Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I lied to him about my past and I’m scared

age difference

Salam alaykum

I met my boyfriend and just like many relationships we told each other everything, back then we weren't so religious we just stuck to the prayers, Quran and fasting. He told me all about his past and accepted it, and I told him all about mine which includes bad friends, bad decisions and boyfriends and guys I knew, But none of us had intercourse, or any sexual physical contact with each other or anyone else. I've promised myself that I wouldn't make the mistakes my friends made which is lying about my past so that I avoid trust issues and conflict with my boyfriend. A brief about myself, I'm way too kind as what my family say so kind that people can easily hurt me because I'm overly sensitive and tend to cry easily and overlook people faults and forgive them.

When I told him about my past I felt confident to be honest and I wasn't worried since we were just friends before we loved each other. So I told him the complete truth. We then got together and I still continued being honest. Till one day he came to me and told me he almost decided to leave me because of the things I told him, and I felt so so judged. And that just rattled me and scared me because by then I was deeply falling for him. And that is the point where I made the biggest mistake of my life. I started changing the stories I told him (the truth) into stories that would make me look more innocent (the lie).

Because of me changing my past story He kept asking why would I make up a story that made me look bad?. My answer was "because I wanted to look more experienced in life, and I thought that guys like more experienced girls". Astaghfur Allah the lies kept piling up from there. At first he started to believe a few things. And I kept changing and changing the story till it made more sense to him. And he kept asking a lot and a lot of questions every time he doubted something I said, And he would question me all day, or all night till fajr.

And he had this habit of intentionally hurting me by making me cry or comparing me, he was just unbearable, accusing me of being out, accusing me of having another bf, accusing me of having sex, accusing me of being a B****, pretending to be with another girl, making me think that he loved his ex and wants her ( while I tried to be a good gf and support his feelings instead of being rude and I helped resolve them). Every problem he had I was there, no matter how he treated me... so I continue lying and crying defending myself so harshly that the story I made up is the truth (when it's actually the lie) because of how he judged me, he gave me no reason to be honest. Even if I stuck with the lie he still continues treating me badly.

But then I hate lying so I get the nerve to tell him the truth but then he calls me names and starts treating me like a really disgraceful person for my past and judges me so harshly again, so then I go back to the lie (the story I made up), but Then he questions me again and gets rude. then after a while I try again to be honest and tell him the truth but then he judges again and then I lie again over and over the cycle kept repeating. and one day he said its OVER.. Because he got fed up (which I don't blame him) And I cried so so much, ya Allah my heart ached, he was the only good thing that happened to me when I loved him at the time, and my love grew stronger.

So I begged and begged him to stay and told him that the story I made was the truth. And he made me swear that I wasn't lying, and may Allah forgive me I swore even though I was really lying. He told me that if he ever found out that I lied he would leave me for good. So I stuck to the lie to keep him but sadly he still treated me rudely. And made me believe that I was a terrible horrible heartless person and I believe it till today, and he continued to not value me and hurt me till I cried so so so much. And he kept accusing me and I cried a lot defending myself that I wasn't lying... I feel so shameful. But those tears were real.

all this drama caused me to have a temper from how he treated me, and no matter how many times I tried to have a decent conversation with him even today he still won't stop being judge till this day. And I can't stand people judging like they know everything since I've been judged by family as well so many countless times since I was younger.

Anyway This kept happening for so long almost 6-7 years. And one day we decided to get closer to Allah, and Islam which is about a year now. And things are getting more serious as we are in sha Allah going to get married. And the last time I tried to tell him the truth a few months ago which he still ended up judging me and also refusing to believe the truth because he's already convinced With the lie. But more lies kept piling up since the first lie I made. I started lying just to not fight, like if I still give Salam to my cousins by hand which I'm really working on, but he isn't letting me do things in my own pace, now he always make me look like I'm less religious, or that I don't want to be religious.

Even though He changed and he's more nice now he still thinks the lie is the truth. And now that we are soon to be married in sha Allah, I can't start a life with lies, and if I go back to the habit of telling him the truth he will start judging me again, and I tried to be honest again recently and it didn't end well and he will also not believe it anymore. And he tried asking the guys I knew previously but they claim to not know me. Proving that my lie isn't a lie.

