Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I wanna kill myself, I need advice badly

Painful Feeling

As salamu alikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu
I dunno from where to start, please bear with me and read this post carefully ...

I am 22 years old. I completed my btech last year. I kept myself modest, I never gave anyone a chance to enter my life whereas my female friends used to be in relations. I am very sensitive and emotional kinda girl, I used to live in my fairy world unaware of reality of this world πŸ™

I used to think my first love should be my husband so never ever I spoke to any opposite gender as I know it will lead to wrong. I used to go to Islamic gathering Jamaths at very small age as I belong to an Islamic family. I knew every minute details what's good or bad, what's haram what's halaal that a girl can know ...

I dunno what to call it my bad luck or what ...

When I was 18 year old my friend of friend approched me seeing my modesty my dedication towards islam. He was the first boy that I have ever talked with, he was 24 years old... it was not like relation but we became friends unfortunately :'(

When I started knowing him I felt he is so good ... he lost his father, he has a younger brother who was studying. I got emotionally attached to him - the way he managed everything, his mother, his brother, his house, his small family... I just fell in love with him πŸ™

I didn't want to but it just happened even he showed interest in me. We used to chat a lot I dunno when and where and how he became prior part of my life. We also started discussing about marriage ... it was like long distance relation we used to meet once in a month ... later on he started showing his true colors he started ignoring me ...

After few months I came to know that he has another girl in his life and he lied me and also he was engaged. I was completely shattered.

I dunno what to do. I was totally broken, he was the first person in my life and I really loved him. I confronted him the same day when I came to know about the truth. He was blank with no answer and I decided not to talk to him any more :'(

I used to cry scream in pain, I dunno, I was unable to forget him not even for a sec as my love was pure and I really wanted to get married to him. I used to curse myself for trusting him talking to him. I sighed to Allah asking forgiveness as I know it was haram but I never crossed my limits it was all pure but I feel like I made my heart and soul impure as I was not that kinnda girl πŸ™

For me my modesty is my life and was asking Allah hard so that I should forget him as I was unable to, or else to send him back in my life as I was unable to forgive myself and was thinking that I could never love again..

After one year suddenly I got a call and it was him he said due to some family problems he broked up with that girl and he wanna meet me. As I was unable to forget him after thinking a lot I met him. He said he wanted me in his life back again as he could never get a girl like me who is so pious and loving ... and he emotionally blackmailed me.

I trusted him again he said to me he need some time he will talk to his mother about us, he has some plans, he wanna buy a house for his mother, it will take some time. If he get settled there will be no objection for our marriage. After hearing to him it was like dream coming true I was so happy thinking that my prayers got answered finally he is mine ...

That time I was in my b-tech final year he also suggested me to try for govt. job and to join IAS course as he was Govt. emp .. I was on ninth cloud. I didn't even love just him, I loved his whole family. My aim was to became an software engineer but I left all my goals behind just for him and was planning to join course after b-tech ...

And somewhere I was guilty that I am cheating my parents so I said to my mother about all this and she warned me and said me that she feels this guy is not trustworthy. As I was blindly in love with him I was trusting him. He used to take care of me so much he showed concern for my family ... we also started planning for future.

Later on he started fighting for small reasons and blame me for no reason. I beared evrything as I was afraid to lose him ..

However 1 year passed I cleared my b-tech with distinction Alhmdulillah and now I was searching for job. Due to some financial problem I couldn't join for IAS course (as i belong to middle class family). He understood that and said he will make me join but I rejected and he said after our marraige he will make sure that I do the course I was feeling good that he understand me.

Later on I asked him to acknowledge me to his family as he never did that everyone in my family knew about us except my father and otherside no one in his family know that I exist. I forced him to talk to his mother, he said he need some time so I gave him time. I have no brother so my cousin brother spoke to him about us as I was really very serious. He spoke once and said he need time and after that he was ignoring his calls and started behaving badly with me. I was shocked seeing sudden change in his behaiviour.

Later he called me and said he is scared as the girl with whom he got engaged was of his choice now he was afraid to acknowldge me to his mother. Internally I was afraid thinking he will leave me again. He promised me that he will never ever break my trust, he will marry me, he need time.. I understood his situation and supported him, advised him in islamic way, gave him good options, I also said I will ask my mother to talk to his mother .. He agreed but he asked some time. Everything went normal but I was afraid somewhere deep inside ... and one day sudden he stopped texting me answering my calls.

It was like mixed feeling there were many things going on in my mind, many thoughts that was making me cry. As it was distance relation I was afraid thinking is he ok, is his mother is ok, why he was not answering...

