Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I kissed a boy and now I cry everyday, I’m so paranoid! What should I do?

Freaked out, scared

Salaam brothers & Sisters

I have had 2 boyfriends in my life, one was just for one week and i just used to hug him thats it. and then 1 year ago i went out with this boy and i wasnt even in love i went out with him for 6 months and he never touched me in a wrong way or anything ever, he just used to hug me and then in the 4th month he kissed me. and i have never done such a thing and i think that its a major sin what i have done. i left the boy because i knew it was haram!

and now he wont leave me alone, he is in front of my house one day. no one knows this in my family my parents would kill me if they ever find out they will be devastated.

i am so scared i dont know hat to do. i feel disgusted by kissing him! i want this to be over, i keep on thinking about why i did it im so paranoid! i feel like i commited zina but i never have had sexual intercourse. what am i supposed to do? how can i stop thinking about what i did? and i'm scared if one of my friends ever tell my mum that i went out with him?

please what am i supposed to do help me.

please help a sister out!

- ssdabz

Tagged as: , , ,

26 Responses »

  1. Salam sister.

    First of all, you should fully acknowledge that what you done was very severe in the eyes of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala and in Islam. Once you have done this, you can move on to the next steps that will help you overcome this predicament. Remember, EVERYONE sins. God expects us to sin, that is why He accepts our repentance if it is truly from the depths of our hearts.

    1) Repent as much as you can. Focus on your deen. Ask Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala for forgiveness, ask Him to guide you. He is your friend, remember. Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala knows what you and other teenagers feel at this age, and thus if you commit sin out of ignorance, and subsequently REPENT and make a promise to yourself that you will NOT go back to that sin, then inshAllah you will be forgiven.

    2) Is he a Muslim too? Stay away from him from now on, maybe it will be hard, but remember, you are like a precious jewel, why would you want to, at such a young age, make yourself be used and thrown away like toliet paper? Believe me, my younger sister is going through something similar and I can see in her face, that she is NOT happy. Sinning will NEVER make you happy sister.. If this boy approaches you, explain to him politely that you can't see him anymore because what you did was wrong.

    These are only two steps I know, but I understand it will take a lot of courage to do it. You have two choices now sister: you can follow the advice I have given you, or you can continue seeing this boy. Make the choice that you won't regret when your in the grave.

    Salam Alaikum sis, and all the best x

  2. As salamu alaykum Sister,

    I agree with Anonimous.

    Keep yourself as the Precious Jewel you are, as anonimous said, beautiful words for a young muslim woman. I wished someone talked to me like that when I was young.

    Did you know that dating and physical intimacy with non mahram is forbidden in Islam? It sounds like you didn´t know.

    All my unconditional Love and Respect my beloved ssdabz.,


  3. I would like to know why you did not reply to post I have written in December.

    It's just that it's getting worse, I need some kind of advice.

    Thanxxx plz help me.

    • As salamu alaykum Naji,

      I´ve been reading the site during the last month, and they say they have a lot of work, be patience, they do a great job here.

      Have you readen through the site? Maybe you will find some posts that will help you.


    • Naji, we are working through the queue of questions and we are up to November 20, 2010 now.

      Wael Editor

  4. Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah Ssdabz

    Firstly I commend you for paying attention to your heart, and not ignoring these awful feelings of guilt. Sometimes, many just push the feelings aside and distract themselves because it's so yucky to feel guilt. But feeling guilty is a blessing in disguise because it allows us to repent for our actions. Secondly, I'm proud of you for thinking about this and "dumping" your boyfriend(s). It takes a mature mind to walk through the "what should I do... ' steps. Always remember, between two (male and female that are able to marry), the third is ALWAYS shaytaan. No matter how strong you are, he's there to try and distract you, he is an open enemy so becareful.
    As already mentioned, an interaction between male and female that are able to marry that is not for business or marriage is forbidden. For marriage or business it needs to be professional and without being alone.

