Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need reasons to not kill myself and fast

Introduction to Islam

"Say: He is Allah, the One and Only! Allah, the Eternal, Absolute; He begetteth not nor is He begotten. And there is none like unto Him." (Qur'an, Surah Ikhlas)

Ok so I'm not islam I'm athiest but I have thought about converting. But I need help. I'm 13 and I've always had attitude problems. But it has gotten worse since my mother's boyfriend has moved in.  He has violated me in the past so I don't even know why my mother took him in again. And now I'm being bullied in school because of a boy I really like.

The stress has gotten so bad that I started cutting myself and feeling suicidal. And my mother won't even talk to me now. My grades have been dropping because I haven't felt like doing anything.

I really don't want to kill myself but it seems like the best option right now.  I've tried to tell my mother how I felt but she wouldnt listen.  She just ignored me.

PLEASE tell me what I should do!!!


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13 Responses »

  1. Salaam

    Listen very carefully my little sister,

    The reason you cant take your life, because your life is soo precious my dear and you need to honour it. beleive that hard times dont last, but hard people do. As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. We learn that when ever we face hardship we feel like the whole world is falling apart, but trust me after that period passed, we reflect back and we say it to ourselves it wasn't as bad as i thought.

    Dont harm your self, this is not a solution to your problems. Talk to your teachers, i am sure they can understand and help you out. Talk to a good friend, or family member who can understand you. sometimes by talking to someone it help to take the pain out. Think positive, look after yourself and always remember there are people arround who care about you, who love you, who would listen to you, never lose hope, never lose faith.

    Stay safe lil sis


  2. Peace be upon those who follow the guidance.

    "Only in the remembrance of Allâh do the hearts find calmness"
    the quran

    Say: "To whom belong all that is in the heavens and earth?" Say: "To Allâh". He has prescribed for Himself mercy. He will gather you all for the day of judgment in which there is no doubt. The ones who have lost themselves are the ones who will not believe" [Qur'ân, 6:12; Al-An'am, "The Livestock"]

    The proofs of God's existence [ i hate to use the word god, the word Allâh is more encompassing and beffiting] are all around us. Yet some still believe that all the wonders that surround us, from the infinite intricacy of life to the infinite wisdom with which the stars and planets float in the endless space, are but a coincidence or a product of a blind nature.
    To believe in that is like believing that a great painter drew a beautiful portrait by splashing buckets of paint on a dry cloth, or that a great writer wrote a masterpiece by throwing printing press letters into the air and watching them arrange themselves into words and sentences.

    Because Islâm is the religion chosen by the only God worthy of worship (Allâh) until the end of time, and since Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is the last of the prophets, the greatest miracles of Islâm have to be of a lasting nature. Unlike the splitting of the sea by Moses (pbuh), which was witnessed only by those who were present during the event, the miracles of the Qur'an can be witnessed over and over by all generations. In other words, the greatest miracles of Islam lie within the Qur'an and can be witnessed by anyone simply by reading the words of God. When the Qur'an was inspired to Mohammad (pbuh), it carried the message that in the eyes of God, there is no difference between an Arab and a non-Arab or a black person and a white person except by his or her fear of Allâh and the righteous deeds he or she does. The pagans of Quraish (the tribe living in Makkah at the time of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ) chose not to believe that the Qur'ân was from Allâh and said that Muhammad [pbuh] had forged it.

    They were first challenged to write a book similar to the Qur'an; they could not. Say: "verily if the whole of mankind and the jinns should assemble together to produce the like of this Qur'an, they would not produce the like thereof, Even if they backed up each other with help and support." [Qur'an, 17:88;Al-Isra', "Al-Isra"]

    Next the challenge was eased to the writing of ten suras (chapters) like the suras of the Qur'an, but they were not able to do it. Or they say: "He [Prophet Mohammad] has forged it [the Qur'an]". Say: "bring you then ten forged suras like it, and call unto whomsoever you can [to help you], other than Allah, if you are truthful". So if they answer you not, then know that it [the Qur'an] was only sent down with the knowledge of Allah and that there is no god but Him. So will you be Muslims? [Qur'an, chapter Hud]

    Finally, they were challenged to write just one Surah (chapter) that would pass for a Surah of Allâh's words and still they could not. And if you are in doubt concerning that which We have sent down on Our worshiper [Muhammad, peace be upon him], then produce a Surah [chapter] of the like thereof and call your witnesses [supporters and helpers] besides Allâh if you are truthful. So if you do it not, and you can never do it,then fear the fire [hell] whose fuel is people and stones that was prepared for the pagans. [Qur'an, chapter Al-Baqarah]

