Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to be set free

Asalamu aleykum brothers and sisters All praise is due to Allah Almighty Alhamdhulilah

I really need advice because I have two brothers one older and one younger than me am 17 years old in Australia currently in year 11. me and my brothers we were raised sepatelly due to problems in our life's and we met 4 years back. I remember the day we got separated I cried so badly I was so young and needed them but Alhamdhulilah by Allah we were separated. now that we met after years craving to be with them and praying that one day we will be reunited Allah accepted our prayers and we didn't leave with our mum too.

I am so frustrated and depressed because I can't get along with them. when we first lived together we were so happy Alhamdhulilah but then things started to change. my mum supports my brothers but she doesn't see how they hurt me. both my brothers are disrespectful they look down on me. my older brother is driving he just go his driving lincense he thinks that he won a lottery just because he is driving av got my learners driving but am not yet qualified.

both my brothers and mum are against me am kind of so emotional person that I cry so easily of someone hurts me and I will keep quit but my mum use that against me as a bad child and curse me just because I don't talk to my brothers and mind my business she says am evil child. I cry every night imagining how my family whom I prayed for all my years treat me like a nobody.

Alhamdhulilah I excel in my studies but I feel so lonely and sad even if I get the highest score in my class I don't have anyone to tell to and happy with. my mum is not into asking or knowing my scores. I feel like no one loves me 😭

This morning I fought verbally with my younger brother and both my mum and big brother defended him I am really sad and crying every day I love them so much but our relationship is beyond being fixed. I don't have dad and my mum and brothers are against me. I help my mum in household chores as we have 2 more younger siblings who are in primary I have a lot of dreams which I want to fulfill but because of my heart pain and anxiety my family is making me go through I can't take it 😭

If someone fights/argue with me my all body shakes and my heart race so fast I don't want any arguments i always want peace but I can't handle this. am a girl but my brothers are too close to my mum that I am and they made my mum know and believe am at fault. Alhamdhulilah what they know is that am not a failure for my education but I want happiness with I came home from school which I can't find. am always happy when I don't see my family because they are so unfair to me  if I could have options I would move out of my house but am in no situation to do so as I am poor high school student  because when I fought with my brother my mum told me that I should go to homeless 😭 And live them alone. even if she never meant it it hurts me so badly. I have exams the day after tomorrow which I can't find my self concentrating because of stress and crying I want to live my family and show them that I am not a bad person and I will want good things for them but they don't understand me I want someone to hug me show me love and give me shoulder to cry to which I don't have now 😭😭😭 May Allah give me sabr to go through this and help me finish my studies and get a good husband who will understand me and truly love me one day 😭😭😭 inshallah

muslim girl123

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2 Responses »

  1. Wallaykumassalaam muslimgirl123,

    I sensed from the beginning of your post that a hug is what you most need, so I want to start off by giving you a ((Big Hug))...and another one. I hope that you will accept them sister, as we all need love, and it is my honor to give you one 🙂

    From reading your post, it sounds like there are few different things at play.

    First off, you grew up without a father, so it is completely understandable that you crave that special relationship with your remaining family members, your brothers in particular. I'm sorry that you feel like your mother and brothers "gang up" on you when there is a disagreement.. This is very difficult and truly painful. You are normal for feeling this way.

    You write:

    "[I'm} kind of so emotional person that I cry so easily of someone hurts me...If someone fights/argue with me my all body shakes and my heart race so fast....my mum told me that I should go to homeless And live them alone. even if she never meant it it hurts me so badly."

    While it once again normal for you to feel hurt, I would venture to say that you are a sensitive person, maybe even a "highly sensitive person" (HSP) who senses negative energies and internalizes them very naturally and deeply. This state of being also comes with some beautiful gifts that you'll appreciate in yourself as you get older. While being sensitive is a normal state of being, HSPs greatly benefit from a positive, supportive, and comfortable environment.

    Which brings me to the question of whether or not you are planning on attending college?...From what you write, it sounds like you are very bright and do well in school, and that college/university might be in your future. Why not consider living in the dormitories in college? That will distance you from the negativity and lack of emotional support found at home. Even if you are unable to move out, the rigor of college courses will mean that you'll be spending more time "in your books" and in the library and less time and energy worrying about your family's reactions towards you. It'll almost be like an escape for you.

    The other thing I would suggest is communication...Very frank and open communication with your mother, even if you feel sheepish doing so. I would tell her that her approval means a lot to you (Although Allah's approval is of course of greater importance, but being human, we also have social needs from other humans as Allah created many of us with good purpose) and that you sometimes sense that she is uninterested in you, how you are doing in school, and in your feelings and thoughts, etc. Also tell her that you are feeling unsupported during arguments with your brothers and need a trustworthy authority figure in her to break up the tension.Perhaps she is unaware that she is seeming indifferent and aloof, and needs to be reminded. She may even like it when you open up to her, as she may not currently realize your regard for her.

    About those dreams of yours, by all means, keep dreaming and making sincere Dua to Allah to help you fulfill those dreams! You never know when Allah gives you the perfect resource to help you in one of your ambitions. Also know that sometimes, we are not able to realize one dream due to our limitations, but Allah opens the door to another, more palpable dream or opportunity that better suits us. So don't give up hope sister!

    Make your dua to Allah after any one of your prayers, or an informal dua at any time of day, and cry to Allah in your need. He has created you, which means that you are very important to Him, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says!

    Hugs Again,

    Nor

  2. Plz do not go on wrong path if anyone nean nan show his love or kindness for you .You need love so if man show his love and try to connect with ALLAH ALMIGHTY and read QURAN with translation and pray 5 times a day and after pray you talk with ALLAH in this way you can peace in your heart.You are not alone we are with you.My sweet sister ,best of luck

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