Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think Allah doesn’t love me

They say Allah feel what we feel He feels toward us..

I don't think Allah loves me.. I think he doesn't care at all about me - along with everyone else.

I was a very good girl, the smartest in elementary school.. in high school, I was one of the top and a teacher actually told me she wants a daughter just like me.. another told me I was too hard working.

Then I went to university, in another country, and I made a lot of stupid mistakes (not worth mentioning, boy problem) and now I'm broken. Completely shattered. I tried to pick myself up, and I did, for a semester. And then I broke down. I'm so lonely here, I dont have many friends, I'm terrible at making them, everything's so awkward. And I'm so depressed.

I started to get closer to Allah, and I did.. but He doesn't help me. I don't understand. It says if you take one step toward Allah, He will take 10 steps toward you 🙁 I did take some steps.. Where is He? Why am I still so sad, and lonely, and depressed?

I want my parents to be proud of me, but I'm such a loser now. I'm depressed. I don't study at all. I'm beginning to skip my prayers, and I don't feel guilty about it 🙁

Allah doesn't help me, He doesn't love me.. Why He doesn't love me? I tried so hard 🙁 Why? I want Him to accept me, but He's ignoring me. And now I don't feel there's any reason for me to pray.. or live.. Why won't He help me? It's been 2 years of depression, why am I being like this? 🙁


(Editor's Note: Because of the high number of questions we receive, we now have a limit of 4 posts from any one person per year. So this is the last post that we can accept from you in this calendar year of 2012).


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29 Responses »

  1. Mira91,

    What is causing you to feel depressed? Is it an idea or a thought you are holding on to? What makes you think and feel that Allah is ignoring you? Do you honestly think He is ignoring you? Really? I don't think He(swt) is doing so. Upon your admission, you sinned, right? And you say that you were completely shattered, right? But Allah still picked you up too. Had He(swt) been merciless, He(swt) would have left you to continue sinning, or He(swt) could have taken your soul while you were sinning, but He(swt) gave you the chance to repent instead. Thats a greater gift than any of us can comprehend Mira.

    You ask 'Where is Allah?' He(swt) is here all the time and He(swt) is as we think of Him(swt). So if you are ready to give up on Him(swt) through your despair, what do you expect from Him(swt)? I know it can be difficult. I know sometimes it seems as though 'whats the point, why do I bother'? But you know what - every little thing you do counts and maybe its you that needs to change.

    Maybe its time for you to make some practical changes in your life, because when we are stuck doing the same thing day in day out, how can we expect new and wonderful things to happen? Things won't just spring up from a stagnant routine. You need to make that change and add some spring into your life and naturally you will begin to make friends and you will feel like smiling. What do you enjoy doing? Think about it and take up some hobbies: go to the gym, join some Quran classes, take your mother or siblings on a weeks holiday abroad to a sunnier climate, or go bunjee jumping or mountain climbing or something just as exciting.

    The negative language you have used throughout your post also shows how little you think of yourself. This will not help you at all. It is important for you to know that everyone's ability to achieve is different, since Allah has made us all differently, but perfect in our own unique way. With you studies, just try your best and leave the rest to Allah. What makes you think your parents are not proud of you? Have they said something to you that has made you feel low? Or are you putting unnecessary pressure on yourself?

    With regards to your Salaah, it is only going to help you if you stick to it. If you choose not to, it won't reduce anything of Allah(swt)'s, but it will take away from you. When you are feeling this way - remind yourself, that actually, you have everything to enable you to live a comfortable life: your life, your health, a family, a roof over your head, a comfortable bed to sleep in, food, water, clothes, education etc and 'ISLAM'. The only thing getting you down is your negative way of thinking.

    And you may have heard it all before, but its true: there are people who are suffering from poverty, are being abused, have lost children, are living in war torn countries - yet they still have a smile on their faces and they still turn to Allah with all sincerity. Maybe you need to start doing some voluntary work to help people less fortunate than you: it will help you to be grateful for everything you do have and it will also give you a great sense of satisfaction and pleasure knowing that you are helping others. Adding to that, being busy with good deeds, will give you less time to remain idle and we know all that idle minds are a breeding place for shaytan and his negative whispers.


