Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m devastated, I miss my dad!

dad child

Father and Daughter

As-salamu alaykum Brothers and Sisters,
My father passed away recently, it has left my completely devastated. I feel entirely lost and saddened and can’t find a way out! I am so traumatised by this whole experience, I cannot imagine my life without my father, it’s impossible to think of my future. I am still in a state of shock and very depressed. I have never experienced death in my family. I have never experienced this kind of sadness, I am so hurt I cannot explain. My dad was suffering from the horrible disease cancer, the symptoms of it was unbearable to watch, the pain, vomiting, persistent coughing, sleepless nights, breathlessness. I could barely look at him without having tears in my eyes.

The doctors said it was at an advanced stage and there was nothing they could do, we didn’t give up as only Allah swt can make him better,  made continuous dua to Allah swt. I was by my dads side every second of the day, he was the closest person to me. Alhamdulillah Allah has always blessed me with a happy life, but now my life seems full of darkness, I was always very close to my dad more than anyone, Alhamdulillah my dad is so amazing. I thank Allah swt for giving me the most wonderful parents.
Since my father’s death I have barely left my house, even my room. I have not attended university, I have missed deadlines and exams, I have stopped all contact with my friends. I can hardly talk to anyone even my sibling. I’m constantly lying down and going through everything that has happened, I know we have to all go from this world one day, and all is Allah will, but it just hurts so bad. I miss saying the word “Dad!” I fall asleep crying and wake up with tears in my eyes, I have lost my appetite, and have lost nearly a stone and a half when I was already underweight. Most of my hair has fallen out, this stress is making me lose my mind. I am always angry and upset, I forgot how it feels to smile when I have always been a joyful person. The doctors have offered me counselling, but I don’t want to because during the time my dad was ill all we did was talk to professionals, it didn’t help then and I doubt it will help now. I also worry for my mum as this have also been so difficult for her.
It has taken me a lot of courage to write this, and it is the first time I have spoken about his death. But I just wanted some advice on what I should do now as I can’t find a way to get through this. For my own sanity I cannot continue like this. I can’t open up to anyone, I cannot stop my tears at this very moment and just wish I wake up from this horrible nightmare! I feel so scared and alone. I miss him so much my heart literally hurts, there are no words to describe how I am feeling my dad meant everything to me and loved me so much. I always try to keep myself occupied with prayers and reading quran. I dont know what else to do. I would just like some advice from my dear brothers and sisters on how I can get through this? And if anyone has lost a close member of the family, if they could share some insight on how they felt so I know that I am not the only one feeling this way...
There is so much more I want to say, but I won’t. I look forward to your response, and hope someone can offer some advice on what I can do now. Please remember me and my family in your duas.

Jazakallah for reading my post. May allah bless all my brothers and sisters and keep them all in good health, Ameen.

Sister 3.


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56 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,

    Firstly sorry to hear about your father. May Allah forgive all his sins and grant him to Janna, I will remember him in my prayers sister.

    Sister I didn't lost my father but he is very aged person and not
    Well now days. Anyways but I did lost my father in law in 2010 then after 2 months I lost my grandma then 1month later I lost one of my uncle. May Allah bless them and forgive their sins.

    Sister do not think that life is in dark, it's wrong to think like that. Always think that Allah took his slave we belong to Allah we have to return to Allah one day it dosent care about age it's the time which Allah fixed it for us. sister thank to Allah that your father was suffering from cancer now he can be in peace, pray and make lots of dua that your father can rest in his grave peacefully. Allah listen to childrens dua.

    Sister when I lost my father in law it was like my father because I was also very close with my father in law even when he took his last breath I was there holding his hand and I still remember his last word was " Nadia take care if my son please, then said la ilaha illallah muhammad rasul allah then he closed his eyes" it took me time to heal then lost my grandma and uncle I wasn't there that time. So see sister be strong.

    Sister I donot have anything to say there are no words only thing I can say that pray to Allah never think you in dark always think whatever will happen will be good for life. It is not easy to control once emotion specially the person we love most. 

    • I feel the same way I lost my father in October 2016, I am still in pain he also was suffering from cancer i can feel your pain and I feel 4 every cancer person, my dad was diagnosed 2015 October and was gone in 2016,October only God knows my pain

  2. walaikum salam.

    First of all i'd like to say i am sorry of your loss and pray that allah gives your father jannah and forgives his sins. It is a very sad thing to lose somebody so close to you 🙁

    A feel i can advise you because i have some expertise in this field. Not only through qualification but also through personal emotional experience and learning ways to manage mood and emotion in myself.

    You are grieving a loss that meant so much to you. There is no shame or guilt in that. Everybody grieves in their own ways. The symptoms you have described are normal for a person who is depressed (which is a deeper sadness than normal). Once you feel better all the symptoms will go away and your hair will grow back, you will gain your appetite back, and inshallah will be stronger because you have got through a tough period in your life so other things in life would not feel as hard once you are through with this. Once you understand that you are grieving and the symptoms you are experiencing are normal hopefully that should take a weight of your shoulder. Depression is extremely common and i know it's hard for you to believe me right now but so many people get through it and so you can too.

    There is no time limit for grieving. So don't feel guilty about feeling low and sad. Everyone is different and so some people grieve for longer than others. It does not mean you are weaker than anybody else.

    Another thing is don't limit your options to feeling better again. There are so many and you want to keep all of the avenues open to you. So theres religious side of things (like using black seed oil, reciting surahs, honey, zamzam water, listening to quran, then there is counselling (i'd recommend somebody that is a muslim sister and has similar culture to you because they will understand your belief system and that aids in recovery a lot better), theres herbal medicine that can help, then theres medicine from doctors that can help too but i wouldn't take it until you have tried other avenues first. Also you have self help stuff that is available online, and then there are things such as exercise, going on a holiday, meditation, mindfulness, etc so potentially there are lots of things that can help you. You don't need to try all of them but just know that if one thing doesn't work it doesn't mean that you have no other avenues that you can follow. So inshallah that should keep you hopeful.

