Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have divorced my wife -Islamically- have I done the right thing?

Divorce decree

Asalam Alakum everyone,

I just wanted some advise regarding my decision to divorce my wife.

I understand nothing is perfect in life including marriages, where most if not all couples experience some sort of issues from minor to severe.

I can honestly tell you with my hand on heart I did not make this very tough decision lightly.

I tried everything I possibly could, but I just felt it was not going to work in the long run.

I divorced my wife mainly based on the following reasons:-

- When she got angry she used to get physically abusive with me, this included slapping me on the face, punching me on the face on a couple of occasions, punching my back, grabbing my jumper from the neck and not letting go of me for a long time and she even swore at me on one occasion she said f**k you.

- She tried to isolate me from my parents, as she used to call me almost every time I used to visit them, telling me to come back home etc, and she used to show hate, objection and disgust almost every time I used to come back to her after visiting my parents.

- She said to me lately you are not going to visit your parents anymore, they are going to have to forget that they had a son and she has no respect for my parents at all.

- She has kept the marriage certificate in a jewellery safety box with all her other jewellery and she said I don't trust your parents. But this also show s a lack of trust towards me as her husband as she will not give access to this safety box as second person, because a marriage certificate should be a joint property of the husband and wife.

On top of this there are many other problems in the marriage where a lot of trust has been lost between the families and this has fed on to us as well.

When we left my parents home last year we had moved into a rented room we shared with a few other people.I was suggesting we need a small break so we can think thighs over due to the recent problems my wife experienced with my parents, so I suggested to her very politely with out any pressure or force to go back to Pakistan so we can think things over and refresh, one occasion her father phoned and said I understand you are telling my daughter to go back to Pakistan for some training? he said I am giving you this warning, I told her if he keeps saying this to you, go straight to the police!!

Her parents have never really made the right effort to try and reconcile the issues, so parents have ,lost compete trust in her hence why they will not allow her back into their home, last time she tried to forcefully gain entry in to my parents home by continuously knocking on their door. she claims she wanted to reconcile, but she kept knocking and knocking and she was forcefully trying to get my house key from me and father said sorry you cant come in. My father firmly believed she was doing this so once she got in she would do something to provoke my dad to do something to her, then she would try and claim victim of domestic violence to get indefinite leave in the UK.

Think about if she really wanted to reconcile with my parents in the politest way she could have said it over the phone and in a respectful tone.

I look forward to your advise,



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3 Responses »

  1. I think that you did do the right thing. Obviously this women is not submitting herself to the husband but also there is no intent for her to change or want a true reconciliation with you. I feel that it''s best you part your ways far from her. Domestic violence not only occurs in women but also to men and I admire you for the respect you have demonstrated to say that you have for her in the fact that you haven't retaliated. You need a women that is loving, kind empathetic that will be there when you are sick or you father is sick and that will love god above all things so that she can demonstrate that love and radiate it unto you and everyone. I support you and I feel that your family also supports your decision. While divorce is not good, there are some exceptions this being one of them. You are the head of the house hold. Any women that is to be considered your wife must submit to you and god. This meaning that obedience and respect and love should radiate. As per the marriage certificate don''t worry you can request another copy if married in the UK and try to file the divorce without that document as long as you have the date of marriage, location etc. you should be fine. Still try to get it, but if you can't then seek legal advice and do the alternative procedure. Take care and God Bless you, I truly hope the best outcome for you. Please, in this process don't get her pregnant I've seen time and time again conformity slipping in and then the women take advantage to hold them and get pregnant. keep it in mind. Take care and god bless you

    • Without all the emphasis on what women should do, if what you say has actually taken place, your wife was someone with serious problems in need of some kind of professional help and guidance in how to conduct herself. Her behavior would make it impossible for anyone to live with her peacefully. There is nothing wrong with divorcing someone you have no compatibility with. Our beloved Prophet married divorced women. The warning and disapproval of divorce refers to those men and women who treat marriage casually, based on very foolish reasons. Insha Allah, get your paperwork organized and be sure that all necessary documents are properly filed with the courts, her family, etc. so this matter does not create problems years from now. May Allah give you time to heal from this unfortunate experience and make it possible for you to find a kind, loving wife.

      • brother, any women who does not understand respect for husband. marriage is doomed. clockwise, respect for wifes as well. women has so much power and influence in house. if she learns how to use it right!!

        may Allah bless and guide you and your ex wife. . but i think lot of brothers would do same.

        divorce is Exit door from Burning building!!!.

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