commited adultry twice. He has divorced me. we knew nothing about the three month waiting period after divorce.

You see the day we were married was the year we became muslim as well so we know very little about divorce in islam. So the three month waiting period after the divorce went by so now our divorce is final but we have since been talking and we want to work this out because we want to and for our childs sake.

We love each other very much i just was weak and allowed myself to give in to my desires and slept with a stranger twice. what we want to know is if it is possible for us to be married again and if so how can we do it being that he is in prison? Please we need your help we want to be married again but he is unsure if he is allowed to be married to me once again?

- Sister Susan

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5 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum sister Susan. I'm just writing this as a comment rather than a proper "answer" because it's a quick answer off the top of my head:

    Yes you can marry him again. Islam allows a couple to be divorced three times. After the first two times they can remarry, but the third divorce is irrevocable and they cannot be married again.

    Ask the prison what their policies are. You need an Imam to officiate the ceremony and two adult Muslim witnesses. The prison might allow you to do it there. Many prisons have a Muslim chaplain.

    But sister you must make a serious effort to learn about Islam and practice it. You cannot be cheating on your husband or having sex outside of marriage. That's a big, big sin. That's not the way for a Muslim to live. First of all you have to make tawbah (repentance to Allah) and ask Him for forgiveness. Secondly you have to get involved in the Muslim community so you can learn about your religion.

    Also, you need to think, are you sure he will be able to trust you again? Most men would have a hard time getting over something like that. You don't want to be married to a man who will always suspect you and maybe will bring up your past behavior every time you argue.

  2. Howcome you aint chatting about Halala Wael?

    She did not specify how many times he said Talaq - she has to remarry

    go and see a muslim scholar plz for propper advice

    • Salam, brother. There is no such thing as "Halala" in Islam.

      Let's say a couple has been irrevocably divorced for the third time, and have gone their separate ways. Through the normal course of events, the ex-wife marries another man, with sincerity in her heart, intending to stay with him for life, as all people intend with any normal marriage. They consummate the marriage. However, for whatever reason the marriage does not work out, and ends in divorce. At this point she is allowed to remarry the first husband if she chooses.

      The key here is sincerity and purity of intention. She married the second man sincerely, intending to stay with him. She was not trying to play a game to "fool" Allah (astaghfirullah), or to work some loophole in the system. She did not marry him in a sham marriage just to have sex then get divorced. That is totally haram.

      That's why "halala" is haram. Because it involves marrying someone with no sincerity of intention, only in order to play a game or "work the system". But Allah sees our hearts and intentions and cannot be fooled.

  3. Slaam.

    There is no such this in islam as Halala, you're correct.

    Halala means that the divorced woman marries another man and consummates the marriage with him, and then he either dies or divorces her for some reason. She now becomes free to marry her first husband after her Idda (waiting period) is completed. One must remember that for the woman to enter into marriage with another man on the condition that he divorce her after consummating the marriage, is extremely disliked. This arrangement has been considered accursed in the Hadith, even though it will free the woman to marry her first husband again (Radd al-Muhtar 2:540/ Darse Tirmidhi Vol. 3 Pg. 399-401).

    The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: "Allah curses the one who marries to make a woman Halal for her husband, and the one for whom this is done (i.e. the first husband and the woman)" (Ahmad, Nasai, Tirmidhi). Therefore, this course of action is severely prohibited.

    If he divorced you 3 times all at once, and not seperately as in seperate occasions then this is not counted at divorced it's only counted as one divorce.

    Someone in my family is in the same situation and unfortunately there is nothing that can be done apart from you moving on and if marriage was to fail with the new husband (not by purpose) then you got a divorce or he divorced you, you are then able to go back to tyour ex husband sis.

    May allah make it easier for you and make you strong.

    • 'Muslim161011',

      You said: "If he divorced you 3 times all at once, and not seperately as in seperate occasions then this is not counted at divorced it's only counted as one divorce."

      Although this is not the correct method of divorce, some scholars say it does make a divorce valid - so we should refrain from commenting on whether someone's divorce is valid or not. We are laypeople and do not have enough information to make such a judgement. The brother or sister in this case should seek advice from a qualified Imam to establish whether divorce has actually been finalised or not.

      SisterZ Editor

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