Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need help!

Assalam o alikum ........

I appreciate you all for taking out time and  trying to help me with my problems may Allah help you in your problems the way you all tried to help me in mine .....

I think I need psychological help ... As I see myself getting worse with time ... I have no control over my thoughts or myself now .... I'm growing weak with time ....I know there is something wrong with me ..!

I know this is wrong but now I've started to get weird thoughts about Allah s.w.t (may Allah forgive me for that) ... I feel like all my duas got wasted .... He didn't answered even though I know he listened ... People say duas are answered after prayers ... While a person is in fear ... While its raining .... After the recitation of quran .... While one is on a fast.... I tried all these .... And waited for 1 whole year ... Where did they go ? ... I remember a hadees that the prophet Hazrat  Muhammad (PBUH) said that ask everything from Allah even if it is salt or a shoe lace .... I did the same ... But I see people who don't even offer prayers are happy and successful in their lives they have all they need without asking from Allah where as I'm left alone .... I did put all my trust in Allah why didn't he help ? Doesn't he love me ?

My mother keeps on complaining that I'm unsocial ... I'm a goof .... I don't have confidence .... I'm immature .... I'm not bold, I'm simple  ... I dont have the strength to talk to other girls of my age ... I know I'm inferior to all at least stop making me realize it again and again but every one around me keeps telling me again and again that you're unconfident no one likes you ... You're immature .... My mother keeps on telling me you're just like your father ..... Did I choose to be like my father ?  .... I never chose to be like him .... Everyone wants a confident and happy life ..... Every one wishes to be bold & I told her a lot of times that take me to a good mental doctor but she says I'm just pretending ...

This world seems like hell to me .... I wanted to commit suicide last year but unfortunately read some articles on this site about it and I stopped ! Thought Allah would help me ... But where is it ? .... By reading my other posts you'll see the same thing that in one post I'm mentioning one problem and in the next some other because I really don't know what's wrong and how to fix it .... If Allah really wanted to help wouldn't I be enjoying a happy n confident life ? .... I'm starting to lose faith .... I don't even want to pray and I've stopped making dua too cuz it just seems like talking to myself .... I don't have any more sabr ... I'm lonely depressed suffering from anxiety and no one understands it .... If Allah wanted to help ... Would I be begging for help from other people ?

I have no friends ... No siblings ... And no good terms with my cousins ... None of my aunts like me .... No one from my maternal   or paternal grand parents ask about me .... Wouldn't it hurt me ? I don't go to family gatherings as all my family now seems like strangers to me like no one cares ! I can't bear this much I don't know why did Allah even create me ... Cuz I'm of no benefit to any one !

I know I'm worthless ... Thoughtless aimless  .... I hate myself but I have to do something until im alive ....

I was wondering if the editors don't mind .... can anyone suggest or give me the e-mail of a good psychiatrist who would be able to help or treat me online ...... or any online treatment ?

As you see I'm unable to express myself and I'm in need of desperate help ! Please help me.


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11 Responses »

  1. Ass Salam o Allaykum,

    My question is regarding my negative thoughts toward Allah, if I fails in any think to achieve than I blames Allah, if any setback I gets I blame Allah, weather is financial matter or love, although I am five times Namazi, Astagfaar several times per day uncountable but whenever I stands for Sal-at my thoughts gives me negative signs, that your Namaz wouldn't be accepted, and it does with the passage of time, non of my dua's were accepted in years, what should I do in this regard...
    Do answer me according to Ahadis or Quran....


  2. Salam Mary. I am sorry for jumping in and I am not any Scholar nor an Editor. But I feel for you reading your message and could not stop myself from replying.
    I am not in your situation but I just want to say something as a big sis to you. You see I believe that Allah's tests are indivisual for every one. Its like a student with less abilities gets easier tests and the one more able gets harder. When its an exam you dont get any help other than your own capabilities and during the test you are never sure if its right answer or wrong although for some you just know.
    You are lonely and have been trying really hard to give your life some meanings but its looking no use to you.

