Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I never got to marry him, can I marry him Hereafter?

Love for Allah's sake

Hi

I fell in love with a boy 6 years ago. We were really serious about each other but our parents wouldnt allow it and he wasnt independent. He repeatedly asked me to do nikah with him in secret but I refused to go against my parents. My parents married me to someone else and I got divorced after 3 months with out consumating the marriage. After a while we (me and the boy I loved) started speaking again and said he is still ready to marry me. So for the past 4 years we lived beleiving we will end up marrying only each other, and that someday our parents will agree. We did have premarital relations before I got arranged marriage, but after I got divorce I didnt meet him too much and told him we cannot get physical anymore and that I couldnt lie to my parents to meet him. So we would speak on Skype, but we loved each other madly.

He died this month, at 25, he fell off the 7th floor (not suicide). I am also 25. I put him through the pain (he cried endlessly) of seeing me getting married while he was alive but I will never do it again, whether he is alive or not. I do not want to think of any other man again and I have told my mother of it. She is okay with it now because she has seen how painful it was to see her (mom) in cancer, myself get divorced and now lose the only man I dreamt of. The only reason I am living is to make him proud that I will die sincere to only him. I am living now so that since he died single, and I will remain single till I die, we will be able to marry in the hereafter. My parents have vowed to support me financially, and I have asked my mother to help me adopt a child to have my own little family. I do not comprehend life any other way than marrying and living with him.

I repented for our sins of zina, I did an umra for him and one for myself and avoided any physical contact for the past 3 years. I am repulsed by the thought of any other man than him.

Please tell me, will we be able to marry in the hereafter? I am very happy only because I am looking forward to meeting him again and marrying him.


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13 Responses »

  1. Salam

    this is really true love sister. the guy bear the pain of marrying u to someone else and even after that he was ready to marry u shows his sincerity.
    their is hadeeth regarding lover in which it says if a person dies sincere to his true love in his heart he will given the grade of martyr.(shaheed).
    may Allah ease your path for u and meet him in the hereafter inshallah.

    • wiseguy, where did you read this hadith? I never heard of it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • wise guy

      please inform where you got such a strange hadeeth from.
      because lying about the prophet[saw] is not like lying about anyone else as he [saww] said.

      we seek refuge with dying with our hearts full of wives/other women etc.

      dont be like that famous spanish muslim man who died whilst saying the name of the woman he loved.

      we want to die thinking about Allaah.
      like the prophet[saww] did.

  2. Salam alekum,

    Wise guy

    Your hadith sound weak can you please tell where did you get it from ??

    Sorry sister about your sad story I hope you feel better now,
    My advice to you is to get married and have a real family of your own ..
    I know its hard but its sunna of the prophet to get married and die that way
    We should be sincere to Allah and his prophet peace b upon him .
    Try to be strong in faith and repent to Allah from your heart then Allah will make your life so easy inshala .
    In regards to adoption I think its haram to adopt in Islam you ask an iman about this !
    May Allah make it easy for you

  3. Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Sister HM,

    Once Prophet Mohammed sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam passed by a woman who was crying for her dead Husband.He ( May Allah Bless Him and shower peace upon Him) told the woman not to make NUHAA, and to control herself.The woman retaliated immediately by saying:"What you know about my loss?Leave me alone".She was unaware about to whom she was talking to in that harsh tone.Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Sallam moved out from that place without saying anything further.After somedays, the woman realised the identity of Prophet Sallalahu Alaihi wa Sallam.She came to prophet and presented her apologies for the rude behaviour.To which our beloved Prophet replied:" your self control and posture in the initial phases of misfortune is what matters the most."

    Sister mourning for dead husband in Islam has a limited time frame.After which its considered bad.To be truthful that is not even your case.But I would not say your loss is something which can be easily compensated.Your sincere efforts to get into league of people who live their whole life just to prove that their's is a True love,is actually not required.At the most someone would write a novel or make a movie on it if you do so, and the world will come to know : ONCE UPON A TIME THERE LIVED A GIRL AND BOY..........AND ON.

