Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I like my cousin but she likes someone else

Addicted to love

Aslamo Alikum and Hello Everyone.

Hope you all are fine. I'm 17 and Pakistan Origin Muslim but I have been living in UAE for more than 3 years. Last summer I went to my uncle who lives in Islamabad as an army officer. He had many relatives and visit him continously since he was living near Hill station. One day one of my far cousin arrived there. I knew her since I was 5 and we were friendly to each other since that time. We used to make fun of each other with nicknames but when she arrived this time in summer she was a little formal to me but we got around in a few days after we discovered we didn't had much change in our attitude for each other. She was a little mischievous in childhood but she had changed when I met her now. She was more mature than any other girl I met. There were many girls in UAE for different nationalities and religion which had some physical attraction that  I considered natural reaction but I didn't bother to talk to them since I wasn't willing to make any false commitments. So back to her we were having a lot of interaction. We all (including my other cousins and her siblings) used to stay awake in night and I used to so she came to give me a helping hand where it was the place that I realised I loved her. She was quite impressed with me cooking as it wasn't common in our family which bucked me up to further fall for her.

One day she suddenly started chatting on her social media account. She had a private account where she added only 4 of us (me and my first 3 cousins). I ignored it thinking that one of her friends until youngest of my first cousins started chatting on same social media platform. Later when I was randomly walking behind her I realised she was talking to my first cousin. They were very secretive as they weren't even in any kind of connection. For further confirmation I suspect my first cousins social media activity. I was shocked to learn that he was commenting over her post turning my fears into truth. I was broken to a line that I couldn't think what to do, I was saffocating around her and my cousin upon looking at their interaction. My first cousin and her interaction wasn't much different than mine and hers. But sooner I realised she was a human too. She had the right to choose whom to she wants to spend her life and feels comfortable around with.

Later when the time came she was leaving I noticed something. She had many mood swings. She looked upset sometimes because maybe my first cousin wasn't responding her or his attitude wasn't satisfyin her. there is where I was beginning to see some light. I tried to lighten  her up which had a little effect but I was happier than any other occasion in my life. So I thought when she leaves and and is upset for same factor I can be there to do what I did before so that maybe she would sooner or later realise what I felt for her.

When she left I tried to message her. When she was leaving for her journey back to her home town via train she handed me money for her Internet recharge which I happily accepted. I started the conversation asking whether the recharge was successful but she didn't respond. I asked her elder sibling which she said was done. I thought she would be tired wasn't in a state of responding so I left her for sometime. I messaged her again after few hours and there was no response. So I thought further and tried to converse in informal way like we used to do when face to face. There was which turned me hopeless. She blocked me. I was depressed to a extent that whenever I saw a celing fan I thought of hanging myself, whenever I saw a knife I thought of cutting my wrist but she wasn't the one I was living for and it wasn't worth since I was keeping my religious boundaries in my mind too. After a few days I was able to get negative thoughts out of my mind but it's been more than 6 months and I am not able to sleep and can't stop thinking about her. It's like an obsession. If try to imagine someone else in my life instead of her I only saw darkness. Hers and My first cousins elder siblings are engaged too causing further tension for me since her mother would consider her daughters to be together rather than in seperate places. I'm 17 and she is just 2 months younger than me ( she just turned 17 recently) and the first cousin she likes is 20 (he is the youngest from his siblings). If someone has some kind of ray of hope for me sent by Allah please respond to me or least you can do is pray for me. I will be thankful and forever in your debt which I payback on the day of Qiayamah.

Jazak Allah.


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2 Responses »

  1. Assalam Brother,

    I regularly read posts but rarely comment on any. I do pray for brothers and sisters who are seeking for help. The reason for commenting to your post is that, I have been through kind of same situation as yours. I was in a relationship of 6 years with a girl I wanted to live my life with. At that time, I literally thought if we did not get to be together that will be the end of my life. But Allah had different plans for me, we could not be together. The suffering is quite unexplainable in words but alhamdulillah Allah gave me sabar to deal with it and move on with life. Now, I am married to a girl of my parent’s choice and I am happy as anything. So brother, what I want you to know is leave everything on Allah. You will get what will be best for you and when the right time comes. Please stop thinking about her, you are only 17. Theres a lot to come ahead, you are too young for this. Its natural to develop feelings at this age but please trust me, its never worth to hurt yourself. Try to pray and do good deeds, you will find peace in everything. May Allah give you sabr

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