Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to feel connected to Allah!


Assalaamu Alaikum everyone.

So i have been in a relationship with this pakistani guy for quite some time. I am bengali. I used to be very practising before until i met him. We started off as friends and i used to help him pray etc. However it soon developed into a relationship and before we knew it, we fell into sin. At first, i felt very ashamed and guilty and told him we should just remain friends however the shaytan got to us. Months passed by and i no longer felt guilt or regret when committing the sins. However we eventually got to a point where we realised our mistake and how far we have gone and that this relationship is haram and will only lead us to jahannam. Fortunately, this was literally just before ramadan when we realised. So we both became good during ramadan and only helped eachother to pray etc, we no longer spoke out of love.

After ramadan, He decided to cut all ties with me because he felt that it was wrong talking to me after he had repented and he was scared that after ramadan he might fall weak. however i am in such a sticky situation because i really do love him and want to get married to only him. When we were together, we used to discuss marriage and he would always tell me how difficult it would be to convince his parents to marry a bengali girl. But he will fight for it. If his parents say no he cannot go against their decision. With me, it is also the same, my prents will never agree infact my mum has even told me, if i marry someone out of my own race, then i will lose her.

Anyway, so when he told me he does not want to speak anymore for religious purposes, i asked him whether he will still marry me. He said in shaa Allah and that whatever Allah plans for us. I agreed also to not speaking.

However this was the most difficult thing for me. He had blocked me on most things. I could not bare the thought of not speaking to him. We only spoke for around 10 minutes a day and that too very simple questioning. I did not want to lose him at any cost and i fear that if we stop speaking, he may forget me eventually and will no longer marry me.

I could see myself becoming depressed, i lost connection with Allah, i didnt want to speak to my family much, i just wanted to sit and cry alone. I then decided to text him and ask him to continue speaking to me and that we will never sin again etc. I managed to get to him after being blocked. After a lot of convincing he finally agreed but he wasnt too happy with this. I told him when i am ready, i will stop speaking to him myself.

Our conversations have now come to a point where we only say like 3/4 words, just asking whether we've prayed etc. Thats it pretty much. Even speaking this little is so difficult for me however i know that i cannot talk any more than that because he is already unhappy with talking to me. So this is my current situation. I am stuck because i want to talk to him but i also wish he remained happy. But he is not. Rverytime i tlk to him i feel he wishes we didnt speak. But i cannot help it, i have started to pray again etc but i still want him there to speak to.

I am scared that because of culture, we will end up not marrying each other. And infact, more than culture right now, i feel he will fall out of love with me sooner or later because of the amouny we speak due to religion and will not even try anymore. Bare in mind, we are both quite young rn,18, so its not possible to speak to our prents about marriage. There are days i miss him very much!

Sometimes i cry that Allah had guided me like he guided me. Why wasnt i guided exactly the same way where i too could find it as easy as him to not speak and just be so connected with Allah. Everytime i want to cry to Allah, i feel he must hate me! I know this is not true but i still feel that way. Sometimes i just wish i could be over all this right now and just stay happy! Can you please provide me with some solutions, maybe some duas that i can read so that i can get closer to Allah, and stop thinking about the guy i like for now. I pray for him everyday and hope that Allah blesses me with him as a spouse. Rn i feel very sad, torn between whether to forget him and just let things happen on its own, or stay in love with him and make it work? I just wish i can be my old self where my only connection needed was Allah. I was very happpy during those times. I am most happiest when i practise, however for some reason i do not feel as connected although i do pray daily n read Quran. How do i stay content and be more spiritual? I need some advice.

JazakAllah Khair.



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12 Responses »

  1. For spirituality recite thousands of durood sharif daily. things will be awsome.. Durood sharif is the solution trust me, ive seen very bad times myself

    • Thankyou. Its been some time i feel connected to Allah now, my only worry everyday is will he marry me? Do i keep praying for it?

  2. Walikumsalaam sister,

    May allah give u peace and ease all ur problams.
    From my personal exprince I know how ur feeling sister. I know how much u wanna speak to him how much u want to marry him n be with him. I also know how much it hurts when it dosnt happen according to how we want it. I might sound harsh n may hurt ur feelings but the truth is truth. That guy dosnt love u. May be becaz he has changed for the sake of allah now or may be he didnt love u in first place. U have not mentioned in ur post whether he has even tried to canvice his perents to let him marry u. Has he even mentioned u to his perents??? If no then its obvious he dosnt love u nor his intentions are to marry u. If he is true n wanna marry u then why he hasnt even mentioned u to his perents.??

    U said both of u r young but at least he should try to talk to his perents so u both can have idea of wht ur perents want??? If they eccept u then may be just do nikah or engedment. If not then u 2 can move on.. he is just timepassing.

