Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to convert to Islam, but my husband is not Muslim

Muslim woman, female Muslim convert, Converting to Islam

Hello. My name is Nicole and about a year I got married to an agnostic man even though I was on the path to converting to Islam. We have a baby together and I am happy but I can't help but feel that something is missing.

I know Islam is the truth and the light but I want to know if I can convert to Islam now that I am married to a non-muslim man? I have tried researching this questions but I can't get a clear answer.

Will I have to divorce my husband? What if he doesn't want to convert but is supportive of me converting?

I know this is the path for me but I am not sure how I can go about this since a muslim woman isn't supposed to marry a non-muslim man.

- Nicole

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16 Responses »

  1. Dear Nicole, Asalaamualaykum,

    SisterT is mistaken. A Muslim woman cannot marry Jewish or Christian man. She can marry only a Muslim man.

    Do not delay accepting Islam. If you are Muslim, you have chance of being forgiven on the Day of Judgement, but if you reject Islam after knowing the truth, then you will be lost indeed. Having said that, if you already believe 'there is no god worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammed is His final messenger', then you are already Muslim and you need to know begin to learn how to worship Allah as the Quran and Sunnah show us.

    I understand you are in a difficult situation, since you love your husband, but being a Muslim means to submit to the Will of Allah. So we will find ourselves in situations where we need to make sacrifices for the sake of Allah, and in your case, leaving your husband will be your sacrifice, but invite him to Islam first. And Allah says: "Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested". Insha'Allah you will be rewarded for your sacrifice, aameen.

    ***I am not clear on this matter, but I have heard that there is a grace period given to someone in your situation whereby you can stay with your husband for a while in an attempt to bring him to Islam. I re-state, I am not clear on this, and you should consult with an Imam to clarify this.

    SisterZ Editor

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      For clarification regarding the last mentioned issue:

      Due to the fact that the new revert/convert Muslim wife would have to observe an iddah period (3 months), during this time she is allowed to invite her non-Muslim husband to Islam. However, she cannot have intimacy or a physical relationship with him until he accepts Islam. The reason for this is because once she becomes Muslim, then any physical/sexual relationship is forbidden and is considered fornication per Islamic shariah. Scholars have said that if he accepts Islam during this period, the couple can agree to stay married. They may need to do a nikkah (Islamic marriage contract) based on precaution and some have ruled that nikkah becomes obligatory.

      Regarding the limits of who Muslim can marry: it's important that Muslims understand that this is not merely a limit imposed on women, but a gracious emphasis from Allah (swt). By placing this religious criteria before Muslim women, The Almighty has acknowledged her nature and what is important regarding her nurturing essence. Allah (swt) understands intricately how important it is for a religiously obedient Muslim wife to have a Muslim husband that will reflect her noble qualities and the need of having a partner on her journey towards Him. Too many people raise an objection on the surface thinking that Islam is being harsh to women in this matter, but Allah (swt) is going beneath the superficial human thinking and is showing us the delicate nature of woman.

      This is a very fine point to understand. So what is necessary to ponder is on her nature and what having a husband means to her on her path towards Islam. People with little understanding may think, "this is not fair!" Yet what they cannot grasp is that Allah (swt) understand a woman above the animalistic viewpoint of human beings. Thus Allah (swt) is signalling to us the importance of her potential ascension of her soul towards Him. Allah (swt) is not just safeguarding her on this world, but is creating the means to set-up the chances of her achieving spiritual elevation to Him. So important is this to Allah (swt) that he revealed this condition on mankind. This is a kindness from Allah (swt) especially for women.

      Therefore it should be seen as a great invitation and avenue towards Heaven rather than an imposition. Show me another religion in which the women followers are so cared for and have their paths paved for them in this matter by the Almighty Lord! Allah (swt) has revealed something incredible regarding Muslim women that many people have failed to understand. Woe be to them!

      Even Muslim men should be in awe of this Great Mercy and should perhaps feel it necessary to supplicate to Allah (swt) for giving such wonderful blessings to Muslim women in His Divine Revelation.

