Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I sinned before I converted to Islam; how do I explain this to my future husband?

I am a 25 year old woman who converted from Christianity to Islam. Although I was raised Baptist, I was not a practicing Christian and strayed in many ways. Due to my previous choices, I am not a virgin.

wipe away sins purify wash

The Prophet (saw) said,“Islam wipes out all of one’s past sins.”

When I was introduced to Islam I immediately felt like I had the relationship with God I had always wanted (and needed) and completely changed my life and my thinking.

I know that upon converting to Islam it means that all of my previous sins are forgiven and I am given a new start. But, I am wondering HOW I should explain to my future husband that I am not a virgin. Even though I have been wiped clean, I physically cannot change that so I feel like it needs to be talked about; I just don't know how.

- monalisa

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , ,

9 Responses »

  1. Aslamu aleikum sister Monalisa.

    I am really happy that you have accepted Allah and His religion. Now after you have converted to Islam alhamdulillaah, which means thank to Allah your all bad deeds has been wiped. About your virginity it does not matter as the past is for Allah only, if your future husband is muslim (must be), religious and Allah fearing person your past is not up to him. You won`t need to explain to him your past and what you did, if he asks about your past then just try to be silent, if he insists then try to warn and tell him wisely that past is for Allah and he is not need to know. If he doest not stop there then tell him truth I hope NO WISE MUSLIM MAN ASKS ABOUT WIFE`S PAST LIFE, GOD WILLING.

    Try your best my sister IN ISLAM and go on with your new life and push yourself into getting Islamic knowledge by studying Arabic language, Koran and so on insha Allah. Try to be around good Muslims, who perform their five prayers. Life is exam I hope you will not, but you may encounter Muslims, who turns you down specially husband or so on at that point try to ask Allah to help you as Allah is always mercy full for His slaves , always be near to Allah, be aware that if you make some mistakes like sin and so on, do not give up and try immediately to come back to Allah and ask forgiveness as all of us make mistakes.

    Sincerely your brother Abdullah/ tips: come to facebook and try to make good friends.

    • Salam aleykom warahmatu allah wabarakatuh.

      Dears Brothers and sister May allah bless you and reward you for your effort for our religion and for your best to help people to show them the right way ameen.

      I felt happy and glad when I found your website, and I would like brothers and sister write for you this email that I ask allah Swt get My fruit that I'm asking allah swt always.

      My dears Muslims I live in USA and I'm interesting to meet a sister from US converted to Islam and she Practice islam as allah swt said in the holy Quan, I'm a brother has hamdolilah fearing God and I do always My best to to make a good and pure worship to almighty allah swt .... I'm 29years old ..... I'm always trying to meet a good wife she want make a strong family one teaching Islamic with me... also Just I'm supporting myself with more Duaa (prayer) to allah swt to find and meet this wife has fearing allah swt.

      So My Brothers and sister please if you know any sister serious to sake Marriage with me on the Quran and sunnah I hope please to contact me. wallahi I'm really serious to protect myself and be honest with Allah Swt to make a good worship in him swt.

      any Questions ... Just feel free to ask me and I be able to answer you Questions....

      May allah bless you and all muslims and reward you for all best you did and you do for Islam ameen.

      Your Brother (Abdel wahaj)

  2. Salaam my sister,

    The way to do it is to get in in there early on during the courtship, and simply say "if you are seeking a virgin, that's not me - I accepted Islam at a later stage in my life, and before that time I was not practicing". If the man probes and wants to know more, than it is up to you what you do from that point onwards, but really it should not be a big deal if the guy is serious about you. He would, after all, know that you have converted to Islam and naturally, you are likely to have led a non-Islamic life before you came into the religion.

    What you should never ever do, is keep it to yourself until much later and then come out with it after marriage or just before marriage. Getting it out there early will save you the pain and heartache - and it gives the guy time to digest the information and decide.