I don't know what to do I've put myself into a cyclone of a mess and I can't seem to get myself out. Despite his flaws he's a good man and I'm not saying this out of love, it's really true he's dependable, loving and so so religious now ma sha Allah. But I don't want him to find out anything suddenly and leave me. Please help me I can't stop my tears as I'm writing this because I love him dearly and I don't want to lose him. He teaches me so much about deen and I do the same for him. But I can't claim to be religious if I'm lying may Allah forgive me I have repented several times.


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40 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    My understanding is that both of you have been dating each other and have dated others previous to this relationship--so, in other words, both of you have engaged in haram relationships. I really don't understand how he can be judgemental of you, especially when he dated you. Full stop. This makes no sense.

    Furthermore, you say there was a time when he accused you and intentionally hurt you and also pried and pried into your past, especially and even though he had one of his own. Red flags, plural!

    You say that he has changed now, but, i'm not convinced considering you are writing here and haven't been able to come to an understanding with him.

    I believe that you have two choices:
    1. Clear the air with him and let him know that as Muslims we don't pry into the past of the other and use it as a weapon to hurt the other person. If that is what he truly wants to do, it is best to part and go your own ways.

    2. End this relationship because chances are, he will not change--he is still prying into your past by trying to talk to the guys you dated in the past.

    Either way, talking about the past constantly and bringing it up is unIslamic. Once a person makes a decision, especially to marry, one should focus on that. He clearly can't get over it. He has a double-standard and this along with attitude is going to brew serious trouble in your marriage.

    If you are really bent on marrying him, go to Islamic pre-marital counselling either separately or together to determine if the both of you can work on this, if not, then let go as hard as it may be now--later, it will only get more difficult.

    Finally, since the both of you are not married, the both of you would have to adhere to Islamic etiquettes and not meet alone together privately.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties, Ameen.

    • We did stop seeing other for like a year now... And the lies extended more into me just not wanting to fight anymore since he doesn't listen. Now the lies are about things I do at home, how my behavior is at home and if my abaya has little designs it's a problem, how long I sleep, who do I sit with in family gatherings. he overreacts about everything and puts me in a position where I give up and just listen to him, which is a method of forcing but indirectly.

      And about dating most of my relationship were by chat. Maybe two was where I met them in person, since I wasn't practicing I use to go out in mixed groups. My bf on the other hand he never dated anyone in person except me. He had one past relationship also by chat and few female friends online and also few mixed group hangouts

      • All these chat and mixing are haraam in Islam .

        • Br. C/Logical/Golden/Answer/Solid/Star/ or whatever other name that you go by,

          Some of your comments on this post (and others) are negative, like the one you made as Golden below. And this comment, is rather obvious. Can you not offer a solution for this person that would help them, I mean really help them? Do we not want our brothers and sisters to improve themselves and be safeguarded against haram and eventually both achieve forgiveness and a higher level of emaan?

          Also, the OP has said that they changed and they stopped seeing each other for a year now. So, she needs a next step--not repeating what she has already stopped.

          Since the OP is not yet married and is actively participating in this post, which is rare, I think we should not only take this serious, but think about the consequences of the advice we are giving. Jazak Allah.

          • Ha ha, how did you know that he uses all those names? I wrote a comment for him about this at the exact same time that you submitted yours.


          • LOL--yes, we did type that up around the same time!

            I have noticed/suspected it for a while (style of typing/similar grammar errors/his ideology) but thought to let it go and then today, seeing the comments on this post made me a tad upset.

            On several posts he has used different names, but of course, you can tell its the same person.

            Another nick is that might be the most suitable of all the nicks!

        • As-salamu alaykum brother,

          I'm going to ask you to choose one username and stick with it. Over the years you have identified yourself as C, Golden, Star, Logical, Answer, Cool, Solid, Undef, Cold, L, Com, Co, DTR, Repulse, Golden Hand, Liquid, sister, XYS, SisRT, TRT, Fear-Life-After-Death, Critic, and COOL.

          This is problematic. In moderating the forum, we editors get to know the most frequent commenters. This makes our job easier as we know what to watch out for. When someone constantly changes his name, it makes our job harder.

          Also, I have a question. In an early comment you wrote:

          "I remember when i got married 5 years back ,i choose a girl giving high priority to my parent's liking and in short trying to act like a good boy to my parents and siblings .But after marriage i realized it was a wrong choice .I could not find her attractive in the first day itself . Also there she was not religious that time .I used to regret .We used to end up in lot of arguments ,fights etc etc. But rather than going for divorce i thought of trying to give time .After some 2-3 years it started becoming normal. Now we have a son and we live happy life. No issues now."

