Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love a girl but she had sex with my two brothers in the past

past, present, futureI love a girl and she is so much sincere with me. Even i trust her more than anyone is this entire world. She is a muslim beautiful 19 year old girl. i am 21 year old boy. she is my childhood love and my first love.

i used to propose her when i was just 15 and after six years she accepted my love and she wants to marry me and i love her too and i also want to marry her.

The problem is that when she was 16 she was with my brother who was 28year old. she went physical with him and they were in a 2 year relationship. he broke with her.

after that she was in a relationship with my other brother who was 35 year old at that time. she was also with him for 2year. they had sex and he use to do sex with her like an animal. he also left her.

she was alone then and i was so much desperate for her. i again proposed her with my all heart and she agreed. after getting in a relationship with her she told me everything about her past. now i fight with her almost all the time. we are in a 14months relationship.

we also had good time and good memories but her past really upset me alot. i dont understand what to do. please help me.

-Hasan


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26 Responses »

  1. I think instead of thinking about her past and getting yourself stressed.try to notice the good things in her.if your two brothers did wrong with her.you try not to be the third one.above all true love never dies.if u love her truly u will never wanna leave her even if she had an extreme past.but if u have a doubt about her give it some time.you can always be a good freind with her.the most important in relationship is trust.which m sure you have on her.

    • I think it's a terrible idea.

      i only see disaster in this, because he will always think about it in his mind. His brothers probably talked about it and joked about it. How uncomfortable for the girl and the OP if there are family gatherings?

      Plus, i don't think it's permissible. She's had sexual relations with his brothers, even you're not allowed to marry your siblings' ex spouse in Islam.

      I think it's not a good idea.

      • Salam Nanachant,

        Marrying a brother's ex is allowed in Islam. It's that you can't marry your father's ex. Unless this girl has another story where she had a two year relationship with his dad she's still halal :).

        Oh I do agree with you in terms of it not being a good idea. Poor girl hasn't been treated the best with the other brothers and apparently this brother just found a reason not to treat her well.

  2. Seems like your brothers found her young and naive and innocent so they took advantage of her.. bro , your brothers are more wrong , you be good and give her a good life but if you cant love her and would not forget her past then no need to take the relationship anymore. End it, and let erh find another good husband.

  3. Leave her, you will never be happy especially since you know her past.
    very descriptive btw brother "....like an animal"

  4. Why did your brothers leave her after being with her for a long time and sleeping with her? Did they not respect her, was it because she was too young? That's sad. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who's slept with both of brothers(if I was a guy that is) to me that would be so weird and abit strange/gross. I prob would never get over the fact that she wouldn't be my first either. But if you feel as you can get over all of that and do her right and make sure she repents and that you guys do not commit any zina/haram, then go for it by all means.

    • I agree. I feel sympathy for her, but I think she needs to start a new life.

      There's too much fitna and reminder of the past

    • Ameera: Why did your brothers leave her after being with her for a long time and sleeping with her?

      I am sure OP also slept with this girl (14 months of relationship). One of 3 brothers should marry this girl. I have feeling the 3rd brother also knew every thing before he started relationship. Now after using the girl for 14 months he wants to do the same thing his brothers did.

      • Please don't assume, it's not nice. We don't know his intentions, only Allah does.

        • I agree Ameera, as a guy it would be really hard to know that I am not her 1st, 2nd worst thing is ur both brother abuse her and use her to fulfill their desire. May Allah forgive all of us. Right now may be you guys are getting along but when saitaan comes to whisper in ur ears and you will end up fighting, as a guy you will always bring that old memory back to blame her or criticize her. So, my advice if you truly love her set her free. Stay away from her as it will hard for you to stop thinking about her. Keep ur self busy and focus on ur self.

          Ameera, please do not get me wrong but mash-Allah you are very beautiful. May Allah protect you from evil eyes.

          • I agree, it's really easy for the devil to come and whisper stuff into your ears and that will literally drive you crazy and create even more problems between the two of you. But yeah Allah knows best. Setting someone free will definitely help you out so much. & thank you Mohamed!! Ameen

  5. OP: after getting in a relationship with her she told me everything about her past. now i fight with her almost all the time. we are in a 14 months relationship.

    Are you in an intimate relationship with her? Did you promise her some thing in exchange for her telling you about her past? Do you fight with your brothers also because they committed Zina?

    You would have married this girl gladly if she has not told her past. Now you want to punish her for telling you the truth.

    How many girls have you tried to be friends with?

  6. Brother Hasan,

    Your brothers ruined her life.

    Please don't hurt her. Please dont mess up with her mind. She is human being and got mistreated by animals (sorry but I very muchh dislike your brothers).

    If you can't give her the care and compassion that she needs or she's been trying to seek for, then please kindly leave her and don't bother, everrr.

    Yes she made wrong choices on her side of life but this gives you no right to constantly remind her of wrong choices that she made. I am sure there's someone out there to accept her with open arms despite her shortcomings/mistake/khalatee.

    l..

    Best wishes,
    Me

  7. I dont know why but I feel like this post is made up :/ it's very hard to believe.

  8. Salam,

    You have a choice, you can either view what happened positively and be extremely happy or you can view it negatively and treat her like dirt and break up with her.

    Positively: If your brothers didn't break up with her you wouldn't even be in a relationship with her now. You are lucky that you finally get to get the girl you loved since you were a child and the only real issue you have to deal with is that you are related with the two people she was with before. If she was with two other people then it would've been easier but it's still good. This is your chance to prove you love to her and keep her for the rest of your life. You shouldn't be worried about the relationship you should be asking to marry this girl and keep her and help her get over her baggage with the other two brothers.

