Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need a divorced couple so we can do halala for each other

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Shall I not tell you of a borrowed billy-goat?" They said, Yes, O Messenger of Allah. He said, "He is al-muhallil. May Allah curse al-muhallil and al-muhallallahu."

Question:

salaams

the term halala as you know means for a couple to make each other halal again after they have had their third talaq (divorce).

there are a lot of website whereby muslims singles . can arrange marriages. Why are there no sites that. could . assist a couple finding another couple in the same boat [ talaq ] and they would like to get back together. So i feel that the best way is to be able to find another couple who also want to be back together should or can perform the nikah ceremony to each other's ex-spouses and do all that is nessarry and help each other out to be able to remarry their respected ex-spouses again..

We sometimes regret what has happened or said after anger. [ like we do ] and also . that we love one another deeply have made dua and asked for forgiveness from All mighty Allah...but i have wrong and there is no turning back and want to make things right for us ...but cannot.  so i feel. that a website [ similar to the muslim marraige sites ] could.  offer internationally and free of charge. as it would be couples only and no couple will charge the other couple so its even help. help.

We couples are living. in haraam. and committing zinaa everyday. we cannot go to our elders. or mufti's because of embarassment [ like myself] and i am sure their are many many other couples. as their are many questions posted on the internet alone seeking guidance about halala.. I do seriously think a international website would be of great help to a lot of muslims couples around the world .. and i am sure after a decent time period each country would be able to assist their own in a discreet non embarrassing way.

I have done many a search but could not find any to assist me and my wife in doing what is right and we are to ashamed to go to our local organisations for help ..so. we have no option but to live in zinaa ...please help or could you please direct us where we could find similar couple in our position ..jaza kallah ...and may the all mighty "Allah" bless you in your good work ...

Wael's Answer:

Dear Brother, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

What you are describing is totally haram and in fact this kind of behavior was cursed by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), who said, ""Allah has cursed the muhallil and the muhallallahu".

And in fact this haram process is considered invalid and does not make your ex-wife halal for you.

I published a more detailed article about this on Zawaj.com back in July 2009. You can see it here:

Is "Halala" or "Tahleel" Marriage Permissible?

You act as if you are an innocent victim, when in fact you are paying the consequences for your behavior. If you loved this woman so much and wanted to be with her, you should not have divorced her not just once, but three times! Divorce is not a game, or a psychological weapon to be held over a woman's head or thrown at her whenever you are angry. It's for exactly that reason that you are now permanently divorced. If Islam had not placed a limit of three divorces, maybe you would have divorced her ten times, or twenty, keeping her in a perpetual state of anxiety and distress.

You must accept that this woman is no longer your wife and cannot be your wife, and part from her so that you can each go on with your lives in a halal way. In your next marriage exercise better judgment and control your behavior so as not to end up in this situation again.

And Allah knows best.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.

(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.

Best regards,

Wael Abdelgawad
IslamicAnswers.com Marriage Advice
Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service


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33 Responses »

  1. Salaams...

    I agree with Wael's reply.

    You said: "...so we have no option but to live in zinaa..."

    You know thats not true, as you know full well that you do have an option. IF you can choose to live in zina, you can also choose not to live in zina by accepting that this woman is no longer halaal for you, hence moving away from her.

  2. I am in the same scenario

    Please e-mail me brother

  3. Salam Wael - I understand. Thanks.

    I made a mistake by not knowing the laws of Talaq (my ignorance) Allah knows best - he will help me and my ex thru this time if he wills. make dua for me / her

    the law at my place of work is if you Swear u loose ur job, hence i never swear, If I knew Allah's law I would not have used his words in vain.

    Sharia dont change coz of my ignorance

    Allah said in the quraan divorce is twice, who made the law that it is applicable in the entire life of a nikah even in different settings? one now and one 50 years later = 2

    I didnt know.

  4. I've heard that there are certain schools of thought that deem if a talaq is uttered when one is in an emotionally unstable state of mind, it is not valid. According to that if one gives a divorce during an argument or while angry, it wouldn't count. In order for the divorce to be valid the issuer must not be intoxicated, and that would include emotionally as well as alcoholically. One must be of a sane, clear mind when issuing divorce, and sure of his decision, for it to be enacted.

