Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think I am Bisexual or a Lesbian, and I do not know what to do!

Homosexuality in Islam

For as long as I can remember, I have always been attracted to both boys and girls, but most of the time my attraction is for girls. My persona since childhood has always been somewhat tom-boyish and I have been teased about it all the time. I didn't really think much of my sexuality at all, but recently like maybe 1-2 years ago, my sexuality has been on mind 24/7. I've been stressing so much about my sexuality that I am realizing that I am falling behind in college, and in my daily life I am always so mentally and physically drained.

My immediate family is very homophobic, and they always make homophobic comments whenever they come across gay people, which makes me sick to my stomach every single time, because I know that if I were to "come out", my parents would disown me and maybe even die from stress/disgust that their child is gay/bi. I have started to read the Quran more often now, and I am praying all my prayers as much as I can, but even so, nothing is helping me get rid of these thoughts of my sexuality. I am physically and even emotionally attracted to girls, all the time! I have never acted upon these feelings, and I think InshAllah I can try to keep holding myself back to not act upon them.

Please, someone tell me if this is normal for me to be having these feelings towards the same gender??! It has been happening since my childhood and I have tried everything to stop it, but nothing is changing the way I feel. I feel so scared of burning in the pits of hell because of my sexual attraction and feelings towards the same gender, but wallahi I honestly can't help it.

Is it haraam to have these homosexual thoughts/feelings, but not act upon them? Is acting upon them what makes them haraam?

What can be done in my situation? Should I tell someone about how I am feeling? Is it better to keep these thoughts to myself? Please help me, as I really don't know what to do!









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5 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaykom sister ,
    I am gay and I believe I was born this way
    Since I was 5 years old I used to play with girls toys and act very feminine, I used to get teased a lot I also got bullied in school until year 12 so I had no friends and no one would get close to me.
    I tried to change by acting more manly but that wouldn't work .
    The thing is I never acted upon my gay feelings because since I was 10 I started to pray and became very religious so I know how serious is the gay sin !
    I fell in love and had heaps of crushes but I always kept my feelings to myself and I never experienced to be loved or had any sexual experiences with other gay guys.
    I did hajj twice in my life and got very close to my religion then I couldn't handle not talking to anyone about it so I spoke to my sheikh ! He told me it is not a sin to be gay but it is a very big major sin if I ever acted upon it ! And what's happening to me is a test from Allah
    If I leave it for Allah Allah will replace it with something better so inshaa Allah if you never act upon your gay feelings you will get rewarded with heaven because it is a very hard test and remember that Allah test the people he loves .
    I'm 35 years old now so I got used to being alone and I will never sin or do anything with any gay guys
    If you get closer to Allah and pray more and say your tasabih every day , go to hajj and hang around religious people who always remind you of Allah trust me you will never think about the gay feelings . Allah will make it easy on you .

    Just remember that This life is only a test and Allah created us to worship him , so this is the porpoise of life .

    May Allah make it easy on you and may Allah grant us all heaven ameen .

    • as salaamu alaykum Hamza

      What a Heart Warming and Islamically Correct reply! May Allaah (swt) reward you with Al Firdaws for your Heroic Jihaad against the nafs, and for Refusing to sin! If you die on that Jihad He will surely join you with the righteous and the Prophets! May He bless you and protect you Always my Dear 'akhiy! 'aamiyn!

      • Baraka Allah fik akhi
        I believe every Muslim has his own test and Allah never gives people more what they can handle because Allah is just .

        I noticed many gays blame Allah for their gay feelings and they don't realise how short life is and how we are all here to only worship Allah ! We are not here to live a beautiful life like we are in heaven . Yes we can live a beautiful halal life because when we accept our destiny and appreciate what Allah gives us then we will be happy in life .
        Thank you for you Duaa and may Allah grant us alfardaws ameen .

        • 'akhiy I agree; we all have our trials, but some tests are greater and worthier . The Prophet saws tells us that the most Heavily tried are the Prophets, and next the second best believers etc. I do believe, and Allaah knows best, you fall in that second category of the righteous. It's difficult to imagine a trial, more exacting than for a young and healthy man to give up love and sex, for the sake of Allaah. Makes me think of Prophet Joseph (AS) who resisted the wife of the Azziz' s attempts to seduce him. I shall pray for you always insha'Allaah and I believe He compensates you with a Rich inner life.

  2. Assalaamualaykum b_awesome,

    You write:

    Please, someone tell me if this is normal for me to be having these feelings towards the same gender??!

    It is not abnormal to have feelings like this at some point during one's lifetime. However, keep in mind that the feelings might change as you get older. A family member of mine had feelings of lesbianism and eventually grew out of them and is now attracted to men, even though you hear everywhere that you can't "grow out" of these feelings.

    I feel so scared of burning in the pits of hell because of my sexual attraction.

    Inshallah you will not burn in the "pits of hell" for having a certain attraction. Allah knows you and what is in your heart.

    Is it haraam to have these homosexual thoughts/feelings, but not act upon them?

    I don't believe it is haram to have these thoughts/feelings.

    Should I tell someone about how I am feeling?

    If you know someone who is very compassionate and who you trust, then absolutely! A burden shared is half the burden. They will most likely be honored that you are choosing to share this with them.

    May Allah remove your burden and give you relief and peace in your heart.



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