Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I miss him every single day

broken heart

hello everybody. i am new to this web page.

there is a man out there whom i like. he is a flirt and not at all serious about marriage. he is in his mid 30's still he is reckless about his earning and marriage. he can only earn enough to feed him in a limited way.

at the same time, he  has bad temper and gives me silent treatment even if it is his mistake.

he does not like me to be friend with other men because he thinks that all are bad. he think he may lose me eventually but not serious about marriage. i cut ties with him because of his flirty nature making me jealous due to fake stories of some girl that does not even exist. i get the information but there is no girl with this name in his class.

i still cant get over him. i worry alot and pray to Allah to make me forget him but i dont want to forget him too. i used to say about marriage but he get hyper and said do whatever you want to do with me but dont talk about marriage. we are not in contact any more. his face is haunting me every moment. i am in trouble, cant focus on studies. i pray to Allah but unable to fix it. he is the man i want to marry. please guide me.

The Girl

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7 Responses »

  1. If he's not serious about marriage then save yourself.
    I'm getting a khula because of a man like this. I discovered his flirty nature due to an extra marital affair.
    He even said he loved me but he and his family married me for money, jewellery and my medical profession.
    He was a divorcee and single since 8 years simply flirting around. He's 44. I'm 31.
    I loved him MADLY.
    Today I'm regretting it. I didn't know the malicious intentions.
    You my dear know everything. Firstly men run away from girls who appear available to them.
    When I made myself unavailable I have been forced to get a divorce to free myself and move on with my life.
    From recent experience of just one month I'm begging you to save yourself.
    I miss my ex husband and I hate him too. I'm left so confused and low but I've come to realise the problem was his nature and lack of conscience.
    Your friend too I feel is similar. His nature and lack of conscience is not one to respect women. For these people women are objects of entertainment. Nothing else.
    You don't want to feel so so used the way I do right now.
    Please save yourself the pain.
    I used to say 2 nafl and say istekhara dua every night and ask Allah to guide me to end or keep the marriage and also kept reciting "ya wadoodo" constantly.
    Eventually proofs came up and my heart's love turned to hatred and I realised my own importance. How I wanted my life to be became evident. I wasted time and energy for a man who just wants change and because I was available I was taken for granted and expected to stay no matter how he behaved. My happiness, my needs my importance was nothing. To top that him bringing even normal food was a favor.
    I realised that I will go mad if I didn't start to look after myself. With that he became insecure and tried to break my confidence.
    I have always been deeply loved by all family members and I realised that at least to prevent hurt to those who did love me and put efforts into making me happy I had to look after myself and I left to give myself importance. Would you believe my husband let me go so easily and now that I finally have left he hates me for making myself happy after living only to make him happy and putting up with his behaviour.
    As a sister please do what's important for your happiness longterm. I fought my family for this man and got nothing in return except a broken heart. Please save your FUTURE.
    Say the nafl and dua e istekhara every night. This doesn't mean your doing an istekhara as such. In this way you are asking Allah open the right paths and put your heart into that. Don't stop it until your heart is satisfied. Constantly recite "Ya wadoodo".
    I did it for 2 months and I have no regrets with taking a khula. I found the strength to look after myself first. I did everything I could but my husband and men like your friend don't change. I didn't believe this when I was told this and suffered as a result. I have no regrets that I left any stone unturned. Don't repeat my story in your life.

    • Aslam o alaikum,

      Agreed with Humera, just leave him and move on otherwise you will suffer alot in future and will ruin your life with your own hands... I know memories haunt us, you'll miss him that's a natural thing but he will never ever change so please forget him... let him go, just compromise with the memories and your heart as don't run away from memories but don't allow to build a house in your mind and take you in the depression...

      Pray for us. Sometimes a hurt person a very close to ALLAH so pray for all of us...
      Stay Blessed and be happy...

    • Sister Humera, Assalamu alaykum

      MashaAllah im so happy for you that u were able to take this big step and and set yourself free, all praise is due to Allah..