After 3 weeks he texted me saying mother is not well again. He stopped texting. My brother called him and after 2 months he said he can't marry me as he can't say his mother about us. I was like what ??? then what was those promises those plans??? I was aaaahhhh can't even describe how I felt ... I wanted to know the reason, wanna talk to him face to face so he came to meet me.

.. Whenever we met I never allowed him to touch me I used to say him few verses from surah nisa and used to say him that my love is pure I too have feelings but I don't want anything in haram way so he used to keep distance ... When we met I was full of tears dunno what to do where to go. I told him I will manage say me the reason we could find out way together. He said that he is not good for me he is player, all s*** he was saying and finally he said his ex girlfriend is back in his life and he wanna be with her.

And he said me that he also had sex with her. After listening to it I was dead. I was ahhh no word can express what I felt nothing can describe my pain. I left that place and came back home running. He texted me asking forgiveness, he said he knows he is going to be punished, he said I am too good and he is not fit for me ..

And now it's been 8 months there is no contact between us. I became insomniac. IΒ still feel the pain. I am unable to sleep at nights. Its killing me... What was my fault??? Where did I went wrong?? I did everything according to him.. I dunno I feel ashamed of myself. I don't wanna be alive πŸ™

My career, my life, everything is finished πŸ™

Any how I managed & never showed my grief to my mother. I am searching for job still and everywhere I see failures πŸ™ I thought I should get married but I have elder sister who is still unmarried. I dunno what to do where to go losing faith πŸ™

I am unable to type even, I am in so much pain. I dunno what to do please help me. Still I miss him every single sec. I never met his mother but I miss her too, she was my dream, I loved her too:( I wanna forget everything but I am unable to .. and now I feel like to kill myself πŸ™

I am reading many quranic Ayaaths i.e., cure for depression but no result .. what should I do??? I feel I can never ever love again, I can never ever trust again .. He played with my heart he destroyed my innocence πŸ™

Many times I took knife in my hand and then stopped thinking of hearafter πŸ™ I became just like a living dead πŸ™
Please help me.

Aaroob

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27 Responses »

  1. The guy sounds like a creep and a fraudster. He is a pathological liar. You should be glad he is out of your life. Allah has saved you from him twice. Forget about him and move on and get married to a pious and virtuous guy. You were not in love with him but an illusion of what you believed love is. This guy is not even worth a minute of your time.

    Suicide is haram. Don't think about it ever. Start praying regularly.

  2. My Dearest Sis.

    You are so young, and I don't want to sound hard on you, I am writting this from the bottom of my heart and from what I've learned in the world (not that much I'm 32)...

    Y wish I was the "you in the future" so you would listen to me saying: You can deal, survive and get over this, is always painfull when someone breaks our hearts for the first time, it shouldn't be, that's why muslims don't do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing... but truth is: it hurts and it's real.

    This episode doesn't have to mark your life forever, you are not less of a woman now, not less of a muslim, not less deserving of all the blessing in the world either; ask truly forgiveness to Allah and He in all His mercy, kindness and love for you will forgive you.

    This guy doesn't deserve your pain and tears, he lied, took advantage, he is playing and using girls as toys, he is not honest ΒΏdo you really want this man and that bad energy around him in your life?... ΒΏdo you really want him to be the example with this actions for your children? No pretty girl, you don't, you just don't see it now because you are hurt.

    And by feeling bad you are calling for bad thing happen to you: the job, the life, the school, everything is going to start going from bad to worse because you are letting a bad feeling like sadness touch every aspect in your life for something not worth it.

    There is a hole world you haven't seen yet, Allah gave you the gift of life, be worth it not wasting it crying for a looser, pick yourself up the floor, clean those tears and start walking, learn from this experience and be sure the pain doesnΒ΄t last forever and that you will find someone worthy of you... but darling girl is not him, so stop living your life as he was the sun and your duty is go around him, because he is not.

    • jazak allah khair sister for your response .. you consoled me at some point .. definetly i dont want this kind of guy as my husband or father of my childrens πŸ™ .. thank you so much sister sandra ..

