Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think I don’t love my husband

no love

No Love...

Assalamualaikum. i am married for 6 years now. live in middle east. i dont feel love for my husband. he is not a bad person. but i dont feel any attraction. he is much older than me. look like my uncle to me.

before marriage i liked a young man but did not love i think. he loved me go after me where ever i go. he was after me for few years. then i became weak and decided to tell my parents about him but my parents was not happy about him so i step aside and tell him that i cant marry you. he step aside. i felt so bad for him.

then my parents ask me to marry a person they like. i meet him in my uncles house. cant like or dislike him strongly. but i tell my parents and elder family members that i dont like him. they convinced me that like starts after marriage. i tried but they dont try to understand my problems. then i agree and marry my husband.

its six years now i still dont love him. i tried so much, tried to talk with him, go for dates but end up frustrated. there is no spark. he is still a older man for me. trying to have kids but allah did not give me yet.

feeling like allah is giving me chance to leave him and have love in my life. but cant take a serious step. a little part of me is holding me in this marriage. dont want to hurt him. what should i do now? i cant tell anyone about this. dont know who can help? i am afraid if i divorce him life can be more difficult and worse. who knows allah wrote love in my fate or not?

Janan


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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    I think part of the problem here may be that you're looking for a "spark" to signify love, but that isn't what usually happens outside of stories. There are different types of love, so if you're holding out for one particular type, that's going to lead to you closing yourself off to other types of love and happiness. Think about your relationship with your husband - do you share your lives?, feel comfortable with each other?, can you rely on each other?, are you proud of his character and his strength of faith? These things can indicate a love that can be just as satisfying, if not more so, than the fast burning romances in stories and movies.

    An age difference doesn't need to mean an unhappy marriage. The Prophet (peace be upon him) married Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) and Ayesha (may Allah be pleased with her), and had very happy marriages with them. Perhaps you and your husband could read about their lives together and inshaAllah find some inspiration for strengthening your own marriage?

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. my wife is 10 years younger to me and we get along fine. You didn't particularly explain what is it that that you dislike about him? marriage is all about compromise dear, no one is perfect!

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