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Feeling guilty about getting a relative locked up

Question:

Brother I have done sins and feel emotionally hurt. I can't live with myself no more. I can't look into my mum's eyes no more. I have snitched my relative to the police which got him sent down for a few years and it has cost him a lot of money.

He was a heavy drinker as a Muslim but he supplied money to his poor family in Afghanistan. He was very close to his family and my personal conflict lead me to this.

Brother what shall I do? I can't sleep no more. It feels my shoulders have gone heavy and as a student I am starting to go downhill first time in my life. Brother I have never drunk or smoked and keep all my fast. I do not pray on a daily basis but do have good intentions but this has just broke me down.

I feel like a coward and shameful. Brother please help.

Sister Noorah's Answer:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

I don't know your motive behind "snitching" on your family member, but if he was committing some sort of crime which caused him to go to prison for three years, then the responsibility for that lies on his shoulders, not yours. If he was a heavy drinker as you say this can lead him to commit all sorts of crimes, from domestic violence to stealing or worse. Perhaps if you had not told the police about him, he may have committed a worse crime. Imagine if he had driven drunk and killed someone? Allah knows best what would have happened, but it may be that in prison he can overcome his alcoholism and learn to be a better Muslim. There are religious programs in prisons so inshAllah he can benefit from them.

I know you are feeling very guilty about this. Perhaps you can overcome your guilt by honestly thinking about what your motive was. Why did you feel it was necesary to do this? Was he hurting someone? Was he stealling or worse? As bad as you feel for having done this, it is not permissible in Islam to stand by and let a person harm himself or others, even if it seems the punishment is very harsh.

You can support your relative by visiting him in prison, by sending him Islamic educational materials, by keeping in touch with his family in Afghanistan and sending them money if you can. You do not have to confess to him at this time because he may not be able to understand what you did or why you did it, but do not give up on him now. If he is truly to become a strong Muslim, he must have your support.

Don't give up on yourself, either. Pray to Allah to keep you on the Straight Path. Eat right, get decent sleep. Strive to pray the five daily prayers at their correct times and also to pray the night prayer if you are able. Work on improving yourself as a Muslim so you can serve as a good role model for all of your family members. It may be that Allah allowed this situation to come about in order to save the souls of all involved. Some years in prison is preferable to a lifetime in the Hellfire in the hereafter.

You are student, so if you feel you need to take off a semester to get your head together, give yourself the time to do that. Get a part-time job so you can donate money to worthy causes. Volunteer to do charity work like feeding the homeless. Keep yourself busy with good deeds, as good deeds wipe out sins. I pray that Allah blesses you now and in the future and that he heals the soul and body of your relative in prison. Ameen.

Fi Aman Allah,

Noorah