  3. dear sister ,
    i know nothing can heal your sufferings your pain ... no word may console you because its really very hard to take .. i know and can understand the hopes you kept on that guy .. my bestfriend has gone through the same i have seen her crying badly ... after listening to you i felt like you are very loyal and innocent & pious too i pray allah that you get heald soon Allah is al-jabbar the mender trust Allah, surely you feel see the fruit soon ... and in shaa allah you will be so happy and will get the love you deserve....
    i have a question i would like to ask other people who are reading this post
    i have seen many cases like this does the guys like this get punished by Allah?? this question arised beacause i have seen many cases the guy cheat,play&hurts innocent girls badly and they get married & stay happy and mean while girls suffer why is it so ?? i feel so sorry for the girls its so bad betraying,lieng,cheating on some one ... i feel so heartbroken when ever i listen to this stuffs
    may allah heal everyone everygirl who had gone through this hell Ameen

  4. I have gone through exact situation. These people are players. Atleast he was just a boyfriend, i married my boyfriend and this happened to me. Now we are getting divorce. Thanksa Allah that he protected you from such a fraud, you have lovly life to live. Start being happy, show him what he has lost, be strong, somone els is waiting for you with same innocense what you have. You are educated, be practical and start a new life.

    • in sha allah jazak allah for ua response .... i really dont understand how can someone ruins others life ...may allah heal you .. may be you are in worst situation then mine .. may allah bless you with all you need .. Aameen

  5. Forget him .These love and all are not real .Just it is in mind somewhere which will go away with time .

    Haven't you seen people who claims to be loving each other getting divorced and remarrying new men/women in their life ? Then where all that love goes ? It is not real actually ...

    You should thank Allah that he has saved you from this fraud man who is adulterous too .

    • jazak allah for your response ... yeah you are right but for a women/girl its really very difficult to deal with ..

      • I don't think for women it is difficult ..TA new man if she gets will bring the same excitement ..There are lot of widows who might have loved their husbands but remarried and living happily with new man ....

        • difficult in the sense it will take time to open up again, to love again to trust again .. but its not impossible πŸ™‚ any ways jazak allah for your time you are seems to be so practical and thats good thats the only way to survive in this world jazak allah for your response

  6. jazak allah khair @ all for your response .. may be evrything happens for a reason.. day before yesterday i came to know that he got married and i have even seen his picture dressed as groom smiling wearing garments(cheap fickle,deceitful,faithless fellow) :'( i dint even shed a tear after listening to it :/ ... i dont undersatnd how easy it can be spoiling someones life and staying happy ... but i blieve in mercy of allah .. Allah is ADIL,MUQSIT he is just and giver of justice in shaa allah for sure he will do justice to me πŸ™ if he can forgrt evrything easily and can move on why cant i .. if he deserve happiness after so much evil he does then why cant i ... he is really not worth of anything .. may allah heal me and heal everyone who is suffering i pray allah to save all girls who are fallen in this trap πŸ™ may allah bless us the deen and help us following it the exact way .. may allah bless every single girl the pious and rightious one Aameen πŸ™ do remember me in your prayers jazak allah hu khair once again @ all
    and jazak allah islamicAnswer.com editors for posting it instantly and for giving priorty to my post jazak allah

  7. Subhanallah sister, this is nothing but a test. You don't see the blessings, one you know he is definitely not good for you, and alhamdulillah you see the true color of him before you married him. A lot of people don't have chance like you. There is a wisdom behind this sister so learn from it please. You think Allah will destroy his servants life or happiness who work and move in his cause? No he will never, Allah protect us by testing us and Allah only test those he loves. Being tested allows a lot of people think. Two! marrying him he would not change he would still be the same, having a husband not doing his part is not a nice thing. What I read from you sound like a trick from shaitan. A lot of people made this mistake were they believe being righteous, good and obedience to Allah will give them success, happiness and a perfect marriage life which is true, but the people that don't pray, fast, and don't practice their religion will be failures and won't have that good of a life, Allah knows best! But if you look at it your really working for success, happiness and a perfect marriage life or life. So your really worshiping those things deep-down. Having doubt in Allah or giving up on Allah it is a way of saying this is how repay me. but if a person choose to be a good, righteous Muslim for the sake of Allah and Allah alone and obey him. They will just say alhamdulillah and except what Allah decreed for them. Allah mentioned so much about patient. my fellow sister be strong. may Allah replace the man you love with someone better, Ameen! Assalamualaikum

    • wa alikum as salam Aameen , jazak allah brother you are right .. i have suffered alot because of him .. when i was in first year of my graduation on parents teacher meet my princy mam said my mother that i am the best girl she has ever seen that day may mother was so proud of me and after he betrayed me my mother lost that feel on me πŸ™ i have suffered hell i lost everything and for some time i lost my senses and now i am back to my senses Al humdulillah jazak allah for making me confident again πŸ™‚