    Our religion is beautiful..Masha'Allah, turn to Allah swt and SINCERE ask His Forgivness, and Insha'Allah stay away from this stuff (including "just hugging" that's a no no too). Ask Allah swt to conceal your faults infront of others now and on the day of Judgement. Rely in Him, turn to Him, and don't ever, ever push away that yucky feeling of guilt, it's a gift from Allah swt 🙂

    Btw, if the annoying ex boyfriend is Muslim, let him know this is forbidden, if he isn't then let him know in Islam this type of behaviour is not allowed, and that you are a Muslim that made a mistake.

    your sister in Islam!

  5. I have a boyfriend n he is a muslim, he loves me a lot n i too love him. In future we are going to marry each other only InshAllah. Now i want to ask u is simple dating too forbidden in Islam? He protects my dignity, n we only gossip nothing else, no touching or anything. We strictly consider that haram.
    Please help me out.

    • Mahi, Assalamualaikum,

      Dating isn't allowed in Islam, and you should not be meeting him before you marry him. If he wants to marry you he can approach your parents and ask for you from them. This is how it should be... If you need any further advise, please login and submit your post separately.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  6. Salaam

    I have something on my conscience which I really need some advice on.
    I got engaged to a guy of my parents choice. I was not sure I wanted to marry this guy and really you could say I agreed for the sake of my parents. I constantly tried to put it to the back of my mind as though It was something which wasn't goin to happen. I would say I was in two minds marry him and keep everyone happy as he was a very good decent cousin of mine and secondly say no and be hated by everyone.

    A few months after I got engaged to him I went on holiday and Unfortunatly got into a situation whereby I ended up kissing a guy. I have never done anything like this in my whole life and resisting getting intimate with a guy is something I've always been proud of. But I seriously don't know what came over me but I did kiss him. Something which I have regretted everyday thereafter.

    Once back in the UK I started talking to this guy and after a few months he said to me I had to change as Im quite western even though I do have deen in my heart. I felt quite angered as because he is family he knew that I era English clothes ect so he should hav thought of this before. Also I could not make a promise that I would change because if I didn't then it would fall back on me later in life.
    I told him I couldn't promise him I would change but marriage usually changes people anyway. To that he said we should tell our parents an call it of. We did tell them and it turned into such a big issue.
    By the end of the night we were engaged again with his parents sayin that I didn't need to change I could do whatever I wanted etc.
    I was also instructed by my dad not to talk to him over the phone till we were married. So after that day he did not contact me nor did I contact him.

    However, in my heart I didn't feel this marriage anymore and felt he didn't want it which is why he was so quick to call it of. And then pressurised by his parents to agree again. I felt trapped and constantly thinking about it feeling depressed. After 5 months I finally told my rents that I no longer wished to marry him and they told his family. Obviously I had to encounter some hardcore emotional blackmail and my dad and uncle never spoke to me for weeks.

    Within 5 days of my parents breaking it of my uncle had done his rishta elsewhere and he is now getting married on a few months to a stranger.

    I feel happy that he's getting married as I know he is a good guy. We are cousins and grew up together and I jus didn't feel any chemistry between is. It was more like a brother sister relationship.

    I know I made the right decision but can't help wondering that my rishta breaking up with him was punishment from god because I kissed the other guy. I've heard good men are for good women and sometimes think it broke up because of my haraam act.
    It constantly plays on my conscience and I have asked Allah swt for forgiveness.
    Do u guys think it is something I can be forgiven for?

    • Assalam O Alaikum sister,
      Please log in (main page) and write your question as separate post and it will be answered on it's turn. All I would say is that don't ponder upon this too much, your heart wasn't in it as there wasn't any chemistry as well as you guys were more like brother/sisters. It may be shaytan whispering in your ears to cause doubts.


