Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I Hit My Mother and Allah Will Put Me in Hell

Worried women

All my life, my mother hated me and made duas against me and wished for everyone but me to be successful. Her dream came true. I suffer with debilitating mental illness and I am on ssdi. She feels happy that I'm like this and is happy to see all my cousins and everyone successful but me. She was putting ne down telling and telling me my cousin is a nurse and she successfully is trying to ruin my marriage. She's also said she wishes she could strangle me and that I wish you were never born.

Out of anger, I came home and hit her. I kept hitting her and pulled her hair and broke her phone because of all the years she's tried to ruin me. Instead of her getting punished, I will be punished. I can never go back to her house and I will be destined for hell.

No matter how much good I did in the past will be erased because I hit my mother. She called the police against me to get me arrested, but I managed to defend myself and let off the hook. I feel like a criminal. Please what can I do. I know jannah does not wait for me.

islamicgirl28


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23 Responses »

  1. Salaam w w.
    My advice would be to apologise to your mother (could be by letter, email or text if you do not want to see her) and forgive her for the sake of Allah for what she has put you through.
    Then repent to our Allah SWT as he is the most merciful.

  2. Go back to your mother and ask for forgiveness. Whatever wrong to you she did you have no right to say even"uff" to your mother (ref: Sura e Al-Israa 17:23) . If you live hundreds of times and keep her in your foster care for all these lives you won't qualify even for a second to claim that you have fulfill the duty to your mother. Go back to your mother and tell her that she has the right to do to you whatever she wants and pleases. Be kind to her in all circumstances.

    • " Go back to your mother and tell her that she has the right to do to you whatever she wants and pleases." - No she doesn't. It's comments like that from people like you that are the reason many parents abuse their children and feel like they can. It's not Islamic and not moral.

      You should be ashamed of yourself for even advising the OP to say that to their mother. That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read.

      • So people like you abuse parents, make them work in takeaways without wages, lesve them stranded in old age homes, claim rights on tjeir property, people like u are slaves of their wives. Abbas brother said right, if someone has a difficukt mother its a test for the child, imagine if parents had abnormal children , its a test for them . Your comments are the typical comments expected from a hypocrite. According to you, you can justify hitting ur own parents. [Edited to remove inappropriate remark]

        • Assalaamualaikum

          There is no need to make inappropriate comments or wish bad things on people. Disagreement and discussion are fine, such remarks are not.

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

        • 1. I don't abuse my parents: I tell my mother that I love her EVERYDAY and always ask her permission to do something or not. I am also respectful to my father and pray for both of them.

          2. My parents don't work in a takeaway

          3. I've always said to myself that when my parents reach old age I shall look after them as it is prescribed in the Quran and it is a basic good thing to do.

          4. I've never claimed any right on their property - in fact I have even said that I don't want anything from my father because I don't want to look after him just for his property - I want to look after him because it is the right thing to so.

          5. I'm not married but if I was, if I had to choose between my wife or my mother (in the context of leaving one permanently for the other) then I would ALWAYS choose my beloved mother.

          6. I'm not sure where you got that my comment was justifying hitting parents - I'd never hit my parents.

          7. You making all those statements about me just shows your lack of intelligence. I said what I said because what Abbas said, in my opinion, is wrong and that parents don't have the right to treat children however they want. They should be good and kind to them and raise them properly. You, like the childish, immature cretin that you are, made statements about me that if you were to ASK my parents, they would be refuted as I am loving and respectful to my parents.

          I'm not going to say I wish something bad happens to you as I don't want to stoop to your low and pathetic character and level. I will apologise to Abbas as maybe my words were harsh but everything you said is laughable.

          I will pray for you, inshallah. It's clear that you NEED prayer and most people probably DON'T pray for you ... and I can see why.

        • Nothing to get fiesty about. If you as a parent would give the children their due share as prescribed according to the Quran...you would have had peace.

    • I apologise if my words seemed disrespectful. They were not intended that way.

  3. Assalaamualaikum

    While you shouldn't have hit your mother, this does not mean that the doors of Jannah are closed to you. Allah is Most Merciful and He knows what's in your heart. Repent with sincerity and resolve to never do anything like that again.

    From reading this post and your previous posts, it seems like you and your mother have a very difficult relationship, which is affecting your mental health. I wonder if you and she might be able to benefit from some counselling? If not, then you may need to establish some firm boundaries with her, in order to protect yourself.

    We have a duty to our parents, to treat them with respect and kindness, but I don't think that should necessarily mean that we are slaves to them or have to accept abuse. It might help to think about what kind of level of contact you feel able to have with her, and try to talk to her about how to achieve that. It's possible to fulfil your obligations to her without allowing her to abuse you, but you need to be able to put across your point calmly and firmly, and not resorting to violence.

    I wonder as well if your mental health difficulties might have contributed to how upset you became at the time you lashed out at her - maybe just as your relationship with her is impacting on your mental health, your mental health might be affecting your ability to cope with her behaviour towards you. It might be worth speaking with your doctor about this and seeing what they think - it might be that you may need a different dose of medication, or a psychological therapy might be helpful?