  8. Salaam sister
    You said why are you being punished? Ask yourself are you really being punished or being saved??
    The pain you are going through now will one day be filled with happiness and success inshaAllah. Allah isnt punishing you He has saved you from a lifetime of tears and pain from this guy whom you really dont know the actual face off. He could have kept his reality a secret and led you to believe something else. Your innocent and naive but its episodes like this sister that give us the life experience so we can better our judgement.
    you will love again and will move on. InshaAllah you will be successful in all walks of your life but for that you need to be more positive, be a little easy on yourself. Its life hun and things like this are a part of it. Take it as a test and move on.
    I pray Allah heals the pain in your heart and keeps you close to Him protected and blessed Ameen xx
    Be strong... think positive... live honestly
    Much love
    Saba

    • wa alikum as salam .. Aameen in sha allah jazak allah saba .. yeah now when i am recalling everything i feel like everything has a reason behind it .. from past 4 years i was suffering and still i was suffering the sufferings made me feel lost and now i am feeling good yeah it will take time but in sha allah allah will for sure heal me ...jazak allah for your time jazak allah for your beautiful advice

  9. What a dirty player πŸ™ Im glad you got out of it before he married you and messed up your whole life. He didnt deserve you. He was just like a wolf in sheeps clothing. It was not your fault, and Im glad you played it safe with him, with players its risky if you get diseases from other girls.

    • yeah exactly its real hard to trust .. to be frank he was like an angel to me he presented so well and now when i realize i feel i am so stupid.. i really never ever wanted to fall in love its just happend and al humdulillah that i maintained my dignity now i feel i am blessed .. jazak allah for your response

  10. Dear Aaroob,

    I read your whole comment and was so happy that you didn't end up doing anything haraam with him! I don't know you but I would just like to say that I am proud of you. He hasn't destroyed your innocence and nothing has been lost. Please just forget about him and count yourself LUCKY. You are Very lucky in my eyes that god has given you the good sense not to act on your feelings.

    You will inshallah meet your husband one day and he will also be so very proud of you that even though you had temptations in your life, you didn't act on them and you stayed true to him.

    Move on, forget about him and concentrate on your work etc.

    Don't even think about suicide,..thank god for keeping you on the straight and narrow.

    Please pray for me as well...I need everyone's prayers right now. All I will say is, I was not as fortunate as you are.

    Take care of yourself.

    Keep your head high!

    Enjoy Ramadaan and remember me as well when you pray.

    AH

    • in shaa allah jazak allah sister .. yeah i understand may allah heal you too may allah heal all your sufferings Aameen.. jazak allah for your time and really you have given me positive energy πŸ™‚ i am feeling peacefull after many years i am feeling blessed you build up my lost faith jazak allah may allah bless you with what all you need Aameen

  11. Thank Allah saved you, this is your blessing.

    You deserve so much better and DO NOT get yourself involved in a haraam relationship before marriage NOT EVER. Some guys will try and do anything to use a woman. May you get the happiness you deserve inshAllah. Involve your family or elders in looking for a man for you.

    • jazak allah sister for your response yes even i was guilty thats why i acknowledge him to my family ,but he was not worth of that .. even i dislike love before marraige its just happend and it was too late till i realized... anyways i will take it as a lesson and in sha allah will build up myself in such a way that no one can ever break me .. jazak allah

      • People make mistakes and that's when they learn even if its the hard way. My friend been through what you been through and ulhumdilAllah she is in a better place. People play with peoples emotions they dont care the world is very selfish thats the problem. My strong advice is dont tell people and dont be emotional teach yourself to be tough and strong. Life is a test and I know this is difficult for you. May you become a better person and stronger from this inshAllah you will.

  12. Slms
    Sister everyone is proud of you for not commiting Zina or anything close to that.
    You are a True beliver and Allah is on your side
    Do what is right and you will be fine.
    I hope u find a good job and enjoy Ramadaan.
    Before love comes to your heart its your mind that says so.so occupy yourself and be Postive
    Make dua for all of us
    JZK

  13. Hi Sister,

    I am going through more ales the same thing except the deception. You need to understand that this guy is a liar. He doesn't even know what he wants. He has had relationship with another girl and now he should fix it by marrying her. He never truly loved you because if he did he would have married you or made it happen. I understand that he can be confused but if he really wanted to marry you he should have fought his fears. Once you are sure about someone you should go ahead with faith. Personally I think he did play you and you should forget him. You keep saying pure love, I don't actually agree with you because then this all wouldn't have happened. You have got to accept it as destiny . There was NO way you could be with this guy because if you could it would have happened. And in a way its good it didnt because I think Allah just saved you there. But I know one thing for sure, its possible......very possible that you will find someone way better than him and I pray you do very soon and he will absolutely sweep you off your feet.

    • It's a standard practice to carry Quran and falsely propose , your lucky he was not your husband with kids , then betraying you badly for another girl and years of harrassment and fear of losing your kids

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