  5. Slam

    I reed your problam

    I think you need help from proper imam
    you said you was angry and you say that as for I know talaq is not so easy
    whan we have nika we need witnes same goes to talaq you need to be in right mind
    proper aim and have to have 2 witnes to give talaq and even after that you some time to change befour idat

    in angar with force or any action that is not from your hart and mind than thair is no talaq
    take it easy she is halal on you but
    you need to start nemaz and give sdqa ect with proper accout

    waslam

    • @ Ali may I ask how deep your knowledge of Islam and Sharia is?

      This is because the statements you have made about address an issue which defined in and governed by Sharia and is NOT open to one’s personal opinions or interpretations.

      So can I please ask you to provide proper references for your statements or if you are personally qualified (i.e. you are a Mufti) please provide us your details so they can be verified.

      It is extremely disturbing that we make statements about Islamic issues without proper knowledge or research and do not considering the implications of such statements.

      As per my knowledge Talaaq given is any state of mind is valid. Having witnesses is also NOT a requirement for Talaaq to be valid.

      Following are the fatwas that are the source of my knowledge. These have been provided by Darul Ifta and approved by Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

      Allah knows the best.

      Talaaq given in anger and without witnesses
      http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=72790fdcb7a17e5e816fda5c61dd9fe9

      Talaaq given in Joke and Halala
      http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=ab57dfcd1da3318b6447f6e7121b240a

      Talaaq given in anger
      http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=ed2837a220dd9fb3c8ca30eee7325cfd

      Talaaq given in anger without thinking of the consequences.
      http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=b8e472ef766a8b43114c1bae32662a57

      • Salaams,

        These links from Ask Imam do not provide a comprehensive explanation to back up their statements.

        I came across the following in looking into the issue of divorce;

        http://thetruereligion.wordpress.com/2009/09/10/talaq-divorce-general-rules/

        It supports what Ali is saying in his comment.

        At the end of the day, divorce is the most hated of all things halaal. How can it be that easy to carry out?

        To the poser of this question,

        That suggestion is haraam. If a couple divorce, they cannot be permitted to remarry each other, unless they marry others with GENUINE intent. Then IF that marriage ends in divorce the original spouse becomes permissible to remarry.
        Now understand the whole point of that. It is said in such a way to emphasize the severity of divorce and to be most sure that is the correct thing to do, before taking any action. You can't marry someone with the intention of divorcing them in order to reclaim your ex-wife. Marriage is not a joke or some convenience to create loopholes in the law.
        Also if a couple divorce, move on and remarry others, how many are likely to give that up, go through another divorce and go back to the person that hurt them in the first place?

  6. well now u know the consequences of divorce its no joke

  7. so what has happened to the above couple who started this debate? may allah bless you and erase your difficulties

  8. He's takin divorce as an joke. Lol wow. I can't even comprehend Wats goin on in this world. It's a shame what a beautiful planet is becomin and the creatures it holds.

    • who said his taking it as a joke? his human he realised what he did was wrong and wants to correct it now,he loves his wife.there is no harm in him wanting her back,read quraan brother.read the message ive typed below right at the bottom of this page ,to wael

  9. just want to add that whatever you are aking for is not a joke. "ah honey, oops we are divorced again. weekend sex plans cancelled. lets go on that website to find another couple to have sex with, then we'll be back together again." do you understand what i mean? it's not a joke. i can't believe there are actually websites offering such services! i know your divorce is not a joke either, but this stuff about finding a couple to ---------- is not a joke either.

    • look read the quraan! you ppl are totally misunderstanding the guy,what he means is what he is saying and its actually wrong but his intention is in no way wrong only reason he asked for this is because he fears if she gets married to another man he would refuse to give her back to him thats why he is asking for another couple so that there can be no hurt involved well he will still get hurt coz she gona sleep with another man but well thats part of the divorce consequences.READ WHAT I HAVE TYPED BELOW,RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE ,TO WAEL

  10. I find this post very disturbing. I mean, is he actually speaking seriously ?! Does he really think he can play with Allah's law like that ?! Astaghfirullah Al Atheem !

    And : "so we have no option but to live in zina" ?!!!! A'uthu billah, brother, you do have a choice and you know it very well. And stop calling her your wife, she's your EX wife. She has become haraam to you and you are haraam to her.

    May Allah guide us all. Ameen.

  11. i am in the same situation as u.i feel disgusted the way i am living -as a happy family in the eyes of family and so on when realy we are divorced.iv read all the comments on this site and i know wots rite and whats wrong.at the time of my divorce i was completely gon in the head and forced my husband to divorce me..i have had taeez done on me since iv been married.im not mkeing excuses for my actions.we have three children together thats why we want to stay together .i feel so sick somtimes about the whole situation that i want to kill my self. my husband completely blames me for the hole situation.

