Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think He Is the One, But…

Woman alone

Salamat Brothers and Sisters,

I have been very confused with my feelings from the beginning of this year as my second cousin arrived from Lebanon for a university work shop on a temporary visa to Australia. He comes from a very strict and religious Lebanese Muslim family that are very nosy and need to know every detail about his life. However, this guy is the youngest in his family and is the more slightly rebellious type and likes things such as tattoos, art, motorcycle riding and breaking the rules. Since coming to Australia, he knew exactly what he wanted; to live here and to be away from his families ways and ideologies. He moved in with my grandma and is currently living there. He decided to put off going to university here as international students have to pay an ample upfront amount to even start and he can't afford it, so he has decided to work for a while until he can save up for his university fees.

Having had lived the same life for so long of family dysfunction, psychological and financial issues, him coming was like waking up from a 16 year long dullness and finding a light and a purpose. He is everything I and my mother like in a person; simple, open-minded, easy going, has a sense of humour, educated, smart and has motivation. He disagrees with culture and tradition, much like his family and discards prejudice and old-fashioned thinking which is what I had never seen in any Arab I have ever met. So you can imagine what this would have been like for me, especially considering the fact I have never had a father figure. I had suffered so much, and still do from psychological issues and whenever I visit my only family or support network (my grandma), I feel immense happiness when I see him and sit with him as I feel he is the only way out of my life and depression.

Australia to him is a dream come true; leaving his native land of envy, culture, war, unemployment and poverty of Lebanon. However, the only way he can live and reside in Australia forever is through marriage . He is seven years older than me and is looking for a wife as it is his only choice, the other being him paying his hefty university fees which he can't, so the only alternative is marriage and for him to be sponsored. His desperation for a wife has gone to the extent of asking random women in public for their hand and going on Facebook to ask girls if they are single! The main point of the argument is that I think, and know he is the one, but the circumstances do not give way for a potential relationship (marriage) and I don't know any other way of reaching that point unless he waits until I am either in university or finished university to get married, but due to his circumstances, that wouldn't be possible. I am uncomfortable with the idea of marriage at this age of mine and also due to the fact that my family will know about it and it will be very awkward, especially my grandmas and my cousins in Lebanon being that know every detail of your life and engage in evil vain talk, yeah, I hate my culture and so does he, and he is willing to disconnect from that just like I have been prepared all my life to get away from! I have a feeling he likes me and my mother has noticed how he looks at me. He has winked at me twice and laughed at everything I say, starts up conversations with me and visits me and my mother at our house every now and then. This confuses me even more as he is in search of a wife, I'm too young and don't have plans to get married any time soon, my family (my grandma and my uncles) are severely dysfunctional and are the type of family you would find any avenue to get away from, and I just don't see the marriage prospect falling into place at all.

Marriage, when the time is right, would be a good prospect for me specifically as I do not have a father figure or a fit and supportive family and am very independent, especially that I live far from my only support system (my grandma and her family). The prospect of marriage should come in the distant future as I am a careers person and have, as I have stated earlier, psychological issues that I need to work on before I can even thing of starting a relationship with anyone.

Jazak Khairan for your opinions and for listening to me

jkhadie


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4 Responses »

  1. Sister beware that fraud guy,if you continue with d struggle no doubt you will regret.

  2. Sis

    Put your heart away.
    It's obvious he is using you as a golden ticket

    I myself have been through this and suffered
    greatly

    Greencard fraud and divorce was and is a terrible journey to travel

    But I went through it.

    And you will surely go through it

    You said it yourself
    He asks random girls
    Online and offline for marriage

    He winked at you.
    Winking is a cheap way of flirting

    If you are still not convinced try this:

    Should he ever propose
    Say this
    "Of course. When are we going to live overseas?"

    When he says, "No I want to live in Aussie. "

    You say, "No I can't stand this culture. It's corrupt, it's disrespectful....etc..."

    Just be determined to express you want to live overseas.

    Watch how he acts.

    I promise you, he will run like the wind.

    Listen, there is nothing wrong with you.
    You are just fine
    Don't ever ever blame yourself for his intentions.
    There are evil people in this world.
    Cunning people and they don't attack the body
    They attack the heart.

    They seem so kind at first....
    And the best conmen will be kind

    Protect yourself
    Such people will take advantage of your kind heart
    Good luck
    Salamalekum.

  3. sorry he is using you. you seem quite immature and young. focus on your studies, dont become a trap escaping yourself from one hell and going to another. a man who winks at girls and have tattoos is considered a cheap person in any society be it Australia, Lebanon or America even if he solely winks at you. are you aware how he behaves with other girls around and at university
    your family is dysfucntional, dont take decisions in depression and in a hurry.
    be patient.
    secondly he is looking for a shoulder where he can put his ladder and climb for career, he is not serious for marriage but for profession, he would nt be able to fulfill your rights, her wife would pay the fees, offcourse she will have to pay for other things as well such as bills and working inside the home, outside the home too.

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