          But then later you wrote:

          "sister Noha, Congratulation for the marriage .i am mother of 2 kids and my story is similar to yours and we have just divorced . I am too scared to remarry thinking what i am not able to please my new husband . please tell me how you managed to keep new husband happy as past experience wont keep you negative ? did you meet new husband during divorce process as i don't know how to search for new man for marriage .sister ,How you met your new husband as some tips might help me ..Allah keep you happy."

          Please explain the contradiction.


          • Walaikum assalam,

            Sorry Brother Wael for creating discomfort by using mutliple user IDs ..

            I need to check my comments .Some times i used to copy paste other stories links from other sites and provide link so that other can see it or have tried to bridge two similar stories . Like there is one more site called Ummah and some times i have seen same stories of zawaj on websites of Ummah ...Also some times with mobile handset i had problem of pasting incomplete comments as getting many browsers open in my set was challenging to paste link ..

            I have some own problem of getting irritated to see people talking Allah ,allah and then telling thier stories about Zina ,porn etc etc .I think this personal dislike probably resulted in using harsh words ..I don't feel myself better but have this nature of getting irritated to read such stories from practicing muslims .. I think i will avoid it insha allah ...

            Ok ..I will simply use user name as illogical as Sister Saba feels that it is the right one for my non sense comments 🙂

          • "I will simply use user name as illogical as Sister Saba feels that it is the right one for my non sense comments :)"

            You have a sense of humor at least, lol. Brother, you need to understand the nature of this website. The Muslims who have happy lives, healthy marriages, and who make all the right choices, they don't post on this website.

            This is a place where people come when they experience serious problems in their lives. Sometimes these problems come from outside - an abusive husband, loss of a job, etc. But often the problems are self-made, by committing sins and making bad choices.

            What shall we do with these people? Criticize them? They already know that they have made mistakes. They are already ashamed or confused.

            Well, what is our purpose? It is to guide them to make better choices. We can only do this with kind words, and by reminding them of Allah SWT. As Allah told the Prophet (sws) in the Quran, if he had been harsh with the people they would have fled from him. The only way to guide people is with compassion.


          • Sure ..Insha allah i will try to change this part of myself here .

            I congratulate you ,other editors for doing this great work .

      • Dear sister,

        Your problems will surely extend into your marriage. I suggest you do not marry him.

        What does your family say about this? Particularly your father?

      • Sr. Stars,

        Sister, nothing good is going to come from this lying and truly, one should not disclose their sins to anyone. It is between you and Allah swt. If a person insists on knowing about your past and pries into it and/or insists they do not want someone with a past, you simply let go--it isn't a right match.

        Your bf says he never dated before, but yet he dated you for a pretty long time--seems hypocritical to me without a doubt.

        He really shouldn't be inquiring about how much you sleep and the embroidery on your abaya--This is terribly concerning. I was in a rush earlier when I replied to your comment--but how does your family, especially your father, feel about about him?

        • About family I haven't mentioned his bad sides to anyone since I don't feel it's the right thing to do, no one is perfect and everyone has flaws despite how good they are..
          I'm convinced that I played a big part in this whole mess by being afraid and lying in the first place I should have been more brave.

          Another thing is that I tried to leave him to avoid lying since he won't believe me anymore, just like I said I hate lying in general to the point I chose to leave. But he wouldn't let me leave no matter how many times I tried.

          Then he uses my sensitivity against me by saying that me leaving means I don't care about him. Which isn't true. I really love him deeply. Him saying that annoys me.

          And about marriage I told him that if we get married with this much conflict it will cause more issues but he makes it seem like will make it.
          I asked for space to sort my life out so that if we got married all the lies about how I am with the family won't be lies, I would deal with not giving Salam to men, and my whole lifestyle. But he also didn't agree.

          I'm going to a trip soon with my family and he said good Muslim woman avoid places like cities that are not safe which I agreed. But I couldn't avoid because I couldn't tell my mum that since she already paid for the ticket. He already made me seem like I'm not religious at all. Which isn't his business how religious I am as long as I'm on the path. But he just keep on talking and talking instead of letting me be.

          What are your opinions?

          • Sister,

            If you are going on a trip with your family and not alone, and you are not married, it is literally NONE of his business ordering you around. Right now he isn't even your Mehram--but your father is--and assuming you are going on the trip with your family and your father or brother will be there, they have more of a right to tell you where to go than him.

