Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need to take my mind off of it

Two sisters

I have been dealing with a problem daily and it's so embarassing I can't discuss IT with anyone. There is a man I am engaged to and love dearly. But I only feel physically attracted to him once in a while. I can do something to increase my libido but the problem is much deeper. And it is, I feel attracted towards a female. I know it's very wrong and trust me I have tried very hard to take my mind off it, denied it altogether but I don't know why I feel something weird with her. With all that, she is with me all the time. There is no way I can keep distance with her because it's my own sister. What do I do? It's worrying me badly. Any dua to keep my mind off such thoughts? I feel sick but at the same time I'm unable to control it.

Sarah


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8 Responses »

  1. How did it start with your sister? Is she younger / older? What fantasies / thoughts you have about your sister? Do you sleep in the same room? Does your sister show interest in boys?

  2. Salam Sarah sis,

    Your post is really brief.

    However much, do this. Don't dwell into it. And the only way you can stop this is by don't spend too much time alone by yourself. Be amongst people - family, friends, volunteers, general public.

    Ps. I am assuming you're spending too much time alone by yourself because such sinful thoughts emerges slowly and slowly and builds up and it starts to make you think like that. Also don't watch tv dramas like "eastenders" where such dramas makes one feel relaxed about their own state and stops one from making their self better muslimah and day by day wrong things seems right or normal or sinless. Again I am assuming you are spending too much time alone and when you are amongst ppl (ie family) you are probably watching tv dramas that have the potential to contentment our soul (gradually).

    Please excuse me and pardon me if my assumptions are wrong. I only want to help you.

    Kind regards,
    Me

  3. Having feelings for your sister is not natural. Even if it so happened that you were a boy, it's not natural.

    These aren't your thoughts and you need to try and sort thru your mind to find your true self. Are u praying regularly? Reading Quran?

    I agree with "Me", when you're alone the other voice in your head becomes louder. This happens to me. it happens to all of us.

  4. Salam Sarah,

    I am assuming that by "my sister" you mean a female who is like a sister to you, and very close. If this is the case, you need to disengage in conversation with this person and try to avoid her. This is the only way to truly distance yourself with those feelings.

    If you are actually talking about your familial sister, then don't worry too much. These feelings are normal when we love our family so much. I agree TV dramas and pop culture may be influencing you to twist that your own sister is sexually attractive... So cut out the exposure to those sources of thought. Turn off the TV, close the web page, turn away when you see such things starting to develope. It's OK to feel love on a deep level for your sister, but you don't have to take it to a weird level, just keep it positive and think "what can I do to help my sister" instead of "how can I express my feelings". And talk to your sister about marriage. Chances are that she is wanting to get married to a kind man too, and this discussion will help guide both of you away from bad intentions.

    And overall make dua to ask for guidance. Dua dua dua. When you do enough, it adds up and changes you little by little.

    Best wishes,
    Shereen

    • Shereen: If you are actually talking about your familial sister, then don't worry too much. These feelings are normal when we love our family so much. I agree TV dramas and pop culture may be influencing you to twist that your own sister is sexually attractive... So cut out the exposure to those sources of thought. Turn off the TV, close the web page, turn away when you see such things starting to develop.

      According to OP the problem is much deeper. And it is, she feels sexually attracted towards her sister....... She knows it's very wrong....... she don't know why she feel something weird with her. ...... What do I do? It's worrying me badly. Any dua to keep my mind off such thoughts? I feel sick but at the same time I'm unable to control it.

      Do you really mean TV dramas and pop culture show .........sisters attracted to each other sexually?

  5. Sinful relationships between members of both sexes begin with what is called admiration or infatuation. This infatuation leads to love, in which the girl cannot bear not to see the one whom she loves; if she is not able to do that, then she will listen to her voice or look at a picture of her. The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked: What is the ruling on lesbianism and masturbation? They replied: Lesbianism among women is haraam, and is a major sin, because it is an action that is contrary to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts) If a Muslim feels that he is attracted to someone and fears that this may be one of the tricks of the shaytaan, then he should hasten to rid himself of it, and to treat himself, before it develops further and becomes haraam love . Sister if you want to rid yourself of that, you should do several things, including the followings i will mention: First, you should continually read about the lives of righteous people, scholars and mujaahideen, so that you can learn from those who offered their time and their lives in the service of Islam and the Muslims whilst you are preoccupied with looking at the image of your beloved or enjoying listening to your voice, or reading your words. These are things that are it is not befitting for a Muslim to do even once, so how about if this is your whole life?! Secondly, you should focus your heart on your Lord, for He is the Bestower of blessings and bounty Who has granted you immense blessings, so you should direct the love of your heart towards your Creator. Thirdly, always engage yourself with something useful. Fourthly, you should also ponder upon the grave and serious effects of these two destructive diseases, namely haraam infatuation toward same sex. And always engage yourself with the dhikr of Allah, for with the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. May Allah forgive your short-comings. Amin

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