Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want my fiance back in my life



I am in a great problem. I want my fiance back to my life. I did a big mistake. According to him I showed disloyalty, dishonesty, and I betrayed him when our relation was very weak... but according to me I didn't betray him because he had already left me.

Short summary: I love him from last 6 yrs, for the last year we were engaged. He ignored me and tried to leave me for so many times, and in our last fight I said to him ok leave me. Then I started talking online with someone else. After I realized I'm doing wrong and I came back to my fiance. But the other man talked to my fiance and let him know the whole story, so now my fiance wants to officially break this relation, because in his sight I betrayed him.

Detail: I am from Pakistan living in Saudi Arabia, 6yrs before I went Pakistan for higher education I studied in a co-ed University. There I met a man who was first my friend but in time I proposed to him, by finding him the best and perfect man for me. I was in love with him and want to marry him. He accepted my proposal after 3 yrs but he was with me as a friend he guided me and taught me, he was my best companion. In the 6 years of my relation when I came back here yearly I performed umrah especially for my love mostly I was in sajood and asked Allah grant me him as my future husband.

I had some physical relation with him like I hugged him and kissed him, held his hands etc. we used to have hangouts during our leisure. He was not accepting my proposal before because of our family’s differences, culture differences and sect differences. I am sunni + wahabi. He is shia+ sunni. Means we are not purely related to our sects but we follow, his family belongings are shia and he by his own believes sunni. And 1 other fault in me I used to br frank with other men and talked them easily and this thing he hated too much. He used to leave me so many times but I always compelled him to come back. He accepted my proposal in my last year of studies before I came back to Saudi. Here I took help from my mother last year she went Pakistan and bond us legally. He is my fiancé now. I talked him daily online using social networks. We had fights on different issues but we never abused each other in our fights just we used harsh words. And in our 6 yrs relation he left me again and again. and I was the one who always apologized. In our last fight he said to me that “I am leaving you forever and I am going to break this relation, you never adjust in my family, I didn't feel even 1% love for you. And soon my father will call your father to break this relation." I begged him but he was in harsh mood. He left me but he didn't break the relation. I was so depressed, so much disappointed by his act.

There I commit a big sin. A big mistake. On facebook there was a man from our university who knew us before and he used to message me occasionally, though I mostly read his message and deleted. On those days he messaged me again and I replied him, I used to talk with him. He was a nice guy doing Phd from Europe. I asked him about his famly and other things, because I liked him for my sister. I directly give him proposal of my elder sister. but that man told me that he love me 3 yrs back when I was in uni. I told him I am engaged but my relation is in ups and downs. He said me to leave your fiancé and break your engagement and marry me - I will give you all the things you need. Meaning he wanted to give me a lot in mehar, a big house separate from his famly, l will live with him in Europe or in Saudi we will not live in Pakistan, or if I want to do my m.phil from Europe after nikkah we will study there together. Yes he loves me a lot and didn't ask anything about my previous relation, but I didn’t love him. I told him give me time to think because my relation is very weak it can be that it breaks easily or that I will marry with my fiancé this year. You have to wait. But that guy he tried to talk me every day I was trapped in his greedy package. I sent him some emotional messages or I talked about some future things (in case if we marry).

After some days my fiancé returned to me and apologized to me, but I was in my ego and anger. I directly told him that I will not marry him I am returning the ring back etc and I am focusing on someone else's proposal - "I don’t want you now". I told one of his family members also, but they all love me and respect me a lot and they said that you will be our daughter. I told my fiancé that I will give him my answer on Eid because it was Ramadan going on. After thinking too much I told the other guy that I cannot marry him because I want to marry with my fiancé whom I loved. He then cut his veins of both hands. I was shocked. I told my fiancé that the other man cut his veins but my fiancé took this lightly and told me don’t worry may be he is lying to you. My fiancé gave me much comfort with his nice words. But for the sake of 2nd man’s life I called him and give him some hope for life. As he is living in Europe alone neither family nor he has any friend. Then after a week ago when he became fine I left him again. I didn't want to marry him nor I had any promises or commitment with him. He opened his stitches to try to commit suicide 2nd time(it was fake just to gain my attention). On that day I was going for performing umrah. I said him do not do such things this is holy month Ramadan. I will answer you on eid.

I asked help from Allah. I love my fiancé very much from last 6 years. I don’t want to leave him. And the other man who is offering me I don’t even like him. But I talked with him as a time pass, as I had vacations from my job. Then I repent to Allah almighty and asked him blessed me with the one who is a righteous man. My fiancé already knew I am talking with the other guy but he said to me that leave him forever and I will forgive you and give you status of my respecting wife. I did istikhara for 5 times and for the 3 times I saw my fiancé very clearly. I got answer from Allah.

On eid I tried not to talk with both. But both called me so many times, I ignored I didn't wish them eid even. But in the afternoon, my in laws called me: my fiancé’s brothers, their wives, sister and father. All were praising me, wishing me nicely that I was much blessed on that day. Then my fiancé called me. I was so much happy and I talked him nicely. I got my answer on Eid day that I have to live with my fiancé and marry with him and I must leave 2nd man. He was calling me again and again. I sent him a single message that I am going to marry this year and will not marry you and blocked him from everywhere. He was so much disappointed he tried to catch me but I was not listening him. He blackmailed me, he tried to talk with my brother in law by making a fake account of girl and disrespect him by showing him some family pictures that I shared with him. On that day my fiancé was upset he asked me detail of that man I gave all the detail what he wanted how we talked each and every thing I told to my fiancé. My fiancé asked me time to recover himself. He talked directly to the 2nd man and told him to be far from me. But that man is quite mad in love, he wants me at any cost and he told many fake things about me to my fiancé most things I kept hidden for sake of my respect (like I have no video calls with him or sharing of pics etc) from my fiancé but he shared. I told my fiancé he is lying he is doubling all my talks I had no such relation with that guy. My fiancé became fine for almost 2 days and then I really don’t know what happened may be he talked with the same guy again or something else but then he wanted to quit this relation.