    Remember one thing you have alot more control over the way you feel than you think. You can't directly change your feelings but you can change them through thought and behaviour. So when you want to change the way you feel or when you are ready then change the way you behave and change the thoughts you have or the meanings of those thoughts.

    Try to take each day at a time. Know that depression can go away by itself without any intervention. So there is a good chance you will get back on your feet soon 🙂

    Just don't view your sadness as a problem. Because this is your coping mechanism to a very sad and traumatic situation. So feel the emotions and at the same time try to make little behavioural changes such as try to go out in your back garden. Get some fresh air. Maybe spend a llttle time with your family. Try not to spend too much time alone. Maybe listen to some quran if you can. Try to eat a little bit more. Maybe call or text one of your close friends. Do something however small different each day. That will give you a sense of achievement.

    When you behaviour changes you will feel a bit better and then you will have more positive thoughts naturally.

    I hope i have given you some confidence that you can inshallah get better.

    🙂

  3. Dear Sister3, As-salamu alaykum,

    I am not sure if your grief is because you feel that your father is gone forever, or just because you miss him.

    If it's the former, then you need to understand that death is not the end of existence. The soul continues to live. Everything that makes up who we are continues to exist, and one day we will all be resurrected and judged. So your father is not gone, he has simply gone on to another mode of existence, and Insha'Allah you will be reunited in Jannah one day.

    If your grief is only because you miss your father, then I'm not sure what to say. This is life. Our parents get old and die, just as we will one day get old and die. It is the universal human condition. There's nothing you can do but accept it. All of your stress will not change it.

    If you feel that you have things to express to your father, then try writing letters to him. It's true that he will not see them, but it might help you.

    Go back to school right away. Don't sacrifice your future. What do you think your father would want for you? Would he want you to give up your schooling? Or would he want you to progress in life?

    Get out of your house. See your friends, even if you won't be much fun for a while. Get back to your studies. In the beginning you might just be going through the motions, but do it anyway. The grief will pass in time, Insha'Allah.

    Allah has promised each and every one of us that we will face difficulties and hardship in life, whether it be with the loss of a loved one, setbacks in our careers, poverty, or fear: “And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.)” Suarh Baqarah 2:155] [.

    The test for us in this life is not the trial, but how we deal with it. That's what shows what we are made of. As Allah said in the above verse, glad tidings are for the ones that are patient.

    Your father is not gone. He has moved on, and now it is your turn to be an adult, and one day create a family, and show them the strength of patience.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • mashAllah very nice wael

    • I'm just revisiting this post and comment. The strange thing is that I lost my own father unexpectedly exactly two months after I posted that comment, in November 2012. I grieved for him for a long time. In order to deal with the sadness I plunged myself into writing and martial arts, two things that really take my mind to another place and allow me to escape my reality.

      Only now, two and a half years later, would I say that I am returning to normal (mostly). I make a lot of dua' for my father and I miss him. I ask Allah to reunite me with him in Jannah one day. I accept that my father still exists but on another plane of existence; and I accept that everything my father thought, felt, dreamed and hoped is preserved with Allah.

      In the meantime I am now able to functional normally, Alhamdulillah. It takes time, but all wounds heal eventually.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. I wish you were here, i would give you a big hug.....

    sorry, i coudn't read your post,,,, it made me emotional
    when i can i will reply

    I am soo sorry sister, that's the ultimate and the reason we live for... and eventually we will have to accepted and move on with our lives

    i am really really sorry sister for this lose... I pray that Allah gives you and your family the strenghts to carry on...

    Inna lilaahi wa inaa ilaihi rajiun... please keep repeating this verse untill your mind and heart accepts the truth that has happened....

    I don't have words left to say.... hugs and kisses for you sister

  5. Assalamu Alaykum, Sister 3

    Sister, think about this. Allah has, in his devine wisdom, given you a gift you may not realize. It is of great comfort to know that in every cell of your body, your father still lives. From his body, and from your mother, Allah devised a wonderful way to perpetuate life. Your father lives in you.

    You know that your father loved you, and he really is within you. He permeates every part of you. And you know he would want you to remember him, his love, and his spirit in all that you do. The best way to honor him is to take the life he and your mother gave to you, through the gift life Allah has granted us all, and do your best to stay on the path Allah has chosen for you.

    You heart may be sad at not being able to see him right now, but Allah has also devised a grand plan where the worthy will all be reunited in Jannah following the day of judgement. Strive to stay on your path, your father lives in you, and you will see him in Jannah. Some days will be difficult, but in the end, your journey on your path will lead to paradise, and the rewards you justly deserve.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Brother,

      Thank you for such a beautiful reminder of what is sometimes so obvious we don't think about it. I have to say, speaking as someone who has spent her entire life separated from both of my biological parents (although not by death), this brought comfort to a part of me that's been hurting as well.

      Thank you again.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Slms please make dua for my father Ahmed Essa Safla my father passed away 4 May 2017. I miss him so much, the pain of losing it's killing me inside ,he passed away suddenly I never got the chance to speak to him.

        • Asalamualiakum,

          Allah has knowledge and will of who when he will take us / when we return to him. Just recently I have lost my father who did everything for me and set out plans for the future for me such as to go to Hajj with him, drive, wirk and marry. Allah knows best because my father was in alot of stress to fufill these plans. The day of my fathers death came to shock my father was a healthy man who worked everyday and was strong. However, Allah knew the best time for him and my father left this dunya(World) with a smile and noor( light on his face).

          May Allah forgive all muslims and protect them from the evils of Shaitan. Insha'allah we all have a path to Jannah.