            I am sorry, but this is sounding like the beginning of an abusive relationship and I have to be that blunt.

            You should discuss this with your family, without a doubt.

            It seems that he wants control over your every movement and can't bear to let you go either because he would lose the control.

          • I have thought of that but all he seems to say is that he just cares and wants my safety.. And if I say the word "control" he just gets upset saying that he is at all.
            Like I mentioned he is not directly forcing he doesn't say don't go. But from how he keeps arguing about how he doesn't know me the moment I tell him I'm scared to tell my mum that I want to cancel the ticket, which I do for other important reasons. But he's making this a bigger issue than it is. Which I don't know how to make him see that.

          • Sister Stars,

            First off, Dear Sister, the both of you shouldn't be talking. On one hand he claims to be religious and has trouble with your past and then on the other hand, he keeps talking to you under which relationship? He is your non-Mehram. Bottom line.

            He shouldn't and doesn't need to know each and every detail about you--the both of you are not married.

            In your own words, from the title of your post till your last comment, you use words like:

            easily hurt me
            overly sensitive
            tend to cry easily
            overlook people faults
            felt so so judged
            I started changing the stories I told him (the truth) into stories that would make me look more innocent (the lie).

            intentionally hurting me by making me cry or comparing mehe was just unbearable, accusing me
            accusing me of having another bf
            accusing me of having sex
            accusing me of being a B****
            pretending to be with another girl
            So I begged and begged
            He told me that if he ever found out that I lied he would leave me for good

            I'm scared to tell my mum

            The point is: he is manipulative and you are in no position to be making decisions while talking to him. This is why girls should not be talking to the boy they are going to marry so candidly--this lack of barrier is something he is taking full advantage of and there is no Wali there for you to guide you and tell you--this is why you NEED to involve your elders.

            When you mention control and he denies it, of course he does. Of course he will not come out and say, Yes, I am controlling and abusive to you. He will never do that. HE will always project that onto you and let you bear the burden of the feelings of guilt and confusion. You tend to lie or say less than the truth to him out of fear of losing him and he knows that you fear losing him.

            Again, you need to involve your elders.
            If you have truly gotten closer to Allah swt, then allow there to be distance between the both of you especially before marriage--give Allah swt importance above all.

            You should be going on the trip with your family and you should let them know how he feels and what he says because it seems he is isolating you from your family slowly now so that you become completely dependent on him.

            Can you please discuss this with your parents--especially your father?

  2. If you have done things that amount to the same as the guy, he has no basis to call you out or judge you on your past, you may as well be doing the same, but remember, men are a bit different when it comes to the pasts of women, you should have kept all your deeds to yourself and Allah, as they are meant to be.

    whatever happens, perform istikhara and then decide on marriage.
    if the marriage happens, take it as a sign from Allah (through isitkhara) and if it dosent , take is as a sign all the same and walk away.


    • Assalamualaikum,

      I can relate this to my situation.Its a trust issue .. Once its broken then its hard to get it back atleast u cant earn it back by telling lies. Well it happens when two persons keep telling everything honestly to each other are so open to each other that there is no space for lies then all of the sudden lies come in between.
      I have a.friend I know him for almost 8 -9 years when I was too young immature so was he. Now I am 25 years old.

      I am the one who doubted on her friend because he told me everything about his past. He told me about his dates , the reasons for break ups even one reason for break up that involves intimacy between him and his gf.
      Since I knew what kind of guy he used to be so I judge him on his past actions despite he has been changed . He has become religious and always instructing me to follow deen . We had 24/7 hours chat , he started talking about only deen and he used to tell everything to me and then one day when i found he had a gf .. Then I started judging him , it drove me crazy to think that all this time he had been playing with me by being religious person and never looked at his own actions. From that time I started over thinking, I never tried to think there could be many reasons for hiding a girl. He tried to justify his actions by saying it was hard for him to tell about his gf , I dint believe. I happened to know about his affair in 2012 afterwards our frienship has never been same as it used to be. We had fight many times and it was me interrogating him and judging him.

      INow , I judge him for every little action.I cant help having doubt on him. I can see now he covers the truth by telling lies and all that leads to ruin our friendship he is covering it with lies andi know he knows that I will dislike if he tells the truth. He knows my nature so he plays accordingly.

      The covering thing hurts more because deep down I want him to tell me the truth no matter how bitter it is. I want him to tell the truth even if he is not what i expect him to be like. I cry not because I miss him but I think of all the lies he told. I felt like for him with whom he plays with words.