    Love does ask for sacrifices, thats true.And someone who is not willing to forsake his/her own will for his love is not actually not in love.

    Sister, I have seen three women mourning after their own kid's death.From those experiences I can tell that you must have felt devastated immediately after the loss.Your state must have been such that it melted the heart of your parents.The same parents who once denied your marriage.It must be their or someone near you who have put these thoughts of after life marriage in you.I would not say they are wrong.Maybe they want to see you atleast living life and not being just a vegetable.Or if it is you alone who has come to these thoughts of after life marriage, then also I would not say you are completely wrong.After all one needs some support to hold on when he/she is sinking.I pray to Allah who is my lord and your lord, to allow you to stand up again.Aameen.

    Sister, Even Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam told once at a funeral that He is not sure what would be his Fate on the day of Judgement.He said so, even after knowing that His all Past and future sins (if any) are forgiven already.Even Likes of Hazrat Umar Radiallahutaala anhu ,on his death bed, said to one of his relative: I do not know what would happen to me, all I am hoping that The Most Forgiving, will forgive me for my sins, and just protect me from Hell Fire.So that shows us no matter how good or bad we may do in this world we must ask for forgiveness from Almighty.

    Sister, I cannot say whether you will be allowed to get married in after life.But I know for sure that the One who will pass judgement has some attributes which are not like us.He does not need any excuse to forgive our sins or to grant us something in here or hereafter.A good deed of us makes no difference in His might,or bad deed of us makes no difference in His Esteem and Nobility.He is above all this.Your planned way of living in future will make no difference to Him.If He has to grant you the marriage with your beloved, Which Allah is the Only one capable one, He needs no sacrifice from you( by living a life like a nun.)If at all you go ahead and live that life , then if He wishes not to allow you something Nobody can stop Him(Maazallah).

    That reminds me of the plea (of Angels) in his court at the time of killing of Yahya Alaihi Salaam(A Prophet).Angels asked: ALMIGHTY YAHYA LEAD ALL HIS LIFE AS YOUR SERVANT AND WANTED TO BE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS, THEN WHY IS IT THAT YOU MADE HIM SUFFER THIS DEATH?To this Almighty and exalted as He is replied: I KNOW WHAT HE DID AND HOW WELL HE SERVED ME.I ALSO KNOW HE WISHES TO BE FRIEND OF MINE.BUT BE AWARE I DO NOT NEED ANY FRIENDS, AND IF SOMEONE DOES REACHES THAT STATE,WITH HIS EXAMPLE I AM SHOWING THAT: IN WORLD PEOPLE LET FRIENDS LIVE, AND KILL ENEMY,, AS THEY FEEL FRIENDS WOULD PROTECT THEM AND ENEMIES WOULD HARM THEM IF THEY LIVE.BUT FOR ME I WANT TO SEE IF MY ENEMIES CAN DO ANY HARM TO ME SO I KEEP THEM ALIVE, WHILE I CALL MY FRIENDS IN THIS WAY SO THAT PEOPLE MAY KNOW I NEED NO FRIENDS TO PROTECT ME.

    That is our lord.Sister if you give up the idea of living like a nun, then also If He wills, He can grant you your wish.He is most gracious and beneficient.But if you do as per your wish and take it in his court as a defence point,then be aware now itself, He is the most just.And as our Prophet sallalahu Alaihi wa Sallam told: Consider youself lucky if your accounts are not opened, for those who will be accounted for are doomed.Ask for ease in accounts.So sister Beware.

    All I will say sister, your matter is already in His court and so does your loved one.Only thing that can help your lover , and also may be accepted as sign of sincere love is ISAAL-E-SAWAAB.and to that you need not live your life like a nun.Its understandable that its not easy to forget him.But try it to please Allah.So that He might have mercy upon you and your loved ones.Love Allah for he created you.This is the most true form of love.And believe me sister, the ones who love Him, He grants them everything they wish in hereafter without limits.