    And this Qur'an is not such as could ever be invented by other than Allâh, but it's agreement [and confirmation] with that which was before it [the Taurat and the Gospel] and the full explanation of the Book without doubt therein is from the Lord of all that exists. Or do they say "he [Muhammad] has forged it". Say: "bring then a surah [chapter] like it, and call upon whosoever you can [to help you], besides Allâh, if you are truthful."[Qur'an, 10:37-38; Yunus, "Jonah"]

    Atheism won't help you through these terrible trails, it will make your affairs much more difficult as you will be certain there is no one there for you rather it is Allâh who has promised to get believers through all difficulties and make them firm in the face of afflication, and establish them, and plant their feet in the ground firmly, and remove all anxiety/stress from them.
    the prophet muhammad [pbuh] said that when a person turns to Allâh for help, Allâh replies from above the heavens " i swear by my glory, i will assist you, even if it be some time later"
    What a beautifull promise.

    A person who does not believe in Allâh will always consider suicide as a way out, whether he is in six figure debt, or loses some loved one, or his business crashes, he will always consider suicide as he knows very well no one is there to assist him.
    That's why you find non muslims in extreme hardship take one of oly two roads: complete despair/despression and thus resulting in suicide, or they turn to their lord most high to help them as it is from the human disposition to turn to a being more powerfull than them during hardship.
    Allâh explains this himself.

    Don't kill yourself no matter what affliction befalls you, because death is the destroyer of all the pleasures , such as health, you may not be aware of this blessing, but i can tell you of a rich man who would empty out his whole bank just to have a walk in the park without any heavy machinary for assistance.
    Rather i advice you to say from the bottom of your heart the statement
    "there is non worthy of worship except Allâh, and muhammad is the messenger of Allâh"

    Once you utter this, every single bad act you have every dont is forgiven by Allâh, not only that, but it be be replaced with goodness.

    And then wash your whole body as a sign of a new start like the day you cme out of your mother, and ask Allâh for help and to guide you and your family.
    Know without a doubt that no one will be able to help you ease like Allâh will.

    If your mother's boyfriend is abusing you, then you should not hesitate to report him to the authority, and don't wait for your mother's permission either, because when a woman does not believe in Allâh, she will not give her children their rightes as in your case.

    As for the bullying, i would advice you to defend yourself, and plant your feet firmly, and be patient, it is something everyone experienced during their childhood.

    May Allâh guide you and your family, things will truely/certainly/verily get better if you follow Allâh.

    peace be upon those who follow the guidance both in this world, and in the hereafter.

  3. Dear child,

    I am going to take a guess that you are in the United States by the use of your grammar. When you go to school, go to the schools office. Tell them you would like to talk to a counselor. If they ask why...just tell them that it is personal.

    You are a thirteen year old girl. Your mother should not have any man in your home who has ever touched you inappropriately at all. The mere fact that your mother brought this man back into your home after he already touched you is insane. Does she know he touched you? Did she ever call the police?

    I don't know much about cutting but I do know enough to know it is a cry for help. You are angry and you have every right to be. It sounds like you have been through some things not of your making and things are spiraling out of control. You cutting makes things better if only for the moment and it helps you to deal with the pain you are going through but it is not the answer to your situation.

    If you have a teacher or an adult that you know and trust, tell them what is going on and that you need help. No one is going to be mad at you, on the contrary, they are going to want to get you help. Reach out and don't be afraid. If no one knows of your suffering, they cannot help you. Do not stay silent okay? If you are cutting, you yourself know that you are in desperate need of help.

    One last thing here...never, ever, think of suicide as the answer to your problems. I don't care if you are an Atheist, a Jew, a Christian or whatever...suicide is never the answer. Life is beautiful and you are too young to have even seen what is out there or what you are going to be when you are all grown up. You are in a very difficult spot in your life right now and with some adult help and guidance, you will get better. You will not need to cut and you will not be so stressed out hence, you will be able to enjoy this life that the Almighty has given you.

    Always remember that our creator has given you this life of yours and as such, you have no right to take it. Please talk to someone and let them know you need help now...don't delay.