      I know someone who fears a situation similar to yours. Her family are warning her that this guy may wanna marry her due to her job and australian passport. But she is religous and so is he, he hasnt been married before, and really could have took advantage of her, but he didnt, he did everything the respectful way. But due to him being from overseas her fmaily cant let themselves trust him and keep telling the girl that she will suffer. She has come to trust him as a Muslim and has performed istikharah several times and really feels this is the life partner for her. He himself says ad has said from the start that he does nto wanna live in australia, he wants ot live in a muslim country and raise his kids there, he is only coming to australia after the girls family said he must.
      SHe has been waiting for many opportunities to tell her family so she can marry this man, and begin her life. She knew that her parents told her, that if she chooses someone religous, tthen they will not reject its her choice. So she had that in her mind all this time and had her mind set on him, they were totally ready for marriage. The girls family even went overseas to meet them, and although the family were not really for it, for the sake of the girl they even egnaged them. SO now this brother and sister were 110%ready for marriage, they were gonna perfom nikah after a month of the engagment. But girls family again backed away and said we have seen too many situations like this that didnt work out. The girl is not prepard to say no now. Maybe in the passed, but not now its gone too far and her mind is totally set they have perfomed istikharah several severalll times. They think that the girls family will accept it in the end, when they see the girl happy. That is how they are consoling themselves.. As the mother has said to her: i dont like the idea but do whatever you want alone.

      My question is, ... what was in this man that made u fight for him so much ?? What were the signs u saw in him which made you want him so much although ppl warned you? DId your parents accept him in the end, and then u urself disliked him or?

      Jazakillahu khairan dear sis, pls pray for us

  2. hey, you cant forget him and you want him when he is not at all ready for marriage since you are not in contract. I think you got passion for him and you cant forget your meetings. Let me tell you something serious you try another fellow who is ready for marriage and dont allow him to touch you. After the marriage you will adjust to knew tastes

  3. Dear sister,
    Leave him alone. He isn't for you. He teases you. He must be handsome for you to be this crazy about him. But that's all he has, he is a jerk to do this to you. Who knows maybe he is even married pretending he is not while at school. Do not allow your heart to care about him anymore he will just hurt you more.

  4. Yes Sister. "Broken" said it perfectly. Quran said clearly that we are here TO WORSHIP ALLAH. Do anybody have this in their mind?? if so it solves half of our problems. We instead worshipping allah, developed new new ways to disobey him. Love, GF, BF, Facebook etc etc. When we transgress we really walkin away from allah. It pains allah more than anyone. You talk about the pain and depression post leaving him, I am saying you sister that is not the pain of breakup, that is the compensation you are making to allah to cover the distance between you and allah which you created through your relation. If you dont wish to undergo that depression, you are no more willing to go back to allah.

    Be him flirt or gentle, be him serious or not, doesnt matter you are indulging in haram relationship. Even if he is not serious about marriage you still dont wish to forget him, but you have no more problem in forgetting allah who fed you, who sheltered you, given u beauty, who didnt included you among those suffering cancer?!!

    Open your eyes. Quran says, "ISNT IT THE TIME FOR YOU TO CHANGE?" Think over these verses, If not now, when??? If not you, who???

    Pray for all of us to stay away from sins

  5. Assalamu alaykum sister The girl,
    Yes i agree with the rest .. if he was treating you respectfully and wanted to marry you and make everything halal with you, then that may have been a different story. But in this case he is totally saying NO to marriage, why bother with a man who doesn't even want to marry you, what a waste of time. Be pure, try to forget abotu him and pray to Allah to grant you a righteous husband who will lov you, take care of u,value you and not tease you .. same for us all ameen.
    If youy leave this for the sake of Allah and a better future, inshaAllah Allah will open another door for you.

    dua marriage nik
    pray 2 rakaats daily tahajjud time or anytime in which dues are accepted and after 5 times daily pray ( must do 5 times for Allah sake) and pray for ur wants
    keep reciting this dua from Quran,
    ( رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ )
    ( رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا )
    this dua is for dayn/debt , but read it with niyah of other things
    ( اللَّهُمَّ اكْفِنِي بِحَلَالِكَ عَنْ حَرَامِكَ، وَأَغْنِنِي بِفَضْلِكَ عَمَّنْ سِوَاكَ )

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