I want to get married to the only one I love
Assalam o alikum,
I am currently in a very tough situation. I am 28years old, my father has passed away when I was 14. We are 7 siblings, all are married and live outside the country, I am the youngest one.
I have been in love with my classmate since 10years, well my family was never been an issue but the issue is from his side. As they are Punjabis and we are Urdu speaking, his parents want him to marry the girl of their choice, whose family can support him.
He is educated and currently doing job in a well known company, he fought with his family for his right and I fought with my family to wait for him.
In the end I gave up and left it to Allah, I got engaged with a person who was outside the family and after I got engaged his family contacted us and asked to call this engagement off , as it's not good for our future. And his mother finally gave her sons proposal.
I asked my mother to call this engagement off and accept his proposal, my mother did that just for my happiness. After getting engaged to him his mother got back off from her words, and said she was never in the favor of this marriage, and she don't want to marry her son with me.
I felt so depressed after hearing that, I fought for 9 years for him. He was so depressed he left his family and started living in his apartment.
In the end my mother accepted a proposal of a Muslim brother, whose family is very religious and innocent, but my ex fiancé wants to marry me against his family's will. I am very depressed, cuz I still love him, and it's really hard for me to accept that new guy, what to do? Seeking advice.
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Sister, it seems difficult in initial to leave a person you love, but this is just a state of emotion. We are not sent by ALLAH in the world to live for and follow such emotions for years and years and spend our lives around them. Please first understand the purpose of your life. You are a muslimah and you must put the pleasure of ALLAH at the top of your priority list. l am not saying that marrying a man of your choice is a sin. But such cupid relationships are sin. And most of such loves end in vain after marriage. You have already lost one proposal because of that guy's family. What is the probability of that guy you love would never return back to his family? Then what will you do when his mother will make him spit out all the love he has for you now and you would be living a life of misery after marriage? Sister ALLAH never gives bright chances to everyone so soon as you got another proposal and above all he and his family are pious, religious and innocent as you said.
One more thing, if the guy only protested her mother's decision of calling off the engagement and left his home, how can the engagement be broken if he is still with you? You are calling him "ex-fiancee". Engagement cannot be broken by her mother's will or words. If the guy unwillingly accepted her decision and let the engagement broken at that time, now wants to come back, then please please do not trust him again. This makes sense. Don't mind but he was coward enough that he could n't fight at that time when you were engaged with her, rather then letting the engagement broken, he must have tried to keep it maintained and marry you at any cost. But now you are calling him "ex", let him remain "ex".
Last but not the least, do perform Salaat-ul-Istikhara and then go with a decision. ALLAH will guide you along Insha ALLAH.
Assalaamualaikam
It sounds like your ex hasn't treated you with the respect due a Muslimah. First it's on, then it's off, then on, then off... and he's getting his mother to do it. If he truly wants to marry you, he needs to make it absolutely clear to his family that this is his choice, and demonstrate genuine commitment to making a halal proposal of marriage. Honestly, I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour. If he can't stand up and be a man now, then he's unlikely to suddenly change and be able to do so later.
But if you don't want to marry this other man, then you don't have to. There's no compulsion in marriage, so your mother's choice doesn't have to be yours - you'd be the one getting married, not her. Put your ex out of your mind and consider this man on his own merits. Is he pious? Is he of good character? Are the two of you compatible in terms of goals, values, personality?
If you think this man may be a good match, then it might be an idea to get to know him a bit more. Arrange a couple of meetings, with appropriate chaperones, and ask him about things that are important to you; he can do the same. That way, you can make a decision about marriage based on more information, and inshaAllah see this man as a person in his own right, rather than him being in the shadow of your ex.
As Sister Huda said, performing istikhara may be very helpful for you. There can be a lot of misinformation about istikhara, so please read our articles on it if you have any uncertainties. I'd also recommend you think about what happened between you and your ex - if you crossed Islamic limits, it's important to repent for this. We have articles about tawbah as well, so if you feel this is something you need to do, it might help to read those too, inshaAllah.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Actually he never wanted to end this engagement as we waited 9years for this.. But his parents doesn't want him to marry me. they created such situations so that my family called it off. He still wants to marry me.. But because of his family he can't marry me, and now I have got engaged 3rd time and that new guy doesn't want to talk to me before marriage. As he thinks it's not right to talk to a na mehrum woman before marriage. Soo I have no way to get to know him before marriage.