    • Asma,

      If you feel disgusted at your situation now, do you thinking killing yourself will make you feel any better? If you believe in Allah and the Hereafter, then you will know that suicide will give you nothing but eternal feelings of misery, disgust and pain. Dying is not the end, it is just the beginning, so suicide is not the answer.

      I would advise you strongly to consult with an imaam about your case; as so many marriages are destroyed because the couple think they are divorced when actually, they are not completely divorce and have a chance to turn back legally.

      Find out the truth and then deal with it. If you find that you are actually divorced then you need to give yourself a good reminder of the great sin and punishment you will be incurring by choosing to stay with your ex-husband.

      Sister, sometimes, we have to do things that we do not like; but they will give us inner peace in the long term, whereas choosing the wrong path will take away blessings in this life and the next and one will incur Allah's Wrath.

      I pray Allah makes the right path clear to you and also that He(swt) gives you the strength to follow the right path, aameen.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • so asma ,, what u did,, did u separated or made halala,, which is also prohibited as i have read it,,, whts the solution u have made to this problemm,, pl do let me know

  12. Asslamalaikum sister asma, i have read your story, and i am truly sorry you are going through this, i am also dissapointed that so many muslim brothers and sisters think it is ok to pass their judgements.
    When a calamity is going to fall upon us, only Allah swt knows,
    what you both have to realise that, what you have to do now, please go and see an imam who can guide you, an imam who is Allah swt fearing will not breach your confidence. he will be able to guide you properley.
    after assessing the who;e situation and the exact wording that was used, dont bury your head in the sand!
    i pray Allah swt gives you strength to pass this diificult time, Inshallah.
    please pray to Allah swt and ask him for guidance, and remember me in your duas also.

  13. salaam alaykum wael your ryt abt his suggestion being unethical but wael your wrong abt telling him to forget his wife it was said in the quraan something to the effect that if the husband wants his wife back there is no harm in this and infact if he goes to his wife's new husband and asks to have her back he should i mean he actually must set her free.look i dont have the quraan with me now but i will find it later inshlah and then ill type down for you the exact words

    • Sister Nadheerah, there is no such thing as what you are saying. Marriage is a sacred thing. If the wife is married to new husband, for the old husband to come and try to separate them is a sin.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. assalamu alaykum wael,obviously you seem to know less when it comes to divorce hhhh but thats just it nobody is perfect and we are all equal in the eyes of Allah rich or poor old or young and its our duty to remind each other of what is the straight path and what is correct ,anyway to the point,i have my proof now i dont blame you for telling that what i said was incorrect as i did not have proof but now i do for all,wael read Surah 2. Al-Baqarah Verse 232 .take care and next time find proof before you say there is no such thing im a muslim why would i lie? to gain what exactly?

    • ASA Nadheerah,

      here is a translation of the verse you keep referring to in effort to support your argument:

      "And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not."

      This verse says NOTHING about a former husband taking a spouse back if she has already remarried. I can see where this may be interpreted to mean that a husband has divorced her and takes her back if she has not yet remarried, but even to make that interpretation requires one to take this verse (al baqarah vs 232) in isolation. As you can see, going back two verses, we have another verse that supports what wael and most of the rest of us understand:

      "And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah . These are the limits of Allah , which He makes clear to a people who know."

      Sister, please make sure that you are taking verses in their context, because clearly the content shows that your interpretation is faulty and what everyone else is understanding on here is more accurate.

    • Nadheerah, I never said you are lying and I do not think that, not at all. But your understanding of this issue is incorrect. The ayah you indicated says that if a couple gets divorced, then wants to remarry again, they are allowed to do so. However, other ayat make it clear that this can only happen twice. After the third time, they are unlawful to each other.

      If it happens that in the course of life the woman marries another man, with a sincere and true intention, then eventually he passes away, or he divorces her, then she is lawful again for the first husband if they both choose. But that does not mean that if she is still happily married to the second husband, that the first one can come and split up the marriage and take her away! Absolutely not!

      In fact to try to separate a husband and a wife is a kind of fitnah and is one of the jobs of Shaytan.