    If your depression continues as it has been doing, I seriously think you should see a doctor and there is nothing embarrasing about doing so. Depression is one of the most wide spread illnesses yet probably the least diagnosed because most of the time people don't realise they are suffering from it. Sometimes it can be triggered by a traumatic life event, sometimes by something less obvious, but the point to note is that everyone reacts to things in different ways. So get yourself some medical help and at the same time try some of the things I have suggested above.


    And remember, Allah is always here. That is the only reason why you exist my dear. If you keep complaining about everything you don't have, don't be suprised when what you do have is taken away too. So keep turning to Him and be grateful. If you are grateful, Allah will give you more.

    SisterZ Editor

    • I hate these answers I really do even though it's know some times just answering his creations duas can do WONDERS for the spirit...if you don't help are we supposed to think of him.....that whole thing never makes any sense to me.

    • Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar..Jazakallah, Barakallah who all answerd the questions

  2. Assalamualaikum dear sister Mira91

    I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. You said, it has been 2 years for you to undergo this life with depression. Sister, I'm sorry to say this but it seems that it is not about the situation but it is you who doesn't want to move on. You just stuck in this situation which makes you feel more depressed and alone. I did feel the same you are feeling now dear and hence I am able to say this. I used to cry, feel so alone, just stay in my room without doing anything and ask to myself why am I like this, I didn't feel I was worthy. However, Alhamdulillah Allah helped me to let go of the stress I felt and now I feel fine.

    Dear, you said you ever did any stupid thing in your past, I did the same sist and I regret it. This is the time dear, to turn back to Him. You said Allah doesn't care about you, Istighfar my sister, Allah cares about you VERY much. He loves you. He is now testing you sister, so don't despair. Allah gives us many things even things which we didn't ask for, did you ask Him to give you ears? did you ask Him to give you eyes? No, He gave all those things which you didn't even ask dear, so He will surely help and give what you ask for. Come to Him with a pure heart, have faith in Him and leave everything to Him. Put your blind trust in Him. Never ever doubt about His love. Even when we make mistake, He will forgive us if we turn to Him with sincere Taubat, In Shaa Allah.

    Try to make yourself busy with good activities, join Islamic course, learn more about deen, read Quran with its meaning keep your 5 daily prayer, and always be positive dear. If you again feel depressed then just think of Him first, take ablution, and cry to Him, tell Him your problems, It is Allah who tests us and it is also He who will give us the ease. No doubt.

    May Allah always help and protect you, Amin.

  3. Asslama alaikum Sister Mira,

    I can tell you wholeheartedly and with conviction that Allah loves you very much, WHY?? because Allah the almighty only tests those who he loves.
    There is a very important verse to reflect upon sister, Allah says in the Quran:
    Alif, Lam , Mim. Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, we believe, and not be tried?
    And certainly we tried those before them, so Allah will certainly know those who are true and he will certainly know the liars. Surah 29, Verse 1-3

    So your situation is a trial and the greater the trial, the greater the reward in the akhirah- inshallah.

    In surah Bakarah Allah(SWT) says: And we will most certainly test you with something of Fear, and hunger, loss of property and lives and the fruits of your toils and give glad tidings to the patient, Who, when afflicted with misfortune say: Surely we are Allah's and to him we shall surely return.
    Those are they on whom are the BLESSINGS and MERCY from their lord and those are the followers of the right course. V 155 - 157.

    Shaitaan will not come near the constant sinner but he will always trouble and whisper to the one who is trying to get close to the almighty Allah. We must be aware and guard ourselves against the evil waswasa.
    Seek refuge with allah always.
    And remember this very, very important verse: And whoever turns himself away from the remembrance of the beneficent Allah, We appoint for him a shaitan, so he becomes his intimate(qareen). V36- Surah Az-Zukhruf
    This is a serious warning.
    So have patience sister and do not desire the material gain of this life in return for your good deeds. Desire the akhirah more and this life will automatically be good for you- inshallah.
    We have all been through trials and i am just giving you the benefit of my experience. But i would urge you to read the story of Prophet Ayub (AS) and Prophet Yusuf and this will inshallah help you to understand what is meant by patience.
    This is inshallah a reminder for me before anyone else and whatever right i have said is from allah and any wrong i have said is from myself. May allah make the affairs of all Muslims easy. Ameen.

    Brother Mominzed.

