Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to forget him

depressed girl woman

I am 22 years old. I have been in love with a guy since I was 18, when I joined university, we were in a relationship. I asked him to get engaged but he refused then saying that he will only engage me if he gets into army. I thought he was cheating on me and I was so heartbroken, I left the university to stay away from him and moved out of country. Since then my life has been a complete mess. I couldn't continue studies because I was so depressed all the time. He didn't stop bothering me then too, he would approach me through any social site or simply messaging me saying the he loves me. I always kept running but I missed him. I got engaged to other guy thinking that I would forget him, which unfortunately I didn't, and I had to break up. He got admitted to army this year and he constantly called me saying that he loves me. I came back to the same country, I met him and asked him about the promise he made to marry me but he refused again saying that he loves me but now his life is over and he wants to spend the rest of his life in special services for army. He said there is no assurance whether he would come back after training or not.

I can't stop crying after listening to what he said. I am so heartbroken.  I can't sleep, I can't eat, I keep on dreaming about him even if I sleep. I performed Umrah last month, it was a relief for a while but then I started to feel the pain again. whatever I do, I just can't forget him. My parents want me to get married but it's so out of my hands. I don't want to get married and still be in love with some other guy. Please tell me a Dhikr to forget him and keep moving on with my life.


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11 Responses »

  1. Asalam alaikum sister,

    Keep your trust in Allah swt and whenever you think of the boy just say Kalima until you feel better. The boy had an infatuation with you, like a day dream, but no real prospects of being with you. If he ever contacts you again just tell him your parents phone number, if he is serious he can talk to them.


  2. You got marriage proposals coming to you please take one of them. Do not waste your time anymore with this guy or even think about him. He simply doesn't know what he wants in life. CUT ALL CONTACT. LET HIM GO and move forward. May Allah remove the pain and the pain he put you through. Take your chances from your parents this is the best option for you inshAllah it ill be alright.

  3. Assalam Alaikum Sister Amy.

    I can totally understand ur stituation. I am going through the same. I was engaged to that guy with whom i was in relationship since last 4 years. we were so happy but our families hated eachother for many reasons. specially his mother ruined it by using abusive language many times. and i couldnt see her abusing my father anymore so i backed off. Moreover, istkhara came out to be negative too. so i was left with no option. We tried our best to make this engagemnt work for 1 year but all in vein.

    I have absolutely no contact with him. He still contacts my family to reconsider. he even threats my family to ruin my repute in neighbours and relatives, so that they get agree (by hook or by crook).
    But my family got me engaged with someone else because i am 25. And without being biased, im saying it was their right now beacuse they have already suffered because of me.

    And now, im in terrible condition. and i literally mean it by saying "TERRIBLE". i miss him all the time. i keep crying all the time. i wake up with heavy heart and sleep while crying. i pray five times a day, i have joined Quran classes, i do ziker, i pray tahajjud, but im not at peace. I MISS HIM. everything reminds me of him. we spent four years together. and now we are apart.

    I dont know where it is going? i always cry when i think about my new inlaws. I get headaches, i cant eat.

    Is their any dua?? ANYTHING, which can give me peace? Please help me, Its been four months of continuous torture. I want to lead a normal life. without crying. this is badly effecting my health too. PLEASE HELP.... Looking forward for the answers to you, so i can get benefited too.

    • Asalam alaikum sister,

      It sounds like you have "dug yourself into a deep hole" and it will have a hard time climbing out. Keep up your efforts in the Quran class, prayers, ect and try not to look back. We are happiest when we live in the present moment, not the past. If the boy was meant for you he will be yours at the time Allah swt has set, so there is no need to make zina and gnaw with him now. I will make dua for your heart that it is guided on the straight path and healed up speedily, inshAllah.


      • Walikum Assalam and JazakAllah khair sister.

        Please do remember me in your prayers. its actually very very hard for me. i cannot even explain in words how i feel these days. Feelings of guilt, loneliness, memories, EVERYTHING is so heart wrecking.

        Plus, the torture from his side to spoil my repute, he has my pictures,videos (not bad ones, but obviously pictures with a guy are considered to be bad). he says he will reach my new inlaws, my neighbours and my every relative and will spoil everything for my Family. his main enemy is MY FAMILY.

        everything is so hard. May Allah eases things for me. ameen.

        • @sanahelp may Allah make this easy for you.I understand your situation and what you feeling. I know its not easy but it is also a blessing in disguise. I really pray Allah makes it easier for you inshAllah.

          • Everyone says so that it is a blessing in disguise. and that he wasnt a good guy. But im the one who feels bad for him. even if he threats me, i feel sorry for him because it wasn't his fault. he is just disheartened and wants me at any cost. (by hook or by crook).
            What do u think?is his approach right? or am i thinking wrong.

            But one thing is there, the reality check, im engaged and his threats are making my life more difficult.

            (P.s. he doesnt know about my engagement yet). im afraid what will he do when he will come to know. he will spoil my parent's repute 🙁

          • @sanahelp I know and understand what you going through. InshAllah it will be alright. He is just angry etc let him be do not contact him. Hes approach is so wrong. His shown his true colors now and to me this changes everything. You have done the right thing to move on and accept the engagement elsewhere ulhumdillAllah. Be strong and dont be scared he will let go. He is testing you and seeing if you come back to him even with the threats. My strong advise is dont EVER GO BACK TO HIM move on you deserve better and deserve to be happy. Let the past be in the past and think positive. In time you will heal from this. I wish you the best.

          • JazakAllah for your kind wishes.

            Please remember me in your prayers as i dont want to live a life of zillat. i strongly believe in "WA TU'IZZU MAN TASHA, WA TUZILLU MAN TASHA".. I hope Allah doesn't test me with this.

            Im left with no strength to fight against it and i don't want my parents to be ashamed because of me infront of my new inlaws, (if God forbidden he does something wrong).
            May Allah give Hadayat to him AMEEN.

            JazakAllah again for your soothing words.

    • Sanahelp ,

      You were involved physically with him and lost virginity ? i no then i think you should be able to forget her easily.

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