I love him, but after all we’ve been through, we can’t marry
I am a girl age 24. I got divorced 3 months after marriage because I couldn't adjust with him mentally and physically.
I had a lover of same age, for 4 year deep relationship. We are very sad because he didn't have a permanent job and that's why he couldn't marry me. Then I took the decision to accept my family's word and marry another person. But we couldn't break that relationship.
I openly said to my husband "I never adjust with you - I have one lover". Then my husband called my lover to speak about the relation. My lover said that he would complete our relation.
Then my husband ready to divorce and one thing also did...
My marriage date got fixed for marriage with my lover through advocate in the presence of my family. But his family do not support marriage with me, so my lover also change his word.
So my family file a case to the police station about my lover and his family, and want marriage. There was a big family issue but his family settled this problem with money.
After 6 months my lover wanted to talk and I answered the call. But we didn't talk about the future or past matters. We both know we can't marry again. What can I do? I can't have another marriage but he also can't marry me.
Please tell me a solution.
Raee
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Now you don't have a husband or a lover. Are you going to have a secret relationship with your lover? You should end your contact with your lover for good and remarry.
Assalaamualaikam
If the guy you were in a relationship with has decided not to marry you, then don't have any further contact with him. There's nothing positive to be gained from continuing to speak with someone who has shown they don't intend to have a halal relationship with you.
I'd suggest that you tell him that you are not prepared to continue to have haraam contact with him. If he has decided that he wishes to be with you after all, then he can approach your family with another proposal and a very big apology for his past behaviour - then, you and your wali can consider whether or not to accept.
I don't think that your lover has necessarily been serious in his intentions towards you. Not having a permanent job doesn't mean someone gets a free pass to do haraam. It also doesn't mean someone can't marry. So, if this guy had been serious in wanting to be in a proper relationship with you, he had 4 years to do the right thing... but didn't. Past behaviour can be a useful predictor of future behaviour, so I'd be skeptical of any promises he makes you now.
One thing that concerns me in your post is that I don't really pick up any sense of regret or remorse for your actions - what you did in this situation was wrong, and it's important for you to be aware of that and to repent for it, before it's too late. We are told that zina is haraam. It's so haraam that we are told not to even approach it. And as well as disobeying Allah's guidance on this, you didn't really treat your husband that well; you continued to have an affair with this other guy.
I think rather than worrying about marriage just now, you need to work on developing your connection with Islam. Go to your local mosque or community centre, join a study class or group if possible, read the Quran and ahadith, and make sure that you are praying and living an Islamic lifestyle. Lower your gaze, and think about how you interact with non-mahram men; if you don't already, you may wish to consider the advantages of dressing more modestly and wearing hijab?
It's important to repent for what has happened. Part of repenting is taking action to stop it happening again, and another part is feeling genuine remorse about what happened, so it's very important to work on these issues.
When you feel ready to consider marriage, speak with your parents and ask them to help you find a husband through appropriate channels. InshaAllah they should be willing to help you.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
What is it that you want? Do you expect your mom to tell you all the details of her affair? How would your father react if he finds out about your mom's and uncle's affair?
You know the truth, why you want to hear about it from your mother?
Now you know even when a man and a woman call each other brother and sister, there can be secret desires, secret affairs.
What exactly can help you focus on your study? Why you want to kill yourself?
Don't talk to your uncle about this.