    Negatively: You can keep imagining how not pure she is and think of how she could've fallen in love with someone else and then treat her like dirt. You will break up and then eventually she'll move on to someone else and marry them. And regardless of whether she has a good life with her new guy or not you won't get a say in it. You may just watch her ruin her life further.

    Good luck in your decision, if you can support her I suggest doing that, if you're going to keep thinking how horrible she is then you may not be able to sustain this relationship.

  9. As for as marriage is concerned in islam, first thing you should look for is piety. I think she lacks that badly. A zina will not be committed without her free consent for 3 years. Lets not think bad about her assuming things will be same with you. instead leave her at her will.

    Secondly its suggested in islam to give preference to virgin girls than windows. Hence, I am sure when islam has forseen the consequences of marrying a widow, its not suggested to marry an unpure women. (Hope you know the kaffara required to purify her)

    Marry a good women, stop the haram relationship brother. Its been 23 years you are in this world, what have you done with the healthy strong organs Allah has granted you?? Only haram!! Take some time think about the status of your soul, when you are busy in monitoring your evil body.

    Pray for me.

    • But if he accepts her.he will be giving her a new hope.and may improve her life from getting spoiled further.i am not saying there is no fault of the girl.she has done many mistakes.we should always give another chance if she is really guilty for what she has done

    • Muhammad Haneef: Secondly its suggested in islam to give preference to virgin girls than windows. Hence, I am sure when islam has forseen the consequences of marrying a widow, its not suggested to marry an unpure women. (Hope you know the kaffara required to purify her)

      Are you saying widows are impure and men should only marry virgin girl? What are the consequences of marrying a widow?

      • Assalam Alaikum Brother

        I think there is a misunderstanding in your readings. I was quoting "When Islam has forseen consequences of marrying a widow, its not suggested to marry impure women(unmarried)(referring those who had zina). I never wish or want to say Widows are impure when our beloved prophet had married to 8 widows. I would have made thouba if thats what I meant, anyhow jazakallah for your concern.

        Then, Consequences never mean negative always. Prophet (s.a) told to a companion when he got married to a widow, that it is better to marry a virgin young girl. There can be many consequences such as
        -Young man need not be fully satisfied with you wodow women
        -She might have a kid and ofcourse which might be a concern is future
        -There may come a conversation about ex or comparison between ex (main reason to suggest not to marry to brother who posted question)
        -Moreover there should be many more convincing reason when the greatest philosopher (beloved prophet) suggested to prefer virgin over widow.

        May Allah forgive us for our mistakes and accept whatever little help we try to do to our brothers and sisters

  10. Why do you get to chose to be with her then after knowing all these things about her? Isn't it because you love her or just because you also want to have her like your two older brother did? Both tour brother ate at the same plate and you took it too just to taste how it was and when it didn't please you you'll just have to throw it because it wasn't hot anymore? Lame.

  11. Well, brother Hasan, right now I would just say that don't desert this girl. And I will tell you why:-

    First of all, she is just 19,and that is a tender age for a girl to go through so much where she should be studying and be looking more forward to building up a future which was destroyed twice by your brother's. I agree that she even played an extremely wrong role in this story by committing zina before getting married to anyone. But bygones are bygones. Both parties are wrong in here and this is YOUR chance to settle down things.

    You know that you loved this girl for so long....since your childhood, and when Allah finally accepted your dua and brought her to your doorstep,are you just gonna flush her away like that?just because of her nasty past? Well brother,don't forget to overlook this possibility: she probably wanted a peaceful relationship with your brother's, she might've not realized that your brother's would just play with her body and then desert her!!! So even if you choose to desert the girl you love so much.....you're gonna be hurt and even she's gonna be hurt. And this is a losing situation for both of you. She might be able to move on since she seems that type....but you brother, you have loved her since childhood.

    So ponder over this situation and keep praying to Allah for guidance. Let this girl find love in your arms. Don't be like your brothers. Make her feel at home with you. Afterall,she must be terribly broke now...be a MAN to her. I believe you can do it. All the best brother.

  12. My most honest advice to you brother is that you break up with each other, you both focus on your study ,work and then purification of soul from all this mess.

  13. Brother your a sucker....The devil can look you in the face and cry and say I love you....? She is dangerous......regardless what you say......The day she prays 5 times and we're hijab then get married but this is not the case right now

  14. salam,

    Nothing agaist that girl , but I think you are now alittle young later on your mind and attitude will change, and probably the situation will change around you will have trouble.. Allah might give you both a better life,, right now it sounds so tense.

    Me personaly can't accept my sisters ex , ( I am a lady , in ur case u r man ur bro's ex) . there is so much of emotional sensitivity... Eventhough Astaghfarullah we r not to that point of physical in my culture.

  15. Dear Brother
    you take advice from ordinary people who has love of world more than Allahswt
    they will give advice with nafs
    not fearing Allah swt in any aspect

    our life is ibadat as test alsoo
    you shoud see what Allah has said about it
    remember our deen is complete
    we have everything

    #in sura noor Allah says
    pure man for pure women and vice versa
    if you follow islam Quran is more than enough

  16. WARNING if you want to be in hell on earth, each day thinking and seeing her in your mind with your brothers, each time family gathers your brothers watching and looking to you or her you will die man.

    FORGET HER!

    She cant be happy with you neither, when she knows you are not happy.

    Stay away from her. Forget her. Move away. Get her totally out of your life and world.

    Find another girl. Good and nice girls enough. LISTEN TO ME!!!!

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