Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I judged her to be a good person, only to discover she is not.

Salam,

What do you do about a person who says they forgive you, but in their mind, they actually don't? I back-bited about someone and asked for their forgiveness some years back, and they said they forgive me.

But years later, I discovered that they were a terrible person, so I wasn't nice to them (because they were being horrible to me). So in turn they basically wished me harm and were using the fact that I wronged them all those years ago. I know that bringing up someone's past sins is a sin itself, but if you say that to this person, they will be arrogant and just try to win the argument. Also, her older sister lied to the court and said her dad abused her, just because her dad wouldn't give her money. I'm realizing she's becoming like her sister.

So what am I supposed to do about this person (Especially if they are part of your immediate family)? Also, how do I remove them from my life before they cause me harm?  As I get to know the girl I wronged, she's revealing that she is a very jealous individual among her many other evil characteristics. I fear that she will also bring false allegations against me.

Please, what should I do?

bilqees

 


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7 Responses »

  1. I'm a true believer in you're only as good as your friends are. This basically means you are no different from your friends and actually have more similarities than you think. You think you have the moral ground here but you're actually just as bad.

    You here claiming "her older sister lied to the court and said her dad abused her" , no way you would know this is true since you weren't there. And courts are fully aware of liars hence why they require evidence but again its the job of the judge. And not yours. And then you say " I'm realizing she's becoming like her sister.", this alone shows how disgusting your character is. Here judging people like you are better.

    You all are just as bad and as toxic. Best situation for you is to speak to her and try settle things from toxic stand point and tell her you want to become a better person and have healthy relationship and stuff. Do it via text so there is receipts. The slowly decrease the communication till it becomes extinct.

    But some advice for you, work on yourself be a better human being. Leave all this bittering and chatting. It's not good for anyone and it invites unnecessary drama.

  2. Off topic but I'd like to ask why there are so few posts (questions by readers) being published these days? Even one a day for days!

    • Sq, the traffic to the website has declined over the years, I'm not sure why. We don't get as many questions as we used to.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • At the moment your main competitor is reddit which is more popular with younger generation. Your usual audience have moved on with their life and probably started a family and stuff.

        Just some reason why you're not generating traffic

        - You haven't updated your website
        - probably keyword haven't been updated
        - Mobile site could be improved
        - Upload time of the story is late so the main poster doesn't follow
        - lacking features such as able to edit answers

    • On the upside, having fewer questions means we can publish them right away or at least more quickly, and the original posters actually get to read/engage with the responses and thereby benefit themselves. 🙂

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  3. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    You write:

    "What do you do about a person who says they forgive you, but in their mind, they actually don't?"

    You cannot do anything about this except for wait until the person forgives you. Forgiveness is not on your timeline; it's on hers since she was the one that was wronged (backbitten about). Her feelings were clearly hurt, which is why she hasn't forgiven you yet. The fact that she is at least "pretending" to forgive you shows that she would like to make things better, but has hurt feelings still.

    "I discovered that they were a terrible person, so I wasn't nice to them (because they were being horrible to me)."

    It is not for you to say that someone is terrible or not terrible. Allah is the judge and only He knows the true character of a person. It's best to hold off on such extreme judgements of people (even extreme "good" judgements). Also, just because someone is being "horrible" to you, it doesn't mean that it's ok to be rude to them. A good person will simply state their boundaries and walk away from the "bad" situation or person--not engage with them in a similarly horrible manner.

    "I'm realizing she's becoming like her sister."

    Now you are judging two people instead of just one. Again, not your place to do, especially because it sounds like you don't know her sister very well.

    "Also, how do I remove them from my life before they cause me harm?"

    I mean, if you are really worried about it, you can just stop taking her calls and texts, and the relationship will be over. She seems to hold a lot of power over you...nobody should fear someone that much unless the person is some kind of stalker or low-functioning sociopath. This is all grade-school level fighting on your parts, so I wouldn't be so scared if I were you.

    I'm not meaning to give you are hard time, but your thought process needs to change a bit if you wish to keep up relationships with people. You can't just look for an escape route at the first sign of trouble, or you will not have any friends. Friendships take time and work on both people's parts. 🙂

    Best,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

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