          Allah has put this test for us to strenghtwn our imam and surely we will return to Allah with the most righteous deeds.

    • Brother your advice made me smile and peace in my mind. My father is not well and now days I see bad dreams about my father still I comfort my self by saying to Allah we belong one day we have to return to Allah. But today I did note down your words so that I can comfort my mind by reading this, mashallah!!!

  6. Asalamu alikum,

    I am so sorry for your loss my dear, I know it must be so hard right now. I cant imagine the pain you are going through.

    1) But the first think you have to do is take care of yourself and your basic needs. Eat, get out of the house- even if you dont feel like it. I know your dad would want you to do that, he wouldnt want you to be see you so upset and locking yourself in your room. it may be hard to do the basic things, just do them, and inshallah it will get easier.

    2) Second things- while you are remembering him always make dua for him. As someone said above, the dua of a child is important. Know that he is with Allah, and Allah will take care of him. Trust that Allah has plans for all of us, and this is your fathers plan. All of us will die one day, and inshallah you can meet him in the next life my dear. His memories will always be with you.

    3) I found this website for parents who have lost a child- but i think this will work too for your case- check out this website- it seems the woman put alot of thought behind this book.

    http://www.childrenofjannah.com/

    4) Cruise the library- there are some really good books about grieiving- it helps to find something that clicks with you. I know what you mean by not feeling like seeing a counselor, its not a must. Allah is the best of counsellors and guides.

    5) Know that each person has their own greiving journey- do something in memory of your dad that will help you heal. make an album of your good times together ( you can do this with your family too), do something that he likes ( ex. if he likes pancakes- have that every saturday to keep his presence alive), go visit a spot that he loved to go and sit and make dua for him.

    Also, i saw this in a movie, i dont know if it really helps- but a woman would ring a little bell when she is sad and thinking about her son that passed on. and that bell sound would be almost symbolic of remembrance for her. I mean you can do that for any object, maybe keep his ties with you, or whatever and hold it when you really miss him.

    6) I know your heart is heavy my dear, but do know that it gets easier as time goes on,and dont be afraid to laugh and be busy with your life- because its what your dad would want. He wouldnt want you to be stuck and depressed.

    I hope something i have said makes sense, take care of yourself, and make dua for him and trust that Allah is taking care of your father.

    Big Hugs.

    Samira

    Also,

  7. Salamualaikum,
    Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) used to recommend talbina for the sick and for one who was grieving over a dead person. She (may Allah be pleased with her) said, "I heard the Messenger r saying, ' The talbina gives rest to the heart of the patient and makes it active and relieves some of his sorrow and grief.' " [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (5325)].
    Talbina is a meal made from barley flour, formed by adding milk and honey to the dried barley powder. It is called talbina, which comes from the Arabic word laban meaning yogurt (milk/fermented churned milk), because of its resemblance to yogurt, as it is soft and white. I hope this helps sister I am trully sorry for your loss. Make sure you help your mother and I hope her health is not afected. Please go back to university, the best thing you can do for your father now is to pray for him, he needs all the prayers he can get, as he is now in the hereafter.

  8. Salam sister,
    Your post really made me cry and I cant imagine what your going through but all I can advice is for you to keep on praying for his soul.

    Any please leave your house and talk to people it will help inch allah

    May Allah grant him jannat were you both meet and with all of us
    Ameen
    Salam

  9. Assalam.

    May Allah (SWT) ease your pain dear sister. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. "Verily we belong to God, and to God we shall return."

    Please, take a time to read the following article “Why do people have to leave each other? By Yasmin Mogahed from Suhaibwebb.com :
    http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/

    This is an excellent article which illustrates the realities of this Dunya in a very broad perspective (attachments, pain, heartbreak, loss, …. etc.) and explains how we supposed to deal with those; helps us to understand where our focus should be and why.

    May Allah (SWT) give you strength throughout this difficult time. Amen.

  10. Salam Sister
    My eyes fill up with tear to read ur story.Dear ur father is lucky to get a daughter like u sho feel him like this way.Just pray for him. He need ur doa nothing else. We all have to die. Nobody will exist without Allah.
    Just read quran nd pray namz nd also go for prfessional help to overcome your depression. My blessing always with u.

  11. Salam to all,
    I feel so bad for you. The best feeling is the love from your father. There is no bond like a father-daughter bond. It gets a little less.... I dont even know what to say. I lost my father last summer in 2011 and Allahu Akbar. I still want to just let go of life. I have 2 kids so I had to be as strong as possible. I cry everyday. I want him back SOOOOO bad. I dont know what to tell you my sister but I hope you feel better. Just sit outside, smell fresh air. Just pray for him. Pray Allah swt will forgive him. If i keep typing I'm going to just start crying and wont stop so ...salam

  12. Salam to all

    My sister I know the feeling I share your pain and sorrow. My father was diagnosed with advanced bowel cancer he died within 6 months if finding out. I too was close to my father he was more friend I used to tell him things which I wouldn't tell my mother or sisters I loved him like crazy. A whole year he suffered due to his illness vomiting, pain in every part of his body, his endless sleepless nights. Was pain for us all I watched my father suffer soo much, I was by his bedside day and nite he shared his fears his feeling with me. Them months we grew soo close. It's so painful but this pain will never go. I lost my father wen I was 18 he missed out on my wedding seeing my kids watching my graduation ceremony he won't be there but he'll always be in my heart.
    This pain my sister will never go, people say as time goes on the pain heals but no it gets harder someone does something or says something u remember him, a event wedding eid Birth u think of him deeply.
    I guess it's like my sister I was soo close to my father I loved him like crazy he was always there for me he kept me safe and taught me to be wise.
    I stay strong for my mother as if I breakdown so will she and my father once said to me that my mother was gift which I had to protect once he'd gone.
    I think bout my father every minute often day I remember his pain and suffering his tears his words that look in his eyes that look of fear.
    Life has changed alot for me since his death, I won't never forget him but there's nothing we can do anymore just we have to pray for them and visit their graves all we can do.
    My sister I share ur grief and distress I to was like u staring in space pinching uref asking urself is this all a dream but I have hope that one day in the next I will meet my father. That's wats keeps me strong. My sister u do the same we both lost our father a huge important figure in our lives. This pained will never go as time goes accepting his death will become harder. Inshallah our fathers are resting in peace they suffered e Pugh in this world, any person who suffers stomach disease .i.e cancer in stomach area is a shaheed. My father passed away in Ramadan another thing that gives me hope knowing that inshallah my father is in peace.