      Imagine that a woman married Ali when she was 20, and stayed with him for a few years. Their marriage is rocky and difficult, and they fight all the time, and one day he divorces her. Some time goes by, and she meets Zaid, and they get married. They are happily married for many years, and they have three children. Then one day the ex-husband Ali shows up and demands that he wants the woman back. She abandons Zaid and her children, breaking his heart and leaving her children without a mother, and also creating hatred and animosity between the relatives of Ali and Zaid. Furthermore the woman's family is upset about the matter and wants nothing to do with her anymore.

      Do you really think that Islam would advocate such a situation? Imagine this situation repeated a thousand times over. It would be chaos and misery.

      Here are the relevant ayaat in full:

      229. Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment. And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah . But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah , then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah , so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah - it is those who are the wrongdoers

      230. And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah . These are the limits of Allah , which He makes clear to a people who know.

      231. And when you divorce women and they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allah in jest. And remember the favor of Allah upon you and what has been revealed to you of the Book and wisdom by which He instructs you. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Knowing of all things.

      232. And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not.

      And Allah the Most High has spoken the truth.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • you are absolutely correct i understand your point but wael thats not the point i was arguing about i was on a other issue.

  15. lol i was not interprating anything i said read the verse and if you want to understand it in your own way what could i possibily do? 232 you have read ofcourse how could the wife and her former husband come together without mutual content? and if her present husband divorce her and she wants to return to her former husband whats wrong? the guy who posted the post obviously meant they are looking for a couple who are in the same boat and that they want to get back together hello? isnt that mutual? Allah is not cruel And He is just if i was married and divorced and i feel i love my former husband and he says he wants me back do you think there is no option do you think Allah the Almighty wont forgive us if we are sincere? well ? i would get married again live with my new husband serve him and if i dont grow feelings for him well ill be open and sincere ill say i want my former husband i still love him do you think my present husband will refuse? Allah said something to this effect in the end Allah makes the final decision.Allah forgive me if im wrong and may Allah lead me to the correct but if im right may Allah let many see the light.

    • ASA Nadheerah,

      It seems as though you are missing the point. The point is that doing something frivolous like remarrying someone just to divorce them and get back together with an ex is not in keeping with the spirit of Islam, let alone shariah.

      Clearly the man and woman who were originally married need to mature. Obviously, the couple would not find themselves being permanently divorced if they had a mature love and bond, in keeping with the desire to be with one another as seems to be the case now. If it is true that the man divorced the woman in haste and without thinking the consequences through, there again would be another sign of immaturity. If that weren't enough, the proposed solution of getting remarried and re-divorced with the intention to reunite, is the biggest sign of immaturity.

      Maturity is gained by accepting the consequences of our actions. Some of our actions we intend, and some are mistakes. Either way, we have to be willing to accept what comes as a result of either. If it was a mistake to divorce, and it's too late now to reconcile (based on shariah), then they must move on and accept that, and let go of the idea of being married again at this time. It does NOT mean they have to stop loving one another, they can feel love and respect for each other without being together in marriage. A lot of divorced couples manage to do this. One of the things Allah tries to teach us is that we are capable of loving what is bad for us, and hating what is good for us. What is good for this couple is to move forward seeking Allah's will and destiny for their lives, regardless of the past or what has brought them to this point. If Allah sees fit to reunite them under fitting circumstances down the road, so be it. But letting go of "what could have been" is always part of our journey.

      Nadheerah, it's not a cruelty on Allah's part if they are divorced permanently and never end up being together again in marriage. It was their decisions that led to their divorce, not Allah's. It's not a cruelty of Allah that they cannot get back together without it being haram, just because they regret the place they find themselves in now. A lot of us make decisions we regret, and the fact that Allah does not allow us to undo them and make it as though those things never happened doesn't mean He is cruel or heartless. Allah knows best that our existence is much more than who we love in this life or who we spend our days with. He is always guiding us back to Himself, not back to human lovers. Sometimes it's so easy to let those we care about or are attached to distract us from the Lover of our souls. It is a mercy by Allah that he is giving this man and woman the opportunity to rediscover the love Allah has for them, which no human can possibly match.

    • Amy's response was excellent. I would only add, check the link that I included up above and read the article. Here it is again:

      Is "Halala" or "Tahleel" Marriage Permissible?

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  16. is there any woman who has gone through halala?i just want to know

    • alik, why are you asking this question? If any woman has indeed done it then she has committed a great sin and a shameful act and should perform tawbah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Yes my freind left her first husband because of some family issues , then she got remarried , the second husband gave him TALAQ , so when her first husband approached her to remarry she did, so it was a genuine Hallala

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