Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to get married or should I kill myself?


Hi everyone....this one is gonna be kind of long but please help me. So, I am an 18 year old girl living in Canada. I am abused by my dad a lot, he mentally and sometimes physically abuses me for no reason. He always needs a target to shoot at and that's me. He never yells at any of my other siblings as I always have to be wrong.

I am starting college on January and I was supposed to in September but I can't because I have to upgrade a course, now when I tell this to him, he is for sure gonna kill me. I really want to get out of here and I have 2 options, 1. Kill myself by overdosing on painkillers or 2. Get married ASAP.

I really can't live here any more, I cry every day and I gut for something good to happen. I literally wait for the moment I get killed by my dad because he's always angry me. He takes his anger out at me. I really like this boy and want to get married to him as i can't do zina, which my dad already thinks I have a seriously I wear a hijab. So....I really like this guy and make dua that I get married to him.....he is really nice....and he's my family friend's family friend. So the problem is that how do I tell my mom I want to get married? Cause I was always a tomboy kind of girl who always said that if will never get married......but now I have to.

My dad was planning that exactly 4 years from now we will move back to his country and get me married to someone there......he is interested in getting me married to aged people. I have no one to talk to because he cut off every single one of my friends whether Muslim or non Muslim, he took over my all my social network sites at I was on so that I don't talk to anyone and I don't even have a phone and I'm going to college. Also, he made me get a job and a loan for my college funds which is $10000 per year which comes out to be $40000 at the end. And if I don't pay everything back by the time I'm going to graduate.....i am going to have to pay INTEREST, which I really don't want to get my self into because that is a major sin.

Really don't know what to do, have no one to talk to. I even tried killing my self once by taking 10 painkillers which was 2000mg and went to sleep hoping I would not wake up. I make dua in every prayer that Allah takes my life or gets me married ASAP as I have no other choice. I really like this boy and I want to get married to him. He is Muslim and is from a good family because I know his mom and we talk sometimes when I'm over at my family friends house. The only friend I have left is a 13 year old girl.....seriously. I really don't know what to do. Someone please help meeeeee ASAP before something bad happens! :'(


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9 Responses »

  1. Hi
    Keep up your prayers cause it's prayer that makes ones life easier,
    Try get in contact with someone that is willing to help you ie: safe house, mosque as they have available some sort of shelter for servants in need and life line.
    Reach out to someone, don't bring upon self harm because that's not the purpose of Why were here.
    Follow your heart darling inshallah life will get easier.

  2. Make dua and also see if your local masjid can connect you with a shelter for abused people. Find out if there is a women's group at your masjid or a Muslim women's council that addresses the issue. Here in the Bay Area we have one.

    Getting married to get away from home can be a disaster, and killing one's self is haram.

    You haven't said what your citizenship is, but I think Canada has laws to prevent your father from shipping you off to marry someone you don't wish to marry.

    • God what a horrible father!! What does ur mum have to say about all this ?

      Anyway I'm sorry you are going through all this suffering. I think using marriage just to get away isnt a good idea because your not doing it for the right reasons and your head is all over the place ! What you need to do is put a stop to this abusive behaviour! Do u have a local mosque, if so go and speak to an imam and see what he can do for you. Alternatively go and see the fsmily doctor, tell them whats been happening and they will put you in touch with appropriate services and help you find shelter where u can live away from your dad. The other option is calling the police when ur dad becomes abusive, because his behaviour is not normal, it's illegal.

      Do not harm yourself because of him and do not kill yourself. Not only is it haraam but u don't deserve it - face the challeng, this is test from Allah , face it and get through it inshaAllah.

      May Allah swt make it easy for you, ameen.

  3. If you can access a computer - and be sure to do a search in private and delete the history - try this website:

    They list a number of local partner organizations and other resources. It is a group founded by and for Muslim women.

  4. You have to tell someone about your situation. Report your father to some kind of authority that will make him accountable for his wrongdoings! Killing yourself and getting married in a haste is NOT the only options you have got! Please report your father! Talk to a counsellor at your college and tell them you simply can't live one more second in the same household as your father. Hopefully, there IS some kinf of help for you! I'm not aware of the laws in Canada, but I'm sure there must be some options for you!

    Please reach out for help, this is not somethng you can deal with on your own.

  5. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Sister, it was very sad to read your question in which you asked "...should I kill myself?" The fact that you would ask the question, knowing full well that no one could or would tell you to do that, suggests that you need to get to help immediately.

    No one can force you to marry someone you don't want to.
    It isn't a good idea to run into a marriage to escape from the current situation.

    The best situation for you is to be safe and finishing your education, inn shaa Allah. Talk to a counsellor at your school or find someone by calling the Mosque and get help there. You have only outlined two options, marriage or suicide, but there are more than just those two. A bandaid marriage could prove to be a very bad idea and suicide is, of course, haram.

    As difficult as it is for you, gather up your courage and seek help for yourself. May Allah give you strength and happiness as you go through these very difficult tests. Ameen.

  6. you wear a hijaab but like a boy so technically...(post this you sensitive editors)

    [Editor's note: Please read the website guidelines regarding how to give advice. Offensive and pointlessly insulting comments will continue to be moderated - it's not a question of sensitivity, it's a question of whether a comment follows the site rules.]

  7. Im really sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for you sweetheart. Insha'Allah things get better. You know when parents do not know how to deal with their problems or stress in life, they just fire at the first easiest target they see. And I am sorry you are one. I was victim to my mother's abuse too, when I was a teenager. At that time I didnt understand why and always said to myself, WHY ME?. Now that I am older I realize it was a tough time for my parents, my dad was always at work and kept to himself. My mom was home alone to deal with 4 kids and things just got to her and since I was the eldest - I was always the target. At that time I wish that I could've disappeared or my life could be different. My dear people change and things change. Just pray and you will be rewarded for your patience and tough time. Insha'Allah. It gets easier and Allah will make a way out for you. If you can and may Allah make it easy for you, go to school so that you are able to get a good job.

  8. People do not really change. You are 18 and your father has given no indication that he won't continue to control your life. He will break you. He is already breaking you. So you have some hard decisions to make.

    1. Keep living in this situation and find the will to survive. In my opinion this is no way to live.
    2. Get your mother on your side and have her act as an intermediary.
    3. Use your student loan to fund an apartment so you can live on your own while going to school. Do not quit school. Keep going. But you can't be o.d.'g on pills -- you will never get through your studies.

    There's no peace, no gentleness in your environment. It won't miraculously come. You need to create it. You won't thrive without that peace in your life.

    Forget about the boy for now. You are viewing him as an escape route.

    Trust me, controlling, abusive men never change. They may change their tactics, but the personality traits that make them who they are will never be altered.

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