    There are many many revert sisters who have come into Islam after living some kind of lifestyle before that, and many who are happily married elhamdililah, so be comfortable and be honest - look to the future and not to the past. Men are much more good, much more understanding and much more accepting than we tend to give them credit for.


    Editor, Islamic Answers

  3. Exactly as Abdullahi and Leyla said. However if he probes and wants to know more, I would say absolutely do not go into detail or give him any more information. Allah has forgiven everything you did before Islam. No one has the right to ask you to reveal it, or to detail it.

    Wael Editor

  4. Assalamu'alaikum,

    Sister monalisa, congratulations for coming to this beautiful religion and welcome. I am also a revert of many years so I understand your question. In Islam we ask only Allah(swt) to forgive our past sins. You are not obligated to tell anyone about what you have done in the past.

    As you have read from the other post, you shouldn't concern yourself with how to tell someone about your past. After you took shahadah your past sins have been wiped out. What you did in your past is between you and Allah.

    When you do meet someone who is interested in marriage, you are not obligated to tell him about anything you did before your conversion. If he persist then simply tell him that you were not always Muslim and what you did in the past has been forgiven by Allah. If he is a good Muslim then he will leave it and say Alhamdulillah! If he continues to ask questions then you should move on and find someone else.

    Your intended husband should only be concerned with your character and your deen. He should be concerned that you are a good Muslim and that you are willing to learn more about your religion.

    There is however an exception. Most of us who revert to Islam have had sexual experiences either through previous marriages or pre-marital sex. Many times the sex is unprotected. If a person has contracted an STD that cannot be cured then your future husband/wife should be told. If the disease cannot be cured and there is a risk that he/she can also contract it then they should be told. At least they can make the decision to go forward with the marriage or not.

    In the mean time I would try to learn as much about Islam as possible. Since you will be considering marriage in the future it is very important that you know what your right's are as a wife and what his rights are as a husband. That is so important. Understand that there are men who prey on sister's who don't know their religion. You don't want to be one of those sister. You want to be well informed.

    Understanding your religion will also help you determine what is religion and what's culture. As you grow in Islam you will find that there are many Muslim's who because of their ignorance of the religion adhere to cultural practices rather than religious ones. You must know the difference.

    Insha'Allah, the advice you have been given will help. If you have more questions please write again.

    Your Brother in Islam

    Abdul Wali Editor

  5. Assalam aleykum

    I have question brothers and sister please answer.
    Ok if a girl was raped at age 6 then abt 10-12 years she had sex ,when she got her period she never had sex becuase she knew that she will get pragnent. Now she is 16 years ,she is practicing Muslim and she sincerely repents for her sin now how will she tell her future husband what happened? Please answer!!! Thanks

    • Wa alaikum salaam. If the person sincerely repents and stays away from the sin. (She should stay away from the sin not for fear of getting pregnant but for fear of Allahs punishment) If she vows to give up the sin and repents sincerely then Allah will forgive her, He will even turn her bad deed into a good deed, SubhanAllah. We must never despair of the mercy of Allah swt. Alhumdulilah that she is practicing now.

      With respect to explaining to her husband. It is her past sin between her and Allah. She does not have to reveal this to her husband, unless he is going to find out. Allah has covered this sin for her, so she must keep it covered. It is between her and Allah.

      Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukhari]

      It is advisable though that she try to avoid marrying a man who is very picky about his wifes 'virginity.' as this may cause problems. To some men its very important (unfortunately even to some of those who have had premarital sex multiple times) A man seeking only a virgin is likely to probe the subject, and I agree with sister Leyla and brother Wael's post on this topic.

      She should marry a man of deen, maybe a revert, and make dua for Allah to give her the best husband.

      I hope this helped InshaAllah.

  6. Thank you so much for your beautiful reply! Inshallah I will tell her what you just told me!
    I'll make dua for her ! Thank you agian may Allah bless you!

Leave a Response