Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think I love someone online instead of being a married woman


I am a married woman and married for 6 years. I have one daughter and she is 3 years old. I am now attending master degree. My husband is a good person and he love me too much. We have no problem with him and his family.

Last month, i had my final exam and i studied and i usually used internet when i tired of studying. I meet the man who is younger than me for 7 years. He is now a student. I am 30 years old now. I have my job, my family and my further planning. I like chatting with him and i like him later.

I am so confused now. I think i really love my husband and i don't want to betray to him. But i can't control my mind to the man online. I like him now but i control my mind not to love him. But i always think about to go to his country and live with him. I know it is so bad for me. But now i haven't said to him to love. But i know i want to cry all time when i think about him.

I never think that my family can break down like this. I never chat before like this. We are still friends and we don't make any mistake. We just share knowledge and said about family. But i know, if i decide to go to him, he will agree. He also doesn't say about love cos he is a good islam.

I really have problem now. I can't live without him and i don't want to break my family and my hubby and i loved each other and married. I don't know why i liked him(friend) now. I can't do my work now and i have no desire to do. Why love become like this? I have no problem with my hubby. Please give me advice. And forgive my mistake in this question.


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15 Responses »

  1. I don't think that it's love darling. I would istaghfar because it's not okay to chat privately with strange men. You know he loves you? How?

    I'll let you know now that he does not even respect you. How can you talk with a woman knowing she's married? What is to say that you leave your family for this strange man and then he leaves you.

    If youre husband ia good and takes care of you, you are being a little ungrateful. So many wome. Dont even get their basic rights met in marriage. You're being tricked by the shaitan, my friend.

  2. It's online love which is different from real life love. Online, everyone looks so awesome because all you see is them talking to you. In person, they smell bad, don't look as good as their pictures, chew food with their mouths open. Online smells great, sounds great, looks great. You're not in real love, this is a fantasy that seems real because you don't see them in person.

  3. Asalaamu alaikum
    i agree with the other comment. Allah azz wa jal has blessed you with a good life and husband pray nafl and thank Allah for the blessings in your life so many sisters dont have good husbands or are struggling to find someone and this is how you repay your husband for his kindness? your thoughts are being led by shaitaan. Im not trying to be horrible Im trying to give you a reality check. This is not some love movie - adultery is a serious sin in Islam and what do you think that by causing your husband and childs unhappiness and leaving for someone who is so young Allah would bless a union based on causing pain to an innocent family? What about your child do they deserve to grow up in a broken home without both parents because mummy decided to run away for some
    Other man? Youre being self centered. You sound like a smart woman, dont follow footsteps of shaytaan, shaytaan beautifies haraam and the reward for breaking a marriage for shaytaan is great so they try their best. Also if you had spare time on your hands you shouldnt be wasting it on talking to random people on the internet but learn something about Islam or benefit your community etc. there is so much good you could be doing. Imagine you left your home and in real life hes not what you think? Or you end up having arguments and youre miserable? How much you would regret. Really please reflect on your heart and do something nice for your husband - he deserves better than to have his honour disrespected like that. Allah grant you the best sis.

  4. Wow you are SO ungrateful. Usually a lot of women complain on this site how horrible and abusive their husbands are, but you have a good husband and cheating on him!!!!

    You say the guy on the Internet is a good muslim?! I doubt he is!! Why would he talk to a non maharam married women with a daughter online for??

    You think you love him? You don't even know him. He could tell you anything online,you didn't live with him so you don't know him. You need to stop talking to him! If it's hard for you, get rid of your computer / Internet until you forget about him. Don't talk to non maharam men.

    Respect yourself sister, this guy who you talking to online clearly doesn't respect you!!! Spend more time with your husband and daughter. Be grateful for what you have! Don't destroy your family, if you continue talking to him you will loose everything for stop. now.
    Use your time wisely so you don't have much time to waste talking to strangers online. Spend time with your hubby and daughter, get some hobbies, learn about your deen, start praying if you don't already...