  4. Assalamu alkaykom sister
    I have the same problem with yours , im 14 and i started praying when i was 11 , i was the best student in middle school and primary school , and i thought i will be the same in high school ... in these times i just started to skip my prayings , and now i really think that i cant move on or do anything , cuz god doesnt love me , and if i continue praying like always nothing will happen ... Now for this year i started skipping my prayings im not the best student as i was , im being everyday worse . But i know that Allah will never ever leave me , if i try for him he will give me back whatever i want .. if i have patience and pray and ask Allah for everything i need , to make easy everything for me im so sure Allah wont ignore me ...I heard one of our imams saying that :' There are many people who couldnt feel the praying or couldnt feel that Allah loves them until days before they died , God wanted to see who has more patient and who didnt leave praying , who never thought that Allah ignores them , it doesnt mean to be guided in the first day of praying , maybe you should pass a lot of years to be guided and loved from God " .And how do u think Allah doesnt love u ?? He gave u good health , smart mind , he gave u the opportunity to be in Prophet s.a.w ummah ! Isn't this blessing from God ??

    Maybe what i wrote isnt so helpful cuz i see many posts from our brothers and sisters but i wanted to share my problems and i want to courage you to see the world and move on , cuz our god will always love us if we are patient and wait to see his love .

  5. Assalamualykum,

    I feel the same, that I pray to Allah for something and he gives me the very little amount of my need so why should I keep thanking him for that ?

    I have been working when I was a teenage when I was only 23 I became sole bread winner of my family being a muslim I have been struggling more than I could within my limits, there are 12people in my home whom I have to take care of. I have always been positive from Allah from last one year I am into too much of financial crises.
    I have always short of money since when I am into senses but this time the only change is these man and so many man they want me to fulfill their haram' wishes. I work in abroad where no one is there to help or support me.

    I asked for the help from some of my female friends no one did. In past years I spent too much of money on my elder sister to get her independent but every one cheated, in govt places even in police I had to visit every where due to legal formalities and still after 2 and half year I am still alone and trying to get my younger sister married and working hard to bring her dowry, I am a girl why Allah gave me too much of burden which I cannot bear ? I am not complaining that I am not a sinner but what about those who first helped me and now after my soul and body? if I become a prostitute money will be very easy for me to earn but why only me should be prostitutes why Allah is not helping me out ??

    are those people who helped me are more better than me in Allah's way that's why they are rich why not me ??

    I cry a lot in front of him that why everyone cheated me if I was alone why did not support me why he did not make me meet with only honest people why my halal earning went to haram?

    I really cry every no and then but I feel Allah does not like me.

    • You are a daughter, the izzat f the family, the head right now financialy, if you do prostitution my dear not only are you bringing shame on your family but it will have effect on your sisters family life too, could u bare living without them? I know exactly wot u mean as i alrhough a different dilemma thought Allah SWT didnt care, didn't think of the good people- as you can see i searched this question online for answers- by looking at all the replies... I cant believe I lost faith in Allah! There r people worse than me, i should be thankful atleast i have a loving family, a job, respect and a roof over my head.. Just because of a short earthquake in my life iv lost hope...? Our Prophet SAW who was Allahs best friend had gone through worse, Their families suffered, sacrificed.. Who for? Allah SWT and for us... To defeat Shaytaan as he challenged Allah that we wont turn his way, if we r not reading Namaz, not fasting etc Allah will try to shake u a little to remind u which path you are supposed to choose, Allah tests those He loves which helpz in making u stronger... Iv got my answer... And i hope i'v helped. To all please pray for me and my family too as we are going through a tough time... I will InShaAllah make Dua that may Allah SWT give u all happiness, health, wealth, luck, guide u away from enemies and answer all ur prayers by the Sadqah of his beloved friend.. Our Nabi Muhammed SAW... Ameen Ya Rab-ul-Alameen..

    • have patience hun, and try and do things the right way
      walaikum aslaam wa rahmathullah

      maybe Allah wants you to cut out your bad deeds
      before he blesses you abundantly, Allah is all capable of turning things around incredibly

      no matter who wrongs you, don't do wrong yourself. don't spiral down yourself,
      because no good comes of it, and no reward too!

    • are you okay now ?

