Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need to choose between my husband and my parents… Help!

mercy nikah

salam alaykum,

I m a 23 yr old girl from Bangladesh. a guy used to like me and wanted to marry me. so, I accepted his proposal & we discussed this to our parents. his parents accepted me but my parents didn't accept him because he was financially weak & didn't have proper facilities at home. but I was satisfied with it because as a person he was good and kind enough which I always wanted. & we both decided to live our life in a religious manner after marriage.

then I got married to him through his family coz i just don't wana loose him. in fact i was madly in love with him. after getting married I informed this to my family. they were so shocked that they said they are never going to accept this marriage. in fact they want me to separate from him & get me married to some other guy of their choice. they are so depressed & worried about my future that they always cry & insists me to leave him for my better future.

I also tried to make them understand that m happy with him but they don't listen to me. on the other hand my mother in law willingly started treating me badly & torturing me mentally, because she thinks I am the one who doesn't want their son to be accepted by my family & honor him. & she too wants her son to get married again to someone else. I also tried to make her understand that m trying my best to make everything fine but she too doesn't trusts me.

its nearly 1yr of our marriage still nothing is going well from both the sides. my husband doesn't wants any separation. in fact he wants me to leave my family & stay with him until & unless my parents accept us. he is also fed up with this unfair conditions of both our parents about getting married to someone else. but the problem is I don't wana hurt anyone nor my parents nor my husband. i need both of them. I'm also worried about this & trapped & can't decide what to do next? Do I listen to my parents or listen to him? plz i need an urgent solution! plz help..


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3 Responses »

  1. Praise be to Allaah.

    The Qur’aan and Sunnah indicate that the husband has a confirmed right over his wife, and that she is commanded to obey him, treat him well and put obedience to him above obedience to her parents and brothers. Indeed, he is her paradise and her hell. For example, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:34]

    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission, or to allow anyone in his house without his permission.”

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899.

    Al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth: Since it is obligatory for a woman to obey her husband with regard to his satisfying his desire, it is more appropriate that it be obligatory for her to obey him in that which is more important than that, namely raising their children, guiding the family, and other rights and duties.

    From Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 282

    Ibn Hibbaan narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 660.

    Ibn Maajah (1853) narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: When Mu’aadh came from Syria, he prostrated to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said, “What is this, O Mu'aadh?” He said, I went to Syria and saw them prostrating to their archbishops and patriarchs, and I wanted to do that for you. The Messenger of Allaah (S) said, “Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” i get this solution from here ... Sister remeber me in your prayer coz i am also in many problems ALLAH KNOWS THE BEST

    remember in prayers

  2. Sister does your marriage even exist
    You married without your pare permission, you know what you should ask for your parents forgiveness and take that husband of yours along too , you both need to ask for forgiveness. I don't think you'd be happy as a parent if your kid did what you did to your parents.

    • Salam alaikum,

      I agree, it seems like a very shakey foundation for a marriage. Sister Daisy needed to have a Wali or someone to stand on her side to witness it like at least her brothers or uncles or something. In order to make this work, she needs to go with her "husband" to her parents and they need to get to know eachother better and bond over time and ask forgiveness. The imam involved in the marriage should have also alerted the sister of this impending situation.


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