My fiancé is saying I am disloyal, disobeying him, I betrayed him, I cheated on him. For my respect my fiancé is not telling any of his family member about my sin and ordered me to return his everything along with engagement ring. I don’t want to leave my fiancé, I am seeking for forgiveness repenting to Allah daily about my mistake. It's about 6yrs I am with my love with my fiancé but I did a big sin and now I am losing him.

I want sincere advice from you people what I have to do? I love my fiancé a lot and Allah gave me signs for him. he doesn't want to tell his father or family, only my mother and sisters knows and my mom is saying do what your fiance wants. we are not in the same country that's why the situation is pending. That 2nd man has given false evidence of mine to my fiance, that is unbearable for my fiance, he lost his trust on me.

I took oath in front of Allah and my fiancé that I will never talk a stranger or the other man whom I know or may not. It's about a month now and I am much depressed, I am repenting to Allah what I did with my relation. I am fasting from the day my fiance decided to separate from me, and inshallah I will keep on fasting until he comes back to me. Please reply to my question as soon as possible so that I can take further steps. Please tell me what I have to do to get my fiance back??

thank you!!


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7 Responses »

  1. SubhanAllah !! What a co-incidence 😮 ... I dont know who you are but I guess you are the same girl who is mentioned in the given below question

    wow amazing both are identical questions one from girl side and the other one from girl's fiancee side ..You both are searching for solution on the same website !! Please go through this question...

    And I am sorry if I mistaken you as the same girl mentioned above in the link.... if you r not the same girl.. Still go through this ques. It seems almost same like yours !

    You both are very confused ! May Allah guide you both to the right path

  2. Sister i would suggest you continue in the path of repentance and Allah swt will guide you. We all make mistakes and so dont be too hard on yourself.You wrote you are fasting till your fiance comes back. When you repent to Allah swt and ask for forgiveness make sure you are doing it to sincerely and repenting for your actions and not doing it so that you get your fiance back.If your fiance is not able to trust you and doesnt want to give your relationship a chance himself then theres not much you can do but do not despair because when we loose something it will be replaced with something better. Give things some time . If this second man has given false evidence against you he will be answerable to Allah. Its not the end of the world and there are people suffering a whole lot worse. People are dying of hunger ,watching their kids getting killed before their eyes, loosing their homes and stuck in violence. So look at those who are worse off than you and also thank Allah swt.

  3. They are both same people from different accounts I the style of writing and choice of words used is exactly the same.

    Sister Meina90,
    I will suggest you only one thing.. You don't deserve this man in your life, whom you have waited for so long to love you.
    Seek repentance from Allah for any transgression as HE is our judge in the hereafter. Marry someone who loves you and respects you unconditionally.

    May Allah swt bless you with a pious husband.

  4. Sister tell me 1 thing when u decided to leave him forever and blocked him then why u allowed him to again give you pain? You involved in 2nd man or not its not the issue why u played with your own life and hurted yourself?? You already knew the nature of your fiance and now u again want him back? Do you really think that you will adjust with him? And u will spend your future with this kind of man??

    Look the relationship can never b successful until both male and female compromises and trust eachother. In ur condition only u suffers and sacrifices, what he did for u? He only made agreement of marriage and never tried to control his ego or anger over you nor he loves you and treats you like nothing. Every relationship and families have some kind of differences every couple is not perfect but sincere couples complete eachother by their love and compromise.

    I advice you not to be with him what's less in you? Dont hurt urself for his sake. Rather than make dua for ur future that Allah will bless u a whole hearted amd modest life partner who values ur sacrifices and love. I pray for you May you blessed with a mature husband who atleast listen to you and trust you.

  5. Agree with mani786 , sister tell me can u live with the person who wil never respect you in the future? Who will never value your love,sacrifices which you have made for him ? Please give some time to yourself & think about your future without respect & love ?? Can You Imagine this ? So sister when these thoughts are unbearable ! Then reality could be more dangerous and hurtful May ALLAH guide you sister I hope u get the best spouse & sis dont forget he doesnt love you he doesnt give even 1% respect to you

  6. The problem here isn't YOU sister. If your fiancé didn't leave you, you would have never spoke to the other man. I think you are reading the signs wrong from Allah. If your fiancé was good for you he would have married you long time ago and Allah would have made it easy for you guys to settle. But since there's been problems after problems its probably a sign that he is not good for you. Maybe the 2nd guy came along to save you from marrying this selfish fiancé of yours. A lot of times women do stupid things because they are in "love" and let themselves go in wrong path with wrong people. We need to love ourselves and Allah n seek him for guaidance. Keep repenting to Allah and ask for forgiveness and ask for the right man in your life to come not your fiancé. N if your fiancé is the right guy than he will come back on his own. May Allah help you and take care

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