    My advise for u is stay strong pray for him, visit his grave he will now that his daughter has come to see him. I visit my father weekly it keeps me strong knowing that he's seen me. My sister I wish this pain we have god will take it away. Keep strong life will get harder.

    There's a father poem I read on Internet Poem

    I will never say goodbye to you my Father
    because I know this is not the end for us to see each other.
    You will only be going to a place where there’s no pain nor suffering.
    I am happy for you, for you will be with God.
    For now we need to go in separate ways.
    I remember how your arms hold me and give me strength.
    You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything.
    You were my very best friend.
    In my triumphs you were always proud.
    I’m very grateful and proud to call you my dad.
    Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be.
    I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time.
    I remember the last time I held your hand and how you looked at me in the eyes.
    If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go.
    I felt the world stop and my heart stop beating when they told me you were gone…….
    How I wish I was only dreaming.
    Just like the rain; tears fell down from my eyes, I couldn’t speak for awhile.
    Thank you Dad….
    For always understanding, listening, caring, and loving me your whole life.
    The greatest gift God gave me was YOU…….. my Dad…
    It’s difficult to let you go but I must…
    I must return the gift God gave me…
    Till then;
    See you in Heaven inshallah

  13. Mashallah so many beutiful people on here may allah grant you the ability to continue being good human beings and remember the almighty allah jazarkallah

  14. As salaamualaikum Sister

    May ALLAH swt give your father jannah and forgive all sins.
    I'm hoping by now you should have taken control of your emotions and out of the deep distress feelings.
    I've loss my father 3 years back and he was the world to me and trust me there isn't a day that I dont remember him but by prayer and sending blessings to him
    I always see him in my dreams infact I've just saw a dream that my father is dying in my hands and that wake me up and to search the interpretation online that's how I've come through to your page.
    We need to live our life's to the fullest by practicing islam and keep ourself happy and surrondings this what your and my father always wanted or wished for . so being dispress and adopting sad behaviour is like you going against your father wishes.

    So I would recommend you to fullfill your dad wishes and be happy always and you'll see your.father would be smiling too from where he is .

    May ALLAH ( SWT ) GIVE US STRENGTH TO REMEMBER OUR LOVED ONE AND PRAY FOR THEM and forgive all sins and grant them jannah .
    AMEEN

  15. Salam,

    You're not alone. I lost my daddy 11 months ago...& it still hurts a lot. All we can really do is increase his status in Jann'ah for him. Make lots and lots and lots and lots of dua for him, fast for him, do Hajj or Umrah for him. Give in charity for him, fulfill any of his promises, his dreams, his wishes. Keep him alive in your heart and life. My dad is in my heart, your's too. Also remember, our fathers are going to be raised higher in Jann'ah, & they will ask, how did I get so far? ALLAH (swt) will tell them, your children prayed for you. How great of a blessing is this? Even after they are gone, we can continue to make dua for them that will benefit them so very much. So don't be disheartened my dearest sister, everything happens for the best best best reasons!
    Keep him alive in your heart. That is one place, where he will never die. Think about him everyday, remind yourself about all the good times you both spent together. I was my dad's favorite out of all my siblings, so his passing hit me the hardest. This calamity brought me even closer to ALLAH (swt), which makes it all worth it. The thing is, I loved my dad more then anything else, I thought he was my world, my life, my provider, my everything. I forgot to realize that my dad was only ALLAH (swt)'s creation and to him he belongs. My ALLAH (swt) loves me more then 70 mothers, how could he ever wish any pain for me beyond what I can bear. I refused to let my self sink into depression over losing my whole world.

    I simply changed my perspective, everything happens for the best reasons unknown. With our limited knowledge, we don't realize the good in every situation. Our dads are in peace now, Insha'ALLAH. No more pain, no more suffering, no more horrible symptoms of disease. They are in peace, free from this world and with their creator, who loves them way more then we ever can.

    As I started writing this reply, I was rolling in tears...but this response, advice has helped me calm myself down and it feels like I am giving my own self advice. Maybe you should do that, write about how you feel? Anger? Grief? Acceptance? Whatever you want, by the time your done writing about your feelings, you will realize that you don't feel as bad anymore...!!

    May ALLAH (swt) make it easy for us and for all the people who lost their dad. May ALLAH (swt), give us sabr & lots of strength to accept this as part of our reality. The way I look at it is not that I lost him so early, instead I remind myself that Muhmmad (p.b.u.h), beloved prophet, habib of ALLAH (swt), lost his father before he was even born, & I got to spend 22 years with Daddy. Alhumdulillah!!!!!

    ALLAH (swt) truly blessed you and I with amazing, most loving fathers, that are in a much much much better place then this world.