    • Assalam wa alikum sister, I will make dua for you to get you out of your financial hardship but please don't do haram. Thank you soo much for sharing your story, I just want to say most people remember the bad people who has harmed them and forget the goods onces in their life. Your parents make dua for you and they are the goods onces. Have patience and take what you experienced as a positive, now that you know how these bad people opperate so you wont ever fall for their tricks ever again or those like them insha'Allah. Everyone gets justice in the day of judgement and some even get it here.

      I had a cruel back biting neighbour who is muslim but after 7 years of hardship she caused to my family I didn't know while she was doing all that all the blessing were taken from her life but I didn't know that until one day she changed and became a good muslim Alhamdulilah and told me her problems she had faced for years so you can see even if you think those who hurt you are getting away with harming you, they are not. They put that appearance that they have everything and got away with but really haven't. As for the rich people in life while they are not part of your life so don't think about them. If they don't spend in the way of Allah (swt) then they will answer for it, why should you care.

      I have other example of evil that has happened to muslims in my family such as rape by family member and they got justice after years thats why Allah (swt) you need to be patient but don't go towards haram because it looks like a easy way out and be greatful for what you have and Allah (swt) will increase it.

  6. Assalam Wa Alikum

    To every Muslim sister, I read something like this and it helped me.

    "The circumstances in my life had become overwhelming, everything was crumbling, and my world was falling apart. To be honest, if someone had come alongside me at that point and tried to reassure me by saying, “Allah won’t give you more than you can handle,” I may have punched them square in the face.
    That tired, old phrase often sounds more like a taunt than a comfort. When we are down and out and feeling discouraged, hearing those words can cause us to feel like we are not measuring up. It causes us to ask, “If I am supposed to handle this, then why can’t I handle it?” The words that are meant for encouragement can often serve to only create discouragement. Worse yet, this phrase can tempt us to ignore our suffering and pretend it’s not there. It can lead us to believe the lie that we can do it ourselves; that we can handle it. Which raises the question, “If we can handle anything that comes our way, then why do we need Allah at all?”

    the answer is that we should all realise we cannot do it on our own, Allah prescribed prayer to strengthen us, to help us and to take away some of our sin, so please please sisters don't stop trying, don't stop doing your Salah and be patient. Even I find it hard some days and extremely hard other days but I try really hard to keep my Salah but if I miss it, I go back to Allah as he forgives. Wish everyone all the best I always pray for our umma and every Muslim.

  7. I feel disgusted and dejected by this one dirty habit which occurred to me when I had puberty. It was masturbation. I find it hard to stop it. I tried to during the month of ramdhan and still couldn't control it. I feel weak as a Muslim and as a person. I do dua to Allah swt to help me but I still can't discontinue it. I don't know ehat to do

    Please help me

    • Adam, we have published many posts on the subject of masturbation - how to control it, etc. Please search our archives.

      Wael Editor

  8. May Allah SWT help all of us,

    This person's story basically explains how her life has taken a bad downward spiral. the cause for such is jealousy of others on the poor soul's life.

    Apart from all the explanations (THeoretical and Practical), we all must Pray for her. somebody contact her, find out to make sure if she is doing well. if she needs protection, help, asylum, kindly arrange a spearate, decent and affordable accommodation for her and get her there so her abusive family no longer hurts her.

    Same should also be done for men, boys, girls, women, children and the elderly. We have sadly become part of a very cruel greedy world today.,

  9. Also, Forgive me that I have contradicted you all previously around a few months ago and even used abusive words. Na'uzu billah.

    Please forgive me for such, as now not only have my eyes opened but now I feel better as well.

    I am myself facing a very bad time. I am now confident that Allah SWT will turn it aorund in my favor. I need your prayers, Jazak Allah

  10. Salam!!! I am from Brazil, a rooty catholic country, but I reverted islam in 2013. It's hard to live in a country as mine, where muslims are attacked every time, but I am certally about my faith! I readed all the article and it seems my life. I can understand your feelings exactly, properly! At this moment, I feel as Allah abandoned me and it's making me feel sad and sometimes angry. It's standing to a depression and I am worry... It's two years I have been living each day worse, praying and doing the islamic principals... But I am loosing faith... I feel Allah doen's love or worry about mankind. Sorry my bro's but it's like I feel... I wonder if Allah can just give me an answers, a signal or an explanation, that could make me don't be depressed... But, I am stopping believe this more and more. Why Allah allows it? I have always been a good man, every life! As I am being more broken, many people by side just stand, grow... Rise! People I know from long times and many have never been faithful or maybe "good"... I am wacthing by the sun! Almost died! And many people just happy. Most of then that have lived doing "wrong, bad or injustices" with the others... But they grow! And I die... It must have an explain! But, unfortunatly, I don't know why...