I got engaged with person I love on the basis of his parents presence, my parents only demanded his parent's presence they knew from the day one that the his parents are not interested in getting us married.. Only thing my family wanted them to be present on marraige and thats what the guy i like did in engagemnt and he commited he will do the same in our marraige after in 3 months they left for america and then comes the communication gap his mother gave me eidi that she wont be here in pakistan on eid. But when she left she didnt made any contact. Her this attitude made my mother thinks that his mother wont let us get married and she started finding new guys BEFORE our engagment ended. And my mother give him 3 months but his parents were not in pakistan they usually get back after 6months but my mother ended our engagment because his mother was not giving date of marraige and my mother have already had this new guy in her mind as he was from family friends and she accepted this new proposal at once without even asking or discussing with me. I was confused it happend so quick that i couldnt get a chance to say anything abt my will and the new guy asked me infront of our whole families that im alright with this marraige i couldnt tell him the truth because everyone was sitting infront of me. I couldnt tell him that i am not happy with this marraige. The person i like have taken each and every possible extreme measure to convince my family to let him marry me as per the islamic rules and regulation he proposed my brother seperately as he is my wali for NIKAH on his own. thats why he moved to a seperate place and settled himself so that my family would let him marry me but as my family had this new guy infront of them with arranged family so my family commited at once with this new guy. My mother is aware of that i wont be happy with this new guy but still she want me to marry and is saying its my fate i cant help you anymore as i have already helped you last time.
Why havent you got to know him in the Islamic way before agreeing to marry him?
BUT Alhamdulillah he is doing it correctly that is admirable in this day and age and may Allah reward him for that and you, by doing it the Sunnah way Insha'Allah there will be loads of Barakah in the Marriage if you marry him.
May Allah make it easy on you and pray Istikhara Salah. Once your situation changes maybe ask another question on here and then maybe more people can see and advise you.
I got engaged with the person i love on the basis of his parent's presence. My parents only demanded his parent's presence, my parents knew from the day one that his parents are not interested in getting us married. My family only wanted them to be present on marraige and that is why the guy i like came along with his parents on engagment and he commited he will do the same in our marraige after 3 months his family left for america for 6 months and then comes the communication gap as they were not near by. His mother gave me eid gifts but when she left she couldn't stay in contact. Her this attitude made my mother think that she won't let us get married and my mother started finding new guys for me BEFORE our engagment ended. And my mother give him 3months but his parents were not near not even in contact with him. So my mother ended our engagment because his mother was not giving dates of marraige and my mother have already had this new guy in her mind as he was family friend and she accepted this new proposal at once without even asking or discussing me. I was confused it happend so quick that I couldn't get a chance to say anything abt my will and the new guy asked me infront of our families that im alright with this marraige, I couldn't tell him the truth because everyone was sitting infront of me. I couldn't tell him that i am not happy with this marraige. The person i like, have take each and every possible extreme measure to convince my family to let him marry me as per islamic rules and regulation he sent proposal to my brother as my wali for NIKAH on his own. Thats why he moved to a seperate place and settled himself as per my family suggested him so that my family would let him marry me but as my family had this new guy infront of them with arranged family so my family commited at once with this new guy. My mother is aware of that I won't be happy with this new guy but she still want me to marry and is saying its my fate and she cant help me as she already helped me alot.
Asalaam Walaikum.
Yeah it sounds very complicated however the mian thing is do not accept to marry anyone if you are not happy. And make your decsion known be it your other family members or the imam with whom the nikkah will be conducted with. And dont look at Respect amd Honour etc this is your life and the main thing is to look after yourself and abide by the rules of Allah.
At the end of the daywhat happens next is in Allahs hands however you can do whatever is in your capabilities to change that.
May Allah make it easy for you.
HMmm.. He doesn't want to talk before marriage..and Being a girl and muslimah How can I initiate to talk to him in the first place? When he is not willing to..
Please before giving any advise confirm his identity as this fake person conceals himself as a female I urge admin to confirm his identity