  4. Salam ( peace be with you )

    There is always a solution and a way out, but taking your life, murdering your self is not the way. Your life, as ugly as it may seem to you right now, it is a gift and there is endless possibilities for you to have a happy successful life. Everyone goes through trials and tribulations. And this is one of them for you. God only gives us what we can handle, and you must be a very strong person to be going through this at such a young age. You can keep going as you are now in a destructive spiral. Or realise that you are strong. You can make a change in your life, its precious and you should be fighting for it. And in fact you asking for help is fighting for it, so ur on the right step, don't give up on ur self. If you feel unsafe in your own home because of your mother’s boyfriend you need to get out of the environment that is harming you, live with your father? Or your grandparents? Any aunties or uncles you feel safe with? Speak to a Teacher. Bullies are very unhappy people, and have issues and so they pick on others to make them feel good about themselves. Their aim is to make you feel crap about yourself and so when they see that it affects you, they continue. So knowing this, it will be easy to ignore their stupid comments. If you are around friends when this happens, just turn to your friends and start your conversations normally. The bully will feel stupid and will eventually give up because they are not getting the reaction they are looking for. If you are on your own at the time this happens. Just have a smile on ur face and walk away. The bully will be confused, because he/she won’t know why you’re smiling; they are expecting you to look hurt, cry, or to be angry. You said you have attitude problems, (hey which teenager doesn't right?) But you will find that people will not take you seriously if you have an attitude. Now that you have identified this, make a change. Change your outlook on life. Be more positive and optimistic. Hold your tongue. Think about things before you react. Throw yourself into your studies because having a good education will get you out of your current predicament/ situation. Find a decent part time job if it doesn't affect your studies and save every penny. By the time you finish high school and you are in university this money will come in handy. Join a Islamic sister group for moral support. Get out there and make friends with good people, with good morals. When you’re feeling completely alone, and you feel no one understands, remember God. He is there and is the closest to us, he feels and understands and loves us. So talk to him, ask him for help, to guide you, to help you come up with solutions, to ease your pain. Once you finish praying, trust that things will work out in its own time. Leave your burdens with God and things will fall into place. You will see inshallah. Little sister, I wish you much success in your life and happiness. I give you many virtual hugs. I will pray for you to find your way in this world. I pray each step you take leads in the right direction. Another thing I forgot to add was, be patient with your mother, and be respectful even though she is not doing the right thing by you at this moment in time. In time she will realise her mistake. Forgive her. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can email me selina_s2 @ yahoo . com

  5. Dear ~darkest_before_the_dawn:

    Sometime when I am depressed, I use this recitation of the Quran to help me calm down. It is beautiful and very strong.

    I don't know how else to help but give you the link to listen the mp3 yourself. I wish I could do more to help you, but I am not qualified.

    You can right click and "Save as.." and put it in your mp3.

    I cried the first time I heard the recitations, you are the first person that I told this fact to.

    I hope you enjoy it. I have been listening to it for so long that I almost have the verses memorized.

    Here's the download link:

    Source where I got the link from:

    Also it is also know as "Quranic Healing"

    Please try and let us know after at listening to it once a day for 7 days.

    May Allah be with you.


  6. Dearest sister in question,

    Please DO NOT take your life!!! Please report to one your trusted teacher about the bullying!!! And your teacher must act upon it! If not, then please get in touch with your local authorities and express to them abiut this bullying. In regards to your parents, if they are not beating you then please do not report them to the authorities- no matter how ill they treat you- please be extremely patience in this part of your life.

    While you are resolving your bullying issues and being even more patient around your respected parents, please go to one of the local mosque in your area and approach any Muslim sister and tell the sister that you wish to turn to Allah (swt) and so you need help. And, inshaAllah (God-Willing), the Muslim sister will try to help you with open arms...

    Sister, please do not waste your beautiful life ahead of you... don't see your life as a problem, see it as CHALLENGE!!! Face the world and get to know Allah (swt) and His message to us All mankind...

    One of my good English friend faced bullying at school and her family life was no good either and one day I bumped into her and there she told me she is MUSLIM. I was so happy for her. And she said, she was much happier in life... She finished college, working and her relationship had got better with her respected family even though at first her family was totally against her every wish in life....

    InshaAllah, within time your situation will become better..... Don't give up!!! Islam is beautiful way of life and it is reality!

    May Allah (swt) guide you and ease your challenges in life.

    Your sister in Islam,

  7. Go outside..take a deep breath and look around you, what you see is freedom and open space, that freedom and space will be there next year and the year after that, but what you see today, you will see different next year and the year after that, your are young and have much to see and learn and one day you will go outside and explore, and you will be free of all this crap in your life right now.

    You are 13, this is young but you are intelligent and smart and so you can overcome anything, what you need is that goal and that belief, you want to make it to that day when you walk out and explore that freedom, you want to make something of yourself and prove you can be happy and you can be a success.

    Your mother and her boyfriend, it seems your relationship with your mother is a bit strained and her boyfriend isnt helping, but dont shut her out or show your dislike of him, instead tolerate both of them and follow what they ask of you, this way it will be easier and more manageable for you to live with them, i am guessing his violent treatment of you was amplified as a result of your attitude problems, but tolerance is the key.

    Bullying is evil, but you can fight back and that is not at all physically but mentally, it is a well known fact that those children who are bullied at school go on to become succesful in life and those who bully usually fail and end up on the wrong side of the law/social ladder. so ignore them and tell them what they dont want to hear(so if the ask 'do you like him' say 'yes' and no more, they soon be bored), and always think that someday some of them will be on the streets as you drive by, and some will be working as cleaners while you be a success. its normal to like boys and especially at your age, but take that and dont focus too much, boys come and go but your work wont.