  5. OP: I meet the man who is younger than me for 7 years. He is now a student. I am 30 years old now....... But i always think about to go to his country and live with him. I know it is so bad for me. But now i haven't said to him to love.

    Why would a 23 year old man want a 30 year old married woman? Many Internet love relationships end after the first secret meeting. For some reason you seem to be lonely. You need to become the best mother for your daughter.

  6. ...

    [Offensive content removed by editor]

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Such unpleasant comments have no place here. Further comments like this will lead to you being placed on moderated status.

      Midnightmoon editor

  7. Assalaamualaikam

    I suspect that your infatuation is with the idea of this online man, rather than the reality. He may well remind you of an idealised version of your own early twenties - when you had fewer commitments and responsibilities, the world seemed a more positive place, etc. It's quite common for people to imagine "What if?" and to indulge in escapism.

    One of the dangers of the internet is that people can end up thinking these fantasies are a viable alternative to real life. But once people are actually trying to live them out, the reality is almost always very different.

    Imagine for a moment that you did decide to go and live with this guy. You'd be leaving behind your family, your husband, your home, your studies and your future plans, maybe even your child. For what? Someone you don't really know, who's at a different stage in his life and who almost certainly wouldn't be ready for a serious long-term relationship (let alone marriage!) - if he were emotionally and spiritually ready for marriage, then I suspect he would not be chatting online with random non-mahrams. Throwing away everything for what would almost certainly be a fling just doesn't seem worth it, does it?

    However, you and your husband have a life together. Alhamdulillah you have a supportive husband, a healthy child, an education, career prospects... Many people have none of these things, so remember to be grateful for the many blessings in your life. If you feel you want to have more excitement in your life, have it with your husband! Talk to him about things you would like to do - going out to new places, travelling more, finding a new hobby... - and do them together.

    If you love and care about your husband, then don't betray him by continuing this interaction with a non-mahram guy. Can you imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed and he was the one chatting online with random women?

    I would advise that you end your contact with this other guy and focus on the relationships that matter - your husband, your child, your family and Allah.

    Midnightmoon editor

  8. Slms Dear sister,

    My message comes all the way from South Africa....
    I would like to say that a man that has never met you personally, says he loves you?? That does not make any sense.... this very well could be internet fraud, soon he will ask you for money because he will say he wants to come and visit you, or he will say that he needs to help his family, please don't buy into this, stop all your communication with him immediately and don't speak to him ever again, fraudsters are all over the internet and they prey on women that seem to be lonely or bored, I can assure you that he is going to ask you for money for some accuse. He is not a genuine and real person, you cannot go to another country and leave your family for someone that is not real, and also you daughter is very young, be a good role model to her and be a good wife to a real man waiting at home for you....(your husband), be-careful the grass is not greener on the other side.

    Keep Allah in your heart and pray to him for guidance and protection.
    And remember me in your duas as well.


  9. Sis, compare your non-existent problems to your less fortunate married brothers and sisters and count your blessings.

    you are being ungrateful to Allah right now.
    Please stop talking to this guy, if i was online scouting for women to talk to...i wouldnt have gone for a married woman...and im not even that religious. you say he is a good muslim...he is a hypocrite for ensnaring you from your perfect but somewhat boring life lol

    So what most of the bros and sisters here are saying is right, be grateful, dont tell your husband or you may well get the disturbance in your perfect simple life you sub-consciously seek.

  10. Sister don't throw away your good loving husband for someone you don't even know personally, or anyone for that matter Allah has blessed you with a good husband and a daughter don't throw that away!!!
    this guy might appear to be something but you don't know how he is in reality, you say he is a good Muslim?? A good Muslim man wouldn't allow this to happen he would respect a married woman and make sure this "love" thing didn't happen from either of you!
    He is still a kid, many man online do this to time pass don't ruin what Allah has given you!

