I have sexual problem please help me.
Salaam
I am an Afghan woman. I got married about three months ago; I love my husband and he also loves me but I have sexual problem. I don't let him to have sex with me because it hurts me and I feel hurt and also I don't enjoy my life with my husband. I don't know what to do?
I can't go to doctor because I am shy; if I say this my husband like baby but if we not have sex how we will have baby? I may lose my husband; please help me in this situation and give me advice I am from Afghanistan and I live here in Afghanistan. I never had sex before marriage because we are Muslims so what is my problem? I kindly request you to please help me and give me advice as soon as possible.
thanks
-MW123
18 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Relax honey, this is normal especially in women raised in a closed culture where sexual relations are seen as wrong and haram, such as parents who keep warning their daughters to protect their virginity all the time until the day comes for them to get married... I can understand your frustration as I have passed through this myself.
But first things first... you need to go see a OB/Gyno ASAP to rule out a possible health problem such yeast infections or something even worse like endometrios (did i spell it right?) as these could cause intercourse to be painful.
After you check yourself, then you should work on your soul, relax and teach yourself that this is a very beautiful thing that Allah gave us through marriage, talk to your husband to take things slowly concentrate on foreplay for a longer period of time than usual.. don't be shy to tell him what u like and what u dislike, what hurts u and what doesn't... listen to ur body let it be your guide. and use a lubricant it will help u a lot..
good luck.
Relax honey, this is normal especially in women raised in a closed culture where sexual relations are seen as wrong and haram, such as parents who keep warning their daughters to protect their virginity all the time until the day comes for them to get married
What is wrong with that ? . Does Islam promotes pre-marital sex ? . Such ignorant and stupid comments .
Common people y always make something else of a thing..He means that we donot get used to the thing right after marriage which we use to hate before it.It takes time to adapt
@tutu you are right your words are very helpful to others sisters in same situation has this sisters reply. I also strongly suggest see the doctor even to be reassured.
The problem is probably not yours, but is caused by the fact that your husband is circumcised. That means that the penishead has developed a hard surface, and there is no natural lubricant, which comes with and an intact foreskin. The foreskin creates a sleeve over the penishead that makes the penetration easy, and it moves back and forth over during the intercourse giving both of you wonderful stimulation.
Fatima your reply is nonsense. An uncircumcised penis does not create any "natural lubricant." If anything, dirt and bodily fluids such as urine and semen can get trapped beneath the foreskin. Studies have shown that circumcised men have a lower rate of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, for example.
It is the woman's sexual organ that creates lubrication, not the man's. She needs to be sufficiently stimulated through foreplay, in order to get wet. Also, artificial lubricants can be used (baby oil, for example).
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam alaikum khwahar e aziz MW,
Firstly dear sister stop panicking (waarkhataa nasho). Your problem is not something new and many women experience this.
It is painful for a virgin to lose her virginity and even after that, sexual intercourse can remain painful for quite some time, depending on how often you have it of course. Running away from the pain is not going to help, as you have said and realise- you are a married woman now who should be having relations with your husband.
Is your husband gentle and considerate? The mans approach can make a huge impact. He needs to arouse you and make sure you are ready before intercourse. Foreplay is very important in order for a woman to get stimulated and release fluids that will make intercourse less painful. So if that's not happening, you need to make sure before taking any other step that it does and then see how things go from there.
If there is perfect foreplay and performance from your husbands side and it is still painful then I can only think of two scenarios. One, you haven't allowed it to happen enough in order for your body to adapt to something so new to it..as u did mention that you don't let your husband have sex with you. So if in these three months you have hardly had intercourse, it won't be helpful as your body isn't getting used to something it should with the painful side of it gradually disappearing over time. You need find ways around it to make it as little painful for urself as possible and not leave it completely due to the fear of pain.
You may suffer from a condition called 'vaginismus.' You can do research on this on the internet and see what exactly it is. If so, you need to first know you suffer this and then treat it because alhamdulillah this condition is most of the time easily treated.
The second scenario is, if you have been quite active sexually in these three months but still it hurts excessively and the pain is not going away, then you need to see a doctor as that's not really normal. But. that's only if you've actually had intercourse enough times. So if that is so, go see a female doctor..I understand it can be embarrassing for you but I'm sure you won't be the first or last lady that the doctor will see with such a problem. They can help by prescribing certain ointments (marham) etc to make it less painful.
