Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I prayed to Allah and received the best gift

We want a quiet nikah so we can have a halal life together.

Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters,

I am a young Muslim female practicing Islam day by day, I am age 20 and have never been more happier than ever in my life, Alhamdulillah. I want to share my story with you brothers and sisters and insha'Allah receive some valid Islamic advice. I have come a long way on earth, and even though I have gone through so much in my life, I have step into the right direction to get closer to Allah.

For many years I have experienced a dreadful journey and this has all started at the beginning of my first year in high school. I must admit, I was influenced by a bad crowd and thought being cool was what I needed to aim for in order for me to be successful in life. Alhamdulillah, I was smart enough not to get myself in drugs, drinking, and partying. I never given myself up for anybody and always reminded myself to be clean for the man I will marry one day. Although, I did involve myself in drama in school and got in a few fights. One day, I decided to exclude myself from everybody and just focus on school because I knew I had a year left of school until I graduate. I wasn't so close to Allah by this time, and my life has kept getting tougher and tougher each day. My parents are religious with very kind heart Masha'Allah. I couldn't have asked for better parents, but one day they got divorced and it made it harder for me to find myself because I felt as if my life has trembled down and there was no way of seeing light. As time went by, I accepted my parents being apart, I knew that it was between them and Allah and I should be a good daughter and understand their situation. I have five siblings who are much older than me and with my past experience, I couldn't trust them with anything in my life because they acted like the people in my highschool. I'd come home and be called names by my brothers and it broke down my self-esteem, I'd cry almost every night and thought to myself, "Why me Allah? why can't I live a simple life and just be happy? Maybe I should just end my life". As days, weeks, and years went by, my siblings put me through so much and it made me vulnerable until this day. I have been mentally, emotionally, and physically abused and being at school wasn't an escape, it was just another place that felt like hell. Furthermore, back to the bad group of so called Muslim females that I hung out in highschool, I decided to exclude myself from them, and they decided to cause a big fight with me where the whole school watched. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but was brave enough to tell my principle the full situation and she was kind enough to send me to another school. My family found out and was very angry with me, they thought of me as a bad girl who will never change into the person they want me to be. At this point in my life, I knew I had to make changes and fortunately I started practicing Islam. I pray 5 times a day and made one dua to Allah, all I needed was guidance and forgiveness.

I woke up one morning and I felt like a brand new person whose energy is full of positivity and happiness within my life, and I knew it was because Allah listened to what I had to say about how I feel and my life finally started to ease, Alhamdulillah. I avoided drama that came my way and focused on myself and school, I finally graduated highschool and began my first year of college. I still experience tough times with my siblings and as a couple months of being in college, I was experiencing a stressful and depressing time in my life. I made dua to Allah and prayed for guidance once again, I then met someone special a week later, someone I call my lover and bestfriend. This man has brought me closer to Allah and has made me wiser in Islam because this is when I started to believe in loving myself and loving someone who I believe Allah has sent to me. This man was not practicing Islam himself sadly. However, he got interested in Islam as I told him more about it and he learned more about the religion by himself and on his own he converted to Islam by choice and told me the news. I was proud of him and it was great to know that I was the one able to guide him to Allah, this man is now my fiance and I have never been more happier in my life. I know I may be young, but I have fallen in love with this man because I got to see myself happy for the first time. Although, I am happy with Islam and nothing can compare my love for the religion, I was fortunate to meet a man who I can spend my life with and we both plan on helping each other get even closer to Islam and to Allah. My life is a blessing because in my heart I know I am on the right path towards Islam and I have made the right decisions in my life.