    Also dont belive brothers on socile networking. Most boys lie to girls. Most cheat on them. Either for timepass or sex. I would say even if ur n his perents are happy for u 2 to get married dont marry him until u know him personaly. Until u are 100% sitisfyed by his charector n deen in real life.. hes telling u he has changed but how do u know he has actuly changed???? How do u know he dosnt flairt wih other girls?? How do know he prays 5 times a day??? How do u know hes not leing to u??? Im not telling u to judge him wrong but all im telling u is dont trust only his words until he proves it to u and u can actuly see tht he is not lieing or pretending to be a good man or ur lover.. its easy to tell somone i love u. But tell him to preve it he loves u. Tell him to talk to his perents. Tell them his love for u.

    My advice is to let him go sister. If he n his intentions are true he will diffintly come to u. If he dosnt come then it will be for ur good only. Concentrite on ur studies n deen. U also cut all contact with him. Since its a distance relitionship dont just trust his words tell him to prove it to u.

    Pray saltul istiskhara, ask allah's help.. u can pray to allah if hes good then bring him to ur life as ur husband. Inshallah if allah wishes u will marry him. But dont wait for him for years. Dont think he is the only one for me. If u find a guy who is good in deen n charector n u know him in real life then marry him. Dont think caz i love him i cant love anyone alse. That not true.. lastly sister dont beg for him to stay in ur life or be with u. Becaz if he loves truly he himself will try his best to keep u in his life n be with u in halal way. So let him go if hes not intersted.

    • I know him personally, i see him everyday at college and i also do know and believe he has changed. Everyone knows how he is so i have no douby about his change. He has always been practising and away from girls, i was his only mistake. The same for me too. The reason i dont think he told his parents is because we are young, if he told me to speak to mine i would not agree because both our circumstances wont be easy as we are from diff backgrounds, it will be a huge issue within the family. However he has told many people in his own family apart from his parents ofcourse, not until time is right. They all tell him to leave it and when time is right, he can think about marriage. I also agree with this now, we dont speak anymore and its easy tbh because we are doing it purely for the sake of Allah. I just try to see what he has done as positive and for the benefit of me and him, saving us both from the fire of hell. If im honest, it is rare to find men now that will leave you for Allah. So i am thankful. I have come to understand everything he did. I think guys are not as emotional as girls and do not constantly think about the future and marriage, he is only 18. Us girls tend to overthink about our future and make ourselves worried. Sister i understand why you would have this thought but i must tell you, he actually only left me to turn back to religion, i am extremely happy that he did because now i am back on track too. Only worry is when time is right, will he be waiting for me like i will?
      For anyone else reading, if you are also dwelling in this thought, then my advise really would be try forgetting about it all and the future n marriage, focus on ur studies, this doesnt mean you have to forcefully forget the person, let things happen gradually, in the meantime, if ou really want that person, pray that you get them in every salah. And Allah will answer and do the rest for you. Shortcut - MAKE DUA and leave it to Allah. They say everything is already written but dua can make it rewritten.

      • I'm going through a VERY identical situation to yours. I also think from time to time I stress over way too much about my future. He, on the other hand, is very calm and relaxed.

        I just need to get used to his absence in my life. Insh'Allah, what is best for us will come to us. As you said, studies is our focus and everything will happen gradually. It's the best advice I've heard in a long time. Everything is in Allah's hands, there is no need to worry. We need more trust in Him.

        We need to make ourselves great woman and great wives before we fall into marriage.

    • Also, sister you said he doesnt love me because he has turned to religion? What do you mean by this??

  3. Plz forgive me sister my mistake. As u mentioned ur bangali n hes pakistani i thought u lot live in diffrent contires and contact eachother by socile networking. Thats why i thougt may be u dont know him propely. N he could be cheating on u. Sorry thts my mistake.

    since he left u for riligoin porpuse and for the sake of allah and ur sure about it then i dont see anything wrong with it. Like u said fouce on ur studies and pray to allah. Inshaallah allah will help u. May allah eccpet all ur prayers..

  4. Ur wlcome dear,
    i hope i've helped u somhow. take care of ur self n dont stress too much. Leave everything to allah Inshaallah he will help u n chose the right thing for u n that guy.
    Good luck for ur futur and ur studies.

    Also watch this vidoe its very helpful

  6. Obey each n every order of ALLAH AND pray Allah to get love of Allah n Rasool Allah S.AW.w

  7. Thank Allah for everything.
    Everything happens for the best.
    Trust Allah the most.
    Ask Allah for patience.
    Insha Allah, may Allah you and every muslims to the best.

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