Tashweesh nako inshallah jor meshi, amma baayad azeh taklif haa wa problem haayet nagrezi. Ageh gap haaye mara nafemidi sahih dar englisi, barem bogo wa koleh sha baret dar farsi tarjuma mekonom. 🙂
Was salaam
sister have u tried applying lubricant like vasiline(there might be others)
I think it might help as it with reduced friction and will decrease pain hope so
Eek! Er, no, Vaseline is not a good personal lubricant for that purpose. If appropriate products (such as from the brands KY or Astroglide) are not available in the drugstores in Afghanistan, you can use - seriously - coconut oil. But it is best to do this along with Sister Faith's advice to see a doctor to make sure everything medically is fine first. My warmest wishes to you.
Lala, did tuta told you there is anything wrong with that??, read and understand what tuta is saying.. Your reply is always to attark someone and you dont give a beneficial reply.. Your comments are always full of vulgarity, arrogancy, rudeness and lack of manners.. Nobody is forcing you to give advice If you know you are not ready to help. Stop demeaning peoples comment.
couldn't agree with you more brother
I too definitely did NOT read Tuta's response the way Lala did.
Asalaam alaikum,
All the advice concerning foreplay and seeking a doctor's advice is spot on. Yet, there may be an unnatural issue of vaginal dryness, so ask your doctor about remedies for this if you are experiencing this issue.
Another problem that was not mentioned was whether you are experiencing pain from the fact that your partner may be physically bigger than you can accept during intercourse comfortably. Or that he may be too aggressive in his sexual penetration of your body. Because you are a virgin and he may have been one, too, you may need to learn sexual techniques that will help with this problem.
Unfortunately, there is not a lot of public resources to use in Afghanistan, so I will be frank and honest in my reply here. If it is the case that your spouse's sexual organ is too physically big for you, then you must try different sexual positions from the traditional ones. You should have him lie on his back, while you lay on top of him. This way, you can control the amount of penetration depth, the rhythm and tempo of sexual intercourse and play. If you take the traditional missionary position, a small pillow placed between his stomach and yours' may also help in keeping him from penetrating too deep, as well. Another sexual position to try is with him lying next to you on your sides, but penetrating from behind you. Your back against his chest and allow him vaginal penetration in this way, so that if it becomes too uncomfortable for you, naturally you can move your hips to move away without his body's weight on you.
Another position has him sitting down on a chair while you mount him. This way with your feet on the ground, you can control the penetration depth and tempo. This can also work with him sitting down on a bed or cushion and you mounting him, albeit with either your knees to the side of him or by placing your legs around him, using his thighs as a means of limiting his penetration to you. Because the end of his sexual organ is the most sensitive, both of you will still experience pleasurable sex and orgasm.
I hope this has helped the both of you. May Allah (swt) guide you to a happy and sexually pleasurable marriage.
100% true. Unfortunatly i have this problem, it is xremly frustrating and i pray that this is not the reason for your pain because if it is im not sure if it changes when you have kids inshallah one day, it hasnt changed for me it even became worse:-(. It doesnt help if your husband doesnt know, so seeing a doctor and comunicating with your husband is very important. Inshallah it will get better.
I am 21 yr old boy i have some sex problem about 1 weak (remainder of the question has been removed by the editor)
Sam,
Please login and post your question separately and we will in sha Allah answer in turn. Thank you.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i have some problem do not register .
Salam aleykum Dear sister!
The problem you might be having is called Vaginismus. It's a common (but unspoken) problem with women that perhaps have negative emotions towards sex and/or control issues with the body. There are also other factors. But you can read more about it. Here are some of it:
Vaginismus, sometimes called vaginism and genito-pelvic pain disorder, is a condition that affects a woman's ability to engage in vaginal penetration"
"This is the result of an involuntary vaginal muscle spasm, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration painful or impossible. "
"Women have described the pain as a tearing sensation or a feeling like the man is "hitting a wall." And also a painful burning feeling"
The treatment is fortunately nearly 100 procent successful and in a reasonable short period (roughly from weeks up to 2-3 month). It requires physical treatment and preferably counselling, especially if you have a traumatic past experience.
Don't be afraid or embarrassed to seek help. And have patients and make dua. Khayr inshaAllah.