Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I received a proposal but I’m an introvert – what should I do?


As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

I'm a 24 year old guy and a few days ago a woman a little older than me (I think she's 29 or 30) asked for my hand in marriage. Now this woman is a distant relative of mine and is everything I've wanted in a wife. She's kind, pious, religious and very beautiful.

But my problem is that I'm a very introverted person. I'm a very shy and quiet guy. I never had many friends and I cant keep a good conversation going because I always run out of things to say. Maybe its because I was raised in a very sheltered home.

So my question is, should I marry this woman because I'm just scared that after a while she'll get bored of me and divorce me? Also, she's very successful and I've only just graduated from law school and have a small job. She knows this. I also know that she's turned down several proposals and I really don't know why she'd want to marry me.

It's not that I don't want to marry her. I really do. I'm just scared that I wont fulfill her needs. Basically, I'm just worried that I won't be able to make her happy, because I'm a very quiet person, and that I won't be able to satisfy her wants and needs, because I only have a small *****.

My apologies for the long question
Shukran so much


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10 Responses »

  1. I personally would love to marry a person like you if im honest. Your sincere and that is something she saw which is hard to find these days. She found something more likeable in you and finds you more suitable match for marriage.

    You shouldn't worry about things that are not worth worrying about. Your comparing yourself to others and you shouldn't do this its not healthy foundation on the mind. She is what you looking for your mind is playing tricks on you. Main thing is you will be more yourself once married and I believe this will follow has you develop and grow as a person inshAllah.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    When looking for a spouse, we should be thinking about their faith, their character, whether the two parties would be compatible in marriage... None of these things require that somebody has to be extroverted or have a parts of their anatomy of a particular size. It may be that this woman has recognised that you are more introverted and that this is something which she would want in a spouse.

    Why not meet with her a couple of times - in a halal way, of course! - and see whether the two of you are compatible? Ask her about her interests, share a bit about yours, find out about her work and how she feels about your work. If you and she both feel that you would be interested in proceeding after this, then Alhamdulillah. If not, then you can both carry on looking, with a clearer idea of what you would/wouldn't want in a spouse.

    As for your concern about the size of particular body parts, size really isn't a big deal for women. The most important aspects of intimacy are to do with communication, sharing, compassion and trust. So long as you are caring and loving, the rest can be figured out as you both get to know each other.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, as well. From what you've written, it sounds as though you have quite low self-esteem, but you've already mentioned some very good qualities: you're hardworking; you're interested in a quieter life rather than being a "party animal"; you're caring; piety is important to you; you're intelligent (people who aren't intelligent don't tend to finish law school); and you're modest. Even if this proposal doesn't work out, these are qualities that will serve you well in the future, and inshaAllah you will marry someone who appreciates them and loves you for the person you are.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. OP: It's not that I don't want to marry her. I really do. I'm just scared that I wont fulfill her needs. Basically, I'm just worried that I won't be able to make her happy, because I'm a very quiet person, and that I won't be able to satisfy her wants and needs, because I only have a small

    You will never know if you can fulfill her needs unless you marry her. If she has never been with a man, she will never know how big it is supposed to be.

    What makes you think you are small? I hope you are not comparing yourself to what you see on the Internet.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    This woman sounds like she knows exactly what she wants and most likely, she likes the qualities that you have--it could even be that she likes that you are an introvert. Being an introvert is not a negative thing. I suggest that you go ahead and consider the proposal and meet her in a halal way as Sr. Midnightmoon has suggested.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties and help you to make the best decision for you, Ameen.

  5. Wa 'alaikum as-salaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh dear brother Mahmoud,

    I think you have got a wonderful proposal, mashaAllah. Just take it, pray istikhara, and rely on Almighty Allah.

    Have a halal conversation with her and try to let her know much about you from the beginning--stressed on what you wrote here in your second paragraph while having conversations with her. When she understands where you are coming from and what made you who you are today, then she may be able to know how to live with you inshaAllah. She may even want to read and learn much about how to live with such a person, and you may also want to read and learn much about how to live with her, and how to perfect your communication skills, inshaAllah. When there is a mutual understanding between you from the beginning, then chances are that you can be able to work together gradually to achieve successes inshaAllah.

    May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide the both of you to what is best for you in this life and the next. Ameen!

  6. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,


  7. Brother ,

    Just don't jump in to this marriage because some one has asked for it .It seems you are not ready for the marriage yet .I think you are just building your career now .
    You says you have small job so How you are going to provide her financially ? As per Islam a man is supposed to provide her financially . If you dont help financially a woman has islamic right to take divorce even if she is earning good money .

    Are you thinking of living your life own her money ? Women will not like it if her husband doesn't help financially (not a small contribution) ....

    After marriage and kids it will be difficult to concentrate on the career ..You better focus on career than marriage . Pray and Fast if you are struggling to control sexual urges .

  8. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa,
    DO ISTIKHARA prayer for this brother...
    But is sounds as a GOOD LUCK to you. DO NOT TURN BACK...You dont know what ALLAH has prepared for YOU.
    Keep ISTIKHARA brother and ALLAH will guide you on this INSHA-ALLAH

  9. these things does not matter that much or even doesn't matter at all, being an introvert is quite good there is no shame in that, that's why she have asked to marry u and sent u a proposal. Being wealthy and have a good package in a job is important but whats more important is living a life according to Allah, being pious religious and follow the sunnahs of the propthet(PBUH) and as u mentioned u have a small job and just graduated but whats more important to her is ur qualities that u r a simple sober person doesn't talk to much and being shy is really good bcoz Hazrat Uthman (ra) third caliph was a humble and shy person as stated in hadiths... Brother u should be proud for being similar to Hazrat Uthman(ra) and once u r married these things would not even bother u.... .

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