      I am so attached with him and often miss him. He is the 2nd best person in my life. In these four years many times I make up with him but in few days or month we end it up I drag in his actions , question him to remove my confusion,I question him alot to get satisfactory answers and I have never get satisfied with what he says.

      I would suggest to tell him the TRUTH and give sometimes to see if he judges you in same way or forget your past. If he cant you shudnt be with him because he will keep judging you on your past.
      STOP playing with him by playing with words , one day he finds out or not but what you say if he knows you well wouldnt believe on it and it will keep coming between you people.

      • OP: he told me everything about his past. He told me about his dates , the reasons for break ups even one reason for break up that involves intimacy between him and his gf........ He has become religious and always instructing me to follow deen . We had 24/7 hours chat , he started talking about only deen and he used to tell everything to me and then one day when i found he had a gf ...........He is the 2nd best person in my life. In these four years many times I make up with him but in few days or month we end it up I drag in his actions ,

        You have a best friend who pretended to be religious and instructed you to follow deen, but lied to you that he has a girl friend. Men will do any thing, try different approaches to use a girl

  3. You need to stop feeling scared and blaming yourself sister. You were both in a haram relationship which you should take responsibility for but your past sins are in the past. Your future husband should not be pushing you to expose yourself, it's not as if he's a saint. He just seems like a difficult person to be honest - I think you should take sister Sabas advice Seriously before marrying him.

  4. Having pre marital relation ship are haraam and it will lead to mess like this ..
    I think you should get marry to him as fast as possible ...

    • Golden noooo - marriiage to him might not be the solution - read her post properly!

      • And anyways just because a person is commiting haram by having a relationship how does them marrying the same person or a different person all of a sudden make it better?

        You see soo many people whos family finds out about Girlfriends and Boyfriends they either rush to marry them or in most cases rush to marry some far off relative and the whole mess just begins from there.

        May Allah swt Guide us All. Ameen.

      • OK ..

        But after this relationship she will marry other man and make life mess for him .let him suffer then 🙂

        • Golden your advice is terrible, I suggest you have some empathy and think before you comment. If you don't have anything productive to say then stay silent.

          • Golden, just because she has made a mistake does not mean she should follow it up with anouther.

            sister, i would follow the advices from bucks and saba. marriage is not a decision to take lighly nor should you feel you have to rush to get married to this man just because you have sinned with him. we all make mistakes and alhamdulliah u realise this. you cannot keep punishing yourself. change in a person can only occur if he realises the errors of his ways, repents and makes a consious decision that he wants to change and improve himself, but from what you have wrote it doesnt seem he has changed or is taking steps to change for the fact he is still trying to rake up the past. p

        • I apologize to all of you and especially to OP for this insensitive comment .This is the month of ramzan and i request all of you ,mainly the site owners and editors to forgive me for any inconvenience so far ...

    • Dear Golden,

      It would have been nice, if, along with your nick, your advice was golden too.

      This is not a malicious advice website;rather it is an Islamic advice website. Being that it is Ramadhan and assuming you are a human full of errors like the rest of us, please try to find some kindness and wisdom to supplement your comments.


      • Sorry sister Saba ,

        I will make sure that i will try max not to post these kind of comments which will upset OP ..insha allah ..

        I have developed this dislike for people especially when they talk about deen and then tell stories about their so and so sins as it takes mind to a level where you feel not trusting any one in real life too .

        I have almost lost trust in such people who says they have repented but when they get married to new person they create all sorts of problems ..This website itself is full of such stories ..

        So you can say yes i was looking for good of other person ...

        Again i am not feeling superior to any one as Allah is the best judge ..

        • lol Br. ilLogical - I was definitely kidding around when I said you should go with that nick, but if you have taken a liking to it, sounds great.

          Don't let the emotions of reading these stories bring out the negative in you. Use this information as an additional angle in viewing the world--we just have more insight, with the understanding that these situations do not represent the entire Ummah.

          Also, remember, while there is no guarantee that Allah swt will surely forgive someone after they have sinned, there is also no guarantee that Allah swt will NOT forgive them either. It is best to not even make that judgement call or let that bother you--it is best that we do help each other in improving.

          May Allah swt help us to do our best while we realize our weaknesses and keep improving. Ameen.

    • Golden: Having pre marital relation ship are haraam and it will lead to mess like this ..
      I think you should get marry to him as fast as possible ...