  16. Aslam alaykum brothers and sisters .i am 39 years old married with a good husband and three children but after loosing my father 3 months ago I feel so alone in the world ,every problem I've ever had every time I've needed advice each time I've needed live or comfort or just words of wisdom I went to my dad he was my protection in life now that protection has gone and I don't feel safe anymore I try each day to distract myself with my kids keep myself busy i go shopping I cook clean run around I don't stop but sisters and brothers the pain does not ease my husband lost his mum Eight years ago and tells me each day time heals read namaz do dua that's what will help your dad but it doesn't help me missing him that ache that longing to see him one more time tell him things you never got a chance to tell him he had a stroke last year but recovered really well he used to sit in hospital crying I said dad why are you crying you are getting better he said in not crying for that reason I'm crying because its Ramadan and I can't fast exactly a year later just before Ramadan he suffered a second stroke in hospital but they didn't diagnose him in time he slipped into a coma he spent two weeks dying in hospital he never opened his eyed he took his last breaths in front of my mother his four daughters and one son .to watch the man who spent his whole life looking after you to take his last two breaths in front of you I can't describe it because there are no words for it on the same day I watched him die I watched him be buried in the ground I wish I was stronger in faith like my husband because it helps him so much it's the knowledge and understanding of islam that gets you through nothing else sisters nothing no medicine no potions nothing is going to heal your pain imagine before you were born you can't your mind is a blank imagine when you were created in your mothers stomach didn't Allah look after you made sure you had everything to survive from one tiny cell what do you think Allah is not going to look after your father now he is dead you have to keep telling yourself this you have to otherwise you will sink into depression and die yourself this life is just a journey your destination is death it's up to you if you want to fry all day sit inside all day or feel sorry for yourself instead thank Allah for your dad ur life give charity you can never give enough charity do good deed s nothing else you will take with you except good deeds when u read your stories my heart aches but we don't have power to bring back those who have gone we belong to Allah you were created from one cell one tiny cell even whilst I am writing this insisting all these words of wisdom but I can't believe my dads gone from my life I can't believe it it's a reminder of how close we are to death all the time I sat in that hospital watching my father die but although he suffered a massive stroke he couldn't speak but those words just flowed outla ilaha Lillian muhammed due rasullulah lag look how blessed my father was to be able to say those words on his passing when so many don't get the chance I LOVE YOU DAD I MISS YOU DAD

  17. i love to my uncle too much but i cant axept my feelings to get very closer to him so please give me some advice to mmeet him and tell that i love you too much

    • rabiya, it's unclear if you mean that you love him in the normal way that one loves a family member; Or if you are in love and attracted to him.

      If it's the first then that's fine but it's best not to express these feelings as it may be misunderstood or lead to improper thoughts.

      If it's the second then this is a misguided way of thinking that will only lead to haram and ruination. You must shut off such thoughts and do your best to avoid your uncle completely.

      If you need further advice then please register and submit your question as a separate post.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. Rabiya: i love to my uncle too much but i cant axept my feelings to get very closer to him so please give me some advice to mmeet him and tell that i love you too much.

    If you do tell your uncle he may use you for physical enjoyment. Stay away from him. How old are you both?

  19. I'm 17 years old,my dad died suddenly 2 weeks ago.Since then I'm devastated my youngest sister is only 5 years old and she always asks,"where is my dad,when will he come back?".He died on the 13th of Muharram.He always loved his family and I miss him sooo much,it's hard to believe that he's gone,I can't sleep properly and I'm always depressed since the day he died,he was suffering from kidney disease for the past 2 years but the day he died,he was only going to hospital for the dialysis he used to take thrice a week,it was just a normal day I was going to college and the last thing I said to my dad was "Bye Abbu".He always used to say "In Sha Allah,I'll get better soon", and that sentence always keeps replaying on my mind.

    I would do anything to hug him one last time.

    In Sha Allah,we all will meet with our family again in Jannah.But heart doesn't seem to wait and I lost every interest of daily activities.
    Please suggest me how to keep my mind calm and I was wondering does dying on the month of Muharram a good thing?

    • As-salamu alaykum sister Jannatul. Our situations are similar in some ways. My father was in dialysis for 6 years, then one day his heart gave out while undergoing dialysis. That very morning he was cheerful and came back to the door to say goodbye again before leaving. That was almost exactly three years ago.

      The difference between us is that I am much older than you, so I was able to have my dad around for much longer. It's very sad that you've lost your dad so young. I am sorry for your loss.

      Like you, I felt listless for a long time afterward. I had trouble focusing on my work and studies. That lasted for about a year. I still feel sad about it of course, but I am able to enjoy my life at the same time and do my daily activities.

      The only thing I can tell you is to give it time. The pain lessens in time. Keep your faith in Allah, stay active in school and hobbies, spend time with family and good friends, and be patient. May Allah comfort you and ease your heart.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • As-salamu alaykum brother, Thank you for your kind words.May Allah bless you.

        After almost three months I'm still trying to live a normal life,although the pain kills me inside I do not show it to the world.I fall asleep crying and almost everyday wake up crying.My dad was my EVERYTHING.I'm still not able to get over the grieve,I feel lost and I'm always worried about him.I always wonder what is happening with him in grave,how is he and all those questions are messing my head and I can't concentrate on anything.Just today I was filling a form for my younger sister's school's admission and it killed me to write "Late" before his name.I feel like I won't be happy ever again.

        I just hope that In Sha Allah,I'll meet him again in Jannah.That is the only hope that makes my heart calm.

        • Salam,

          My father also died of kidney disease. They say The person who passes away due to any abdomen disease will have no grave trials. In Sha Allah. I wish all our parents who suffered and died of any disease may Allah forgive them. I miss my father. He passed away 2 months back and he had told my mother will I recover if I take these tablets for 6 more months. That never happened:( My heart cries out to him. I still feel my father has just gone for some tour and he will come back . Its so fresh and I cant imagine I can live without him for many years more. I already wish death for myself so that I can meet my father againa and tell him " How could you leave us all like that"? Didnt you knew we love you. Why do you always want to hurry up in every thing. Even in death". I miss my father > I miss my father a lot but I have responsibilities now as my mother is alone and I have to take care of her . My father loved my mother a lot. May Allah grant him and every parent Jannah and Forgive all their small and major Sins. In Sha Allah!!