    Rise above and keep your eyes on the prize, that goal of success the day you can go and explore whats out there, but you must keep working hard and keeping those grades up dont let anything put you off that day you can explore that freedom, keep working hard and get top grades and be succesful, remember you control your own future, what you do now will decide what happens and so work hard and ignore the bullying, dont let it affect you, and boys will be there in every school year and beyond, so plenty more form where they came :).

    So here it is, tolerate your mother and her boyfriend so you have a easy time at home and can get on with things, this will keep a roof over your head and food in your belly, you must be more independant and keep that strength with you all the time, tolerate the bullies and keep working hard at school, this will give you the grades you need to be succesful and move to higher education etc.
    Keep tolerating until you can go out and explore that freedom, the day you move out of your comfort zone and chase those dreams, the day you control your future and no-one stands in your way.

    You say you thought about islam, that is nice to hear, but you also said you need someone to talk to, someone who will hear and help you. i say this with the utmost confidence that should you pursue your interest in islam and decide to convert, it will help you alot.
    You see were never alone, god(Allah in islam) is always with us and so whenever we want someone to talk to, we can always talk to Allah, because he will always listen, and he will help us.

    Islam is beautiful and you should read more into the religion, and if you decide to embrace, then sister it will only make your journey in life easier, and make it easier to reach that goal and be free, if you have any questions about meaning of islam or other then this site is here to help you.

    Wake up in the morning, smile, another day gone and your getting close to your dream, that goal, that freedom, go to school bullies laugh at them inside, because your like a celeb they keep on talking about you, get back and work extra hard, get those grades and be happy.
    I know you can do it, you know you can do it, so go for it and dont let anyone put you down, stop cutting yourself and pick up a pen to write, remember that goal and never forget it, tolerate and one day you will be so happy that you will laugh that you ever thought of killing yourself, and i promise you, do these things, be focussed and that day will come.

    • Excsue me for my misinterpretation of your words in regard to your mothers boyfriend, his behaviour is wrong and you should not tolerate it at all. your mother has not listened so ask another family member or someone else who you can trust, he has to be reported for such vile behaviour, his removal will make the above more easier certainly.

  8. Allah the exalted said in the Qur'an that;
    >>And we have send down of the Qur'an that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe(in islamic monotheism and act on it),and it increases the Zalimun(polytheist and wrongdoers) in nothing but loss...(surah Al-Isra 17:82)<>Verily,along every hardship comes relief,Verily,along every hardship is relief(i.e there is one hardship with two reliefs,so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs)...(Surah Ash-Sharh 94:5-6)<>Indeed he succeeds who purifies his own self(i.e obeys and performs all that Allah ordered,by following the true faith of Islamic Monotheism and by doing righteous deeds).
    And indeed he fails who corrupt his own self(i.e disobeys what Allah has ordered by rejecting the true faith of Islamic Monotheism or by following polytheism,or by doing every kind of evil wicked deeds)....(Surah Ash-Shams 91:9-10)<>And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents.His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship...(Surah Luqman 31:14)<<your mother is not to be disobeyed.If she does things you dislike forgive her atleast for the sake of the pain she endured for you during your birth.
    On the issue of those bullying you.In my tribe there is a sayings that says;"if there are no evil people the good ones will have no honour".So don't allow that to affect you.They are just a means to build you up into a upright being.
    *Allah knows best*

  9. i see you're a florence fan? 🙂

    The username says it all. it IS always darkest before the dawn. we all must go through hardships and tests. Find the inner strength within you, keep with your prayers, and if things get very bad, the links above me WILL be helpful. Best of luck.

  10. oh my god sweety please dont take your own precious life! all of us know how it feels to be 13 u feel like the whole world is against u but its not! ALLAH SWT is testing u and u must pass or u will regret it in the next life! nothing in this world is ever worth going to hell over! trust me,ive had horrible things that im not even gonna get into happen to me when i was little and i gave up on everything! on ALLAH at the time, but ALHAMDULILLAH im religious now and im covered up i pray 5 times a day and i know that whatever happens in this life is just a test and if we pass it and lead a righteous pious life we will be blessed with eternal Jannah,eternal bliss, in the afterlife. this is a promise for sure from ALLAH SWT please dont give up. go to ur local mosque and speak with an imam or if u dont feel comfortable speaking with a grown man than ask for a respectable muslim sister u can speak to about ur personal problems that u really need help with! i promise u wont regret it please listen to what were saying we have all been there INSHALLAH u will find the right path to ALLAH SWT

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