Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want my pictures back, but how can I do this without contacting him?

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Dear brother and sister, I'm a muslimah girl whose name is Sofia. I'm a born Muslim. I have never committed a big sin in my past. Actually, I was a nice girl, a muslimah who always preserved herself from doing things which are forbidden in Islam. I strictly kept myself away from my non mahram.

However, something terrible happened since I started chatting with men. Initially, I was still strict to keep my limit in talking to them till one day, I met a guy and continuously talked to him. Shaitan led me astray and I kept talking to him. I even did sex chat, I sometimes masturbated while chatting with him, I also gave him two pictures of mine without scarf while in real, I never showed myself without scarf in front of any of my non mahram since I decided to wear it when I was about 13 years old. He always insisted me to chat through cam but I always lied to say that I didn't have cam. So, Alhamdulillah I haven't ever showed him myself through cam.

Till one day, someone made me realize that I was doing something worst. I extremely regret what I did, I felt so embarrassed to myself and of course to Allah. I felt so disgusting. How could a Muslimah do such disgusting thing? Since that day, I decided to leave that guy without telling him anything. I deactivated my email account and I also changed my number. This way, he can't contact me ever again.

I really regret the sins I commited in the past. Now, I really try to be a good Muslimah. Alhamdulillah, in real life, I have never been in relationship with guy. May Allah forgive me for the sins I've ever done.

However, there is one thing that keep haunting me. I had even given him my pics, two pics without scarf and 3 pics in scarf. I'm afraid for the sins I might keep gaining cuz of him keeping my pics still. What should I do? It seems impossible for me to ask him directly to give them back to me. I don't want to be in contact with him ever again. So what should I do?




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22 Responses »

  1. Walaykumsalaam Sister Sofia,

    It is unfortunate that you fell to the whispers of shaitan. During this time you have done some shameful deeds. But by the grace and mercy of Allah, you say you have realised your sins and have repented. This is indeed a good thing and I urge you to continue holding on to the rope of Allah. Without this, we leave ourselves open to the whisperings of shaitan, so you must always seek Allah's Protection by striving to follow the Quran and Sunnah.

    Allah says in the Glorious Quran in Surah 39, Verse 53 "Say: Oh my servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, for Allah forgives all sins; for He is oft-Forgiving, most Merciful."

    If you feel that person to whom you sent your photos is the type of person who will be revengeful, I believe it is best for you stay away from him and do not contact him at all. This is because if you believe that your contacting him may prompt him to harm you or use those photos against you, there is no point stirring up something that seems to be laid to rest. Ask Allah to forgive you, He(swt) knows that you are deeply sorry for your actions. If that man has any decency, he will dispose of them himself.

    If you believe that this man will not be revengeful, then write to him 'once', asking him to destroy the photos. Tell him you realised that your contact with him was completely haraam and you were fortunate that Allah instilled fear of Him(swt) into you. Send him an ayah or hadith to explain the severity of the sin and then deactivate that email account. You could send this hadith where the Prophet(sws) warned us, saying: "The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart wishes and and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it." Ibn Battaal (ra) also said: "Looking and speaking are called zina because they invite one to true zina. He then said: "the private part confirms that or denies it."

    Unfortunately sister, there is no way for you to be sure that he has destroyed the photos and it is also not wise for you to keep contacting him to do so as this will leave you open to vulnerability. So choose whichever of the two options you feel safest with and try not dwell on this matter anymore. The important thing is that you have repented and Allah knows that if you could destroy those photos yourself, you would. He(swt) knows you are sincere and have to take the option that will keep you safe. After this, you are not responsible for the actions of that man. He will be accountable for his own actions.

    Let this be a reminder to yourself and to all who read this, that it takes just one wrong action on our part and we find ourselves in so much anguish. It is always better to keep ourselves safe by staying close to Allah to prevent such things, and if we do fall, to turn back to Allah immediately. You have learned from your lesson and insha'Allah you will be rewarded for turning back to Allah as soon as you realised the enormity of your sin. Do not let those matters of past damage your mind or your future. Make dua for Allah to conceal your sins through His(swt) Infinite Mercy and to make you close to Him(swt) always. Please read this sister:

    SisterZ Editor

    • Salamu'alaikum
      SisterZ, I believe the second option involves a lot of risk. A person who can involve himself in discsussions such as what the sister mentioned, unless he has done tawbah and become a Religious man, I believe any contact with him will instigate him to misuse the sister's images.
      And if he has done tawbah, he will insha Allah, anyway have destroyed them. So, I believe she should trust in Allah and take this as a lesson. Allah does not expose the sins of His servants, until they expose them themselves. Allah will insha Allah keep her sins concealed.