      To the original question:

      Agnosticism merely means that your husband does not know if there is God or not. He is in a state of confusion and is unsure of where he should stand. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst ways to be in life, because not only has he put his understanding in suspense, but his actions, as well. So it's important to sit with him and discuss with him what you are feeling in your heart and why. Speak to him gently and describe what the teachings of Islam is meaning to you and how you can no longer deny what is in your heart and mind. Share with him the delicate messages of Islam and invite him to learn the true path of faith and mercy that Allah (swt) can bring to his life and to your life as a married couple.

      Describe to him how you want more for him and of him. How you feel conscious of God in your life and how important that is to you as a woman, a wife and a mother. Express your desire to be a servant of Allah (swt) and how living within the Islamic life is your ambition that will give you peace and the Ultimate Love of your life from Allah (swt). It is important to emphasize God's love and how you wish to embrace it and become the person who declares, "Oh God! You are exactly as I want You to be, so please make me how You want me to be!"

      Share with him the kindness and beauty that you are experiencing in your study of Islam. God willing this may be enough to turn his heart. If not, then give your heart to Allah (swt) and ask Him to make your path easier as you will eventually separate and leave your husband. I know it will be difficult, but in the end, no person will ever love you the way Allah (swt) will.

      You are in our prayers. May Allah (swt) bless you on your journey.

      • ProfessorX brother,

        Very insightful response.
        May Allah (swt) gives you soo much barak in this life the hereafter (amen).

        • Asalaam alikum Parveen,

          Thank you and may Allah (swt) bless you more each day and into the hereafter, as well.

          More on the situation: It has been the opinion of some scholars in Islam, that such is woman's status especially regarding this issue, it's as if Allah (swt) wants to ensure that the Muslim woman's capability to reach heaven is made all the easier. By formulating this condition, The All-Wise is showing us woman's position is of such importance to Him that it is none other than He, through His revelation to mankind, Who is guarding her. This is astounding to realize! Suhan'allah!

          Some people may ask, "how can we draw this reasoning?" We need to look no further than Eve (as) and her creation. Though Adam (as) was created before, Allah (swt) put within him this intrinsic desire for a mate before Eve (as) was even created. The need for her was beyond the animalstic capacity, however. It's through her womb in which physical mankind is realized. So his desire for her was to accomplish offspring who are a mercy from Allah (swt). These are delicate points, but it begins to help us to understand the importance of the Muslim woman and the spiritual beauty that Allah (swt) shows us about her.

          Now some of the hard-line chauvinists may raise an objection, but they must keep in mind the hadith in which the Holy Prophet said that paradise lies at the mother's feet. He also emphasizes her importance three times before even mentioning the father. It is only Muslim women upon whom these hadiths are realized.

          Furthermore, the Holy Prophet is known to have said that of this world there were three things made for him to like: perfume, women and prayer. Yet, once again, people only look at the surface of this hadith and ignore the spiritual context. The Holy Prophet was above the lust of the Everyman, so what is the hidden meaning? Take a look at how the Holy Prophet makes a linear relationship between women and prayer. There is something spiritually magnificent in this narration. People are either glossing over this fact or have been unaware of the heavenly implied connotations.

          There are so many aspects for us to discover about this situation regarding who Muslim women can marry and why the Almighty made this special condition for her. He wants her in Heaven and is making it apparent how much significance she has in this world and the next.

          Much credit goes to the scholars who have written and discussed about these matters, but ultimate praise is only for Allah (swt). It is Him who has revealed how merciful He is to mankind, but especially womankind, namely the Muslim woman.

      • I got married with a non-Muslim guy

    • Sister Nicole,

      Welcome to the only true Religion, the Religion of The Only God Worthy of Worship. May Allah strengthen your faith and make things easy for you.

      Once you accept Islam, you should invite your husband to Islam too. If he denies, then three months is the time he has, to rethink and decide if he wants to accept Islam. If he accepts Islam, then he would remain your husband. Otherwise, he would no more remain your husband according to the Islamic Sharee'ah.