  20. Asalaam walykam .....
    I'm very sorry about your lost and I want to tell you that I just lost my father to sepsis and it's killing me .I can't tell anyone how devastating it is to loss your father the only one would know is that lives this .....I feel that I'm lost can't breathe and wish it was me then him .....my mom is worst and I gave birth the day they buried him....I'm dead inside ....dead ...I wish I can say something to comfort u but the way I do it to ease my pain is make duaa for him and talk to all to forgive him and have mercy on his soul ...and take his picture and talk to him ..I pray before I sleep and feel good right after ....I wish u can get through this and I wish u feel better ..I will make duaa for u and I hope u do the same for me

  21. Assalam o Alaikum. I lost my father 25 days ago.going through same emotions and grief. Don't know what to do and what to say.by reading these answers gives me lot of sabr.May Allah give you sabr aswell my sister.as we all have to go there.
    He had cancer aswell very advance they couldn't do anything by reading your story it sounds exactly like our situation. May Allah give you and your family sabr and May Allah give me and my family sabr aswell.

    • walaikum assalam brother,

      losing a parent is the most painful thing ever,nothing can heal that pain,we do get used to it eventually but the pain will never go away.

      Thank you for your kind words,may Allah give you and your family sabr as well.Please keep me and my family in your du'a .I'll make du'a for you and your family as well.

  22. May Allah forgive him for Allah is most merciful and forgiving. May Allah grant him Janna. Asalamulayum sister, I know exactly how you feel, i was 13 when i lost my father but a different cause. Im 21 now and i remember the last day i spent with him for Allah made it seem like it was paradise alhamduleelah. My father was sick and he would tell me everyday he was going to die. He said it for many years and i believed he would, despite if it would be before or after i did. So i spent every day with him like it was the last. When he passed it broke my heart. Like someone shot my heart, and sister the feeling wont ever go away when u think of his death. I remember seeing him lifeless, i even tried waking him up then waiting for someone to come out with a camera saying it was all a prank. I kept imagining him waking up saying it was a joke. I could not believe it. I converted to islam almost 2 years ago i learned how to pray in arabic first to last word so i can dedicate every prayer for him. Thats the only thing that brings me peace, that if i remain a good woman, wear my hijab, marry, become a great mother, teach my kids islam, and pray daily, There will always be hope Allah may forgive my father and grant him Janna. I dont even try to say a curse word in my thoughts, dont listen to music, i visit my family occasionally because there hispanic culture is a negative energy towards my enviorment. Yet again i try to teach my family about islam hoping they will find truth in it. I do this so when judgment day comes, my father will see how much i love him and show him how much he means. So when judgment day comes, Allah may forgive him amd grant him Janna. My father did not believe in heaven. One thing dont feel sorry, when some one tell you they are sorry instead alhamduleelah for Allah knows better. This is an opportunity to show Allah how true you are to Islam. Be satisy for what Allah has planned. Crying is normal, and theres time till now that i cant stop crying but i play,read the quran or pray and trust Allah. It will bring you endless comfort

  23. May ALLAH swt giv your dad the highest rank of JANNAH ameen. May ALLAH swt giv ur family strength n sabar. this post is few years old but has touched me deeply cuz my dad passed away 2 weeks ago from cancer and what eva u went thru and describing the pain thats exactly what im goin thru. its hard painfull stressing depressing. a man u luked upon all ur life has now gone. but the way i c my dad suffered 2much. hes in a beta place now..ALLAH swt mk it easier 4 all of us ameen

  24. My father died 10 days ago, he was ill due to liver. I knew he was going to die but there was always hope and i prayed alot for him. I visited this page when my father was still alive as i was wondering how it would feel like if my father died. After few days my father died and today when i couldn't control myself and was searching a way to get back to life, google again brought me to this page. It is even worse than what i thought. As i'm only son of my parents i always thought that i'm so alone in this world. but i was so wrong as i had father at that time. Now i know how alone i'm. I was never close to my father as much as i was in last few months of his illness. i loved him so much that after his death, i feel, i lost love for other family members. Still i feel that my father is temporarily gone and will come back. I was strong on the day of my father's death and but now i'm getting mentally weaker day by day. Things to which my father interacted in life or places he visited are haunting me. I can't even stand in my father's room for few minutes. Can't touch and change status of his belongings as they make me cry. I thought that my sadness and grief will go away with time but now i believe it will never go. Life will be never same again. I have seen good part of my life and now i'm at down fall. I dont wanna be disappointed with life. When i see other people who still have fathers, i ask why my father went so early and suddenly. I feel guilty that i could have done more for my father in terms of his treatment at that time if i had paid attention.

    Please pray for me and my family. If anybody can tell me a dua which will give me patience or lower my sadness so i can get to normal life. Also will weeping enough will lower my sadness? as i haven't wept enough for father as i didn't wanted people to see me crying on funeral and on later days when people were still coming. Also tell me best way or prayer to pray for my father. Thanks

    • salam brother,

      I am in the same state as you. Please rcite ya Ghaffur-ur rahim 100 times after Fajr Namaz. Allah will ive you sabr. In Saha Allah. Life will never be the same again .

