Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I lost my love

Heartbroken, broken heart

Heartbroken.

Salam everyone.

I googled my prob and found this amazing site so i thought of joining it.

i was dating a guy for 1.5 years. We planned on getting married. I knew he was a player but he kept saying he changed and i was madly in love with him and i said yes. Everything was fine until May. He started having probs with everything and i found out he was cheating on me.

i  am shattered. I asked Allah for forgiveness. I try to pray 5 times a day. I keep asking allah to forgive me. I lost all my friends. I have no one to talk about my prob to anyone.. I really madly love him. I cant imagine my life without him.

i told the girl everything but yet she wants to be with him and he is playing with her. I really want him back. I ask allah in every prayer to give him back and he changed into a nice guy.

I cry in all the prayers. I am asking allah sincerely. But allah isn't answering.

farishtay1234


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12 Responses »

  1. Ask for forgiveness and ask your parents to find you a suitable husband. What you did is not allowed in Islam exactly for the same reason. If you have committed zina with him then you REALLY need to ask for forgiveness.

  2. Isn't it funny how people trun to allah when a calamity befalls them ... There is soo much hikmah in calamities befalling us.. Indeed amazing is the condition of a believer, when good befalls him he is thankful and that is better for him and when a clamity strickens him he is patient and that is better for him {saheh hadeeth}

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, you're better off without this guy. I know it won't feel that way just now, but think about what you would say to a friend going through the same thing - this guy lied to you and cheated on you; most friends would say that a guy doing that isn't worth bothering with.

    You want this guy back, but do you actually want the real him or the idea of him? It's common for us to idealise the people we care about, but we need to remember that real people have flaws and aren't all good or all bad. Don't let an idealised memory of this guy cause you to chase him.

    In Islam, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships aren't permitted. So if this guy had truly respected you and changed his ways then he should have proposed marriage and then actually gone through with the nikah in order to make your relationship halal. Make sure you don't make the same mistake again - keep it halal, involve your wali and have a nikah.

    Let this guy go and repent for the transgressions that have occurred. Remember that Allah is Most Merciful, and trust that He will accept your repentance and inshaAllah grant you a pious husband who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Salam alaykum,
    I know exactly what you're going through. I've been there. And believe it oe not if I could go back I'd change everything. I had lost all my friends too, I had loved the guy unconditionally and he cheated on me. And even after speaking to the girl she continued to talk to him. I was distraught. And just like you, I wanted him back. We got back together and 7 months later I left him.

    I know you're hurt, I know you feel broken, I know you want what you once had back. But you will never get it back. You will constantly suspect him of something, when you look at him you'll remember the pain he put you through. You do not want a future with this man, you want your memories. You want to desperately hold on to what you once had but that's gone now.

    Moving on to the Islamic perspective, your relationship with him is all wrong. It's great that you're trying to pray 5 times a day and maybe the pain you're feeling is Allah's way of bringing you back to Him and showing you where you went wrong. When Allah takes something away from us He will always give us better at the right time and in the HALAL way. So make sincere rerepentance and wait for things to unfold.

    Use this time to strengthen your faith and your relationship with Allah. When a person is broken only He can put the pieces of your heart back together. It won't be easy but when you look back you'll realise why this had to happen.

    May Allah make things easy for you.

  5. Dear sister ,

    In Islam you are not supposed to have boyfriend/girls friend relation ship .It is HARAM .
    This boy doesn't seems to be trustworthy .Forget him and move on in Life .
    This is the month of Ramzan so Pray ,Fast and change your life as per Islam ..Allah will help you in getting good husband in future .

    Allah hafiz

  6. I really understand the pain and feelings you have in this situation as I almost passing the same situation, where I replaced myself with your place. Though she is not that bad still she changed in a moment even after a relationship of more than 8 years, where we are more friends to share our good and bad than acting as couple. I am too in a situation where life got only one meaning. I know no one understand your position at the moment as one inside the ground knows the reality and pain. I can only pray for you that ALLAH takes you out of this situation as soon as possible, or accepts your prayer and that guy realize what he is missing in his life. Everyone get good and bad habits. Don't go negative or start thinking anything else. This miserable time will pass like the good time passed in your life. Keep building your relationship with ALLAH as strong as possible that is the true way for moving out of this situation. Try to think that your life is not made for him. You and your selections are unlimited, please start focusing on your powers than your weakness. ALLAH bless you...ameen

  7. You know he is a player and you still want to be with him?????why would you want to be with a person like him who is cheating on you???what do you love about him????
    "I cry in all the prayers. I am asking allah sincerely. But allah isn't answering." Indeed Allah is answering dear, why would Allah want you to be with a person who is not right for you?? you know his true colors so be grateful for that!! seriously pray for forgiveness, do tauba and forget about him!!if you truly want forgiveness stop praying for him to come back to you as he doesnt sound like a good person at all, you cant make dua for him to turn into a nice guy, dua is not a magical formula dear. you dont always get what you want but you get what is best for you insh'Allah and this guy is definitely not best for you so remove him from your heart and mind.

  8. OP: We planned on getting married. I knew he was a player .....i found out he was cheating on me. ........ I lost all my friends. I have no one to talk about my prob to anyone.. I really madly love him. I cant imagine my life without him......i told the girl everything but yet she wants to be with him and he is playing with her. I really want him back. I ask allah in every prayer to give him back and he changed into a nice guy.

    Some thing is wrong here. Why you want to marry a player? If you marry him every day of your life you will think who is he sleeping with now. This guy will never change. Your mind may never trust him.

    It may not be easy for you to find a husband because of your history, but still you may find some one who wants to immigrate if you live in West or Europe or.

    If you have concerns about loosing virginity, get it restored or play virgin.

    Why you have lost friends? Where is your family?

    • Who said she isn't a virgin? Stay away from making assumptions inshaAllah.

      • Exactly. She doesn't say that she isn't a virgin so I would not make that assumption. Also, even if she lost her virginity, why would she get it "repaired"? That seems so...drastic!

    • I dont understand the part "It may not be easy for you to find a husband because of your history, but still you may find some one who wants to immigrate if you live in West or Europe ".
      I hope u dont mind that she is such desperate case that probably only a man might agree to marry because he would benefit something as immigrate to europe thanks of her. If its what you really meant this is not nice at all. If she repent sincerely; we dont know dont what Allah reserved for her.

  9. Be grateful you found out about his cheating ways BEFORE you married him.

    Why are you asking Allah to reunite you with someone like him? People don't change. Let the other girl keep him.

    Focus on healing your heart and moving on. That means you must stop praying for him to come back to you. It serves no purpose. Pray for forgiveness and happiness. Focus on Ramadan. Focus on your parents. Let this man go.

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