    So accept your life .From here on start living life following sunnah so that Almighty may be pleased.Sister in this world , if we want some thing from someone superior than us, we try to please him and get job done.So follow sunnah,which will not also help you pass this life easily but would also help in here after.

    I apologise for if any of my words have hurt you, for I do not know what state of mind you are in.

    May ALLAH SUBHAANWATAALA have mercy upon you and all of us Aameen.And forgive me if I have intentionally or unintentionally written something wrong against Him or his beloved Prophet sallalahu alaihi wa sallam and others.Aameen.

    Allah Hafiz wa Nasir

  4. Dear HM sister,

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I think you should try to move on and in a couple of years time get married to a nice sincere muslim brother. Form your own family. And repent to Allah (swt) for the sin you committed. Become closer to Allah and follow the sunnah.

    May Allah (swt) ease your pain and only shower you happiness in this world and the hereafter.

    Parveen
    -x-

  5. so Sad I pray for you my dear sister but why did he fell of the 7th floor?

    • @ Mina

      Please be sensitive towards someone's grief. Be concerned, NOT CURIOUS!

      @ HM

      I am deeply saddened after reading your post. Honestly, I have no words to comfort you. All I can say is, you loved him, he loved you back and that I think should be enough. Whatever happened is cruel, but believe me, I feel, you're not alone in this! I strongly feel, your beloved and God are watching you. And am sure, they will guide you through everything. Do not plan things already, wait and watch, let God guide you on the right path. Grieve and mourn, if you feel like, Cry as much as you wish to, do everything that you feel like, do not let others control your life, am sure God won't let you down or he will never let you walk down the wrong path. The world may divide people, but in God's eyes, we're all his children. I am sure, he's all by your side.

      Sending you strength, much affection and warmth...

  6. Hello weltschmerz!!, i barely see your comments and was wondering what was wrong... You seem to be someone that has recovered from soo much emotional pains and you really want to find your way to God. You do mention 'God' alot in you comments and from the looks of it, you really love HIM (GOd-ALLAH).. Sister, i wish i could have the oppurtunity to speak to you one on one. And i dont know how you would feel, but why not consider looking into islam. You will find what you seek and the path would lead you striaght to God Almighty, as that is what God said in the koran.. Trust me sister, it is a very beautiful religion and it's all about worshiping the one True God ( Allah in arabic language) and submitting to HIS WILL.. It is very true that God doesn't look at your colour or your race or the country you come from because He created us all and He love His creatures,, but sister the ugly truth is we are not thesame in the eyes of God.. The best among us in the eyes of God are those that love, fear and worship God almighty the most.. 'Love' in the sense that you always do what He orders you to do because you love Him, and 'Fear' in the sense that you abstain from all what He forbid's you to do because you are afraid of His purnishment.. It's a very pure religion sister, and if you have any question you are absolutely free to ask.. It is very true that God has created gardens of paradise/jannah in the heaven for those that love, fear and worship Allah and they shall dwell in that pleasure and entertainment for all etarnity... And also Allah has prepared hell fire for those who choose to disobey Allah, disbelieve in Allah, reject HIS path - His religion, and transgress beyond limit, commiting sins etc and they would also abide therein in that painful torment for ever..... You have a very good heart and i really care for you. And yes i really like you, this is the reason why am telling you this.. Truelly, this is the greatest and most generous offer i can make to you my sister.. I really want to see your reply on this.

  7. "I am living now so that since he died single, and I will remain single till I die, we will be able to marry in the hereafter"

    This type of commitment is ghuluww sister, and it should not be done, even for the husband.

    make dua that he goes to jannah inshâllâh, Allâh knows whom you will marry.

    A female companion lost he husband as he was martyred in the battle of uhud, she also vowed to to marry ever again after him, but the prophet[saww] did not allow this.

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