    • Sister, actually when I decided to repent to Allah, I had taken His name not to be in contact with that guy ever again. He is also a non muslim sist, so He may take it as nothing even though I show him the hadeeth you mentioned above and what makes me afraid to try to contact him is he may use those pics as the reason for him to ask me to stay and not let me go.

      • Then sister, I think you should let it go and pray to Allah that he does not misuse them. Do not ever go before him so that he does not remember you. And a non Muslim, if he spoke to you in a way you mentioned, as he does not feel any guilt, would do the same with other girls if possible. For him, you are a past. So, just seek Allah's Forgiveness and Trust in Him that He does not let him misuse the pictures.

  2. Why don't you have a male relative/friend contact the guy nicely and tell him to destroy your pictures?

    • Thanks for your advice sister Tammy, but how will I suppose to do what you advised. Am I not revealing my sin which Allah has covered by telling any of my male friend to tell that guy to give my pics back? And that is not something easy for me to do to tell others about what I did in the past, I'm shy sist.

      • Sofia,

        After reading your replies, I strongly advise you to leave this matter alone. There is no need to tell anyone that you know, nor any need to contact him. As the brother said above, have trust in Allah that He will conceal this for you, do tawbah and thats it.

        Do not dwell on this any further. Allah is the Most Merciful and loves his repentant slave. Alhumdulillah. Accept this Mercy from Allah.

        SisterZ Editor

      • Asalaam alaikum Sister Sofia,

        I concure with brother Muhammad above, such to the extent that it is my highest recommendation to NEVER contact this man again. It is merely the whispers of the Shaytan that is breaking your confidence in Allah (swt) and causing you to lose trust in His Infinite Will regarding this matter.

        Men like these, more than likely, will not savor your picture for long and will move on to another woman in the future. Your photos are only relevant to him for the time he is messing around with you and eventually, he will see no need for them when he has replaced you with someone else.

        You need to understand that what he gained in having your photos was a power over the internet. So if you go back, no matter how nicely, to ask for your photos, you will leave yourself open to potential hurt, blackmail and exploitation. Imagine for a moment that this man says you must do something for him in order to get your photos back. Imagine that he asks you for more sex talk, if he "promises" to destroy them, while you will never know if he really will. In this instance, what he could prey on is your fear and that emotion can lead you down a very dark path, indeed.

        This fear of yours' concerning your photos is but a trial of your belief, then. So the important thing is not the photos, but how you behave in the future keeping your modesty and chastity in place in front of all non-mahrams. This is your true struggle and the accursed Shaytan wants to place your mind on photos, so that you become susceptible to other immodest acts or other sins. Be aware of this fact!

        Sister Sofia, have faith that Allah (swt) pulled you from the clutches of sin, illegal relationships and perhaps even the actual act of physical zina. Allah (swt) is your protector in this time and you must place trust in Him that He will guard you at all times.

  3. Brothers and sisters, thanks for all you advices, may Allah reward you all with lot of blessing and mercies, amin. Today, I listened to a preaching about zina. I feel so scared to hear the punishment which Allah will give for those who commit zina, not only in this dunya but they will also be punished in akhirah as well. I had told you what I had done in my past. What I want to ask further is, is what I did in the past included zina as its virtual meaning? I've never committed zina in real, I don't even shake hands with my non muhrim. Even though I was very bad but in real I was and am still always preserving myself from my non muhrim. However, what still haunts me is this question which is going in my mind. I did sex chat as zina of my tongue, I did masturbation and when I did so, I was imagining doing sex with him. Is what I did included as a true zina? It really scares me even though I had stopped it since long ago and never went back to it again and never will In Shaa Allah.

    • Dear Sofia, Asalaamualaykum,

      It is not exactly the same as real zina, but it is not far behind either. So do not dwell on this matter now, just make sincere tawbah and look forward. Don't let yourself be dragged down through despair. Allah says: “Say: 'O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Soorah az-Zumar (39):53]

      SisterZ Editor

      • Sister, I feel like a hypocrite. I don't tell anyone about what I had done in the past. The one who knows that is someone who made me realize that and of course Allah. I was like wearing a mask. When I was doing that shameful things on net, I was always portraying myself as an innocent and nice Sofia but indeed in real, I never did such thing sister. I am not even close to my male friends. Actually I also try to move on sist. I don't want those things to keep haunting me which will not let me to move forward. However, when I heard about that punishment, it just made me speechless and my body was shivering. Pray for me sist, May Allah forgive me.

