Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need advice, about relationships before marriage.


I need some advice very desperately.
I have had very strong feelings for a girl, for the last 4 years now. We have talked and planned that we will get married after I am financially stable, and after she has finished her studies.

However our parents were not ok with it. In the beginning, we thought we could get around that issue when the time comes. However recently, I think she did some more reading up on it or something, anyway, she decides that she will not pursue any kind of relationship with me, and would not get married unless our parents were ok with it.

So I talked to my mother, and I explained to her the situation, and I asked her what should I do. And she told me that if I am financially stable, and if she graduates, then there will be only happiness and blessings wished for us, from my parents side.

Not only that I spoke to her mom as well, and even she assured me that if all those conditions are met, then she will be very happy for us.

Now when I bring this news to the girl, she says ok, if my parents and your parents are ok with it after all that is done, then yes i will marry you. But here is where I am having trouble, you see I ask her, ok, i understand that, but what about you, what do you want, Im not asking what your parents want now, I just want to know if you still have feelings for me, do you want to marry me? And she will not answer me directly, saying that it is up to her parents, and that we cannot make right decisions or choices, Allah (SWT) knows best.

I am not arguing that, ofcourse Allah (SWT) knows best, but isnt this the difference between men and animals? Islam was built around this attribute wasnt it? that its followers are so completely free to make theyre own choices? so how can she say that we cannot make our own choices?

Also she said that since it is wrong to have feelings for a non mahram, she has erased all feelings for me, and that there can be love only after marriage. I am very distressed about this. I am not talking abt a physical relationship, We live continents apart, that would not even get the chance of happening, but how can this be? we know each other since 4 years, we know each other better than anyone else. And now I feel so lost, I do not know how i feel abt marrying someone who first of all can manage to earse all feelings for me, and on top that, Im not even sure I want to marry sumone who has no feelings for me.

Please help me, advise me, and if not, at least talk to me, I need someone to talk to me about this very badly.


Tanvir, from UK

6 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    brother i would say do not marry her since i had a friend in that situation the sister you talking about is confused and brain washed,

    ma salama

  2. Marry her

    She is trying to do the right think and prove to you that she is a good girl.

    She is showing you that she is afraid of Allah and you must know that whomever is afraid of allah, you shouldn't be afraid of him/her.

    She will be an obedient, faithful wife, but she will never obey you in something that is against islam.

    Is is what you want??

  3. brother make sure her parents are all right before marring and make sure they are all right it never works out if parents are not alright with you
    marry her if her parents are all right with it

  4. Marry her

    She's trying to show u that she is afraid of Allah
    It's really hard to find a women who is afraid of Allah at
    This time and age. Trust me bro marry her.... Let's us knw if u get married to her...

  5. marry her 🙂

    dont worry.girls are like that.but thats because she only wants to engage with you after marriage.but i dont think its true that she has erased those feelings.feelings cant be easily erased.and marriage brings people together.and you two who already so close will inshAllah become even closer

    i know its been really late since this post....but just wanted to say it 😛

  6. marry her
    she is a God fearing lady who cares about your future life...........

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