I lied to the guy I love about my past, should I tell him?
Common lies that people tell
ASSALAM ALAIKUM..
HI, I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN HELP ME BECAUSE I AM STUCK IN A VERY BAD SITUATION AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. LAST YEAR WHILE I WAS IN COLLEGE I USED TO MESS ABOUT SOMETIMES WITH MY FRIENDS AND I ONCE AGREED TO MEET A MAN.. IT WAS ONLY MEANT TO BE FOR A JOKE. I MET HIM A FEW TIMES AND ONCE HE EVEN BOUGHT HIS FRIEND ALONG SO HIS FRIEND SAW ME AS WELL. NOTHING EVER HAPPEND BETWEEN US AND I STOPEED CHATTING TO HIM AS WELL AS I DIDNT LIKE HIM. A FEW MONTHS LATER I MET SOMEONE AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM.
HE LIVED IN THE SAME AREA AS THE GUY I MET BEFORE AND HE ASKED ME IF I KNEW ANYONE FROM THAT AREA AND I SAID NO. MY FRIEND STARTED GOING OUT WITH THE OTHER GUYZ MATE WHO HAD ALSO SEEN ME AND HE FOUND OUT THAT I WAS WITH THIS GUY. HE NOW KNOWS THAT I AM THE SAME GIRL FROM BEFORE AND I AM SCARED THAT HE MIGHT TELL HIM ABOUT ME. O REALLY REGRET WHAT I DONE AND I HAVE ASKED ALLAH SWT FOR FORGIVENESS BUT I REALLY LOVE THIS MAN AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM. I HAVE EVEN TOLD MY FAMILY ABOUT HIM. I NEVER WANT HIM TO FIND OUT BECAUSE IT WILL JUST HURT HIM. I LIED BECAUSE AT THAT TIME THATS WHAT I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT. I DO ALWAYS PRAY TO ALLAH SWT THAT THIS SECRET IS NEVER DISCLOSED AS I AM VERY SCARED.. I AM SCARED TO EVEN GO OUT WITH HIM IN CASE HIS FRIENDS SEE ME AND RECOGNISE ME. WHAT SHALL I DO? I REALLY NEED HELP
-misshussain
5 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaam Ms Hussain,
I am sorry that you are having to deal with the burden of secrecy.
Why are you so worried? By the sounds of things nothing ever happened, so I cannot see any hidden secret here that would damage you in any way. Meeting someone a few times is something that anyone can easily forget , so I cannot see cause for worry here. Even if this guy comes out and says "we met a few times" - even then, you have not done anything with this person.
Is there more to the story you have not included?
From my understanding you are feeling massive guilt because you feel that you have done grave wrong by first of all meeting, and second of all lying. MashaAllah, it says good things about you that you fell this guilt about these things, but you do not need to fear, or avoid anything because of it. I am sure your intended will not be badly hurt because you met someone - meeting people is an unavoidable consequence of leaving the house. this guilt is nurturing a fear in your mind that the world will end if you ever see this other person again - it won't. If your intended find out and gets upset - you explain and deal with it, and move forward.
The only time this would be damaging is if you lied intensively about yourself, or if something actually happened with this person.
It is not good to avoid something in this intensive manner that you are. You cannot hide forever, so release yourself from this fear and conduct your life as you normally would. If conflict occurs - face it, deal with it, move forwards. In the meantime, accept that this is a possibility and do not fear it in the way that you are. The picture is bigger than this thumbnail you are looking at. Have some faith in your relationship, and in your ability to comfort your partner, and have comfort in your partners ability to understand.
If the burden is too much to bear - come clean, although the bigger of a deal you make this: the stronger the problem. Your guilt is making the issue seem much bigger than it is - make your peace, and the way you deal with things will become peaceful also.
I hope that helps,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Assalamu alaykum Sister Misshussain,
Marry ASAP and cut any relation which crosses limits of Islam.
Also, do not worry. If you repented to Allah truely, He will take care of your past.
If it ever comes to the knowledge of this guy, tell him what you told us. Unless the guy who accompanied the one whom you used to meet tells otherwise.
Tell him you only kept it hidden to avoid any bitterness to come in between you and him.
My advice, marry ASAP in a halaal way. Love relations bring unwanted troubles.
Salaam,
Your brother.
assalam alaikum.. Thank u soo much for replying to my post and also for relieving such a big burden for me. Although i agree nothing actually happened between me and the guy i met but i was just scared incase my boyfriend found out because we all know what some men are like.. I feel that he would feel it is embarrasing for him to marry me if he knowz i met this man on my own. And i feel no one will believe me.. But iv got faith in Allah swt and i do believe that Allah helps the people who regret their wrong doings.. And brother munib thank u for the advice of getting married and i am now talking to him about gettong married asap. Thank u once again.
Salaam
Assalaamu alaykum Sister Miss Hussain,
We are glad our advice could be of some help to you.
May Allah help you and give you a blessed marriage and keep you on the path of Islam.
Salaam,
Your brother.
This is not a dating advice website. Dear Sister, you are in a illegal relationship.
You are not yet married to him. In Islam there is no such relation as known as fiancee or would be.
Please marry the one you have chosen or listen to your family.
It is not necessary to let your husband know about your past, you can even forget it and let it not come in your mind again. This is not a typical bollywood movie where you have to wait for some thriller.
Everybody has their past, but it is not necessary to reveal even according to the deen itself.