  25. My father passed away one month ago with the same disease u told
    We did our every best to save his life and there is no regret that we didnt try
    I was apple of my father's eye
    He gave me happiness
    And he was my best friend
    But....
    When he died I shed tears but i wept within islamic values
    This is indeed a great loss
    And there is a great void in my life
    But i dont weep because I am sure he didnt want to see me in in lacerated heart
    And ur tears and ur this condition is hurting him
    He feels everything
    I offer prayer
    I recitte quran
    And other acts of kindness
    This is what we can do for him and u can gor him

  26. my father is death in feb 2016 after my father death my sibling can't tolerate my studies if anyone give me and my disable sister save place to live so i will do for them all house work and i can do for them all house work and servant of house and pay my university fees thank u soo much . i am from pakistan . my 12 class result came in 2016 october

  27. Dear sister , I am a father of broken family I love my daughter perhaps same way that your father use to love you but my ex wife got succeeded in taking away both of my daughters .... I wish I could be the father like yours ... any how Allah test us with different things ... inshallah just take this test with patient and remember Allah in distress may Allah bless your father

  28. Ive joined this website after losing my precious dad last week. It happened very suddenly. I am still very much in shock and cannot believe how he was here one day and gone the next. I have never lost anyone let alone seen anyone pass away, and feel greatly saddened. I feel like ive lost a part of my body, that i am no longer the same person i was. I don't really know how to go back to a normal life. I feel guilt that i could not safe him and protect him.

    • Marhaba, I am sorry for your loss. Only time with help with the pain. Trust me, you will feel better eventually. There is no need for guilt. Your father's time of passing was a part of his Qadar. You could not have stopped it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  29. Salaam brothers and sisters,

    Where do I begin I lost my father to cancer on the 1st November 2012 , he died in my arms as I was holding him in and lived with him in the hospice , he feared death and would not sleep and I reassured him he was goigng to be fine and live . I started to believe in my lies I told him . He died peacefully . What I am about to put will shock you all but I am typing this to repent and may Allah forgive me.
    I followed a wrong path and abandoned my kids for a english man and now I lost my kids and family . I turned my back on my religon and 4 years down the line I have nothing left . I wanted to share this as a way of stopping anyone else from doing something so wrong like I have done. I am coming back into my religon and only get to see what my children look like on facebook my daughter is 23 my son 21 and the youngest is 12 years old . Shame on me and for what I put all the family through who dont talk to me and never will . I saw my dad in my dream on one occassion he told me that one day we all have to die and last night he asked me what I was afraid of ... I cant stop cryng for my sins and every day I ask for forgiveness . My mother is very ill and the family wont let me see her and I have let everyone down especially my dad who i loved me .

    Please think carefully for what you ask for in life as it will go to your grave .

    Salaam

  30. I am sorry for your loss. I also miss my father and that is why I found your article because I search for it. Let's have hope and one true God Allah and he would unite us with our loved one.

  31. Asalamulaikum,

    I lost my father 2 months back and before that I didnt knew if there was even death of a loved one. I was so scared of all these feeling of losing my Father. he was diagonised with kidney tfailure in 2013 and from that day we have only thought of ways to cure him. Morning I worked and evening I reesrached for Good doctors, His diet plan and if there was any way I could extend his life. I got to know 2 years back that it is possible if he has transplant done and we started procedures of transplant . Fortunately, or Unfortunately my mothers kidney matched and he didnt want to go to Dialysis and we didnt know if he would go dialysis as it had to be done thrice a week as he had no much patience plus he wouldnt follow diet plann and he was very careless and we thought of transplant and everything happened finally the day came when my father was to be operated and there were few complications but by God's grace we thought all went well and a year passed after that and he was fine with some swellings for that we again did a second operation for his swelling and before 3 months he had another infection. he used to walk and do everything on his own before 3 months of his death and then after 3 months de to some infection he lost apetite and cut down on everything. we thought he is under depression and we thought we should change the place he might again recover. 1 week before his death we took him somewhere else to my sister's place out of city so that his place gets changed so he recovers with prescence of more people who can make him talk and come out f his mental depressiona and be like before again as he was a very talkative person and he had become loner from 3 months we didnt understand what was happeneing and anyway after a week I lost my father he breathed his last breath which was so long. his eyesight followed his soul and he saw us all before his death cried and left us alone. i was very close to my father but i used to stay away from him for a year due to my husband's job so i had to go to another country. I thought I will come to my father and serve him and make him recover again so i came . little did i know he was just waiting for me to breathe his last. i have so many regrets of how i shoudl have been with him in his last how i should have given a second thought of operation or atleast may be considered isthikara before operation though we preayed to Allah but we didnt seek his decision . I dont know if I should blame myself I feel devastated. I feel may be my prescence would have saved him. May be tis or that. I dont know if my feeling will go. Just sharing if anyone experienced the same. Not sure if anyone can give answer to this only Allah can.

  32. Assalamu alaykum!

    I am sorry for your loss.. My beloved father passed away too, more than a month ago. And, just like you, my father is dearest to me. He is always on my mind. All I can do is ask Allah to grant him mercy and forgiveness and May Allah admit him to Firdaws, In shaa Allah. I advise you to do the same too, whenever you miss your father.

    • Subhanallah.... this article is years old yet it also popped up for me. It’s been only 3 days since my beloved father passed away. He has been battling illness his entire life. He suffered a rare stomach disease then he suffered a stroke 3 Years back. Then out of nowhere he got a heart attack and a massive stroke 2 weeks ago. He stayed in a coma until Allah decided it was time for him to go and Rest In Peace we pray.

      It’s so hard. I also visited this article before he died to prepare myself . But nothing in this world will prepare for you. It’s is very hard and like everyone mentioned, you will never know the pain until you actually experience it.

      To everyone out ther who lost there dear loved ones, it’s hard very hard. But we have to remember we have the mercy of Islam. We are encouraged to pray for them with no limit and give charity on their behalf. What better can we ask? Allah knows best . To Allah we belong and to him we return. This is the life that has to go on.

      I would write more and more but inshallah I’ll benefit someone with this reminder. Do not forget your passed away loved ones, it’s ok to let out tears but we have to be strong. Pray for them and give charity. Show the world who your parents raised you to be.