  11. All the sins that u did Allah has hidden in... It means that Allah loves u and when u were getting born Allah CHOOSE u to be a Muslim not the other people who were getting born at the same times as u... No Allah CHOOSE u it means that he loves u... Out of 1 million people Allah CHOOSE u.... U chould be close to him and this is Allah testing u but I don't think that u made it sadly.... Sorry if my comment hurt your feelings but this is the truth

  12. I also need some assistance. For the past two years I've been studying persistantly for my exams; yet, I always fall short from my ambitions. I started reading salat and getting closer to Allah but it didn't make any difference. I have a friend in who barely studies and is not really Islamic, yet shegets fantastic grades. I feel as though all my effort in keeping fasts, performing salat and helping others will go into vain on the day of judgment. I feel like giving up everything associated with Islam and I spend the night crying to Allah for at least a little bit of his blessings. In addition, He doesn't care and I doubt He's even bothered. Why is it that people do less than me and they get so much of His barakah. Whereas, I try to concentrate during my salats so I can please Him and this is how He helps me in return.

    • "I feel as though all my effort in keeping fasts, performing salat and helping others will go into vain on the day of judgment."

      This is completely wrong. While you may or may not see results from your 'ibadah in this dunya, rest assured that Allah is piling up the barakah for you in the aakhirah. When you talk about the "barakah" that others get, you are only looking at the worldly things. These things do not matter in the long run. This life is short. What matters is what we receive in the aakhirah.

      Your school grades are not the measure of how much Allah loves you or does not love you. They are a measure of your academic ability only. If you are studying hard and not achieving your ambitions, then you should do some of the following:

      1. Learn how to improve your study methods to get more benefit from study time.
      2. Find a study partner or tutor who can help you.
      3. Lower your ambitions or set your sights on an easier goal.

      In the meantime, you should know that Allah truly does care about each of His believing servants. If you think well of Allah, He will think well of you and will meet you with joy. However, if you think poorly of Allah - like your saying that "He doesn't care and I doubt He's even bothered" - when what is the use of all your 'ibadah? Your worship is meaningless because it is devoid of faith.

      So you first have to change your conception of Allah and your relationship with Him. Allah is not a vending machine, where you do a salat and get a good grade. We pray to Allah in gratitude for all He has given us, starting with life itself, your beating heart, the breath in your lungs, the food on your table and the roof over your head. Don't those things count? Are they not worthy of thanks?

      Wael Editor

  13. (Comment removed by Editor)

    • Sister, there is no benefit in posting these negative thoughts again and again. Please go back and read the answers already given on this post and others like:

      Bad thoughts about Allah

      I also strongly suggest that you consult with a mental health professional or counselor.

      Wael Editor

  14. Sometimes i feel the same...i have cried for four years for a guy, i did everything he asled me to do, he always slapped me, abused me my parents, dominated me..i was so much in depression i dont remember one sec i dint cried in front of Allah when that guy left me, i begged Allah please if you keep the man who always treated me like a bin happy why cant you make me happy, i begged Allah(s.w.t) please make me forget him atleast once please..but Allah dint even do that, everyday i was in depression, now when i am facing a life threatning disease i feel..Allah only gives the best to bad people and he makes people like us who have already been through so much, more in pain.. I am a true evidence and witness that Allah doesnt love me at all yes he doesnt. he doesnt love me.! before i die i just wanna say... that Allah never saw me cry Never.

  15. my brothers i am being tired...

    • saim, I'm sorry for your difficulties. Please read the comments already given on this post, and also read my article, Suicide in Islam. May Allah bless you and make things easier for you.

      Wael Editor

  16. I have lost my job...

    • Mohsin, I'm sorry that you are experiencing these difficulties. Whatever happens to us in this life is only a test of our sabr and imaan. Be patient, set goals for yourself and work toward them. Blaming Allah and giving up is not a productive approach. If you are depressed, see a therapist or counselor, or a doctor. May Allah aid you and ease your difficulties.

      Wael Editor

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