      Sister, begin in the Name of Allah, and Insha Allah, things will become easy. Approach a good Islamic Center or refer to sound Islamic Material to get sound knowledge and strengthen your faith by practice.

      May Allah Help you, and all the people who intend to accept Islam
      Muhammad Waseem

  2. Sister Nicole,

    Welcome to beautiful Islam xxx and I agree with SisterZ. Also, the following is my thoughts to your situation:

    Muslim women can only marry Muslim Men. However, as you will be a revert, at the beginning your situtation and circumstances will be different to a Muslim born. I urge you to go to your lical masjid and talk to your local Imam about yourself and current marriage.

    Also, I think before, you break this news to your respected husband, you should take your testimony of faith (shahadah) in your local mosque too (this is when you go to see your Imam). Be confident. InshaAllah, your mosque should help and show you how to practise Islam. Thereafter, practise some of the basics in Islam by yourself by learning how to pray, start to dress modestly, fast where and when you can during the month of Ramadhan and much more (ask any muslim sisters, they would be more than willing to help you).

    One thing you said, your husband is an agnostic. Most often, they are hard to make them realise that Islam is the truth. This is because, they are unbeliever to all the reality of knowledge, i.e. they do not understand the concept God or the existence of God, at all. You will have to supplicate a lot to Allah, to make this whole thing easy for you and to guide your husband to His path ( path of Islam). At the very, very end if your husband doesn't come to the fold of Islam, then you will have sacrifice him for the sake of Allah. You might feel sad about it, but you will be only doing this to protect your faith and make good provision for your hereafter (after death).

    In the mean time, don't over burdan yourself. You are new to Islam. It will take time and so you will need to be verrry patient with your faith in Islam and your marriage life. Look after your beautiful child and raise him/her as Muslim. Your child will eventually need an Islamic home (inshaAllah).

    Once again, please take your matter to your local mosque. If they be no help to you, then please come back to us and we will (inshaAllah) suggest something else for you. And as you are new to Islam, you need a lot of SUPPORT from your Muslim community/ ummah- it is in your RIGHT!

    Your sister, Parveen

  3. Hello sister my advice to you is reading the holy coran with your husband and friend the translation if you can’t understand the meaning and you can fiend in youtoube quran miracl in sciences & scienticts convert to islam
    they are lot
    i confirm SisterZ

  4. ASSALAM WA LAIKUM my sister i think that u should accept ISLAM as soon as possiable , as we knw islam is so pure , n with love teach ur husband n ur child , what islam is exactly , don't force them n be nice to them much more as u vere before , best of luch my sister n welcome 2 islam , we will meet in paradise INSHALLAH

    CONTACT ME: (email address deleted by the Editor)

  6. slam my advice is to ask allah (god ) to guide him to islam

  7. Asalaam alaikum,

    I'm a Muslim and my boyfriend is a Buddhist. He doesn't want to convert to Muslim and what he is planning is go under Civil marriage which i know its a sin. He said, "they can list me under Muslim, but i wont go under ceremony for the converting."

    I dont know what else to do. I have to change the way of his thinking, his mindset. We've talk bout it alot of times but it seriously pisses me off because he won't understand what im trying to tell him. Any advices? Any suggestions for me?

    • irathirah, wa Alaikum as Salam,

      It is a very bad deal. Would you stamp on Allah's Order against your own desire? Sister, we are His servants and going against His Command will only cause us to be humiliated.

      It is clearly stated in the Qur'aan:

      (وَلَا تَنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ)
      And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.(Baqarah:221)

      For any further advise, please login and write your post separately.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  8. Dear Nicole. Hope you are doing fine? I will explain you In detail let me know if you want to talk to me, I will give you my number.. May ALLAH PAK bless you, you are truly awesome

    • It is inappropriate and unnecessary to ask the lady to contact you privately. Anything you want to explain, you can do so here.

      Wael Editor

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