    You look at other people and their happiness but have you ever thought may be their test is their happiness and how they deal with it. Allah's tests are only his own discretion and he chooses how to test us.
    Your mum is only trying to help you but yes her ways are probably not very helpful as you certainly dont need reminding but understanding.
    Why dont you make a list of things you want to improve in your life. However long that list is but be sure you put the most needed first and so on. Then choose the ones that are easy to acheive like may be making new friends is hard for you but just try to be polite to strangers not such as they wont judge you. Or may be staying positive is hard for you but offering others a help is not. You find your prayers are being wasted but are you 200% sure! May be what you are asking for is right but its not a right time! And again during the test you dont find the result!
    Seeing a proffesional is a great idea and may be it will give you the chance to open up more. But dont loose the hope and prayers and a strive to be a good muslim and a great person. You sound like a lovely person to me who is very sensitive and can be a great friend. I pray to Allah that you find some peace in your heart and a courage to live. Allah is watching you in pain but is not going to leave you in it forever. Take care

  3. Salam little sister
    I know that you say that your feeling low and that your in need of a psychiatrist because of weird thoughts,anxiety and a loss of control. Sister you have to realise that your feeling like this,(feeling low) because you are having too much time on your hands so this leads to negativity. One needs to keep busy, to keep mind occupied, Be out and aBout, plEase tRy and do thIngs likekeeping bUsy,ONe may find helping others like the elderly is a useful task,or going back to education may help. .. Anything will help.
    What I mean is you need to be in places where you can make friends, socialise, get out and about so that your time is not wasted into thoughts of negativity. We all go through a phrase of some kind of loneliness at one point or other in our lives. We can all think negative about the purpose of our life but one has to be strong keep positive keep busy. Do something that will get you out and about and help you build your self up and also make friends. In life lots of us don't have things the way we want, we have to make do with things we have. We all want and look for something new and at times life is boring, but we still carry on. Praying to Allah and by doing so one will feel the pleasure of prayers God does bring us calmness and peace. Even though all or most of your prayers don't get answered doesn't mean Allah does not love you. Life is a test from Allah tala and Allah swt also has given each one a brain to be able to use it in a manner that is helpful which means think positive. God can't openly direct you, but he would like all hIs spacious to be happy, so this is where we use our brain and move on. Lots of us get lonely in life so we go and do things for instance, being out and about we will come across people. when we come across people we make friends. STAY POSITIVE!
    What I'm also going to say is your mother bless her may be wrong in saying that you are useless, it may be that she's upset that you feel let downand does not know how to help you.Maybe when she tries to help you you reject her offer, I really don't know. But you, you are young have a long beautiful life ahead that's if you want it to be,,But it all depends on you. I don't believe that you have black magic on you, you just have negative thoughts due toyou being lonely, you simply need to adjust your life and not try to do things like getting voluntary work, in this way you will be helping yourself and others.
    Please don't waste your life, andplease do something positive in your Life as life is precious and one can really feel good when helping others, I know you will feel happy content when you change your living as you help others you will feel good and happy.
    Hey, and if you want or need help if your getting to the point where you really cant cope then by all means get the yellow pages find a decent clinic and get help..
    Please remember life is what you make of it so please think carefully before you go around blaming God.
    May God bless you and you feel the love of God .. you will one say insha Allah and please also pull yourself together okay make things positive happen around you (by going out and about) and remember only you can change your life for better or worse ... Allah bless and stay safe.

  4. Play the Quran special Suret Al Barqra , if you are doing sin any sin don't mater how smole you think it is stop it . Take your Shahaada Again, again and learn it because i think you lost the meaning of been muslim Allah knows best what I ready about your statement it sounds like you like the Kufar life learn why you are a Muslim, dont every question Allah , you have no right Sister please ask for forgiveness because that is one of the wronges sin you can do ,May Allah Guide you Amiin

  5. shirk is a unforgivable sin and is nothing to be taken lightly , its true you may not be able to control your thoughts but you always have control over your actions

  6. Assalam alaikum,

    You have more faith than you realize. Re-read your first opening sentence in which you give all those who are about to advise you a du'a and the same one that you want. Subhan Allah!

    Now, this world is meant for tests. This world is like a University where you go to study and give exams. At a University you wouldn't expect much in the way of relaxation or an easy ride--you would expect to work hard and give it your best. This is the dunya.