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Salam,

    I don't think you're going to hell because you hit your mom. You're still alive right? If so then that's great, because it gives you plenty of time to make up for it. Apologize to her and ask for forgiveness from Allah. Then do a bunch of good deeds to counteract this issue.

    Some people placed in your life will be nuts. Just plain crazy. For you it seems that's your mom. For some reason she thinks its fine to curse her kids for whatever happened to her. So realize she's nuts and treat her with kindness. Interact with her with as much as you can handle but not to the point that you go nuts and hit her again. I hope things work out for you.

  5. I would like to say that a parent has a right over his/her children, So does the children also have rights over their parents.

  6. Allah is Most Merciful and He knows what's in your heart.control over our anger is very important no matter who it could be physically hurting someone is wrong....dear sister ALLAH LOVE US MORE THAN OUR MOTHERS DO SO TURN TOWARDS HIM FOR LOVE, HELP AND MERCY AND NOT HUMAN BEINGs....ask Allah for forgiveness even for ur mom keep our heart clean and 0 expectation from this world ...ALLAH IS SUFFICIENT ...one who has created you and me know us more than anyone else ....

    jazakallahukhair

    • Thank you all so much for your helpful comments. I really will repent to Allah and I've asked my mother already for forgiveness for what I've done. I could have been arrested for assault. I feel so ashamed and like a criminal. I just couldn't stop myself. When I get angry, rage takes over me.

      My mental health is definitely worsening. I plan to go back to my psychiatrist to talk about this. I am also planning to see a Raaqi for jinn possession and sihr. I tried to go back to work and school, but I was recently hospitalized for my schizoaffective disorder. I want to work and go back to school, but scared to lose my disability benefits and medicaid.

      I really find it hard dealing with my family. My younger brother and older sister and mom and just everyone on my mother's side of the family. cause me so much rage because they treat me like garbage. Because of my loud voice due to rage, the neighbors and my mom have called the police on me several times. I'm afraid if I don't get help for my anger, I could end up in jail. Please pray for me that I get better. Thank you, brothers and sisters.

  7. I know how you feel , my mom always angered me never was proud of my accomplishments, never was there for me in big moments. She always brought me down sometimes i get this gut to hit her, but i dont. Even though all the bad stuff she says. Such as she never prays good for me, and states how i should've been killed. But i will make sure she doesnt suffer physically that she suffers mentally. She is the worst mother. I may go to school act like a normal kid always smile look happy, i hide the truth.When i grow up i will make sure i am a better parent then this woman. She acts infront of everybody saying "i love you" and lying and stuff. Just learn to control anger, ignore her completly and just pray to god to help you.I hope to become very successful and show her what i am. when i do im not going to talk to her , im going to take my dad with me, the ne that always supported me.At days i would cry myself to sleep. Just fake it till u make it

  8. My mother cost me my job. She made me take care of my maternal grandmother when no one in the family...not even her two sons were willing. When the time for my parents came to look after my maternal grandma, they completely denied assistance. I saw the behaviour of my parents to their parents and it has greatly strained my relation ship with them and my uncles and aunts who are legitimate sons and daughters of this 90 yr old woman. I have seen blood turn white and I am afraid this will happen to me to. Allah rescue me. I am now unemployed for over 3 yrs and a once budding communications engineer, I am completely finished because I was deceived in to becoming a care giver for an old woman no one wanted to assist. I simply couldnt give up on her because the frail woman was afraid and not letting her grandson leave. I eventually was fired. I can accept my grandma's behaviour of thinking about herself, but I cannot forgive her children who cost me my bread and butter. Unemployed, I missed my chance to ask a girl's hand in marriage and currently spend my sentence feeding God's beautiful creatures(feralsa and stray cats and dogs.) i dont know how long i can keep my sanity. Nepotism and corrupt system further threads on my dreams.

  9. islamicgirl28,

    How are you doing? Has the situation between you and your mother improved? I think about you from time to time and pray Allah eases your test and gives you comfort and ease, Ameen.

    Hugs,

    Nor

    • Nor, thanks for thinking about me. My mother hasn't changed and still wishes bad for me and wishes good for everyone else. Plus, she tries to make my marriage end in divorce because my aunt was divorced and I criticized her marriage, (I know I was wrong), so she wishes the same for me. She lives in my father's apartment complex in South Asia while I'm in the States. Both my mom and dad retired there. I did what I could to help her around the house and in the family business, so if she wants to keep treating me like this, she will have to answer to God for that unless she repents, but I'm not innocent either because I hit her, but I did repent for that.

      I don't think she will ever change. I try to keep in contact with her by video call, but she's still the same. She tries to find out what I'm doing so she can wish bad for me. My cousin treated me very rudely when I married in South Asia and Allah rewards her with a visa to the States and a job as a nurse, while I am cursed with physical and mental problems and can only work per diem in a low paying job. Why does Allah reward all the people who wronged me with so much happiness while I suffer in dunya. They aren't even religious like I am, but now I am losing faith and am on and off with salah. I think I will never have a full time career or children. It's not fair. Anyway, thanks for caring about me. I appreciate it.

