Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love my Muslim boyfriend but he already has a wife. Does Islam allow this?

extramarital affair, illicit affair, two wives

 

I don't know where to start my story but it's already giving me anxiety and curiosity. I am not a Muslim. I am a Christian. I was seeking answers because I also respect the Islamic religion.

I had a boyfriend who is a Muslim, but he is already married. I fell in love with him so deeply that I get too jealous when he is with his family. But I just let him be because I know his son is his happiness. He said to me that he is already not fond of his wife because of certain problems of the past, and with that, I accepted to be his girlfriend.

I was wondering...In the Christian religion, it is wrong that I am "the other woman," but he insisted that he cared for me and that the things that he has can also be mine because he said it's "haram" if he didn't care for me. He also told me that I didn't do haram just by loving him even though he has a wife already, he said it's stated in the Quran. He didn't want us to quarrel and so I always control my temper because I don't want to be his stress because I know he was so stressed about his work.

Now, my question is: Is what he said correct? That I can love him despite his being married already? What should I do? I hope someone can explain to me more about this one because he is a Muslim and I am a Christian.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salam Ameena,

    Very pretty name, by the way...it is an Islamic name, I believe 🙂

    I'm sorry if this comes as an unpleasant surprise, but your "muslim boyfriend" is unfortunately off-track and feeding you want he wants you to hear and believe.

    "I had a boyfriend who is a Muslim, but he is already married."

    If he is Muslim, he should be nobody's "boyfriend." If he is married, he should likewise be nobody's boyfriend. Islam only allows romantic relationships within the God-given institution of marriage, which has to be a formally created, announced, and legal union.

    "He said to me that he is already not fond of his wife"

    Just an ages-old, common pick-up line to get you mired into a non-commital relationship. I can assure you that his relationship with his wife is just fine, or at least on more solid footing than his relationship with you, as it is at the very least legal and binding.

    "He insisted that he cared for me and that the things that he has can also be mine because he said it's "haram" if he didn't care for me."

    In Islam, there is a level of respect that is to be afforded every human being, if only for the fact that all people are creations of Allah. That said, the only way his resources can also be yours is if he takes you as a second wife. For that to happen, his wife needs to be made aware of the situation and preferably agree to it. I don't see any such action being taken here.

    "Is what he said correct? That I can love him despite his being married already?"

    Technically, yes. You are free to love him, as long as you do not take any haram action towards that end. Feelings are just that and we are not held accountable for them. However, it's best not to dwell on these feelings too much unless you are serious about taking halal action. The only halal action would be getting married to him, which his first wife may not take too well. Just being realistic here.

    "What should I do?"

    If you respect the Islamic religion as you say, and even the Christian religion to some extent, then have a talk with him where you lay out the facts and the options. If he tries to further lure you into a non-marital relationship, tell him you value your God-given intelligence and reasoning, and you will not accept anything less than what you are afforded by Allah. Then go through a period of either problem-solving or grieving, depending on the outcome.

    God-willing this experience will make his motives clearer to you and leave you with a sense of independance, protection, and peace due to having abided by Allah's word.

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers.com

  2. I really hope you heed Nor advise. It's sad that he did this to you and you got tangled up with a married man. Best to leave this liar and move on. Also make sure your prospects are single or divorced in the future. Will save you regret etc

  3. I can only say you need to stop this interaction of yours with him. He is playing with you. Even if he did marry you making you his second wife he isn't a good or responsible husband, when he is having affairs behind his current wife's back, he is adulterous, he lies and he shares about his marital issues with you instead of with his wife. He is a shame to the institution of mariage

    As hard as it may be, you must cut him out of your life. He is no good. He is doing absolutely haram and misguiding you as well, to fulfill how own needs. In Islam you can only be romantically with a person with it you marry them. There is no concept of boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. The fact that you both have to carry on ok secret and he is lying to his wife and you says it all. There are no secret relationships. Even a marriage has to be made public. If he wanted to marry you even though you are Christian and he is muslim, he could. But he didn't. He is playing with you.

    Drop him. Change your number if you have to. Close or change your social media. You deserve better. Don't chose that cheater as your man.

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