Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I let my cousin lay over me when I was 8 years old

Muslim children

Muslim children

When I was 8 yrs old and not mature (I didn't had my puberty), I was playing hide and seek with other kids. i laid on bed and my cousin came and slept over me for 2-3 minutes. i didn't stop him. no intercourse, no kisses, I was not nude either.

I really was unaware that this is an evil. I was just stupid didnt even know whether this is good or bad. I later gained that this is not major zina (sexual intercourse) and as I was an insane. But in the eyes of allah there is no minor or major sin. But I repented for what ever I have done.

Now i am 20 yrs later when i turned adult i became very modest ... never been in any relations.. whenever i hear about any proposal i feel ashamed because of what happened. Now i came very close to Islam and wanna do everything in the circle of Islam. So i wanna know that am i lawful for marriage or not?

Pls pray that Allah forgive me...

- zohas

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11 Responses »

  1. Sister zohas, As-salamu alaykum. The incident as you've described it is merely childish play. It is nothing. There is no need to be ashamed. You have committed no sin and done nothing wrong. There is nothing even to repent for.

    Perhaps your cousin had some intention to be close to you, or some curiosity, or some latent attraction that he did not understand. It doesn't matter. You did not encourage him, and you understood nothing.

    In any case you were both children, and no sin is recorded for children in Islam, as the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The Pen is lifted from three (i.e., their deeds are not recorded): a child until he reaches puberty; an insane man until he comes to his senses; and one who is asleep until he wakes up.” (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah)

    Of course you are lawful for marriage. Honestly, I'm rather stunned that you have made so much out of a childish incident. It's time to forget about it and stop worrying about. It was really nothing.

    Wael Editor

    • bro..i think u didnt get the rigth incident...when he came near me he started smelling me n i didnt stop him more over i pet him with my two dirty hand...still it dont count as sin or i should not ask allah for forgiveness?
      pls help me..cuz this incident is not allowing me to step in my present

      • Sister zoha, it doesn't matter. You were a small child. You didn't understand anything. And there is no sin written for a small child. I explained all of this.

        You say this incident is not allowing you to move forward. Sister, the "incident" cannot do anything. It is a moment in time, long past. It you who are stopping yourself. Instead of worrying about a meaningless incident, you need to look deeper and ask yourself why you are holding yourself back. Maybe there is something else going on.

        Allah knows best.

        Wael Editor

  2. Hi sister
    Should I congratulate you on being such modest and high moral girl? I dont think so. You are making hill out of nothing. Forget that incident!

  3. thankx for helping me....may allah guids us to the rigth path

  4. Salam

    when i was around 8, 9, 10 a similar incident happened to me. i went to a relatives house & was looking for a cousin of mine and she was not their but her brother was and he called me in and as i was very small at that time and i started playing on his mobile phone i think he was around about 16, 17 at the time and he asked me to lift my top ( at this time i had not started puberty, when i say that i mean i hadn't started my periods but i think that is what puberty is oh well) and he started sucking my boobs and then he unzipped his trousers and took out his penis and he was asking me to touch it but i said no because i knew that was a bad thing and then i left because i felt guilt and i wanted to tell my mom and all my life i have thought it was my fault and i was wondering if this would effect me in the future or not? do i have to tell my husband about this or not?. And when im really depressed i do start crying about this and i ask Allah for his forgiveness because i do believe that it is my fault that it happened. and i told my cousin about it 4-5 years later because i thought she would hate me and stuff but she said that she would never do that so i was quiet relieved.
    so could you please give me some advice.
    jazakAllah hair

    • Asalaamu alaikum dear sis. I am sorry to hear what he did., I am also sorry that I cannot offer any proper advice as I am not sure what the best one to offer. (Btw- You will be asked to post your q as a seperate post to get full answers). What he did to you is NOT childplay. it was very wrong of him. First and foremost he was 17! What I would like to do is to reassure you that this is very unlikely to affect your future sweet sis. People wont hate u if u tell them, but you are under no obligation to tell them (especially your future husband) This was not zina you were abused so thisis NOT your fault in any way. Please dont feel that it is ukthi. Its not your fault in any way. As brother Wael said, in any case you were not accountable for any sins you commited before puberty - but this was NOT a sin!

      Dont be afraid to tell your mother if thats what u want to do. But ask Allah swt to help u through this - it will be a struggle. Consider counselling (pref with a muslim counsellor if u can.) I am also concerned about the guy who did this. He should be outed in case he harms someone else.

      But focus on yourself dear sis - focus on healing and defo consider counselling. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL - Dont feel guilty and know it wasnt your fault. You are under no obligation to tell your future husband. In fact I dont feel there is a need unless it will help u any way. Also know that the pain u feel due to his wrongs towards u will be an expiation of your sins. This guy will 'owe' you on day of judgment - and you will receive true and fair justice.
      Love you for Allahs sake dear sis and I pray that Allah swt helps you.

    • Dear young sister, Asalaamualaykum,

      I am so sorry for what you went through. You are innocent and not to blame at all for your cousin's bad bad behaviour. SRMuslimah gave you some excellent advice and I hope that will help you.

      SisterZ Editor

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