Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want reconciliation and my marriage is on the verge of divorce

divorce, break upI got married to this person after knowing him for 2 years. First his parents were not agreeing then they finally agreed after almost a year. Few weeks down the wedding his mother started being very rude to me on very little everyday things.

I tried to keep things in control by regularly apologizing for things i had not even done. She makes complaints to my husband every other day it resulted in my husband and i fighting all the time. My husband started verbally abusing me. tried to hit me too.

Then my parents got involved and he got a little better for few days and, after a few days same thing happened. and, he blamed me for everything.

I was frustrated so i left the house after that he never tried for any reconcile, although, i tried but he was very rude. My family talked to an arbitrator but they did not even reply anything from them too.

He doesnt pray but believes in Allah . He is a good person at heart but drinks sometimes. I do istakhara for weeks and my heart is inclined more towards him. I do not know what to do although the matter is up for divorce i do not know how to interpret istakhara in this sense of matter can you help me.

~ amantidine

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8 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    For any questions about istikhara you can check out the link for it on the main home page, and that will guide you on how to understand istikhara "results".

    If I told you I had a pet cat who was a nice cat, very loveable, but every once in a while it would attack someone's face and scratch it bloody and bite it until there were significant injuries, what would you think about me wanting to keep that cat? I think most people would tell me to get the animal any kind of help available to make it stop hurting others, or get rid of it so that others can be safe.

    If someone says they have a decent husband *BUT* the husband is abusive, a drinker (or drug user), or is unfaithful, or some other severe quality then it stands to reason that there is a big problem. If your husband doesn't want to get help for his temper and his lack of discipline, or worse- he doesn't believe he has a problem, then that's a sign it's not best for you to keep going with him as you've been. I'm not necessarily suggesting divorce (that may be an option if you really feel the situation is truly beyond hope), but there's no reason for you to continue living with him and dealing with someone who is volatile and not practicing.

    I suggest you move back home with your family, and tell your husband this is his chance to get himself together or it might not work out. You can continue to make istikhara while you're there as you need to, but you can't ignore these very obvious signs that drastic changes need to be made by him as soon as possible.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Let's look at the facts:

    1. Your husband doesn't pray.
    2. Your husband drinks.
    3. Your husband is verbally and physically abusive.

    You are better off without him. Consider yourself fortunate that you don't have children with him. Ask for a divorce and find someone better, Insha'Allah.

    Wael Editor

  3. I cried during my dua after fajr salat this morning. I have been confused about this all night. My husband and I just got married July 4 which was only 9 days ago. It is now the month of Ramadan and things have been going smoothly and religiously. We have been offering salat and doing good deeds so far. Today he decided to go to his little nieces birthday party. I trusted him to go. Long story short, it took him 2 hours to get home in which he didn't get home until after 2 am. I wad sleep when he did get home but still heard everything he was doing in the house. He ate, then came and kissed me and I smelled nothing but liquor in his breath and we both know that that's a no no in my book. Especially during the month of Ramadan. I asked him if he had drinks and his answer was yes and no. That was a big problem for me. I told him that was the biggest mistake he could make during this time. He blew up at me and we shared a small argument. I then told him that I was divorcing him, but I really didn't mean it. I love him with all of my heart and for the sake of Allah. He is a great Muslim and he prays regularly every day. Then we slept and I woke up for fajr. He didn't. I offered salat and cried in the middle of my dua asking for guidance. I believe that Allah will lead me in the right direction but I told him he should go. I need some time to myself but I really don't want to divorce him. What do you think I should do.

    • Sister Zaniyah,

      Assalamu'alaikum,Without any doubt, alcohol is the mother of all evils. It is a sin to consume it and one consumption attracts the punishment of 40 lashes.

      Among the Muslims during the time of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, there were people who consumed alcohol and were punished again and again. As it appears in the following hadith:

      Narrated Abu Hurairah ﺭَﺿِﻲَ اﻟﻠﻪُ ﻋَﻨْﻪُ : A man who drank wine was brought to the Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ The Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said, ``Beat him!'' Abu Hurairah added, ``So some of us beat him with our hands, and some with their shoes, and some with their garments (by twisting it) like a lash, and then when we finished, someone said to him, `May Allâh disgrace you!' On that the Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said, `Do not say so, for you are helping Satan to overpower him.''' ( Bukhari)

      Sister, he is in trouble. Do not let him be. Find out why he to him with an open heart and assure that you are his companion in this World and in sha Allah, in the Aakhirah. Let him trust you and tell you what bothers him.

      When you have known his problem, see if you can solve it. If not, urge him to trust in Allah, the Disposer of all affairs. If he is concerned about something then urge him to turn to Allah. Remind him of the Aakhirah and of the death. Remind him about the reault of those addicted to alcohol. Read these and help him understand:

      If he is actually addicted, help him as a wife, as a companion. Remember when our beloved Rasool came home shivering after he saw Jibreel during the first Wahy? Our mother Khadeejah Radiyallahu Anha, how she comforted him? I know it is a matter totally different, but here I am talking about support and help.

      If you help him overcome this, it will be helpful for you in that he will be thankful for life, in sha Allah; and this will strengthen your relationship, the love between you both.

      I hope this has been helpful and pray that Allah Helps your husband overcome his bad habit and makes you companions of each other in the Jannah, too.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

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