    You have noticed that for some people this world comes with great ease. You are right, there are those who live in ease and that is there test. It could be that with all that ease they may pay a high price in the end if they do not walk the straight path and instead delve deep into this world and enjoy it to its fullest while forgetting their purpose. So, the test, for some can be easy and for others it can be challenging. For instance, any time this week I felt that I was stressed or nothing was going right, I was reminded about refugees at sea with no where to go.

    There really are extremes on both ends--people with picture perfect lives and those living in shambles with no hope. This spectrum exists, but, for most of us, we are somewhere in the middle. Wherever you are on the spectrum, don't forget that the package deal that you have comes with its specific challenges and with a test designed for you. That is your life--and Allah swt is on your side.

    I recently saw this video of deaf people hearing for the first time and the look on their faces as they hear their first sound is priceless. Their expression upon sensing a sensation not known to them is amazing--yet, for us, hearing is really no big deal because we were never deprived of it. So, if you want to start becoming more appreciative, it may come from realizing what you are not deprived of. Try to focus on what you have and really really feel grateful. It isn't easy being grateful--I know I can improve a whole lot in this--and sometimes, we have to really purposefully remind ourselves of all the wonderful things we have--and when we do, it makes our heart swell and feel the sweetness of the things Allah swt has bestowed upon us.

    Try to get out and do volunteer work, whether it is for an elderly neighbor or something in the house for your family. Stop focusing on what others think or say including your mother's negative comments. She shouldn't be saying the things she says to you and may Allah swt make her heart soft for you--but you focus, from now on, on you. Ignore those bad thoughts that stay in your mind and replay what people and relatives say--instead, fill your brain with dhikr and remembrance of Allah swt. Drown your mind in goodness and drench your thoughts in positivity. Allow yourself to be critical only if it gives you energy and if it doesn't, abandon the thought by replacing it with something good.

    Your anxiety and depression can go away. It is a step by step and day by day process. You have to start loving yourself and when you do, you will learn to love and appreciate Allah swt too. Think on a spectrum. Be grateful for what you have and for the things you don't have--don't worry--when you work hard and reach Jannah one day, inn shaa Allah, all the things you will feel for the first time, will make everything worth your while here on earth. Don't think about just now, think about the forever that lives in tomorrow, the hereafter.

    May Allah protect you and raise you in status and help you through pain and anxiety and aid you in seeing what it is good for you and discard what is harmful to you. Ameen, thummah Ameen!

  7. asalamu aleikum
    sis rectify your relationship with Allah most high,keep yourself busy reading quran in depth ponder,keep your tongue busy in daily adhkar for in the remembering of Allah do hearts find serenity,sister dont let devil over power you by giving u weired thoughts about Allah fight your soul n d devil .dont be alone for d idle mind is the devils workshop.find islamic madrassa around you go there and learn this gift of islam dat Allah blessed us with
    and Allah knows best
    may Allah make it easy for u dear sister

  8. Asalam Alekum sister

    Keep making Du'a
    The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, says : “No Muslim who supplicates a supplication, that does not contain any sin or cutting of relations, Allah will grant him one of three things: either Allah will immediately respond to his supplication, or He may keep or store the answer for the Hereafter, or He will turn away from him an equivalent amount of evil or harm.” The Companions asked what if they keep requesting Allah. The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, replied: “Then Allah shall give you even both.” [Imam Ahmad].

    "Whoever would love that Allaah reciprocates his evil with goodness, let him reciprocate the evil people do towards him with goodness."
    -Ibn al Qayyim

    This is one of the best quotes in seeking forgiveness you get a great reward after it.

    Don't cut relations with your relatives it is better that they hate you in this world rather hating you on the day of resurrection when our sins are being exposed and only then Allah decides who is forgiven for what their hands have possessed.

    • Also sister like the brother and sisters said
      'read the Quran'
      We need it throughout our lives just like we need the air to breath.

      May Allah make it easy for you

  9. How are you now? Did you made any friends? How your mother treat's you? What about your education?
    Don't lose hope. Always have faith in God and stay hopeful.

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