      Know that Allah knows your pain. That’s why the reward of patience is so great. Stay strong my brothers and sisters. ultimately remember to Allah we belong and to him we return.

      May Allah give you patience and have mercy and forgiveness on our loved ones. Ameen

  33. Asalam alaykum.
    My father my hero, the love of my life passed away today morning. I'm so broken I don't know what to do. I'm so far that I can't attend his funeral. I couldnot say bye when he was having his last breath even I won't be able to see him for last time. Please pray for him Allah grant him peace and jannah Ameen

    • Faizah, wa alaykum as-salam. I'm very sorry for your loss. To Allah we all belong, and to Allah we return. I see that you are heartbroken that you could not be with your father or attend his funeral. But there's something very important you can do: dua'. Your dua' for your father is heard by Allah and can make a difference for your father in the aakhirah. He would not have known if you attended his funeral. But your dua' can benefit him directly.

      May Allah have mercy on your father, protect him from the punishment of Jahannam, and make him among the people of Jannah. And may Allah bring ease and comfort to your heart.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  34. This popped up for me today when I was researching about father's death and was remembering my father after 11 years since he died. I lost him in 2006 when I just turnt 11 and he was such a great man helping others, donating, looking after people but even to this day I still feel upset that I cannot see him. He even built a mosque down in Bangladesh right in my town in his mother's name and the Imam there is someone who he helped as well by providing him with a house.I wish in sha allah Allah grants him the highest rank in Jannah and I am reunited with him one day. It was his death day yesterday after 11 years and I still remember everything that happened on the day and what he said to me before he was going to pass away. He spoke to my Mum the previous day he died, discussing who her favourite children are and said it was me and my older sister. Then my Mum said but Shahin (me) is your favourite as well as my younger sister, Salima who was 9 at the time and he responded with they are young so I have to look after them. He told me" May Allah keep you safe" when he was having a heart attack but I can still remember this and cannot stop crying. I am at university in my final year and have deadlines but his death day has put me back and cannot think properly. I really want to see him again and do really well this year for him and my mother who is still alive alhamdulillah. When he passed away in 2006 I was one of the best students in madrasah due to him and my mum but then everything collapsed for me and lost interest in everything but I have slowly came back. I just wish I can go back to reading quran often and going back in remembering all the duas I used to know so that he is happy with me. My head is all over the place even now after 11 years when I think about him and keep on having headaches too often. I even go to his grave often once a week and make dua for him but I wish Allah reunites me with him. I just wanna remember him for the best and not cry too often just not to make it hard for him. May Allah grant everyone's father's Jannah who have passed away and mine as well.

  35. I am truly so sorry for your loss and your pain. May Allah grant you lots of ease with this difficult pain and the loss of a great beloved father and may Allah provide you with guidance, His mercy and His Nur.... ameen.

    Our parents are truly blessings in this life and provide us with love and care that is a beautiful blessing from Allah. I lost my beautiful mother is 2012 and lost my father recently and also feel a lot of pain and emptiness. It does feel like the world has changed.

    Alhumdhullilah however that we are blessed with parents that loved us and alhumdhullilah that Allah tells us that the bond between parent and child never ends... and we can still continue to pray for them and ask for their forgiveness and ask that Allah grants them Janath al firdous. When they receive these prayers, they will not only feel happy but Allah will actually inshallah raise their status in jannah....every time you feel sad... keep praying for your dad. May Allah grant all our parents Janath al firdous and grant them nur where they are resting in their gravesend... ameen and may Allah grant us the ability to be good muslims and good children so that we can continue to do good deeds which benefit them in the hereafter.

    Although it is so hard at these painful times, we must rememeber that Allah is Rahmaan and Raheem and the most loving and wise in everything He does. Inshallah Allah will compensate you for the pain that you are feeling....

    I am reminding myself also as I too feel so much pain but inshallah we can send them duas and inshallah we will be reunited with them in the gardens of Paradise, amongst the flowers and beautiful trees and fruit and eternal happiness....ameen

    Try to go back to university and study and that way when you work, you will be able to spend some of your money in good causes for your parents and yourself.

    I find surah Yaseen and Surah Rehman very soothing, although all the Quran is a shiffa.

    Lots of love. MAY ALLAH bless you and look after you and all those suffering and in pain as Allah is the best of carers and friends.....and take care of yourself.

    X

  36. Assalaamu Alaikum brother and sisters.

    My father passed away last Friday and we buried him at Jummah prayers.

    It's a pain you bear which is indescribable

    Please remember him in your prayers.

    We all have to remember we will all taste death.

    We just need to prepare as much as possible.

    May Allah swt grant our parents a place in the highest heavens

    Ameen

    • Saleh, I'm sorry for your loss. Our life is given by Allah, and in the end we all return to his embrace. May Allah have mercy on your father and be gentle with him.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  37. Asa

    I am so sorry for your loss may Allah swt make it easy for you. When i read your story i feel as if i wrote ot myself! I just went through this but with ny Nanny aka my grandmother who raised me.
    Every word u saidi feel and its all correct. Its sooo hard and yes i feel alone as well. I feel there is no energy to even wanna start to talk to someone.
    She was my roke modle and best friend may all be pleased with her mashallah she was thr best of the best. She also lost her battle to lung cancer. She comes in my dreams. I just want to keep dreaming of her to talk with her.
    The only thing that has made me feel better is praying for her and asking allah to bring her in my dreams. Its made me pray more. Made me question life and look at it all different. I wantednto keave my career that i fought so gard to get and she was soooo very proud!!! I held on only thinking how wpuld she feel if i let it go.
    Keep studying.... make allah your best friend. Its so hard i know.... im here with you in this situation. Make allah help us all. Ameen
    I think of small children who suffer so very often... make dua for them. My heart is with you.

    Sincerely your sister
    Nikki.

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