  7. i hav gone in a realtion three 3 times and the last 2 were just fake but this realtion ship became my life the boy is muslim and muslim too.............once we just kissed and hug,,,,,and we were like wht we did and i repent to ALLAH i iwll not do this again but,,,,,,,,,,,again we met then we ddi more than that again i waz severly shocked how can i do this again and agian always we used to meet and this would happen and alwayz i used to ask forgivness.... at the end we commited iam fully depressed now i hav a shame to ask forgiveness .......plz giv some suggetions i know ALLAH will not forgive me but plz u guyz ask him to forgive me

    • ayesha, don't place limits on Allah by saying, "Allah will not forgive you." He will forgive you if He wills, but you must make a sincere tawbah. Cut off your contact with this boy altogether. No phone calls, emails or texts, and certainly never meet him again. Ask Allah daily to forgive you for what you did.

      Wael Editor

  8. Hey frnds.. I am 15 years old.. I love a boy very much anh he loves me alot... But he asks to me for a lip kiss each and every time.. If i dont give him a kiss he says that he wil leave me.. And he is so caring or loving.. But now what can i do? I feel very shamed.. About my self.. And i give him kisses so many time...

    • Assalaamualaikam

      I'm sorry to say, but this boy sounds like he is probably using you - if he truly loved and respected you, he would wait and approach your family with a proposal when the two of you were of an age to be married.

      Pre-marital relationships aren't acceptable in Islam (no couple without nikah!), and can so easily lead to zina, which is a major sin. My advice to you is to stop seeing this boy, tell him that if he truly likes you then he can use proper Islamic channels to have a halal relationship with you, and turn to Allah.

      Remember that Allah is Most Merciful, so repent for any sins you have done, make changes in your life so that they don't happen again, and move forward in your life, making sure you keep to the straight path.

      If you require further advice, please submit a new post for publication, rather than a comment - that way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.

      Midnightmoon editor

  9. dear sis, the same thing I also done with my bf which is now make me embarrassed, bcz he just use me n now we both had breakup bcz he cheat me, i also want to move on but i know its hard but not impossible......

  10. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  11. i have a boyfriend n we r in a relationship from 2 years..he loves me lot n i also luv him...from this year first i kissed him n then lip kiss..n then .... i didn't do any kind of zina but whenever we met we do such type of shamefull thing...he talked to his parents abut me...they are sending purposal for me but I feel ashamed after doing such types of activities..nw tell me wht should i do? he loves me lot...he sometimes refuses me to do these types of activities but whenever we met we do...kya mafii mil skti h mjhy ALLAH sy :'( but i don't want to leave him... :'( he also

  12. Salam what if one watches a boy and takes out ejaculation is it haraam like as same as u watched a girl

  13. We are humans we make mistakes, even hazrat adam made a mistake but asking for forgiveness is what helps, and you learned your lesson. Therefore allah inshallah will forgive you if you ask for fogivness

  14. Sister i had the same situation as you
    I kissed a guy before and sister I'm telling you this wallahi it's a big sin, I felt horrible and guilty
    I felt as I was losing Allah contact. I did love him a lot but for allah sake I broke up with him. If a real man loves you he'll ask ur father for marriage and come closer to your family. I regret everything I did may Allah forgive me and the others ask Allah forgiveness he's merciful and love to forgive. My advice for you is ignore that guy and focus more on ur deen insha allah Allah will give u a better person in the future who will remind you Allah and Islam. May Allah make it easier for u my dear sister

  15. I myself am a 11 year old boy who had his first kiss today and i dont know if it is halal or haram and i need help because i feel like ive commited a major sin please someone i beg of u help me

  16. Salaam alaikum. I was dating a guy and at the beginning I didn't know that hugging and kissing is haram in islam. I thought that only zina is haram. So we hugged and kissed and we touched each other through the clothes but didn't make zina. We decided to breakup since it is so hard to keep a relationship halal.

    I feel so guilty and also I don't have a feeling that I have repented enough. When will I know that I have repented enough? Where is the time to stop asking forgiveness for that sin?

  17. Im hindu boy and i love muslim girl. She is sinni muslim family.....3days back i kissed her and from that day im not feeling well .... ??

Leave a Response