Even though me and my fiance are strongly practicing Islam, I did not tell my family about him, but his family knows of me. Subhan'Allah, my fiance and I have experienced the same situation in our life. Everything he has gone through, I have gone through and I told him to make dua for guidance and for his family to accept him and accept us. However, reason for my family not going to accept my fiance is because I know they will not accept him for what his background is, which is half Arab and half black. My family is a bit racist and want me to marry someone who is full middle eastern and is Muslim. I know that Islam is a religion full of peace and there is no such thing as racism because everybody was created by Allah and Allah makes no mistakes. Therefore, color shouldn't matter, and if it did, the Quran or Hadith's would've mentioned not marrying someone because of their color. All I know is that I should marry someone who is Muslim and is practicing Islam. I know it is haram for me to be with someone without my family is permission, but me and him plan on going to the mosque together and getting an Imam to help us with this situation. I know I have committed a sin by this act, but I do plan on sharing this news with my parents and telling them how I truly feel. Till this day I have not given myself up to any man nor my fiance because I need my family to accept us Insha'Allah and then one day have a beautiful healthy Muslim baby. I'm afraid of telling my family, what should I say to them or how should I tell them? Should I bring my fiance with me to show them who he is or should I sit down alone with my parents and tell them? I'm afraid of what they will say, if they say no, what should I do? I need their permission in order for me to get officially married and to make the next step in my life. I don't ever hide anything from them but this has been the biggest risk, yet the best gift in my life. Does anybody have any advice or anything in the Quran that states ethnicity in marriage? Please brothers and sisters, it would be great if you guys kindly give me advice. May Allah bless all of you, Fi Amanullah.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salam sis
    You are young in love I know, we all have been there. You need to tell your family and then wait .This man who you are seeing and you say is a convert may Allah guide him well into Islam ameen.
    Let this guy wait for few years and let him truly wait for you, this way you will see if he still sticks to Islam, and whether his love to you is true. Don't rush into marriage you are young and been through a lot in life. Just because this man has clicked doesn't mean nothing. In life we all have problems with our loved ones , parents,siblings etc, that does not mean that the first thing we see we start to get close to them and want to marry to get out of the home situation. Please make things work with your parents, and then your siblings if possible they are your real family, don't marry as yet please.
    Think about your parents and your immediate family before this man, families are a gift from Allah no matter how your childhood was or is. Respect them well as you will one day insha Allah marry through respect in a good Islamic way through the hands of your parents and through Islam. Tell your parents about him and let him wait. A man who is a convert needs to be properly into practicing Islam, he needs to study Islam over a period of years then be accepted by your parents when they know how religious he is how good his character is and how well he will and is able to support you.
    If this man who you are close to you he waits patiently and shows respect and also waits for your parents approval then his true. Women should never marry a non Muslim until the convert is following the path of Islam one hundred percent, and is approved by the females parents. Your parents have a duty to Allah swt to marry you to a good Muslim who is respectable and religious and who will earn support you and your future kids, bring you closer to Islam. You too have a duty to your parents to respect them, be polite and wait patiently, ones parents will always do right by Islam for their children, so wait and see what is meant to be.
    I know a lot of girls which find love and want to rush, it's not right. Without parents permission and acceptance nothing ones marriage does not exist.
    One day Allah will give you the best if you wait listen and obey your parents work with your parents not against them, One day you will get the best only when you work with parents. No man no nothing should become between you and your parents, a true Muslim who loves you will show his worthy of you he will wait and prove himself with patience respect and Islam. May Allah guide you and bring you first closer to your parents who give you birth and brought you up, your are a good person who has asked for advice on this Muslim post, be patient, and wait for your parents blessing when and if they approve, insha Allah all will be good one day.
    BTW your parents are your way to heaven so wait respect their views and wishes, be patient and polite and keep praying, Allah bless you with more deen Ameen.

  2. One of the best ways to tell your parents is to tell your your parents.

    Maybe first talk to the parent you are closest to...whomever that is and just say I met someone and I am interested in marrying them...and he would like to meet you all. Then the other once the word is out.

    And from there you have a conversation.

    It's normal as an adult to meet people, so don't be shy, just be honest, if they object..,tell them to meet him first before judging and inshallah make lots of dua.


    This is a good link about when looking for marriage.look for character, not ethnicity.

    Myself am married to someone from a totally different background. Your parents will freak out at first,but inshallah when they meet him and if he has good character inshallah your parents heart will soften.

    Now I can tell you my parents love him like their own son. Just give your parents time to panick, and realize you are growing up and let them know he is important to you and he wants to meet them.

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