      • Assalaamualaykum Islamicgirl28,

        It's nice to hear from you 🙂 It sounds like you have at least come to a place of acceptance regarding your mother. It's something one has to learn on one's own in whatever time it takes. No one can tell us something about our parents that just makes us think one way or another, unless we are ready to hear it.

        You write: "My cousin treated me very rudely when I married in South Asia and Allah rewards her with a visa to the States and a job as a nurse"

        I don't know if you are being serious or sarcastic, but you've got to know that your cousin's blessings are not a "reward" for her disrespectful behavior towards you. Allah shows mercy on people as He pleases. But the reality is too that He sometimes leaves people alone who continue to wander off the straight path, if they don't remember Him. Neither one of us can know which one of the two applies to your cousin, but it is of little consequence. It is really none of our business! You have a lot to deal with without comparing your station in life to someone else's.

        I want to share something with you that may help you not feel so alone. I too have a severe mental illness, and I too am not working at the moment in the traditional sense. You could say that I am dependent on my parents, but in reality, I am not at all. I depend solely on Allah. Yes my parents pay the mortgage, but that can only help me if Allah wills. Does that make sense?

        Things happen in life that require us to change either our focus or our perspective in order to survive. An illness like the one we have is one of those things. In your case, I think it would be highly beneficial for you to look at things differently, rather than simply doing something different. Allah does not care if you are unable to work, or how much money you are able to earn or accumulate. These are expectations you have adopted from society. You talk about fairness. You know what is really unfair? It is expecting yourself to perform as if you weren't sick, when you are!

        This may sound extreme, but humor me here. Have you ever thought about all the people you are helping without even realizing it? For example, without people like us, doctors and therapists wouldn't get a paycheck. Without people like us, the phones over at social services would stop ringing, and those people would be laid off. And you want to know something else? If it wasn't for you, I'd have never found this website, because it is when I searched for "Schizoaffective Disorder and Islam" that I came across one of your posts.

        So you see? Allah has created society such that some people are meant to help others, while some are meant to receive that help. And sometimes, they switch places. And other times, it's just your existence that matters, and you are doing enough just by being. It's really quite beautiful. You, as someone who is sick, is not given any more than you can handle, which is obviously a lot as it is. You are so strong. So unbelievably strong. But you know what? You don't have to be! You are allowed to relax and realize everything is working according to plan. I once read in one of my darkest moments a mantra that helps me time and time again, because it is so simple: "Don't stress, Do your best, Forget the rest." It even rhymes! 😉

        So ponder that for a moment while you continue to try your best, which is all anyone of us can do!

        Hugs,

        Nor

        • Salaam sis! Thanks for writing that reply. I feel so much better and I'm glad my posts have helped you as well. You are right. I should just live my life as best as I can and get the help I need because without me as a patient, all these therapists, nurses, psychiatrists, doctors, etc. would not get their paycheck. I just wish I could be the one helping people instead of receiving help because I have dreams, but you're right, Allah cares about our deeds not our job or how much money we are making. At least I'm working per diem as a Substitute Teacher's Aide!

          I'm just going to do the best I can with what God has given me, and try to pray salah and do as many good deeds as possible. I can't change my mother, so I'll accept it as is, and just continue to do good deeds.

          As for my cousin, you are right. God isn't rewarding bad behavior and He gives as He wills. I will remember that.

          Thanks for your post. It really helped me. Keep me in your duas. I will do the same for you as we both heal from this illness. Ameen.

          • Islamicgirl28,

            Awww...thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. I could use all the help I can get, so will never turn it down!

            I'm so glad that my post comforted you a little. You really don't have to be Wonder Woman! 🙂 You really are doing enough being a Substitute teacher, and it is as valid a job as any other! Plus, as I mentioned, you helped me. So you are fulfilling your dream of helping people.

            As you mentioned, just try to appreciate what you do have and take the little blessings you get each day. Like today, I was approved for a store credit card and it made my day, because I have poor credit since I lost my job, and am needing to rebuild it!

            I will keep you in my duas, of course, sister, and Inshallah we will both keep improving in our health and life.

            Hugs,

            Nor

          • Nor, I want to let you know that I made up with my mother. I felt so much shame what I did, I am always keeping in touch with her through video call. I want to always be with my mother and father. Alhamdulillah, the substitute teacher’s aide job is flexible and I can be with my mom and dad whenever I want. My mom loves me and she is just frustrated but I know she loves me and my dad. I’m glad I can spend time with them. Maybe there are blessings in sickness after all

  10. Islamicgirl28,

    Eid Mubarak! I am so happy to hear that you have made up with your mother and have a newfound appreciation for your parents as blessings in your life. That's great to hear! I agree that your job being flexible gives you more time to do the things you love most, as many people are working in jobs that prevent them spending a lot of time with their family. And always remember that your job is just as important as any other.

    May Allah bless and inspire you sister,

    Hugs,

    Nor

  11. I think you should viait a psychologist. She will help you recover.

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