Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have Emotional Feelings for my Best Friend who is also a girl

Allah Tests who He Loves

I am 17 years old girl. I am having emotional feelings for my best friend (Girl) for about 2 years. I was confused about that feeling but now I am sure that I love Her. I thought that the feeling would go away one day but it is increasing more day by day. I'm from a conservative muslim family. Now a Days I am having bisexual thoughts on my mind and I cant get rid of it. I tried a lot to get out of it and forget about her but I think can't even live a moment without thinking about her. The more I am loving her, the more I am getting hurt. I dont want to be called myself as a Lesbian. What should I do now? How can I forget about her and live a decent happy life?

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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Sister,

    Our thoughts are influenced by many things, one of them being our environment. Because our environment influences our thoughts, it also influences our decisions. For example, if you were standing outside in freezing cold weather for an hour and someone offered you an ice-cream cone, you would most likely refuse. However, if you were enjoying a hot day, that same ice-cream cone would be a great option. So, what you need to do is start finding and creating an environment that makes you think positively and helps you towards prosperity for both your soul and yourself in this world.

    Perhaps you have a dream that you want to achieve. Perhaps you want to help people with a special skill that you have. Whatever it is, tap into resource that is special to you and pour all your energy into that. You are 17. You have so much to offer and right now these feelings are distracting you from true success. Maybe you can't get rid of the thoughts and the feelings, but you can replace them with new thoughts and feelings by redirecting the focus of your life. Visit a hospital, meet people in deed, go to a shelter--when you see people who struggle with the basics of life, maybe it will awake something in you to help you fight in the way of your Creator.

    Obviously, you want to please Allah swt and obviously you want to do what is right--now you just have to make it happen. May Allah swt ease your difficulties, help you fight these thoughts and make you successful in this world and the next, Ameen.

  2. Salam alaikum sister,

    Its tough when we really love our best friends. I know, but its not that we are lesbian or bisexual, its only a sister type love. You are over-thinking every aspect of your friendship. Us sisters are "ride or die" for each other, but no sister in Islam is gay.

    If you are living in the West, you most likely hear about gays in normal conversation, but that does not mean it is normal to be gay. Homosexuality is a learned opinion, not a natural state that one is born into. Just remember that opinions are nothing to Allah swt on Judgement Day.

    Suggestions:
    1. Keep a friendship with her but monitor how much time you spend thinking of her, and reduce it to the same amount as you think of your other friends. 2. Ignore Western literature and websites on the topic of lesbian/gay/bisexual in order to keep a clean mind. 3. Focus on your studies and pleasing Allah swt. If all fails, cut contact with her to eliminate this mental burden.

    Salams,
    Shereen

  3. I think it may actually help you to do some research on female sexuality. One thought is that gay thoughts in young women are actually a way of exploring their own sexuality. So basically when you have such thoughts about your friend, you're actually thinking about your own body and your own desires but your mind is displacing such thoughts onto another person. I'm telling you this because I think it may ease your mind a little with regards to your sexual orientation. However, given that your having such thoughts about your friend, it seems you are too close to her emotionally. This is not healthy for either of you. I suggest that you distance yourself from her for a time - don't cut her off or shut her out, but reduce the time you spend with her, particularly the time you spend alone. This will inshallah hell reduce the intensity of your feelings and after some time you may be able to resume a normal friendship with her.

  4. help me out its urgent........................................................... i realy love her but she is my friend................. what can i do right now? i cant live without her...................

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