        • Dear Sofia,

          What you are feeling is a step towards sincere tawbah. If you did not feel this guilt, then how would you be able to 'repent'? Just do not let this this guilt turn to despair. Allow it to make you become a better Muslim, one who submits to the will of Allah. As Muslims we need to find the balance between hope and fear of Allah. Have 'hope' of Allah's Mercy at the same time have 'fear' of Allah(swt)'s Wrath incase we feel an urge to sin again. Also remember that Allah(swt)'s Mercy overcomes His(swt) Anger.

          Please take some time out to read this poem and articles on tawbah:


          • Jasakallah khoiron sister. Those articles are really helpful. I read the poem which you posted and it is just beautiful and so touchy.

        • Sister, that is great. Because revealing the sins is itself a sin.

          What you feel is natural. But just hope from the Deity of Allah Subhaanahu Wa Ta'aala that He forgives you. Know that your sin is no match to His Mercy. If you were to do this sin and a million times bigger sin, and every human being and jinn on the earth was do do the biggest possible sin, so big that each of them was equal to a mountain; Allah has much more forgiveness than all these sins. Allah is The Oft Forgiving. Every Human Being sins and the best of these is the one who does Tawbah.
          Just seek His Forgiveness and Hope for His Mercy with fear of His Punishment before you do any major sin. What keeps haunting you is the Shaitaan who keeps saying that Allah will not forgive, while Allah forgives any sin on Tawbah. And if one has not done Shirk, then Allah can forgive him or her, even if the sins were equal to a mountain.

          May Allah forgive you, me and all the Muslims who intend Tawbah
          Muhammad Waseem

          • Thank you so much for that brother. Your words just bring tears on my face. To be honest, indeed I feel desperate, I feel so dirty but I feel calmer now to hear that. Allah will In Shaa Allah forgive my sins. I wanna feel proud of myself but when again my past comes in my mind. I feel so lost and hate myself. may Allah forgive me.

        • Do not be defeated by the Shaitaan. He intends to drive the Mu'mineen away from the Jannah to where he belongs - The Hell fire.

          But our Lord is The Most Merciful. We commit innumerable sins. He still loves us. And insha Allah, He will forgive you.

          • Alhamdulillah I now feel better after crying so much. You are right , this remorse lead me nowhere. I extremely regret for what I did and now I repent, I left all those things. I should be grateful for the chance which Allah gave for me to turn back to Him not just get haunted by my past. Thanks for your prayer. May Allah forgive me. Amin.

          • Sofia, your remorse lead you back to Allah.


  4. Actually what I mean to say when saying so is I don't want it to keep haunting me sister, I don't want to live in my past. I always try to move on and want to focus on how to be a better me but sometimes there is someone bringing me down to always take me where I was, my past. However, now I will no longer care about other's thought, indeed what should matter for us is only how we look in Allah's sight. I trust in Him that He is Oft Forgiving. His mercies is greater than His wrath. May Allah save us in this dunia and in the hereafter as well. Amin.

    • This is good maasha'Allah Sofia. You may still find moments when the past flashes up in your mind, when this happens, don't panic or become stressed. Just remember that its natural for this to happen and that it can push you to be a better Muslimah if you train your mind that way. Don't let it take you to despair. Sometimes shaytan will try to bring you down by whispers of the past to you, so you must always seek protection with Allah by reciting Surah Falaq and Nas every morning, evening and before sleeping. Please see the link on Dhikr at the top of this page for more duas to seek protection with Allah(swt).

      SURAH AL-FALAQ: "I seek refuge with The Lord of the daybreak from the evil of what He has created and from the evil of the darkening night as it darkens and when the moon goes away and from the evil of those who practice witchcraft by blowing on knot and from the evil of the envier when he envies."

      SURAH AL-NAAS: "Say: "I seek refuge with the Lord of mankind, The King of mankind, The God of mankind, From the evil of the whisperer who withdraws. Who whispers in the breasts of An-Nas. Of Jinn and An-Nas."

      SisterZ Editor

      • Jasakallah Khoiron sister for encouraging me and giving me this beautiful advices. I will In Shaa Allah regularly recite those surah. May Allah reward you with His countless blessing for helping those who are feeling down with their problems, Amin. Remember me in your prayer sist. 🙂

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