Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I lied to conceal my sin



I (female) commited zina in my past, not the actual act of penetration but everything that comes before. I repented sincerely from this sin and keep asking for forgiveness and stay away from this sin. Although I engaged in touching and oral intercourse etc I think that technically I am still virgin. I know that it was still a shameful act.

My potential spouse asked me very specific questions about my past, I tried concealing and misleading words but at one point I lied because I needed to conceal my sins. I lied about not having done any more than kisses. I even had to swear.

Some people say that the concealment was right others say different. I know that he also kissed in his past and probably did more maybe even the same as me but I can't make a clear statement without evidence only rumors.

I feel bad about the lie and I pray to Allah that he let's the right thing happen in future and not the wrong, I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I can't take back my lie since I would disclose my past then which is haram as well. I hope Allah blesses the marriage if it is right or prevents it if it's wrong. I don't know what to do and I can't focus on anything else anymore. I really want to know what's right and I hope Allah will make happen what's right.

My question is, what can I do about the lie? Is the marriage still legal? What should I do?


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9 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    I am not a scholar, but I think what you did was right.

    I wouldn't tell my sins, it's mine...I repented from it and case closed.

    Don't feel guilty. Just pray that Allah has forgiven you and don't repeat the same with this potential spouse. Just keep it halal.

    There are things that are necesary to share, and I don't think this is one of them. Don't feel bad, just move on.

  2. what has past has past we look to a better future. One who exposes his sins or shares Allah will expose his sins on the day of judgment!!Get married and be happy nobody is perfect. But keep in mind we need to improve and improving is getting closer to Allah and his rasul. Iman is very important in both worlds be it a poor man or rich. These are tests from God So understand this....

  3. You telling LIE is wrong . Disclosing sins is also WRONG .
    Only option is to back out without disclosing your sins as he has clearly asked .

    He might feel cheated after marriage if truth comes out and might make it a issue so better to back out .

  4. dont want to preach in the name of isalam but if you have truly repented ALLAH will forgive. I think your husband needs to accept your past and you need to accept your past because its made you who you are supposed to be

  5. It is a common stupid question asked by a potential groom. - Did you have any affair? How far did you go?

    Islam discourage us about asking these type of questions. Also, girls have rights to avoid any question. When your groom asked, you may just say - "I don't want to answer such a question". That was enough to stop him if he is a gentleman. You didn't need to lie.

    Anyway, you already lied to him. Now the things are peaceful. keep it this way. A lie about past affair does NOT make the marriage invalid. The marriage is always valid and legal. You were just a bit unfair to the groom. But, it is him who had started it by asking you unfair question.

  6. Asalamo Alaykom sister

    It's a very critical situation to be honest. Because from one side, it's good not to disclose our sins, But in the same time such thing might even end your marriage later in the future if your husband finds out. And then it will be much more complicated. Either way make sure that this guy would never find out about your past relations, or else tell him from now. There's still a chance now that he might not marry you if he knows now, but i think its better than later when you might have kids and cause them so much pain.

    I'm a virgin middle eastern Muslim guy, and I've never been into any kind of sexual haram acts apart from watching some bad scenes in my teen years. And I never had any type of relation with women, (friendhsip, girlfriend etc). I had hard time dealing with me ex fiance's past, but I was able to get over it by the help of Allah and because I believed people change through repentance and that all of us are sinners and the old her is not the same person she's now. If this guy's love and care are powerful enough, he will be able to deal with your past.

    And at last, if you ever wanted to tell him of some of things that happened in your past, never say it in a neutral or normal way, but rather say it in a manner that shows that you are sad and ashamed of them. That would give him a greater chance to understand and get over it. And never say things like ("I accept my past", "My past made who I am now"), that's to say, it's better if you don't justify the sins or try to make them look ok to you.

  7. OP: Although I engaged in touching and oral intercourse etc I think that technically I am still virgin.

    In the end that is what counts. In my opinion never tell this to your potential spouse even if he says he had sex with 5 women.. There are double standards when it comes to sex. Men are free to do any thing. Some men can brag,. about their sexual encounters and get away with it even after marriage because they know their wives are too much dependent and will not leave them.

  8. You need to tell the truth. You need to say that you did more than kissing but less than full on. False testimony is a major sin and if you're testifying and taking an oath that what you're saying is true when you know that it is false then it's a big deal. If he's asking and you wish not to answer say you don't want to answer that question and leave it up to his imagination. Your marriage, after he marries you and finds out won't go as well. Because the second he finds out it will break trust and most relationships are built on trust. You better come clean now, you already have the one sin, don't add a major sin to it.

    If you don't know what's right or wrong then fear Allah and he will grant you the ability to discern right from wrong:

    Imagine yourself on the day of judgement, accountable now for the one sin but also for false testimony, why not clear it now while you have the chance? When he hasn't married you? I hope things work out for you.

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