Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I no longer wish to be with my husband

Where is the love, no love, loveless

Hi everyone

before i post i hope everyone can advice me honestly and not be judgemental.

So i have been married 8 years coming this year. I have 3 beautiful children. The only downside is as time has gone by i have drifted away from my husband. I have somewhat kind of repulsion towards him. I hate intimacy of any sort. I have tried to give it my best shot but i just cant. I dont know what is wrong with me but i am happier when he is not around and when he is i feel suffocated around him. He irrtates me. Our thinking paths are completely different. I have expressed my feelings to him but he doesn't acknowledge at all. i put all my trust in Allah.  I got married at a very young age and had to mature very quickly. The effects are showing now. I have been thinking about divorce for the past 2 months. We are related which is why i want as much advice and guidance before i take any decision. In my mind it is set that i no longer wish to be with this man. I have previously tried to harm myself due to the stress this situation gives me, i know this is wrong and i refrain from it. I dont share my feelings with anyone in my family with the fear of being judged and criticised as i have been in the past. He is a very good father but thats all he is. I would appreciate if someone could advise me.

ash38

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Hello sister,
    My question to you is why do you dislike your husband so much when before you didn't mind until the last 2 months?

  2. I am also going through the same thing. it is hard and i have been going through it for almost two years. i fear i may stray and be with another man, i have prayed to Allah to give me back my feelings for my husband but still nothing. I have been to sheikhs to pray and make dua for me byt still nothing. He repulses me. I ate him sometimes and i cant even pray with him anymore without getting angry for no reason. I need help as my deen is at stake. sometimes i feel like getting out of the marriage. he has been married before and this is my first. we have problems yes but they should not make me unwant him right? i used to pray for him but now he just disgusts me.

    • This happens to a lot of couples. Can you say how much time you two spend going out just by yourselves? No kids, not going out to do a chore, just you two doing something you like?

      I agree with the 7 year itch statement. There are drops in relationships at 2, 4, 7, and 10 years of marriage according to other articles. Initial attraction makes the relationship drive itself, but after a while, relationships take work. If both of you are spending all your energy on the kids and aren't making an effort to enjoy just the both of you you may start having less feelings for each other.

  3. May be it is seven year itch...........

    The seven-year itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_seven-year_itch

    • Note, however, that the phrase originated in an American play, and then was popularized by an American movie. There is no reason why cyclical dissatisfaction has to lead to divorce, especially among couples who have children. Marriage counseling can help the couple learn to communicate with each other and resolve (at least to some degree) the issues that are causing strife between them.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. OP: married for 8 years coming this year......have 3 beautiful children. ......... I hate intimacy of any sort. I have tried to give it my best shot but i just cant. ......... He irrtates me. Our thinking paths are completely different. ........... We are related which is why i want as much advice and guidance before i take any decision. ........... I have previously tried to harm myself due to the stress this situation gives me,

    Do other people irritate you as well? You need to get yourself involved in activities so that you don't get depressed.......You should be focussing on you kids. How did you feel about your husband in the few first month of your marriage?

  5. hello, I'm very sorry that you are enduring such hard situation... here comes my advice... Do what is the best for you, if you are happy your children will be happy, if he is a good father, allowed him to be a good father to the children, however remove yourself from the situation, if you stay in an unhappy situation what is the example you are giving your children?. I know that might not be the "sugar coating" answer but its honest, and after the storm... the sun will shine again.
    I think that some people endure the emotional abuse for the sake of the children, however how is seeing an unhappy couple beneficial as a role model?..
    so just make sure your kids understand that is not there fault, and that both of you love them unconditionally.

    may Allah guide you ....

    FAbi

Leave a Response