  11. Wow the questions I deal with on this forum.But it is only for the sake of Allah.You know sister the young generation are so weak in faith.Islam has become a culture.We don't even know the basics not even the responsibility given to us.The scholars say less then 5% muslims are praying 5 times a day and out of the 5% only 1 % pray with concentration and devotion.Do you know why are faith is very important and why we have to practice and master it to the best of our abilities? Because success in both of the world's is only in Deen (faith).Obeying the commandments of Allah and following the teachings of prophet Muhammad is the only way to live a perfect stress free with full of blessings in whatever you can or can't imagine.Regardless how rich or poor intelligent or arrogant.This human being will never succeed and a terrible punishment awaits when he has departed from this short temporary world!! As for you situation.This is not good.SHAITAN has infiltrated you.An easy target for a weak mind and heart.No true believer would ever talk to any opposite sex knowing the dangers involved.You are cursing yourself .I can go on but the point is you better keep away from all this social media.Besides as a phycologist married to a sunning scholar I ask you to ask yourself these questions .Do you really 100% know the stranger .Do you believe in everything is true?Do you know if he was a predator a rapist a serial killer a pervert a person faking his identity. I SAY THIS BECAUSE THE FACTS ON ONLINE MEETINGS WITH MEN ARE A BIG RISK.DO PUT THE ICEING ON THE CAKE LET ME GIVE YOU THE TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF ALLAH'S DEEN.THE INSIGHT OF THINGS.THIS PERSON CAN NEVER BE A TRUE MUSLIM BECAUSE HE IS MESSING AROUND WITH SOMEONE'S PROPERTY.SO OVIOUSLY HE IS A LIAR BUT HE HIDES IT WELL.ALLAH DOES NOT GUIDE THOSE WHO DO NOT FEAR ALLAH.SO HE IS NOT ASHAMED.WHICH MEANS THAT THE DEVIL RUNS THROUGH HIS VEINS AND SO HE HAS PATIENTLY SUCCEED THROUGH HYPNOTIZING OR CONNECTING INWARDLY WITH YOUR SHE DEVIL.THIS IS ONLY A PINCH OF WHAT ALLAH HAS FOR HIS BELIEVERS. SOME COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET COULD SEE SHAITAN BUT ALL THEM HAD SOME UNIQUE GIFT.SISTER YOU HAVE A HUSBAND AND A CHILD .DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.IT IS NOT WORTH IT.BECAUSE ALL GUYS KNOW THAT DREAMING OF AN OLDER MARRIED WOMEN IS A TURN ON.THE PORN WORLD ARE FILLED WITH THIS IDEA OF A YOUNG MAN'S FANTASY.TRUST ME HE IS MOST LIKELY MASTURBATING.Let's just SAY THAT YOUNG MAN is WITH for some MONTHS SLEEPING WITH YOU as much as he can get it up.Finally it's a regular routine.Hes defiantly bored and needs a new young girl because the old one is done and it's not fun.Take a look around you especially the world itself everybody is sleeping around .Colleges unversities clubs escort prostitution same sex.You name it doesn't end.This Shaintans goal to create a perverted society. Just like the Roman Empire who had orgies and other sexual fantasies but destruction came upon them.So sister use your head and fear Allah .Otherwise your life Will only get worse and complicated and a terrible punishment the awaits you

  12. You are destroying your happy life with your own hands. Immediately stop chatting with that guy and block him forever without giving any explanations. Never ever contact him again give more time to your husband and daughter and be happy and thankful to Allah for having a nice husband and problem free life. Get out of fantacy wake up before its too late.

  13. Delete his contacts from your list and block him . Stop immediately all the communication with him as it is haraam to chat with non mehrem man .

    Don't be ungrateful as Allah has given you a good life .

  14. this man is danjar. stay away. he will eat you and throuw like tichhu paper.

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