Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love my cousin, but she likes someone else


Assalamu Aleikum,

First of all, to make this post anonymous for personal reasons, I will use capital letters for real names.

S- brother of M (also my best friend)

M-the cousin I love

U-the cousin M likes


So to begin with, I love M because of her beauty, not the physical appearance but her closeness to Allah. I loved her since childhood but never spoke to her. In recent years, I visited her home and stayed there for at least 20 days each summer for the past three years. We began to talk and learn about each other for the first time as we never had any verbal interaction ever before. During my stays, I saw that she prays 6 times and reads Qur'an 3 times per day. Just by watching her, I have come closer to Islam; I have started praying 5 times and reading Qur'an paak. She would always smile at me and laugh with me. We would talk for countless hours; those were the best times of my life. She was the one who pulled me out of depression. I never had any desire for a haraam relationship with her. I am just waiting to start a career so that when I am stable I shall propose her.


This summer, our cousin (U) from USA, came for a visit. I began noticing changes in her (M) behaviour when I met her at our grandparent's place. She did not greet me. She stopped talking. And...I saw visuals that shattered my heart. I saw U and M often holding hands in private. Sometimes U would put his foot on M's, and as soon as I would see that, he would quickly move it away. I once saw U leaving the toilet while M shut the door, still inside. I cried every single night and didn't know what to do. She would always stick around U, so I didn't have any chance to speak to her. After great struggles and thoughts, I finally told her brother (S). He told me that he too, saw some signs of wrongdoings but never expected them to be this worse. He told me to tell his mother about the whole situation as she would take my sayings more seriously. She did not believe it at first but noticed the interactions they were both having. She did explain to her that whatever she's doing is wrong; I saw no difference at all after the dispute. M found out that I was the one who told his brother and mother about the situation after which she was very moody and never talked to me. My aunty, which is very close to me and knows that I love M, was told by someone about the situation. She spoke to me about it and said that it is impossible that M could do such thing, or that it could've been just a misunderstanding. She told me to apologise M, despite of her recent behaviour. She spoke to M, which then said that she is very angry and cannot believe that I could say such things about her and that she will not accept my apology. I said sorry, and she did not reply.

However, U doesn't know that we know about his dreadful behaviour. one other day, U and I went for a drive that he insisted for. He told me his "secret" that he loves M; he said that he doesn't know whether she does or not and that I should ask M about it. I had a fake laugh with him but to be honest I wanted to break his neck at that point. He is athletic; he was showing-off his muscular forearm to M and challenged me for an arm-wrestling. M was intrigued to see the result. For a long time, obviously, I was waiting for a moment to show up where I could unleash my inner anger on him by beating him up. Instead, this moment offered me an opportunity for a mini-revenge. I held his hand and clutched it so hard that I could see his veins popping on his wrist. He gave up after a few minutes of immense struggle and couldn't sleep that night. I and S still laugh to this day when we talk about it.

On the other hand, I was very disturbed about the whole situation and the fact that M would never like me. She was the one who guided me and brought me closer to Islam. I messaged her that whatever I did was for the sake of her well-being and for her future and asked  for an apology for being too harsh about the situation.

I am sorry for a long story, but I had to share it.

If you have any piece advice, please share it with me. Sorry for the poor grammar.

May Allah guide us all. Aameen


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3 Responses »

  1. You have not mentioned your ages, but all of you seem to be quite young.
    If you are interested in your cousin, ask your parents to send a proposal, if it is to be it will happen if not, you will know your answer for sure.

  2. Walaykumassalaam Anonymous,

    I understand that it is very distressing watching her in this situation. However, if you love her, I suggest you try to be happy for her regardless of who she chooses. I agree with friend...for your own peace, your intentions need to be expressed to her for you to know her choice for sure and accept the situation.

    May Allah give you both happiness.


  3. Kill U.

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