      Most of the time men can get away with haram relations they have after marriage. Men can also get away with bragging about their pre-marital relationships. There is a double standard when it comes to illegal sex.. Boys families usually laugh it off if they find out their son/brother has a girl friend.

  5. Dear genuine commentators,

    please do not take Golden seriously, admins please and as per your own accord, please block Golden,
    its obvious he/she means no one well and is joking around here.


  6. Sister,
    I just had a brief read through your dialogue with sister Saba. Honestly speaking why are you putting up with him? Eveyrhjng you have mentioned are red flags, take them seriously. Count yourself lucky that Allah swt in His mercy has exposed your fiancé to you prior to the marriage. He sounds so suspicious and controlling. I'm not sure if your expecting that all of this will change after marriage because it won't, it will only get worse - he'll have more control over you and by the sounds of things will want you to be subservient.

    Take sister Sabas advice seriously - discuss everything with your parents. And only Allah knows best but my advice to you would be to not take the risk in marrying this man. Leave him and look for someone with better character and imaan. Don't ruin your life.

    • Saba, bucks

      Do you think it's normal for me to feel like I'll regret losing him? Or I'll regret letting him leave or me leaving him despite of how close we are even if I mentioned that it isn't always like this there are times where we are happy and laughing and helps me out in many things..

      I'm really sorry please understand I'm not trying to be naive I'm just trying to understand more of the situation, because as i mentioned I'm very sensitive meaning I over think things abnormally and part of that is that I don't want to regret
      because of our history he is like my best friend despite all of this.

      And I don't want to be unfair no matter what he has done. I want to be sure that I did what I can and that me leaving even if I made the mistake of lying is the right choice. I'm files with fear or regret.

      • Salaam sister,
        I'm in a bit of a rush so can't reply properly, but yes it is normal to have those feelings, that you might regret it, feeling guilty etc - it's the fear of uncertainty of the unknown.

        All relationships even the most abusive will usually have good memories. And it's normal to focus on those and hold onto them.

        But you can't base a marriage on just good memories. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, it comes with responsibility. It's so important to look beyond 'love' and good times and memories etc , you need to try to establish whether this man can be a husband. Can he provide you with emotional support, be non judgemental. You will make mistakes during a marriage, it's normal, we all have our flaws but will your husband forgive you for those mistakes or hold them against you in an attempt to control you? Will he constantly be watching over you, unjustly accuse you of things? When all of these things start happening in a marriage, the good memories don't matter. He seems to be showing a lot of these traits sister, the final decision is yours but I really do feel that you should at least discuss this with your parents, perform istikhara too, so that you don't regret the decision you make.

        And remember you can always rebuild new and better memories with someone else.

      • I really think that you need to stop thinking so much and let your family know what he says to you. It isn't about being naive or trying to be or trying not to be, marriage is hard work and it already looks like it will be difficult for the both of you considering the footing that you have started on.

        You might feel guilty, you might now. You might feel regret, you might not. But all of these decisions are not to be made with just feelings, especially from you. Your feelings are biased and influenced by him, but your father's feelings will be unbiased and he will be able to help you make a decision and you need to understand the role of your father in all this.

        You might get married and regret not leaving earlier OR you might not get married to him and regret not marrying only because you don't know the future. There will always be regret, but the foundation of marriage shouldn't be so much mistrust, lies, and control. Your description of him, no matter how good the times are, just doesn't sit right.

        Just because you have good times with him, this isn't a trade-off for the bad things. Some things are not negotiable, no matter how memorable some moments are.

        Talk to your father and family.

    • But despite all this, am I mistaken? If he ever left me is it my fault even though I tried to tell him several times? Do I play a huge part in Us separating?

  7. Salaam,

    First of all stop having contact with this guy as what you are doing is Haraam.

    Talk to him why you decided to stop contact with him and tell him if he really wants to be with you then he should marry you.

    May Allah solve all your problems.

  8. Assalam wa alikum

    Please sister listen to Saba and don't just follow your feelings, feelings do change over time, one day you might wake up and regret marrying a abusive man.

    These good memories would not keep a marriage going. Marriage works when there is trust, there is non in your relationship as its foundation are lies.

    I know you know having a bf is haram but you need to try harder to stop speaking to him. Hand around your female friends or family if you feel lonely but avoid speaking to him. And tell your parents the truth about what he really is like.

    InshaaAllah you would find peace

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